Reading Digest: Shockingly Crappy Merchandise Edition

Mother Simpson8

“Take out wrenched ankle . . . Mom!  Mom!  Moooom!” – Homer Simpson

This week there are two examples of stunningly terrible merchandise, a Simpsons themed Operation game, and some USB flash drives that are so hideous that they might actually be knockoffs (official merchandise is often so terrible that it can be hard to tell the difference).  In addition to that, there’s a lot of usage, only a one Olympics link, a revival of the “Black Bart” t-shirt, and a couple of people who agree with us.


[Programming Note the First: Due to schedule conflicts, there will be no Crazy Noises next week.  However, since we’ve arrived at the heart of darkness of Season 11, I am planning to do Compare & Contrast posts on both the death of Maude Flanders and the jockey elves.]

[Programming Note the Second: After last week’s little setback, Box Score Cinema will return to the new site this afternoon at 4pm with Total Recall 2: Recall Harder.]

100 Simpsons Quotes, In Order Of Importance – This was making the rounds on Twitter earlier this week, and is indeed very impressive.  Many of the quotes are off, but that’s okay.  There are a lot of them, and there’s nary a Zombie Simpsons cut to offend the eye.

MCB REMAKES: Simpsons – Bart vs. The Space Mutants Remake (NES) – Reader DDCecil sent this one in, and as the link is in Spanish, I’ll let him explain:

An online friend of mine, Macbee from Brazil, has been taking old Nintendo title screens based on licenses, and updating them to look like their real life counterparts. Here’s one for The Simpsons: Bart vs the Space Mutants

It’s dead on.  I love the internet. 

Intro to TV Culture – This segues into YouTube from the box factory:

I can watch The Simpsons with my seven-year-old nephew and my dear old, highbrow dad. I really can’t praise The Simpsons highly enough, and I’ll cut myself off here before I start an essay on the cleverness of the writers, and the boundary pushing, and even the artwork, and the….

It is good beyond words, nothing more need be said.

Mishka ‘Gold Digger Black Bart Simpson’ Tee Shirt ft Kanye West – The return of Black Bart on a t-shirt almost had to involve Kanye West, didn’t it?

Tea with Chris: ‘Is Your Hate Pure?’ – I know that I’m hardly unbiased, and that I sound like a broken record when I say it, but The Simpsons really doesn’t get enough credit for being way ahead of the curve on gay acceptance:

Being a member of the cohort that learned about queerness from John Waters’ Simpsons cameo, this was the second thing: “Friends? Ha! These are my only friends: Grown-up nerds like Gore Vidal. And even he’s kissed more boys than I ever will.”

TV Seasons by Quality – Celebrity Pictures, Lol Celebs and Funny Actor and Actress Photos – This got linked in a few places this week.  Without commenting on their evaluations of other shows, the high plateau for The Simpsons doesn’t last nearly long enough, and Zombie Simpsons is severely overrated.

Simpsons1: Maggie Simpson Cubee by ~TheFlyingDachshund on deviantART – Pretty much what it says.  Print it, cut it, fold it, and you’re done.

Buy Operation Simpsons – Major Krusty Brand Seal of Approval on this one.  It’s $50(!), for a shitty game where you get electrical shocks, but the cover image is actually kinda funny.

vw online shop – Awful looking cartoon character USB thumb drives, including a cross eyed Maggie, a Krusty who looks like he’s got Stage 3 cancer, and a way off color Marge.

Simpsons – Australia & Beer – A screen grab collection of Marge’s attempt to order coffee in Australia.

Ryan Lochte…In 10 Words – Our national supply of mutant swimmers is apparently inexhaustible.

Dressage…In 10 Words – He’s certainly tamed that horse, but what man could tame him?

A 10 Word Tribute to Gore Vidal – Thanks go to our old friend John Hugar for pointing this out on Twitter, but even though Vidal did a guest voice on Zombie Simpsons, the quick mention of him in “Summer of 4 Ft 2” (and “Krusty Gets Busted”) was invoked many, many, many more times this week.  Guest voice on Zombie Simpsons?  Nobody cares.  Mentioned on The Simpsons?  People will remember after you’re dead. 

Mark Finds the Final Witness’ Donnah Winger Murder Funny? – Yeah, it’s funny:

The story unfolds gradually along with the audience being informed of Mark’s background, including his job and the location in which he lived.

My Mark says, “You’ve got to be kidding me. He’s a Safety Inspector at the nuclear plant living in Springfield? If his name was Homer it would be perfect.”

Getting Educated – A rather heartwarming tale of a kid impressing the hell out of his classmates with dead on Simpsons knowledge.

Saturday AM – Homer abed in “Homer the Heretic”.  We’ve all been there, but sooner or later everyone’s bladder betrays them.

Living Off the Game Grid – Cool:

The pre-show for “TRON” (Steven Lisberger, 1982) is no exception. Two video clips caught my eye in particular: “Homer3,” from The Simpsons’ “Treehouse of Horror VI” (1995), and “Scooter Computer and Mr. Chips” from “Schoolhouse Rock!” (1982-1984). On the run from Patty and Selma Bouvier (Julie Kavner), Homer flees into a mysterious land through a portal behind a bookcase where he is transformed into a 3D computer-generated character. Homer describes the world he has entered as looking like something from “TRON,” to which the majority of Springfield’s citizens, gathered in the Simpson living room, admit to never having seen. Chief Wiggum (Hank Azaria), who at first confesses that he has watched “TRON,” sheepishly recants.

Edna Krabappel vs Marge Simpson by ~jobberman214 on deviantARTI bet when you got up this morning you didn’t think you’d see a cartoon of Marge and Edna drawn as professional wrestlers, did you?

Dealing with the Devil: Professor Explores Contracts with The Prince of Darkness in Popular Culture – Excellent reference:

Homer eats all but the final bite, realizing that finishing it would seal the pact. Later that night, however, he inadvertently eats the last piece as a midnight snack. When devil reappears to claim his due, Homer’s wife, Marge, eventually stops Satan by pointing out that Homer pledged his soul to her years ago on their wedding day, thereby rendering the contract with the devil invalid.

"Marge says ‘I own Homer’s soul. He can’t give it away.’ And so the devil concedes," said University of Virginia law professor John Setear. "The devil is [Homer’s evangelical neighbor] Ned Flanders, by the way."

Homer Simpson was right! – Excellent usage:

“Everyone knows rock attained perfection in 1974, it’s a scientific fact.”
– Homer Simpson

Everyone of a certain age is going to be nostalgic for the music of their youth. But even so, it’s hard to escape the conclusion that mainstream pop and rock has devolved significantly in the past 20-30 years.

Should We Embrace Our Vegetarian Past? – More excellent usage:

In a classic episode of The Simpsons titled “Lisa the Vegetarian,” Lisa Simpson has an argument with her father, Homer, over why he insists on serving meat at a party. Homer, rarely known for his intelligent retorts, responds in the following fashion, and coins a catchphrase in the process:

Lisa: Dad! Can’t you have some other type of party, one where you don’t serve meat?

Homer: “All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say ‘Yo Goober! Where’s the meat!?’. I’m trying to impress people here Lisa. You don’t win friends with salad.”

Mmmm Donuts – It’s a Pokemon joke and it’s dumb, but still.

Wi-Fi local to where I am. Cool idea, or the first step in a federal agent getting fired? – My next WiFi network will be named “Flowers By Irene”.

The Simpsons Arcade Game – A video game review that agrees with us:

Out of the character/show/cartoon/comic book themed beat ‘em up games The Simpsons is definitely one of my faves, even though I no longer watch the show anymore.

Ice Age: Continental Drift (2012) (& The Longest Daycare) – I wholly agree with this:

Since it precedes a kids’ movie, The Longest Daycare is more family friendly than your average episode of The Simpsons (thought the Ayn Rand jokes are sure to soar over the heads of the wee ones). It is pretty funny though and strengthens my arguments for more cartoons before movies.

Hear that, studios?  More cartoons before movies, please. 

Cry me a river!: Tim’s top five tear jerkers – Among some other pop culture greats is “And Maggie Makes Three”.

We saw a grackle! – Someone actually did:

Not that grackles are at all uncommon, but every time I see one, I laugh and think of The Simpsons.

Good Show! (Or, What’s Wrong With The Simpsons) – And finally, I get to end the way I prefer, with someone that agrees with us:

Perhaps it’s best encapsulated in this quote by Lisa Simpson back in Season 2:

    I heard you last night, Bart. You prayed for this. Now your prayers have been answered. I’m no theologian. I don’t know who or what God is exactly. All I know is he’s a force more powerful than Mom and Dad put together and you owe him big.

Would you ever hear that from Lisa in one of the later seasons? You would not. Why? Because Lisa has moved from being a brilliantly smart little girl to a pointy-haired midget channeling the whiny liberal indignation of Bill Maher.
Is there anything wrong with Lisa as she is today? Not really, no. If that’s who her character is, then that’s who her character is- only the hitch here is that’s not who Lisa started off as.

Perfectly quoted, and dead on.

8 Responses to “Reading Digest: Shockingly Crappy Merchandise Edition”

  1. 1 Chris
    3 August 2012 at 1:59 pm

    “Would you ever hear that from Lisa in one of the later seasons? You would not. Why? Because Lisa has moved from being a brilliantly smart little girl to a pointy-haired midget channeling the whiny liberal indignation of Bill Maher.”

    Not only that, but look at how childish her sentiment is in that quote. “more powerful than mom and dad put together.” Only a child would judge the power of God as related to the power of their parents, and sometime around season 9 Bart and Lisa ceased being children.

    I tend to think Lisa the Vegetarian is the episode where her character went downhill. It’s undoubtedly a great episode, but it opened the door for all of her liberal whininess. I suppose all of this would have happened anyways, and it’s better that her vegeterianism was handled by a professional writing staff and not the amateurs that would populate the show a few seasons later, but I’ve never been completely comfortable with that episode. It’s really a great example of how Zombie Simpsons affects the way you watch the classic seasons, because you see little things here or there that would spring up to become huge problems later.

  2. 3 August 2012 at 6:52 pm

    To be fair, Gore Vidal’s appearance was the best part of that episode.

    And I’ll be honest that I clicked that “Getting Educated” link thinking that someone I knew from high school wrote something about me. I had the same kind of impact.

    • 3 John Hugar
      4 August 2012 at 4:02 am

      Yeah, I actually don’t mind that episode. It’s probably above average for Zombie Simpsons standards, and the line about getting the title for Burr from an Eskimo pie wrapper was pretty good. Actually, I liked Tom Wolfe’s appearance, too (“He uses more exclamation points than any other author.” “It’s true!”). I was just pointing than Zombie Simpsons episodes tend to be quickly forgotten – even when they’re actually watchable – while the classics live on forever.

  3. 4 abra cadaver
    4 August 2012 at 2:08 am


  4. 7 Tim M
    4 August 2012 at 9:50 am

    That page is in Portuguese, the native language of Brazil, not Spanish.

Comments are currently closed.


deadhomersociety (at) gmail

Run a Simpsons site or Twitter account? Let us know!

Twitter Updates

The Mob Has Spoken

Fuck the duck until… on Hey, Everybody! Zombie Simpson…
Big John's Breakfast… on Hey, Everybody! Zombie Simpson…
Relatives Dude on Hey, Everybody! Zombie Simpson…
Mr Incognito on Hey, Everybody! Zombie Simpson…
Zombie Sweatpants on Hey, Everybody! Zombie Simpson…
Bleeding Unprofitabl… on Hey, Everybody! Zombie Simpson…
Red sus on Quote of the Day
Rick on Quote of the Day
cm5675 on Quote of the Day
Bleeding Gums Murphy on Quote of the Day

Subscribe to Our Newsletter


Useful Legal Tidbit

Even though it’s obvious to anyone with a functional frontal lobe and a shred of morality, we feel the need to include this disclaimer. This website (which openly advocates for the cancellation of a beloved television series) is in no way, shape or form affiliated with the FOX Network, the News Corporation, subsidiaries thereof, or any of Rupert Murdoch’s wives or children. “The Simpsons” is (unfortunately) the intellectual property of FOX. We and our crack team of one (1) lawyer believe that everything on this site falls under the definition of Fair Use and is protected by the First Amendment to the United States Constitution. No revenue is generated from this endeavor; we’re here because we love “The Simpsons”. And besides, you can’t like, own a potato, man, it’s one of Mother Earth’s creatures.

%d bloggers like this: