Reading Digest: Pro Sports Edition

Lisa on Ice6

“Mom, this is really scary.  I’m going to get my first F ever.” – Lisa Simpson
“Cheer up, so you’re not good at sports.  It’s a very small part of life.” – Marge Simpson
“Sports, sports, sports, sports, sports, sports, sports, sports.” – Homer Simpson

Sometimes The Simpsons helps explain sports, and sometimes sports takes after The Simpsons.  This week there’s a bit of both as we’ve got a sideburns related NBA trade theory, an NHL goalie whose keen on Flanders, some excellent NFL lockout related usage, and an explanation for Bart’s birthday that involves soccer.  In addition to those, there’s some regular usage, a couple of cool fan made things, a couple of bizarre links I can hardly describe, and a person who has seen the light thanks to our incessant bitching about Zombie Simpsons.  Praise Jebus!  Oh, and anyone reading this who is or was a teenage girl, prepare to clutch your Trapper Keeper: it’s the real Cory Hotline! 


I Chew-Chew-Choose You – Smooth Charlie’s Link of the Week is this fan made rendition of everyone’s favorite valentine:

This is a semi original concept I drew up based off of a Valentines day card Ralph gave Lisa on the Simpsons. It’s a little late for VD, but it’s infectious non-the-less. *snicker/snort* a little zombie humor for ya…


Gory, Story, Allegory – It’s too horrible, you cannot look away:

In the category of things I saw on The Simpsons without realizing they were real, here’s a commercial that I somehow missed seeing when Corey Haim died.

I knew there was a hotline, I didn’t know how awful the commercial was. 

The Day Twitter Gave Birth to Bart Simpson – Our friend Denise Du Vernay, of that Simpsons in the classroom book, took the time to figure out why Twitter mysteriously decided it was Bart’s birthday a couple of weeks ago.  The answer involves soccer, an ambiguous tweet, and herd mentality. 

Project 365 – day 28 – An incredible and creepy fan made photograph of a Mr. Burns doll titled “Nosferatu”.  Highly recommended. 

30 Burgers in 30 Days: Mom’s Burgers in Compton (Day 20) – Excellent usage:

"If the paper turns clear," says Dr. Nick Riviera, holding up a fast-food wrapper, translucent with grease, "It’s your window to weight gain!"

The cheerfully incompetent doctor on The Simpsons would approve of Mom’s Burgers.

Now I’m hungry.

Life Decisions, As Explained By The Simpsons – YouTube of the dystopian nightmare of Lionel Hutz. 

Ay Carumba! – A fan made Bart . . . pinata?  The Flickr caption says it was to be burned at midnight, and it appears to be wishing everyone a happy 2011, so I don’t think “pinata” is the right word, but it’s pretty close (via rubbrcatsimp on Twitter).

The Case of Klipspringer’s Shoes–Part 2 of 3 – I’m not entirely sure what to make of this, but it does contain excellent usage from the focus group scene in “The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show” in regards to the end of “Huckleberry Finn”. 

0510 – This one I am entirely not sure what to make of.  There are animated .gifs with exposed boobs, pictures of girls in various states of undress, a sailing ship, and an animated .gif of someone in a Bart costume who appears to be selling pizza, chicken, used cars, drugs, or all of the above.  The internet wins again. 

Fuck Yeah Lisa Simpson – Another Lisa Tumblr, and though there is more Zombie Simpsons than I would like, it’s very cool nevertheless because, altogether now, “Fuck yeah, Lisa Simpson!” (via). 

Quotes on the NFL Labor Extension – Excellent usage in regards to the greed head owners and their lust for another hundred million dollars:

“Then it’s agreed: during the bargaining session, we each get two candy apples…all right, one candy and one caramel.” -Evan Conover, Undersecretary for International Protocol: Brat and Punk Division.

There’s a nice reference in the blog’s sub-head as well. 

LEAKED! Two And A Half Men FINALE! – My apathy about celebrity news means I don’t care about that guy with my name and initials, but this is damn clever. 

Late Night Movie House of Crap: March Madness Edition – There’s some interesting YouTube here, but none more so than the Russian knockoff of MST3K that comes complete with obligatory YouTube of Worker & Parasite.  Why does the Russian Doctor Forrester have a Hitler mustache? 

The Issue Between Deron Williams and Jerry Sloan: Sideburns – This involves exactly the comparison you think it does, and includes side by side photographic evidence and YouTube. 

the nostalgia factor — pt. 1 – Our friends at Everything Simpsons look at nostalgia as seen through commercials (though one got pulled from YouTube).  And . . .

the nostalgia factor — pt. 2 – . . . crappy 90s merchandise. 

Picture Of The Day: Stupid Sexy Flanders – Colorado Avalanche goalie Peter Budaj has a shirt rippingly muscular Flanders on the back of his helmet. 

CJR Column Mentions The Simpsons – SEO is a modern evil, and only Harry Shearer can save us:

As the closest thing to a SEO peacemaker I found, Shearer gets the final, crossing-the-aisle word, contributing two more of his résumé entries in the hope of increasing readership: “Wait. Don’t call me a humorist. Mention The Simpsons and Spinal Tap,” he said, as he does multiple voices for the television show and was the bassist Derek Smalls in the classic mockumentary. “It’s better for SEO.”

Is there anything Shearer can’t do?  He’s giving Batman a run for his money at this point. 

When I Grow Up I Wanna Be – Comparing Mrs. Krabappel and Ida Blankenship from Mad Men as people who live well without being the center of attention. 

Goodbye, beer: On wife’s diet, I’m feeling ‘eliminated’ – This little piece of excellent usage goes so far as to include a link to YouTube:

What do I like to eat? Oh, I don’t know, how about steak, salmon, pasta, nachos, Reuben sandwiches, omelets, beer, scotch, coffee and basically anything that comes from what Homer Simpson would call that “wonderful, magical animal.”

Rupert Murdoch BSkyB takeover gets government go-ahead – BBC caught Kim Il-Murdoch with fingers tented in a very Mr. Burns kind of way.  Here the comparison is made explicit. 

The Simpsons – I don’t even know what language this is, but it’s got two shaky-cam YouTube videos from “Brother from the Same Planet”, demonstrating, once again, that The Simpsons is universal. 

Breaking Bald: TV’s 10 Best Bald Guys – Homer checks in at #2. 

Thursday recap and turning over a new leaf. – You can file this under solipsistic self congratulation if you want to, but there’s no way I’m not ending with it:

In other news, I am happy to announce that I have changed my outlook on The Simpsons. As followers of this blog (hi, mom and dad) will recall, the last time I mentioned The Simpsons it was to apologize for being too tough on the show and admit that the latest episode was fine. Oh, Lenny of four days ago, what a fool you were. Today I discovered Dead Homer Society, a fantastic blog dedicated to celebrating the amazing episodes of The Simpsons while harshly chastising seasons 12 and after, which Dead Homer Society calls “Zombie Simpsons.” I thank them for the term “Zombie Simpsons.” I’ve been complaining about “recent Simpsons” since around 2000 and the term has been getting increasingly inaccurate. Anyway, while I’ve generally leaned towards the Simpsons-hasn’t-been-good-since-season-eight side of things, I’ve always felt extremely guilty whenever I encounter someone who still gives it a chance. They make me feel as though I am a Scrooge who is trying to rob people of joy and as though I must love The Simpsons less because I haven’t stuck with it. And this guilt has made me feel I need to overcompensate and essentially go easy on Zombie Simpsons– fighting my urge to hate everything that doesn’t live up to past seasons by leaning too far in the other direction. But, this lenient policy stops today. Dead Homer Society perfectly explains why Zombie Simpsons can’t be tolerated here. Point being: This blog will no longer be congratulating The Simpsons writers every time they come up with something that’s about as good as an average Cleveland Show episode.

Single tear.

4 Responses to “Reading Digest: Pro Sports Edition”

  1. 1 P. Piggly Hogswine
    6 March 2011 at 2:08 am

    My favourite episode. And yet, I would say there’s at least 15 funnier quotes in the episode, as brilliant as the above passage is. Happy days.

    • 2 P. Piggly Hogswine
      12 March 2011 at 7:25 am

      BAH! The above was supposed to have been posted under the ‘Kamp Krusty’ QOTD. I have only myself to blame.

  2. 3 lennyburnham
    11 March 2011 at 6:37 pm


    Thank you for the link! I’ve been wanting to comment on this post for a while, but have been intimidated. I’m new to blogging and I’m definitely an admirer of DHS. Reading through the old posts has really helped pass the time at my desk job. I especially like the synergy ones. Keep up the good work.

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