Reading Digest: Even In Death You Can’t Escape The Simpsons Edition

“There seems to be a mistake.  According to this you’re not due to arrive here until the next time the Yankees win the pennant, that’s nearly a century from now.” – The Devil

Longtime New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner keeled over this week.  You would not believe the number of times The Simpsons was mentioned in various articles and blog posts about him.  This was in spite of the fact that he never appeared on the show.  All by itself, Don Mattingly’s joke about still liking Burns better than Steinbrenner was enough to merit inclusion.  There’s also a link to a post about “Paint Your Wagon” that, unsurprisingly, mentions The Simpsons.  In other news, there’s a bunch of fan made stuff this week, lots of usage, a real person named Carl Carlson, and plenty of YouTube. 

Enjoy.

Richmond shows how footy should be played – This is about an Australian rules football team:

To borrow a phrase from The Simpsons, things sure are coming up Milhouse for Tigers fans.

Excellent usage. 

The Simpsons Myers-Briggs Test – This looks to have been kicking around the internet for a couple of years, but I’d never seen it.  It’s mildly interesting in an “I’m really bored” kind of way (via). 

REALITY TV – ARE FICTIONAL LAWYERS ON THE SMALL SCREEN CLOSE TO THE REAL THING? – LEGALLYBETTER.COM SURVEY RESULTS – Some UK lawyer website ran a survey asking people about famous teevee lawyers, what they thought of them, and whether or not they would hire them.  Sensibly, nobody would hire Lionel Hutz. 

22 Funny Wall Decorations and Framed Portraits From TV Sitcoms – Pleated Jeans is back, this time with background gags from various shows.  The Simpsons stuff is mostly good, and I’ve always cracked up at the JFK style portrait over Zapp Brannigan’s bed.

Slip-on neles! – This is not in English, but the pictures of the shoes need no translation, especially the pair with pink frosting and sprinkles. 

The Simpsons Homer Backwards Movement Wall Clock – Krusty Brand Seal of Approval for a Homer clock that moves counter-clockwise.  I don’t think I’d want this particular clock, but it might be fun to have a clock that goes counter-clockwise, like one of those maps that has north at the bottom and south at the top. 

Nova Express – Cool, tricolor Homer.  I don’t know how else to describe it. 

Tips for a successful and swift shopping trip – This is excellent usage in an otherwise crappy article:

There is an episode of “The Simpsons” where tycoon C. Montgomery Burns loses his wealth. In the next scene, to show how he is now one of us, the writers scripted him to push a cart through a grocery store. He ends up alone in an aisle being unable to decide between ketchup and catsup. “Whoo, I’m way over my head here,” he concludes.

Burns doesn’t actually say “here” at the end, but that’s extremely minor, and since the quote is apt I’m still calling it excellent usage.  The rest of the article includes idiotically helpful shopping tips like “Make a list” and “Never run out of toilet paper”.  Uh, yeah, I’ll keep that in mind.

Angry parents accuse school of ‘dumbing down’ English by showing The Simpsons in class – This article is woefully incomplete.  If they’re showing these kids Zombie Simpsons, I am outraged.  If they’re showing them The Simpsons, I almost want to father someone just to send them there.  Quoth the crusading daddy:

‘I do think we should raise the level a little for our children. Children should be studying text of the highest quality and I don’t believe this fits the bill.’

I agree.  Simpsons of the highest quality is about as high as quality gets, Zombie Simpsons, less so.  (via Springfield Springfield’s Twitter)

Mélanie Laurent: the real star of Inglourious Basterds – The father of the actress who played Shosanna does the voice of Ned Flanders in France.  That is all. 

The kids are alright – Apt and proper deployment of Helen Lovejoy’s favorite slogan:

"Won’t somebody please think of the children?" is the wonderful catchcry of Helen Lovejoy. In The Simpsons, her hysterical pleas mock a fear-mongering, overzealous approach to parenting which has infiltrated policy debates in Australia. Somehow the kind of politics that any sane person would consider conservative are being passed off as feminist. Wrongly, but hey, let’s not let accuracy interfere with rhetoric!

