Friday Link Dump – Losing the Signal Edition

“Come in.  Come in!  Mayday!  I’m losing your transmission!” – Abe “Grandpa” Simpson

Comic-con was last week and as a result there was lots of news about the next season of Zombie Simpsons.  Judging by the content of my inbox and search engines, two things are apparent: Coldplay is very popular (they are going to guest voice on Zombie Simpsons) and Canadians like curling (there is going to be a curling episode to coincide with the Vancouver Olympics).  Adding to the confusion is a third story, the one about Obama having a beer with the cop and the professor, and anytime beer comes up in public a lot of lazy writers are going to invoke Homer Simpson.  It’s like an iron law of nature.  (This works for donuts as well.)  Between those three things, Coldplay on the Simpsons, curling on the Simpsons, and beer in the White House, the background noise of “Simpsons” on the internet was pretty loud this week, hence a short link dump.  There are several links with weird images on them, some excellent usage and two links about the Los Angeles Dodgers, one a completely stupid YouTube video.  Enjoy.

Krusty the Klown Fireworks Ad – It’s pretty much what it says and it’s just flat out bizarre.

Che Guevara as Homer Simpson – Or is it Homer Simpson as Che Guevara?  Click for a great picture.

Get Your Own Ill-Gotten Gains At PropertyRoom.com – Consumerist had a piece on a website where you can buy seized crap and quoted Homer and Marge at the police auction.  Excellent usage, though one does weep for what’s left of the Fourth Amendment.

‘SIMPSONS’ NEWS FROM COMIC-CON – Click for creepy Zombie Simpsons picture.  That’s not quite what I see when I watch Zombie Simpsons, but it’s in the ballpark.

Pricey bridge isn’t worth it – Calgary released plans for a “Peace Bridge”.  Why Calgary, a city in the middle of one of the largest countries on earth, would need such a thing is the question on many a Canadian’s mind because it isn’t going to be cheap.  That lead Dave Breakenridge of the Calgary Sun to break out his Simpsons:

There’s an episode of The Simpsons where Bart Simpson steals Homer’s wallet and uses pop’s credit card to blow $350 on what he believes will be an intricate hand-drawn animation cel from his favourite cartoon Itchy and Scratchy.

When it arrives in the mail, the cel contains nothing more than a barely recognizable arm.

Homer’s credit card is dinged for $350 and Bart is stuck with something that is nothing more than a great disappointment.

For some reason, that came to mind yesterday when the city finally unveiled the plans for the Santiago Calatrava-designed Peace Bridge.

The unveiling is the definition of anti-climactic, or, to carry on the Simpsons’ analogies, the definition of “meh.”

There’s an episode of The Simpsons where Bart Simpson steals Homer’s wallet and uses pop’s credit card to blow $350 on what he believes will be an intricate hand-drawn animation cel from his favourite cartoon Itchy and Scratchy.

When it arrives in the mail, the cel contains nothing more than a barely recognizable arm.

Homer’s credit card is dinged for $350 and Bart is stuck with something that is nothing more than a great disappointment.

For some reason, that came to mind yesterday when the city finally unveiled the plans for the Santiago Calatrava-designed Peace Bridge.

The unveiling is the definition of anti-climactic, or, to carry on the Simpsons’ analogies, the definition of “meh.”

There’s no quote there, but quotes aren’t required for excellent usage.  Bravo.  (There are four conceptual images here, if you want to see what it might look like.)

SoSG Advice Column Takes on Hollywood – This is a blog written by Dodger fans that’s giving advice on how to get work in Hollywood.  Whatever.  They quote Bart from “Radioactive Man” and they do it right.  Excellent usage.

Five Funniest Fictional Attorneys – Lionel Hutz is not #1.  For shame.

Celebrity First Pitch – Homer Simpson – Someone in a Homer suit threw out the first pitch at a Dodgers game as a promotional stunt for the Simpsons ride.  Here’s the video, if you care:

I think could actually hear the air being torn.

Quote of the Day

“Another local peasant has been found dead, drained of his blood with two teeth marks on his throat.  This black cape was found on the scene.  Police are baffled.” – Kent Brockman

“We think we’re dealing with a supernatural being, most likely a mummy.  As a precaution, I’ve ordered the Egyptian wing of the Springfield Museum destroyed.” – Chief Wiggum

Partial Interview with George Meyer

“Wow, my first published article, hoo!  Although someone else’s name is on it.” – Lisa Simpson

“Heh heh, welcome to the humiliating world of professional writing.” – Homer Simpson

Earlier this month a book called And Here’s the Kicker: Conversations with 21 Top Humor Writers on their Craft and the Industry came out.  It appears to be exactly what it sounds like.  Mike Sacks, the author, was interviewd and let this precious gem drop:

TV writers are given a lot of territory. Aren’t screenplays every comedy writer’s dream?

When you look at The Simpsons, Freaks and Geeks or Arrested Development, you can see some of the sharpest humour writing of the past 25 years. The Simpsons Movie didn’t come close to the TV show in terms of being funny and sharp.

TV writers are given a lot of territory. Aren’t screenplays every comedy writer’s dream?

When you look at The Simpsons, Freaks and Geeks or Arrested Development, you can see some of the sharpest humour writing of the past 25 years. The Simpsons Movie didn’t come close to the TV show in terms of being funny and sharp.

A-fucking-men.  Reading that led me to the book’s website.  There I found an extract from the interview with Simpsons alum George Meyer.  It is, obviously, worth reading in full, though I can’t resist posting this:

You can see that sensibility in many episodes of The Simpsons. As opposed to most shows, The Simpsons is never afraid to mock religion and the religious.

I think what we’re really satirizing is moral certainty—the myopia of the pious. The religious ferociously defend their own beliefs, but if a Sioux wants to keep a Target store off his sacred land they’ll laugh in his face.

I always enjoy it when I see or hear a religious type cite The Simpsons as a show that portrays religion positively.  They usually have no idea how badly they’re humiliating themselves.  It’s beautiful.

Quote of the Day

“Hey Homer, what’d you do, get a haircut or something?” – Lenny

“Look closer, Lenny.” – Gold Homer

“Oh, I know what it is.  You’re the biggest man in the world now, and you’re covered in gold.” – Lenny

“Fourteen karat gold!” – Gold Homer

Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll

Well, kinda, except replace the word “Sex” with the word “Simpsons” and the word “Drugs” with the word “Drawing”.  (“Simpsons, Drawing and Rock & Roll” just doesn’t quite have the same ring, though does it?)  The video at this link is set to some Van Halen and will show you how to draw Maggie:

Awww, look at how cute her partially formed head is.

The video says it will take you about 20 minutes to do and is sped up to make viewing it easier.  There are a bunch more at the site, including Homer, Bart and Spiderpig.

Crazy Noises: The Secret War of Lisa Simpson

“The wars of the future will not be fought on a battlefield or at sea.  They will be fought in space, or possibly on top of a very tall mountain.  In either case, most of the actual fighting will be done by small robots.  And as you go forth today, remember always, your duty is clear: to build and maintain those robots.” – Rommelwood Commandant

In an attempt to fill the summer with love, hate and pointless Simpsons commentary we at the Dead Homer Society are going to spend some time overthinking Season 8.  Why Season 8?  Because Season 8 is when The Simpsonsreally began to deteriorate into Zombie Simpsons.  That’s why.  Because we’re cutting edge and ultra-modern we’re using a newfangled, information-superhighway fad called a “chatroom” to conduct our conversation.  This text has been edited for clarity and spelling (especially on “ridiculously”).

Today’s episode is 825 “The Secret War of Lisa Simpson“, yesterday’s was 819 “Grade School Confidential“.

Charlie Sweatpants: On to Secret War of Lisa Simpson?

Mad Jon: Oh sure

Dave: This isn’t a terribly funny episode either

Charlie Sweatpants: The first segment is, then it goes downhill.

Mad Jon: The opening of the episode is very good, I may even say Wiggum is at his best. But then, as you have pointed out, it becomes most unpleasant.

Dave: California cheeseburger is pretty awesome

Charlie Sweatpants: Plus the movies Hoover has them watching.

Mad Jon: yeah that was funny and a tad reminiscent of my 2nd grade public school years.

Dave: http://smartcanucks.ca/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/eating-the-baby-sandwich.jpg

Charlie Sweatpants: Hee hee, California Cheeseburger indeed.

Mad Jon: You think he wouldn’t start at the poopy end.

Dave: Here’s another: http://boingboing.net/images/iateababyadkfjgnakdjfgn.jpg

I will concede the first segment is solid

Charlie Sweatpants: Did you just do a Google image search for baby sandwich or something?

Mad Jon: You will get no arguments from me on the rest of the episode’s suckiness.

Dave: That’s actually me as a child.

Mad Jon: You’re Asian?

Charlie Sweatpants: You were a baby once?

Dave: Apparently.

Charlie Sweatpants: Okay, so once they get to military school, was anyone else besides me ever kinda bothered by the fact that all the other kids seem to be older than Bart and Lisa?

Dave: (Yeah Pants, I googled “california cheeseburger”)

Mad Jon: No, I was bothered by the lack of entertainment.

Dave: Yeah, fuck all happens

Mad Jon: Except for the drill instructor’s speeches, those were funny enough.

Like his one about the Eliminator, or his graduation address.

Dave: Do we assume that larger kids = older?

Mad Jon: Or hungrier.

Dave: Slow down tubby.

Charlie Sweatpants: Oh the commandant’s graduation address is one of the best parts, especially since the thing about robots doing the fighting is slowly coming true.

Mad Jon: “Slow down tubby, you’re not on the moon yet!”

Beat me to it

A futuristic commentary indeed.

Dave: Eerily prescient.

Charlie Sweatpants: What I was getting at about the older kids thing is that it feels like the episode has its fire trained on the wrong target. It’s this “overcoming adversity” tale for Lisa when there’s an eminently mockable subject like a military academy for 2nd graders.

They make a few jokes about it, (prison for children) but on the whole it feels like they missed the target.

Mad Jon: I think that may be a little deep for a bunch of coddled 22 year old writers who knew someone who got them a gig writing for The Simpsons.

Who wrote this one anyway?

Dave: Richard Appel

Charlie Sweatpants: He wrote these: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0032219/filmoseries#tt0096697

Dave: And Willem Dafoe guest starred. I learned something today!

Mad Jon: Hmm, came a long way down didn’t he.

Charlie Sweatpants: Well, he had the good sense to leave too.

Mad Jon: That list has some knockouts on it.

Dave: It surely does

Mad Jon: With a blister factor of 12.

Dave: It’s interesting – as he goes up the ranks, the episodes get worse

Charlie Sweatpants: Well he’s not the primary writer on all of those, but he was for Mother Simpson, Bart on the Road and Bart After Dark, that’s not a bad list.

Dave: He’s co-exec producer for a bunch of stinkers

Mad Jon: I was watching Bart after Dark the other day. I definitely don’t watch that one enough. It really is good.

Charlie Sweatpants: I’ve always thought the producer credits just kinda mean he was in the writers room while they were hashing it out. But I really don’t know.

Mad Jon: Or he bought them lunch one day or something

Dave: Me either. I’m just making a baseless assumption as usual.

Charlie Sweatpants: We’re on the internet you know, there’s very high standards.

Dave: Of course.

Charlie Sweatpants: Anyway, any other high or low parts that deserve to be singled out?

Dave: No real highs. The bees bit is a mid-level laugh at best

Mad Jon: The ending almost seemed purposefully shitty

Charlie Sweatpants: I like Skinner’s line about the stupider children furrowing their brows in a vain effort to understand things.

Mad Jon: That was a good one.

Charlie Sweatpants: Yeah, the end is weak, Lisa’s eliminator climb takes for-ev-er.

Mad Jon: A trip to the dentist? Come on you bastards. Even bad endings have dancing.

Dave: And Journey.

Mad Jon: True that.

Charlie Sweatpants: This is a minor point, but also, this was the second season finale in a row where they got out of school.

Mad Jon: hmm, yeah, I don’t care about that. But I can almost kinda see the point you might be making.

Charlie Sweatpants: It’s happened a lot, so I don’t really care, but there’s a much larger gap between Bart of Darkness and 4 ft 2 than there is between 4 ft 2 and this one.

Kamp Krusty was also two seasons ahead of Bart of Darkness.

Dave: I see what you’re doing.

Mad Jon: Well, they don’t call them crutches because they make it harder to walk around.

Charlie Sweatpants: Like I said, it’s minor, but I think it’s indicative of the overall decline in quality that is so very pronounced in Season 8.

Anyway, the point I was trying to make is that this was a disappointing season finale for a disappointing season.

Dave: That’s fair. It didn’t exactly make me cheer for more

Mad Jon: Yeah, like getting blue-balls after going at it to an issue of Good Housekeeping.

Charlie Sweatpants: Finish with the sofas, that’s the trick to spanking it with home magazines.

Mad Jon: You are a twisted bastard.

Dave: I can’t unread that. Fuck.

Charlie Sweatpants: So, any final thoughts/general ratings?

Mad Jon: Yeah, if it weren’t for the first part of the first act this might have been the worst episode of the season. But even Wiggum’s laziness couldn’t save it from being in the shallow end of the toilet.

Charlie Sweatpants: I agree, but it feels like I want to give every one of these the same middle-low type rating.

Though that probably has more to do with which episodes we’ve watched than anything else.

Dave: What would you prefer to give it?

Mad Jon: That just lowers the value of that said rating, which means it’s ok.

Charlie Sweatpants: I don’t know.

Dave: We’ve picked the losers to watch for a reason.

Mad Jon: Like when Skinner rounded up the losers for Supernintendo’s vist

Charlie Sweatpants: It still kinda sucks and there are some genuinely good episodes in 8 so I guess middle to low makes sense.

Dave: To remind us of how far we’ve fallen, and how good it once was.

Mad Jon: Or when Smithers but the less gifted employees in charge of watching the bee

Charlie Sweatpants: Sorry, I should stop thinking with my keyboard.

I guess I don’t really hate this episode because there isn’t anything in it that really pisses me off. Lisa and the machine gun and them on the propellers is kinda dumb, but it’s not terrible or anything.

Mad Jon: This season reminds me of the summer I spent watching my great uncle’s Alzheimer’s move into stage two. I know I loved the man, but he wasn’t the same. And at the same time I couldn’t abandon him in the alley yet, as there was still a gleam of recognition in his tired grey eyes.

Charlie Sweatpants: You know, Alzheimer’s really is a decent way to explain it.

Dave: Would it be helpful to stop framing this episode as part of Season 8? If we look at the first 8 seasons as a single body of work, this episode ranks much lower.

Charlie Sweatpants: That’s a good point.

Because if this had dropped in the middle of 7 or earlier I would’ve hated it a lot more.

Dave: Exactly.

Mad Jon: It really seems as they didn’t mean for this to happen, but it did. And we had to watch.

But it didn’t drop in mid 7 because they were still doing ok back then.

Charlie Sweatpants: True.

Mad Jon: “Just leave the bag closed and I’ll give you a C-“

Quote of the Day

“Let’s take the trophy route to the den.  Twelve Newsies, seven Iron Mics, four Golden Coiffs, this is the most prestigious award that Del Monte gives.  Do you want to hear my award winning secret?  Human interest stories, they tug at the heart and fog the mind.” – Kent Brockman

Is This Legal? Probably Not.

Feel like wasting some time?  And I mean really wasting some time, because even by internet standards this is thin.  It’s a Pong clone where you, as Homer, bat donuts back and forth with Burns, Frank Grimes and Marge:

You can also fight Grimes in the office and Marge in front of the house.

I blew past Burns and Grimes, but Marge whipped my ass three times before I realized I was wasting my life and quit.  I say this is probably illegal because they show little clips (before and after each game) and the clips are bootlegged from a syndicated rerun.

Anyway, if you do decide to play, keep your guard up after you either score or get scored on, because the donut comes from the center with no warning and can be going either way.

Crazy Noises: Grade School Confidential

“I don’t think we’re talking about love here, we’re talking about s-e-x in front of the c-h-i-l-d-r-e-n.” – Helen Lovejoy

“Sex Cauldron!  I thought they closed that place down!” – Krusty the Klown

In an attempt to fill the summer with love, hate and pointless Simpsons commentary we at the Dead Homer Society are going to spend some time overthinking Season 8.  Why Season 8?  Because Season 8 is when The Simpsons really began to deteriorate into Zombie Simpsons.  That’s why.  Because we’re cutting edge and ultra-modern we’re using a newfangled, information-superhighway fad called a “chatroom” to conduct our conversation.  This text has been edited for clarity and spelling (especially on “ridiculously”).

Today’s episode is 819, “Grade School Confidential” and tomorrow will be 825 “The Secret War of Lisa Simpson“.

Charlie Sweatpants: Shall we start with Grade School Confidential?

Mad Jon: Yes, lets

Charlie Sweatpants: Alright, initial thoughts?

Mad Jon: I kinda like this episode as it has plenty of funny one liners, and the ending wraps up cleaner than most of the episodes we have reviewed as of late

But there are plenty of things they could have done a lot better

Dave: I don’t love or hate this episode

Charlie Sweatpants: I’m kinda down on this one. It’s got not quite enough story to fill the whole episode, feels like it could’ve used a B plot. Homer and Marge have about ten lines total between them.

Mad Jon: that’s one of my problems, Homer has like 3 lines and the only funny one wasn’t that funny because it went on way too long.

Charlie Sweatpants: And while it doesn’t end with a dance party, the plot just goes to pieces right about from the time they make the deal with Bart.

Mad Jon: “Do you know where the remote control is?” That’s it, that’s where that line should have stopped. And even that isn’t A material

Dave: Yeah, that was awful

Mad Jon: Yeah I was watching it earlier and I had to turn it off at the dance scene

Charlie Sweatpants: Honestly, I don’t even think there are that many good gags in here. Sex cauldron is the only thing that always gets me.

Mad Jon: Although Ralph’s explanation of the closet happenings was nice

“the baby looked at you?”

Dave: Making babies is one of his better lines

Charlie Sweatpants: Yeah, those are okay, but that’s part of the whole, “doesn’t make a lick of sense” thing. I mean, it’s not like it was only the kids who saw them in the closet, Hoover and Willie are there too.

Mad Jon: I know I know.

Charlie Sweatpants: I generally don’t like poking little holes in the plot like that, but this episode has a ton of them.

Dave: Both Hoover and Willie are willfully neglected to further the shallow plot. Yeah, I see what you’re getting at Charlie

Mad Jon: Yeah, like I was saying earlier the one liners were funny, but I usually hate non-Simpson revolving plots on principle. or is it principal?

No, definitely principle

Dave: Principle

Charlie Sweatpants: I don’t see why they feel the need to hide, I don’t think they’d be dumb enough to keep forcing Bart to cover for them and harassing him, why would Chalmers just fire them, there’s just so many things that feel forced.

Dave: There are two little things I enjoy in this episode, out of context. 1) Bart and Chalmers’ exchange in the movie theater and 2) Agnes’ line about the coconut cake

Mad Jon: Well I think the point was that Chalmers fired them for the blown up story of their broom closed make outs, which wouldn’t have happened if they didn’t have to hide it for your well observed unknown reason

Dave: Both are forced, but as I said, out of context they’re funny

Charlie Sweatpants: I like Chalmers line about not being able to use his own judgment, and Martin’s birthday party is kinda amusing.

Mad Jon: I liked skinner’s line about the tea set.

“A lucky boy” but that would have been fine as a non-plot related throw away

Charlie Sweatpants: Yeah, that’s good.

Mad Jon: That’s why Skinner is so good in small doses.

They tried to do it again with the applesauce line and my penis went soft.

Charlie Sweatpants: But to get back to the story for a second, I think what makes the weak, plot hole filled thing so frustrating is the fact that Skinner and Krabappel are a relatively natural couple, so on a basic level it makes sense, but then it’s just ridiculously poorly executed.

Dave: Even though the plot is insubstantial, I have no beef with Skinner and Krabappel falling in love. It just doesn’t really warrant a full episode

Ha – we basically had the same thought

Mad Jon: The most unfortunate part is that it becomes a running gag for like 8 years

Charlie Sweatpants: Good point Jon, like I can only take so much of Skinner being awkward and Krabappel being lusty.

Bingo.

Dave: They “break up” in a later season

I forget which

Charlie Sweatpants: Feh.

Mad Jon: And get back together and break up and almost get married, then comic book guy shows up…

Dave: It gets tedious

Super tedious

Mad Jon: Now I’m 5 seasons away and I’m still not done

Charlie Sweatpants: But yeah, it’s not the concept that sucks (like Burns Baby Burns or Homer They Fall) it’s the execution.

There’s nothing so critical in here that it had to be a whole episode and you’ve got Homer and Marge basically doing nothing.

Dave: Right

Mad Jon: And god help me I hate the Homer line where he screams like a little girl when he finds out her name is Krabappel and not Krandle

Dave: I might not say it sucks, but it’s not great. This episode is like cheap beer, you’ll drink it and it’ll do the job, but it’s ultimately forgettable

Mad Jon: Good beer analogy.

+1 for Dave

Charlie Sweatpants: I don’t know, I like cheap beer a lot more than I like this episode.

Mad Jon: Dave: is a bit more sophisticated than you and I Pants.

Dave: That’s not true.

Mad Jon: He probably wears socks and ties his shoes and cleans himself regularly.

Charlie Sweatpants: There’s just so many things that feel like filler, the dance scene at the end, all the hoops they make Bart jump through, the agonizing slowness of a story that really only has about four things on its to do list.

Mad Jon: Yep

Dave: But compared to bottom of 8, how do you feel about “Grade School?”

Mad Jon: I would go as far as to say that more than half the episode is definite filler, and even more is debatable

Charlie Sweatpants: It’s not the very bottom, but it’s close.

Mad Jon: Meh, middle lower, I think there are 2 or 3 that are way worse

Well, two at least

Dave: I’m with Jon

Charlie Sweatpants: Think about the two we did last week, the mountain one and the chili pepper one, they’ve got sections that are much funnier than this whole episode even if large parts of them are kind of a wasteland of weird.

This one is just one long flat boring story with a couple of good jokes.

Mad Jon: But if you recall we all rated them at least upper-lower. Like a trailer park in Romulus as opposed to Rawsonville.

Charlie Sweatpants: I’ll take your word for that.

Dave: I stayed in Romulus once. Never again.

Mad Jon: It’s probably best for all involved. At least the cops in Rawsonville look for a reason before beating up minorities.

I mean Romulus. Oh whatever I’ve lost it now

Charlie Sweatpants: It’s not important.

Mad Jon: We’ll just say I’m too uninspired by this episode to continue my poorly executed joke

Dave: Grade School is pretty bland and lacking in the laughs dept. But in spite of that, it’s still watchable

Charlie Sweatpants: When I rewatch these before we do these little chats I usually take some notes, just type a few short reminders, but I took almost no notes on this one because there just isn’t much here. 1:00pm, still just a potato, and all that.

Dave: potatoe

Charlie Sweatpants: You’ve got the Quayle American Heritage Dictionary on your desk, don’t you?

Dave: I might.

Mad Jon: I’m telling you, sophistication unknown to us mere commoners

Except you knew about that…. hmmm..

Charlie Sweatpants: Any final thoughts on this one?

Mad Jon: I like Martin’s jab at Bart before the anticlimactic climax. But like I said, then I turned it off

Dave: Bart misspells “potato” in “Dead Putting Society” right?

Charlie Sweatpants: Yes.

One assumes that was deliberate.

Dave: Phew, I thought I was crazy.

Mad Jon: No, it’s just good science.

Sorry, the beer told me to type that.

Quote of the Day

“I don’t see why Rainier Wolfcastle should be the star.  I think we should bring back Dirk Richter, kids will want to see the original Radioactive Man.” – Movie Executive #1

“I keep telling you, he’s 73 years old and he’s dead.” – Movie Executive #2

“Granted.” – Movie Executive #1

A Little First Hand Context

Yesterday we tweeted (twat?) about Groening saying the show would never end.  Now comes some much needed context from someone who was actually there:

Futurama: Sadly, none of the voice actors were at the panel because of labour disputes, but Matt Groening was hilarious. He was absolutely fixated on giving out prizes to people asking questions and he didn’t even seem to care about answering them. I wouldn’t be surprised to find him on the street corner trying to hustle with his own merch. In any case, not much was shown or talked about. Next!

The Simpsons: Again, Matt Groening was mainly giving out prizes to Q&A people while other writers answered questions. Although, he did say that he and Danny Elfman make the “s” sound at the end of “The Simpsons” at the beginning of the credits. Fun trivia! Then someone from the Guiness Book of World Records came out and gave them two honours, one for the longest running sitcom in the world and another for being voted one of the most important records in the last 100 years. Good for them! To which Matt Groening shouted to the crowd, “There is no end in sight. Simpsons forever!”

Okay, so he was getting his dick sucked by that Guinness Book of Records crowd and had a bunch of fanboys shouting his name when he said it.  I had this horrible vision that he was in some kind of a sit down interview or something.  So while we’re still saddled with two more seasons of Zombie Simpsons, nothing has substantively changed beyond that.  Whew.

(Also: I continue to think the Futurama voice actors will get back on the show once FOX gets them to agree to work for Itchy & Scratchy money, but that FOX is serious about going forward with new voices, which would amount to little more than a desperate money grab, cannot be doubted.)

Quote of the Day

“But dad, you’re giving in to mob mentality.” – Bart Simpson

“No I’m not, I’m hopping on the bandwagon.  Now, come on son, get with the winning team!” – Homer Simpson

But Can I Put a Dead Fly in Them?

Ironically, regular ice cube trays are much more sanitary.

Want to put Homer’s face in your glass and suck on him until he melts?  Well, now you can.  The order link doesn’t seem to work at the moment though, so you’ll have to maintain the impulse buying urge for longer than usual (via).

Quote of the Day

“Homer, the Lord only asks for an hour a week.” – Marge Simpson

“In that case he should’ve made the week an hour longer.  Lousy God.” – Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“What are the odds of getting sick on a Saturday?  A thousand to one!” – Homer Simpson

Friday Link Dump – Nobody Loves NASA Edition

“There’s a mathematician, a different kind of mathmetician, and a statistician.” – Not Tom Brokaw

“Make it stop!  Ahh-ha-ha” – Homer Simpson

“Oh no, not another boring space launch.  Change the channel, change the channel!” – Bart Simpson

“I can’t, I can’t!” – Homer Simpson

This week there’s an astronomer who doesn’t remember the above scene all too well, but her heart is in the right place.  Then there’s lots of usage, ranging from piss poor to the rare double excellent.  Also, there’s a Paul Giamatti movie, cool moustaches, and a whackjob conspiracy nut.  Enjoy.

Has moon trip’s power to inspire waned? – There’s no mystery as to why no one cares about the space program any longer.  Forty years ago man walked on the moon.  Fifteen years ago “averagenaut” Homer Simpson made history.  This week they fixed a broken shitter.  It’s just not that exciting:

“There’s actually a great throw-away line in ‘The Simpsons’ about it,” University of Georgia astronomer Loris Magnani said about students’ blasé attitude toward space. “The TV’s on and the announcer says, ‘Stay tuned for the live shuttle launch,’ and Bart walks over, turns it off and says, ‘Oh no, not another boring moon launch.’ “

That gets an A for effort and an A+++ for relevance, but an F for actual quotation.  Still, a fine attempt.

Slobots – Bart in robot form.  Click for creepy/awesome pictures.

Machine Steals Giamatti’s Soul; Simpsons’ Plot… – There’s a new Paul Giamatti movie that’s suspiciously like “Bart Sells His Soul”.

I’ll wait to see how it turns out, but the movie’d want to be something really special to top that vintage piece of American television.

Seconded.

“Me fail English? That’s unpossible!” – Okay, remember how last week I didn’t link to anything about this ridiculous Emmy non-controversy?  Well I’m going to link to this one because I largely agree with it and he uses the same “Brother Can You Spare Two Dimes?” quote we did.

Iconic Moustaches of the Past – Flanders is on here, but the rest are real and some of them are damn impressive.

Homer Simpson – Freemason ? – This guy’s a nut who sees Masonic imagery in the show.  I’m embarrassed to use the same WordPress template as him.  Oh yeah, his avatar image?  Agent Smith from The Matrix.  Too rich.  As per usual, I’m 99% sure this isn’t satire.

Overpaid, underperforming – Excellent quotation.

Desensitization and Cinema – This guy is super keen on Jesus, but I won’t hold that against him, and his point, that becoming desensitized to things like violence and sex is only bad if it causes you to become a jerk, seems valid.  So I’ll set aside my usual skepticism when someone starts citing the Bible and simply say that this . . .

It was Bart Simpson who told his sister, “If you don’t watch the violence, you’ll never get desensitized to it!” (The Simpsons: Colonel Homer).

. . . is excellent usage.  No doubt accustomed to citing things, he even names the episode.  Bravo.

“Don’t have a cow, man!” — Bart Simpson – Continuing our religious theme, this is a link to a website for young Mormon girls.  Why is the title a Bart quote?  Because at a week long Mormon youth gathering the boys (though apparently not the girls) have a phrase: “Crush Of the Week” or COW.  The author is unamused.  I say make it mutual, those Mormon girls are doubtlessly just as easily smitten as their male counterparts.

Tidal Wave Running A Little Late – This link is today’s lesson in Government Bullshit Speak.  Observe:

In the worst-case projections the tidal wave of retirements, by now, would mean that most of the government’s middle and top career managers would have the KSAs of Homer Simpson.

Upon reading this I wondered to myself, what does KSA stand for?  Google provided the answer:

The knowledge, skills and abilities (KSA’s) necessary for the successful performance of a position are contained on each job vacancy announcement.

We Don’t Need to Win the War on Science to Win the War for Comprehensive Sex Education – While Ezekiel and Ishmael step out into the hall to pray for Patrick Malone’s soul, I’m awarding him two (2) gold stars for usage.  At the beginning:

“Facts are meaningless,” Homer Simpson says. “You can use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true. Facts, schmacts.”

And then at the end:

It will not be an easy transition to make but, again to quote Homer Simpson, the Chinese have the same word for crisis and opportunity: “Crisitunity.”

Double excellent usage, well done, sir.

Butterfinger Revives Tagline, Launches Video Contest – Feel like doing Nestle’s marketing work for them?  They’re bringing back the “nobody better lay a finger” hook and are looking for submissions from people they don’t have to pay.  I don’t care about this, it’s just an excuse to post this:

There’s about seventy five more of those on YouTube if you’re feeling bored, though most of them don’t foreshadow plots from later seasons.

Fox Auditioning Fans to Appear in Simpsons 20th Anniversary Special – Morgan Spurlock is going to be at Comic Con in San Diego tomorrow looking for people to be in his Zombie Simpsons 10th Anniversary special.  Here’s the video invitation:

His Otto imitation is pretty good.

It tastes like burning! – This young blogger is a production assistant on Spurlock’s thing.  She says she does a great Pinchy.  I too enjoy rolling around in hot water and butter.

Social Security: Welfare for old people. – My apathy easily encompasses Social Security, so I’m quite blase about the point she’s trying to make here, but this cannot go unremarked upon (emphasis mine):

For those of you who don’t know, I’m a huge Simpsons fan. Every night I try to get in an episode or two before I go to bed. I don’t really care for the Halloween episodes and usually skip over them, but I’m doing other things so I just let it go.

That, boys and girls, is a head scratcher.  How can any Simpsons fan, particularly a self described “huge” Simpsons fan, not like Treehouse of Horror?  I guess it’s true that there’s no accounting for taste.  She then proceeds to quote III and slightly mangles it:

Marge Simpson: Where did you get all the money?

Grandpa: The government. I didn’t earn it. I don’t need it. But, if they miss one payment I’m gonna raise hell!

Marge Simpson: Where did you get all the money?

Grandpa: The government. I didn’t earn it. I don’t need it. But, if they miss one payment I’m gonna raise hell!

Abe actually says: “But if they miss one payment I’ll raise hell!”  It’s minor, I know, but I always though conservatives were supposed to be good at transcription.

Top 10 Simpsons episodes as per 3 guys! – This week I get to end the way I like to, with a blogger (or in this case bloggers) who agree with us here at the Dead Homer Society.  Before we get to that though, I should point out that the only quote on the page, Homer’s awesome prayer from “And Maggie Makes Three”, isn’t quite kosher.  That aside, I love these men because they wrote this:

As the saying goes “the 3 wise man said…” no this is not a rant on the religious or the profoundly holly. [sic] Well it could be if everyone thought of the Simpsons the way 2 of my esteemed friends do. We all came about this simple fact which i guess the older fans may have observed: the older episodes prior to season 12 had a bit more depth and the writing was a bit more refined. After season 12 it just felt like another sitcom. Nevertheless its our SImpsons and we love it !

Preach it brothers, preach it!

Quote of the Day

“What do you think, Smithers?” – C.M. Burns

“I think women and seamen don’t mix.” – Mr. Smithers

“We know what you think.” – C.M. Burns

Quote of the Day

“Wow, thanks Sparkle.  Wait, this isn’t you.” – Lisa Simpson

“That’s the old Sparkle.” – Sparkle

Crazy Noises: Mountain of Madness

“Tell me Simpson, if an opportunity arose for taking a small shortcut, you wouldn’t be averse to taking it, would you?” – C.M. Burns

“Uhh, not as such.” – Homer Simpson

“Neither would I.  I’ve always felt that there’s far too much hysteria these days about so-called ‘cheating’.” – C.M. Burns

“Yes, a lot of . . . hysteria.” – Homer Simpson

“Mmm-hmm, if you can take advantage of a situation in some way, it’s your duty as an American to do it.  Why should the race always be to the swift, or the jumble to the quick witted?  Should they be allowed to win merely because of the gifts God gave them?  Well, I say cheating is the gift man gives himself.” – C.M. Burns

“Mr. Burns, I insist that we cheat.” – Homer Simpson

“Excellent.” – C.M. Burns

In an attempt to fill the summer with love, hate and pointless Simpsons commentary we at the Dead Homer Society are going to spend some time overthinking Season 8.  Why Season 8?  Because Season 8 is when The Simpsons really began to deteriorate into Zombie Simpsons.  That’s why.  Because we’re cutting edge and ultra-modern we’re using a newfangled, information-superhighway fad called a “chatroom” to conduct our conversation.  This text has been edited for clarity and spelling (especially on “derrick”).

Today’s episode is 812, “Mountain of Madness“, yesterday’s was 809 “El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Homer“.

Charlie Sweatpants: Okay, so Mountain of Madness.

This was a good one to pair with the insanity peppers one, both of them have long and dull “action” sequences, but the stuff out side of that is pretty good.

Dave: It’s better than King of the Hill.

Both the show and the episode.

Charlie Sweatpants: Hmmm, clearly better than the episode or close?

Mad Jon: This episode had a lot of potential, but so did Drew Henson, and we saw what happened there

Charlie Sweatpants: Hey, the Cowboys and the Yankees have money to burn.

Mad Jon: But my time is precious.

Dave: If, at gunpoint, I had to watch a Homer-related mountain-themed episode, Mountain of Madness would get my vote

Charlie Sweatpants: So, close then?

Mad Jon: I like the Powersauce one better

Dave: Not for me, no

Charlie Sweatpants: I’d put them pretty close together, and while I think I probably watch Powersauce more often it’s not by much.

Mad Jon: This becomes more painfully boring as the episode goes on. By the end of the second act I am looking for a reason to get up. After the commercial there is the snowman fight and the rocket house and even those aren’t that great.

When Smithers hooks up with the kids I have to force myself not to turn it off.

Charlie Sweatpants: Yeah, except for Lenny’s line about “something’s wrong with it’s brakes” the rocket house is pretty lame.

The Smithers thing always strikes me as weird. Like, we really needed that to get them to the cabin?

Mad Jon: Except for the watch with the minute hand

12:80

Charlie Sweatpants: Oh, I like it once it gets going, but it just strikes me as weird and improbable when they decide to walk together. Very TV-y.

Dave: It is very TV-y

Mad Jon: The episode starts off so well, with the fire drill and all.

And mount useful is a good idea, but kind of dies.

Charlie Sweatpants: I have a complaint about the way the fire drill starts though, Burns’ little button board has four things on it, the bottom of which is the fire drill, but then he reads them all off aloud. That always struck me as something that was trying to stretch for time. That’s the kind of thing that used to take .5 seconds and now it’s more like ten times that.

Mad Jon: And the whole thing starts with them being at work, which as you know is my biggest peeve with Zombie episodes.

I didn’t say it was flawless, but it has potential

Charlie Sweatpants: Oh, the actual fire drill is pretty good, especially when Homer barricades the door on his way out. I’d expect nothing less from a place that has a designated station wide nap time.

I just mentioned the button because it struck me as something that, even a season before, would’ve gone much faster.

Mad Jon: I agree with your logic. Which brings me too the “your ideas are intriguing to me..” line.

Charlie Sweatpants: I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

Mad Jon: Heh, I spelled intriguing right but used the wrong form of “to”

Dave: Awesome line.

Charlie Sweatpants: Blame the vodka, homophone indistinction is one of its known side effects.

Mad Jon: Which means I should blame you, sir. Blame you and thank you.

Dave: (Among other things.)

Charlie Sweatpants: Still working on that housewarming gift?

Mad Jon: I’m getting there. I actually have to work now.

Dave: Slave to corporate America, you.

Charlie Sweatpants: Anyway, once Burns and Homer get to the cabin this one really goes downhill (no pun).

Mad Jon: Oh yeah. But I like the line about the good sit. Its not that funny, but I like it as it’s pretty true.

Charlie Sweatpants: Burns goes crazy, Homer hallucinates, they have to keep using the horns of surprise every time they cause another clock eating “avalanche”.

Dave: The cabin stuff goes on forever.

Mad Jon: Yeah, pretty boring.

Charlie Sweatpants: Burns monologue about cheating being the gift man gives himself is one for the ages though.

It’s once they finish cheating that things go to shit.

Dave: Lesson learned: always cheat

and never stop.

Mad Jon: Oh yeah ” That worked.. so.. well..” I use that line all the time too.

Charlie Sweatpants: Oh and speaking of TV-y moments, why the hell does Smithers have the stopwatch at the end and say “It’s a new record, sir”?

I don’t think it was a parody of something specific, so it just seems weird.

Mad Jon: I don’t know, I usually turn it off after the guy calls out for Ranger McFadden.

Sometimes I turn it off before then

Charlie Sweatpants: Then you’re missing the part where the other ranger humors the children before telling everyone to put on their corpse handling gloves.

Mad Jon: Not that funny

Charlie Sweatpants: Disagree.

Mad Jon: Cute

Funnier than most of the episode, but not that funny

Dave: I think that bit’s decently funny

Charlie Sweatpants: Pre-arrival at the cabin, any other parts that struck you as particularly weak?

Mad Jon: Lenny and Carl fighting, I’m mixed on that…

Charlie Sweatpants: Yeah, it just kinda comes out of left field.

Although, I love the part when they get made teammates and Carl can’t conceal his disappointment.

Dave: And the look on Lenny’s face…

Charlie Sweatpants: Although, I’ll say that this is foreshadowing of the weird direction Lenny and Carl took once Zombie Simpsons really got going.

Mad Jon: I see what you mean.

Like mount Carlmore

Charlie Sweatpants: When the show was in it’s prime they were nothing but drinking buddies and co-workers, then they became this weird, non-homoerotic couple.

Good fuck, what’s Mount Carlmore?

Dave: Yeah, the whole Zombie Simpsons Carl and Lenny love/hate thing is super weird

Along with their implied gay relationship

Mad Jon: I couldn’t even tell you what episode its from, but its a zombie throwaway joke when Homer and Lenny go to work on an oil derrick for some reason

Charlie Sweatpants: I just looked it up, it was Season 13.

Mad Jon: There you go

Charlie Sweatpants: That’s about where I lost interest, so it wouldn’t surprise me if I’ve either a) never seen it or b) only seen it once and blacked it out as a self defense mechanism.

Mad Jon: Like being abused by the ice cream man when you were a kid?

Charlie Sweatpants: But Carl’s disappointment here is funny because we don’t know about any of that crap yet. It’s just that he secretly loathes one of his friends.

Dave: Right. As a one off instance it works

Mad Jon: Fair enough

Charlie Sweatpants: He wasn’t the ice cream man, he was the Swanson man.

Dave: Is that better or worse?

Mad Jon: The Swanson’s man has a wider variety of freezer goods, so… better?

Charlie Sweatpants: Swanson man’s got a wider selection, if you’re going to put out, make it count.

Mad Jon: Great minds think alike

Charlie Sweatpants: Oh fuck, I’m kinda embarrassed we typed that at the same time.

Dave: Saving that quote for posterity.

Charlie Sweatpants: Were you on the same Swanson route as me when we were kids? Did Tom touch you too? He told me I was special.

See, this is why Zombie Simpsons is bad, you start getting into bad Simpsons and next thing you know you’re talking about child molestation.

Mad Jon: Even worse, your own molestation experiences. With an ice cream and bulk frozen food vendor.

A commissioned one at that

Dave: We didn’t have a bulk frozen food vendor growing up. I feel kinda left out.

Charlie Sweatpants: I’m just saying it’s a slippery slope from a) Carl and Lenny being funny to b) Carl and Lenny not being funny to c) repressed trauma.

Dave: Well said.

Mad Jon: d) letting Lenny and Carl figure it out for themselves

I think that’s what Marge says a few seasons from now

Dave: I have the number for a good psychiatrist if you have trouble falling asleep later.

Charlie Sweatpants: But getting back to the good parts of this episode . . .

Smokey the Bear cracks my ass up.

Dave: Yep!

Mad Jon: Yeah that was pretty good. “Mom can I go play outside, away from the bear?”

Charlie Sweatpants: The video with John Muir always gets me too. I’ve sat in some dumb park buildings watching some lame ass filmstrips in my time and that’s exactly what they’re like.

Mad Jon: That’s what his name is? I could never understand the announcer. And yes, it was dead on.

Dave: Did Tom chaperone those trips?

Charlie Sweatpants: Probably not, Catholic grade school, the priests want to keep the competition away.

Dave: Greedy bastards.

Mad Jon: You’re the king Charlie

You’re the King

Charlie Sweatpants: Fuck, we’re talking about child molestation again, aren’t we?

Mad Jon: You are

But yes, we are too I guess

again

Dave: I apologize for instigating

Charlie Sweatpants: Nobody’s blaming you.

I blame this on teamwork.

Dave: Go team

Good effort

Charlie Sweatpants: Okay, without getting back on molestation, any other favorite/despised parts of this one?

Mad Jon: Nah, like usual I finished my important points too early. I gotta work on the foreplay a bit

Dave: The guy batting off co-workers with a fire extinguisher is inspired

Mad Jon: Oh yeah, that’s funny

“outta my way!”

Dave: And the photo Homer chooses to save

“Olde Tyme Photos”

Charlie Sweatpants: Yeah, “Homer Defined” notwithstanding, the whole fire drill is pretty good.

Mad Jon: The popcorn noise

Dave: Popcorn noise?

Mad Jon: “All right Popcorns done!”

Dave: Oh right

Mad Jon: Then Homer corrects them, in a pretty funny way, and so on

Charlie Sweatpants: Okay, so rating time.

Dave: I vote middle-lowish again

Charlie Sweatpants: I’ve got this one about on par with “El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Homer”, it’s got a lot of down time, but the jokes that aren’t in the down time are pretty good.

Mad Jon: Cream of the crop of bad season 8 episodes. Or last in class of average ones, ladies choice.

Charlie Sweatpants: Yes, good discussion again.

Mad Jon: Now that we’ve reviewed plenty from this season the ranking part pretty much does it self.

Dave: Yeah, we’re getting good at this

Charlie Sweatpants: Well, it takes awhile at any new endeavor before you learn how to slack off and get it “done” with a lot less effort.

Dave: Like college

Quote of the Day

“And I won’t rest until I’ve gotten a hot dog.” – Homer Simpson

“Homer, this is a cemetery.” – Marge Simpson

“Hot dogs!  Get your hot dogs here!” – Hot Dog Guy

“Woo hoo!” – Homer Simpson

“What do you do, follow my husband around?” – Marge Simpson

“Lady, he’s putting my kids through college.” – Hot Dog Guy