Smack.  Brought.  Excellent usage.  

Tim’s Ignatieff bar – More unquestionably excellent usage:

To paraphrase the Simpsons, Tim is looking for a "realistic down-to-earth message from Ignatieff that’s completely off the wall and swarming with magic robots."

He swapped out the nouns and left the rest intact.  Bravo. 

Paint Your Wagon…In 10 Words – That crappy Season 9 clip show is, nevertheless, so prevalent in the culture that you can’t even mention “Paint Your Wagon” without mentioning the Simpsons.  Also, there’s YouTube here of Lee Marvin singing. 

Happy Birthday to Me! – Decent quality YouTube of the Ramones singing to Burns as a self applied birthday wish. 

Nikejerk’s Killer ‘Barta-Fett’ Custom – Someone made a Boba Fett outfit for a Bart doll.  Kinda neat. 

Coffee stains and the Simpsons in your LaTeX document – I know nothing about typesetting, but it’s nice to know that if I ever learn about it, I can put Simpsons heads into things. 

Cromulent – Lexicological fun with one of the world’s favorite Simpsons words. 

Big Physics News: The Proton is Small(er)! – This is cool, protons may be smaller than previously thought, and one of the guys working on it is named Carl Carlson. 

‘Top Chef’ recap: Love is in the air – Moderate usage from Entertainment Weekly:

I really don’t need to see my meat or seafood in its original form, and seeing the chefs chop the little suckers in half and the crabs still wiggling made me think of the amazing episode of The Simpsons in which Lisa becomes a vegetarian. The lamb she’s about to eat and worm she’s about to experiment on squeal, “Please Lisa, what did I ever do to youuuu?”

That’s close.  The lamb says, “Please Lisa, I thought you loved me, loved me.”, and the worm says, “Lisa, what did I ever do to you?”  Combine the two and you’re there. 

Eastern Europe’s favorite cat and mouse team, Worker and Parasite! – YouTube of Worker and Parasite. 

Tremendous breakthroughs in fatherhood research – From the same site as the one above, this time it’s just a screen grab, but that doesn’t make it any less funny.  I’ve always like the olde tyme diving suit the father wears. 

It All Comes Back to Frogurt – One woman’s love for the world’s most famous potassium benzoate joke. 

Bart, Burns, Frink, and Godzilla – I didn’t know that Cartwright and Shearer had cameos in that awful Godzilla movie.  Of course, I’ve never seen it. 

BEST OF THE SIMPSONS – This is why we’re not big on lists around here.  Top 10 Simpsons episodes?  You could do a Top 50, and probably a Top 100, and leave out famous classics.  It’s just link bait.  (Which I took.) 

Is There A Gaffe The TTC Isn’t Prone To? – Complaints about the Toronto Transit Commission lead to moderate usage:

To watch TTC chair Giambrone stand up at last night’s public consultation gathering at Danforth Collegiate and try to calm the restive crowd with talk of a process now in motion to review how the commission engages with the public on matter like these only begs the question a reporter on The Simpsons asked when Krusty the Clown announced his retirement: Why now, Krusty? Why not 20 years ago?

That’s close, the actual quote is, “But Krusty, why now?  Why not twenty years ago?” 

in case you didn’t know – This graph with all the voice actors and the characters they play made the rounds this week.  It’s pretty neat. 

Señor Burns: The Loveable Villain from The Simpsons – Click through for a sweet fan made drawing of Mr. Burns. 

Homer Simpson sports ‘ganja hands’ – Note the “Puff” tattoo on Homer’s thigh. 

Edible Icing Image for Cake – Bart Simpson – Planning on making a birthday cake in New Zealand in the near future?  Consider making it a Bart Simpson birthday cake.

FOX Announces Fall Premiere Dates – Ugh, Season 22 gets its premier date.  Mark your calendars folks, the blissful summer respite from new Zombie Simpsons comes to a crashing halt on Sunday, September 26th.  That’s ten weeks from this Sunday. 

The Big Stein is eating a calzone in heaven. – And finally, the only look back on the life of George Steinbrenner that includes this excellent YouTube of Burns and Don Mattingly: