Quote of the Day

“What religion are you?” – Bart Simpson
“You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don’t work out in real life, uh . . . Christianity.” – Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“Whoa, where’s your helmet, son?” – Soapbox Derby Racing Official
“Helmets are for wusses, sir.” – Bart Simpson
“No, I don’t think I can let you go without a safety helmet.” – Soapbox Derby Official
“This is my son, and if he doesn’t want to wear one, you can’t make him.” – Homer Simpson
“Okay, fine, I want to get out of here sometime today.” – Soapbox Derby Official

Reading Digest: President Wolfcastle Edition

“Welcome back to Before They Were Famous.  We all know Ranier Wolfcastle as the star of the blockbuster McBain movies, but here’s his first appearance in a commercial in his native Austria.” – Before They Were Famous Host
“Mein bratwurst has a first name, it’s F-R-I-T-Z.  Mine bratwurst has a second name it’s S-C-H-N-A-C-K-E-N-P-F-E-F-F-E-R-H-A-U-S-E-N.” – Ranier Wolfcastle

We’ve got two links about President Schwarzenegger in the movie this week.  Those were some of the best parts, but to this day it remains a mark of how timidly they made the thing that they didn’t have him named President Wolfcastle.  Did someone really think that people – who are paying to see a damn Simpsons movie – wouldn’t understand who the giant dude with the Austrian accent was?  Weird.  In addition to that we’ve got a FOX promotional video that is funny both intentionally and unintentionally, more about Bartkira, a video game video, more Simpsons college mascots, an unusual comparison of Edgar Allen Poe and the show, and someone who specifically agrees with us.

Enjoy.

(Today is also the release of issue #3 at the spinoff site.  Lotta good articles about television this time: Community, Bates Motel, and House of Cards all get looked at, and our cover image is an exclusive peek at Game of Thrones as it appeared in 1635.)

A Day in the Life with Yeardley Smith – This is a promotional YouTube video put out by FOX:

A few fun things:

• They had to blur out the Toyota logo on Smith’s steering wheel, you know, in case the world thought Toyota paid for this or something.
• Is that a Windows XP screen saver in the writers room?  Nice.
• Jean’s deadpan delivery is excellent.
• Matt Selman, funny guy: “We try not to do cliches on the Simpsons”.  Ha!  Good one, Matt!
• Yeardley Smith, actually funny: “This is my office, where some days I just feel like I’m pretending.”

Akira-Meets-The-Simpsons Gets a Full Cast. It Might Surprise You. – The cast of the Simpsons-Akira thing from last week laid out in convenient graphical form.

‘The Simpsons’ voice actor Harry Shearer talks at Loyola April 8 – If you’re in New Orleans, this’ll probably be fun:

Harry Shearer, the legendary bassist in the 1984 rock and roll mockumentary “This is Spinal Tap” and the voice of more than 20 characters on the hit animated sitcom “The Simpsons,” will discuss the evolution of his career at a forum at Loyola University New Orleans Monday, April 8 at 5 p.m.

[…]

the forum will feature clips from Shearer’s iconic television and film performances, including “This is Spinal Tap,” “Saturday Night Live” and “A Mighty Wind.” The event will also include never before seen footage from “Unwigged and Unplugged,” the 25th anniversary Spinal Tap concert tour film that was produced and directed by Gabour.

Every Videogame from The Simpsons – This is a College Humor video that charts video games in the show.  (Though it doesn’t actually have “Every” one.)  It’s amusing on its own, but more so when you notice that it’s a three minute video that runs to about the two minute mark before it gets to Zombie Simpsons, of which there are more than twice as many episodes.  (And that doesn’t change the fact that they play Lee Carvallo’s Putting Challenge over the credits.)  I don’t think Zombie Simpsons has that many fewer games in it, I just think the College Humor people didn’t want to bother slogging through it.  (Thanks to @PepCulture!)

Gary Panter Draws Bart Simpson – Cool:

So I apologize for the size of this image but I thought it was so cool it deserved posting anyway: this is a drawing of Bart from “The Simpsons” by the astonishing Gary Panter; part of a subset of “Arty Art” chase cards from one of the Simpsons trading card sets. By far the best one, in my humble opinion. Thought you’d enjoy.

Little-known fact: Panter and Matt Groening are great friends;

Click through for the image and the full story.

The Simpsons Couch Gag Supercut – I will let the link explain itself:

This is the Supercut I made for University, displaying a small portion of the good old episode of The Simpsons. I did have more material to use, but I didn’t want it to be too long.

It goes through what looks like about the middle of Season 4 with couch gags, and it’s strangely mesmerizing.

The Simpsons – drawing time lapse – What it says, gets more fun to watch near the end as your eyes have to hunt for the little changes in shading and color.

LEGO The Simpsons coming in 2014? – The Simpsons-Lego thing is still just a rumor, but a Lego blog has helpfully scrounged up some images of what they might look like.

Which Simpsons character is your alma mater? – In addition to the Big Ten, there’s now similar lists for the ACC and Big XII, and a gag one about the SEC.  West Virginia and TCU are pretty good, but why on earth is Frink Duke?  Duke should be the blue haired lawyer or possibly Burns.

MMV: Do the Bartman – A short dissection of the Bartman video.  I never noticed this:

The animation directors who normally worked on the show did not want to do the video; they needed to remain focused on episodes. So it was given to a relative newcomer, a man who had only one TV episode to his directing resume at the time: Brad Bird. Bird, of course, would go on to direct the feature films The Iron Giant, The Incredibles, and Ratatouille.

Brad Bird, is there anything he can’t do?

Don Payne dies at 48; ‘Simpsons’ writer and producer – Payne was on board for the last year of the show, worked on Zombie Simpsons for a while and then wrote movies.  Condolences.

17 Times The Simpsons Copied Famous Movies – This is just a comparison, and for some reason includes one image from Zombie Simpsons, but it’s a pretty good one and comes with several neat animated .gifs.

Books to read when you are in a funk – A discussion of Poe that mentions the show without mentioning “The Raven” segment:

I am sure that when these stories were written in the 1840s, they probably were quite shocking and disturbing, but I didn’t find them as grisly as I expected them to be. This could be for a number of reasons.

A) I think that, generally, we are less sensitized to violence these days. For example, I watched ‘An Interview with a Vampire’ for the first time the other week (I know, where have I been). It is rated as an 18, but to be honest the violence (a bit of blood trickling from a bite and the odd decapitation) is no worse than that seen on ‘Itchy and Scratchy’ on ‘The Simpsons’.

I guess people really were easier to scare back then.

We Need to Talk About Sidewalks – True:

This is a phenomenon—you might have seen it—when a pack of young scallywags walk in a perfectly straight line across the sidewalk, taking up the entire path.

This can lead to two things.

One, I or another unsuspecting victim could end up stuck behind said group, likely walking at a pace comparable to a snail dragging a giant shame rock behind him [like Homer’s when the Stonecutters got all up in his grill] and forcing me to either go off roading or draft behind the slowest peloton in history.

Sidewalk’s for regular walking, not for fancy walking.

The Simpsons Family- A Drawing – Remember that kid who had only watched Season 11 and after from last week?  Well, he can draw pretty well.

3 of the Best vs 3 of the Worst – Fictional Movie Presidents. – President Shouldabeen-Wolfcastle makes both lists!  Well done.

The Nine Best Television Butt Antics – This is a pretty solid list, with Bart’s Nixon impression included in the title image.  I don’t know if it was limit one per show, but I’d definitely have included Homer’s impression of Mr. Burns.

The Croods…In 10 Words – Look, Maggie, they have a baby too.

Luigi’s Mansion…In 10 Words – Probably just Tim Conway.

Email Roundtable #20 – “I Take Thee, Rachel”: Our Favorite TV Weddings – Homer and Marge’s is on here, though I’ve always enjoyed Selma and Sideshow Bob’s too.  Where else can you find a loaded police revolver by the cake?

5 Great Fictional Bands – The Be Sharps handily make the list.

3/26: Some favorite things – Pretty much:

3. The Simpsons. When you can say, “Moe is their leader,” and get a good chuckle back, you know that a) you have an inextricable bond, and b) you have watched season 2 too often.

Also, there’s YouTube of Leonard Nimoy singing about Bilbo Baggins, which will never get old.

Internet Win of the Day: March 26 – Heh:

Just something I thought was awesome for reals …

I think Planters should Poochie up Mister Peanut & turn him into a rapper called P. Nutz

— Michael Kupperman (@MKupperman) March 26, 2013

As someone who has devoted his entire life to making Seinfeld references, I respect anyone who plies that craft in the service of the other great comedic television masterpiece of the ’90s, The Simpsons.

Pop 5: Cinematic Presidents – I’d agree with pretty much all of this:

While technically a real person, this is pretty much a fictional character. And while I think this concept is hilarious, I don’t understand why the President wasn’t fictional film actor Ranier Wolfcastle. As all Simpsons fans know, Ranier Wolfcastle is basically Arnold Schwarzenegger. In The Simpsons Movie, Shearer is doing the exact same character, but for some reason they decide to call him Arnold Schwarzenegger. Was this to relate more to an main stream audience? Whatever the case, he’s still really funny. And even though he has little screen time, Schwarzenegger makes his moments stick. His scenes are also enhanced by the villain, Russ Cargill, head of the EPA and voiced by Albert Brooks. There’s a lot that works about the Simpsons Movie, and a lot that doesn’t work. The scenes with President Arnold definitely work.

As mentioned above, he should’ve been named Wolfcastle, and his parts were among the better ones in the movie.

Bonestorming Your Way Through Life – And finally, not only do I get to end with someone who agrees with us, I get to end with a brand new Simpsons blog that really specifically agrees with us:

The Simpsons took their shot at the long-running series in “Marge Be Not Proud” –an episode that I have more familiarity than most other episodes due to it being, in the era preceeding Netflix and rampant DVD release, one of like three episodes that I had managed to record off of TV during the show’s nightly airing. The episode is an oddity in The Simpsons’s history. Situated in the middle of seventh season, “Marge Be Not Proud” is right in the middle of the series’ tallest years –arguable, but in this writer’s estimation, we’re talking seasons 3-10, here –yet seems to, rather suddenly, get extremely moral-centered –i.e stealing is bad. Considering you have Homer Simpson wailing on former president George H. W. Bush just two episodes later, this heavy-handed inclusion can leave you with the same confusion you might have if Rayden started shooting unicorns from his fingertips instead of lightning.

Amen.  It is, as I’ve said many times, a true oddity in Season 7.

Quote of the Day

“Muntz, Nelson, you’re failing history, geography and math, but you’re doing quite well in home ec.” – Principal Skinner
“Hey, keep it down, man.” – Nelson Muntz

Quote of the Day

♫“The nanny we want is kindly and sage . . .” – Lisa Simpson
“And one who will work for minimum wage.”♫ – Homer Simpson

Happy birthday Alf Clausen!

Quote of the Day

“Homer, please don’t make me choose between my man and my God, because you just can’t win.” – Marge Simpson
“There you go again, always taking someone else’s side: Flanders, the water department, God.” – Homer Simpson

Happy birthday George Meyer!

Quote of the Day

“Oh, it’s a miracle no one was hurt.” – Principal Skinner
“I stand on my record: fifteen crashes and not a single fatality.” – Otto

Quote of the Day

“Uh-oh, it’s the fe-mailman.” – Bart Simpson
“Fe-mail carrier, Bart.” – Lisa Simpson

Quote of the Day

“Hey, Martin.” – Bart Simpson
“Bart?  This is the first time anyone has ever sat next to me since I successfully lobbied to have the school day extended by twenty minutes.” – Martin Prince

Quote of the Day

“Roger Meyers senior, the gentle genius behind Itchy and Scratchy, loved and cared about almost all the peoples of the world.  And he, in return, was beloved by the world, except in 1938 when he was criticized for his controversial cartoon Nazi Supermen Are Our Superiors.” – Roger Meyers Story Narrator

Reading Digest: Great (And Not) Songs Edition

“Singing is the lowest form of communication.” – Homer Simpson
“Homer, you sing all the time.” – Marge Simpson
“No, I don’t.  I hate to rhyme.” – Homer Simpson

The first item this week isn’t even a link, it’s just a cute dog sent in by reader David:

I just got a new French bulldog puppy not too long ago and of course named her “Beatrice Simmons” after my 2nd favorite episode next to “Lisa’s Substitute”.

Aww:

I bet Audrey Meadows would love that.  (Good work, David.)

In terms of regular stuff this week, we’ve got musical entertainment all over the place.  There’s a fan made song about Milhouse, plus a list of some of the current show’s writer’s favorite songs (unsurprisingly, there is way too much Zombie Simpsons), and someone who was inspired by that to break out two old Simpsons CDs.  In addition to all that, we’ve got a Simpsons sand sculpture, Vulture magazine trolling the internet, a poor soul who’s mostly seen Season 11 and later, and an interview with Jay Kogen that would’ve been longer except that the Huffington Post is run by monkeys.  

Enjoy.

Artist organizing ‘Simpsons’ and ‘Akira’ mash-up – Smooth Charlie’s Link of the Week is this call to action:

“Milhouse is Kaneda. Lisa is Kei. Bart is Tetsuo,” Harvey posted on his blog. “Let’s do it.”

The idea all started when artist Ryan Humphrey posted an impromptu short mash-up of the two, provoking Harvey to take that errant idea and turn it into a full-scale project with different artist drawing different portions of the book. Harvey is taking submissions from artists at bartkiracommittee@gmail.com. He’ll choose the artists, and give each a five-page segment of the story and guidelines of which Akira characters match up with which Simpsons characters.

As for the $64,000 question that all of you are no doubt asking, Harvey was upfront about the legality. “Since it’ll be non-profit, parody/satire, crowdsourced and distributed peer-to-peer, I feel like it’s juuust on the right side of the legal grey area it inhabits,” Harvey explained. “If not — let’s do it anyway. I’ll take the rap.”

I cannot draw, and I’ve only ever seen the Akira movie, but many of you who read this site can draw and have read the books, so there you go.  Click here to see the original images.  Damn good idea.

This song about Milhouse from The Simpsons will bring a tear to your eye – This was making the rounds earlier this week, and deserves the full embed treatment because it is awesome:

The young lady on the left there has an album coming out soon, and (h/t to @dailysimpsons) also has a song about Grimes:

Excellent.

My Favorite ‘Throwaway’ Simpsons Joke – While we’re on the subject of Milhouse, YouTube of “guess who likes you”. 

Playwrights Horizons Season To Range from Simpsons to Kama Sutra – Everybody’s favorite post-apocalyptic Simpsons play is coming to New York City:

The season will begin with “Mr. Burns, A Post-Electric Play,” a post-apocalyptic tale by Anne Washburn about a future in which the “Cape Feare” episode of the “The Simpsons” is all that remains of Western literature. The play was unveiled last year at Woolly Mammoth Theater Company in Washington, D.C., to good reviews. The New York production will have the same director, Steve Cosson, and previews start Aug. 23.

It’ll probably make it out here to the provinces shortly before the actual apocalypse. 

‘Simpsons’ Writer Reveals Origin Of Bart’s Hair – A short video interview with Jay Kogan about James L. Brooks.  There’s a link to a longer (30 minute) interview that I couldn’t get to work in Firefox or IE because – holy shit – “Huffpost Live” is the worst designed video site I’ve seen since about 2003.  It’s cluttered, confusing, plays something (not necessarily the video you want) as soon as the page opens, and has all kinds of other problems I thought the internet had overcome a long time ago.  Jebus. 

Ned Flanders – It’s Pronounced SHAH-DAY ep by Llama Farm Recordings – There’s someone calling himself Ned Flanders putting pretty decent house music on Soundcloud.  That is all. 

The Big Ten Conference (2014 version) – From reddit comes this rather good image:

Barney as Wisconsin is my favorite, though the whole thing is a bit spoiled by using that lame Zombie Simpsons turtle instead of, say, the one Homer kicks in “El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer”.

There is no flaw in the Simpsons – Speaking of reddit, Bill Oakley tweeted this earlier this week.  It’s true, there is no flaw. 

Hallelujah. S1 – Best door ever. 

Steve Hummer: So many Halls of Fame to visit – Excellent usage:

“The Simpsons” has taught us so much through the years. On the big subjects such as child-rearing, work ethic and diet. And on matters as seemingly trivial as appreciating our nation’s obscure sporting shrines.

“Homer,” Marge Simpson asked her husband in one episode, “do you remember our last family vacation when you made us go to the Bowlers’ Hall of Fame in St. Louis, Mo., so you could see that car shaped like a giant bowling pin?”

“Remember?” Homer answered. “Who could forget?”

I am proud to say I, too, have made that pilgrimage, and thrilled to the story of the late Don Carter’s rise from humble pinsetter to champion to Paula Sperber’s husband.

Perfectly quoted and highly apt. 

If I could turn back time… – Don’t think I’ve ever seen the episode, but that’s a pretty decent joke:

As Lisa Simpson said to Professor Frink’s Dad when he was brought back to life in Treehouse of Horror XIV, ”Sir your son has brought you into the twenty-first century. It’s a lot like the twentieth but everyone’s afraid and the stock market is much lower.”

It’s even aged well.

Bubble Bath Decapitations • Bart Simpson – Heh. 

"Mr. Burns" Presides Over Trial of "Bart Simpson" – Via @rubbercatsimp comes this amusing real life crime story:

But given enough time, at least some subset of all possible events will obviously happen, and some of them will be extremely unlikely. And so it was that on Monday, "Barton Simpson" stood trial before "Mr. Burns":

Few details were available, but according to this report Simpson was charged with possessing a prohibited firearm at Birmingham Airport last year, but pleaded not guilty. (So this may have been only a preliminary hearing, not a trial.) A court worker was quoted as saying, "It’s a bizarre coincidence that Bart Simpson is actually on trial in front of Mr Burns but it’ll proceed as any other criminal case would." Did a reporter actually ask something like, "How will the proceedings change given the fact that two of the participants share names with characters in an American cartoon?"

I guess that’s not impossible, it just seems really unlikely.

Sitcom Smackdown Finals: Cheers vs. The Simpsons – Vulture decided that The Simpsons was the best sitcom.  I did not need to be told that.

The Simpsons’ Writers Pick Their Favorite Songs – And then Al Jean showed up at Vulture to take victory lap and try to slip some Zombie Simpsons songs into a list of best Simpsons songs.  Nice try, Al, and while it’s not scientific or anything, this reader list that comments on yours doesn’t contain anything from Zombie Simpsons. 

Songs in the Key of Springfield & Go Simpsonic with The Simpsons – This is short, so I’m going to quote it in its entirety:

Yesterday, The Ten Best Simpsons Songs, As Picked by the Show’s Writers showed up in my Twitter feed. There are some fine songs in that list, but there are also some fine songs mentioned in the comments section to the story that were left off of the list, too. So, I pulled out my Simpsons CDs for my drive today. It was a pretty good time. I’d like to tell you that I am embarrassed that I know the words to all of the songs, but I’m not. Not one bit.

Neither is anyone else here.  The track lists are just a murderer’s row of stuff from the show, and you get things like that demo singer version of the garbage man song with the extra verse about Milhouse’s parents getting divorced.  

18 Academic Papers About ’90s TV Shows – There are two about 9the show on here, one titled (via) “From the Simpsons to the Bundys: A critical analysis of disrespectful discourse in television narratives”.  Now that’s my kind of science. 

The Best Sitcoms of the Past 30 Years – And as always, the Cost of Zombie Simpsons is borne by the young:

The past few weeks, Vulture has been has been having a bracket-style “Sitcom Smackdown” to determine the best sitcom of the the past 30 years.  Yesterday, The Simpons was chosen as the winner.  Today, however, Arrested Development was crowned in the readers’ bracket.  Here’s how I how I would have ranked the shows that were in contention.

[…]

4. The Simpsons (started watching regularly in season 11, seen a handful of episodes from before then)

That’s just tragic, like watching the Star Wars prequels only or something. 

You’re running a marathon! Ha! Ha! – This sign is exactly what you want to see around Mile 20 or so.  (Thanks, Jill!)

Simpsons: Tapped Out…In 10 Words – I have selected power drive.

The Incredible Burt Wonderstone…In 10 Words – So much nicer than the savagery of the jungle, ja? 

Leprechaun (movie)…In 10 Words – He tells me to burn things.

“Numero Uno” and “Due” – Excellent Simpsons art of Homer made from . . . words, or printing press letters, something.  Credited as “Mixed media by Barbara Guolo”.  Well done.

The Mercedes G63 AMG 6×6 vs. The Simpsons’ Canyonero: Which Is the Badass-est? – Mercedes has created a six wheeled monstrosity, this is a comparison.  They should’ve made it two lanes wide. 

Horror Story – An unfortunate bathroom encounter punctuated by a great YouTube of Homer’s screams set to the Simpsons tune. 

UltChart Tweets For 16 March 2013 – UK/US/Aus No1s on this day – Here’s something I didn’t know:

22 years ago this week (1991) ♫ The Simpsons – Do the Bartman♫ topped the Australian Chart

Click through for YouTube of that and other hits. 

Cake Bart Simpson – Lini Geriana – No idea what language this is, but it’s a rather cute Bart cake, and that needs no translation. 

Diary of an Arts Graduate #16 – Heh:

– A local Toronto resident is in the news because his name is Francis Pope. Reminded me of the episode where Homer Simpson becomes famous because he shares the same name with a popular television character, also named Homer Simpson. Never thought I’d see the day where instead of art imitating life, its life imitating The Simpsons.

Homer Simpson on the beach in Barcelona – Sand sculpture of Homer.

The Shining (1980) – A discussion of the movie that includes shaky cam YouTube of The Shinning with subtitles some language I can’t even identify. 

The Five Worst Musical Guests In Simpsons History – And finally, I get to end with someone who agrees with us.  After listing four pointless musical cameos from Zombie Simpsons, Kid Rock showing up in “Kill the Alligator and Run” checks in at #1:

Not only is the episode absolutely dreadful, and Kid Rock’s cameo completely pointless, but it marks the turning point when I personally realized that The Simpsons was never going to be a great show again. It came on the heels of a wildly successful run for the first nine seasons and even if Season 10 had its ups and downs, it seemed like the show could still rebound.

This episode, however, ended up being unwatchable. So congrats, Kid Rock. Whether you meant to or not, you will forever be associated in my mind with the day that one of the greatest shows of all time started to suck.

Amen.

Quote of the Day

“Marge, we’re going to that restaurant.” – Homer Simpson
“But I think I’m allergic to seafood.  The last time I ate shrimp my throat closed up and I went into convulsions.” – Marge Simpson
“Mmmm, shrimp.” – Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“Uh, sorry, you’ve got to be a pilot to drink in here.” – The Little Black Box Bartender
“But I am a pilot.” – Homer Simpson
“Where’s your uniform?” – The Little Black Box Bartender
“Um, I stowed it safely in the overhead compartment.” – Homer Simpson
“Well, you talk the talk.  Here’s a loaner.” – The Little Black Box Bartender

Quote of the Day

“Any other questions?” – Box Factory Manager
“When will we be able to see a finished box, sir?” – Martin Prince
“We don’t assemble them here.  That’s done in Flint, Michigan.” – Box Factory Guy

Quote of the Day

“Son, you’ve got to marry that girl.” – Abe Simpson
“Because it’s the honorable thing to do?” – Homer Simpson
“No!  Because you’ll never do any better.” – Abe Simpson

Quote of the Day

“Don’t be scared, Dad.  It’s not so hard taking care of us.” – Lisa Simpson
“Lisa, I’m not scared.  I think it’s a great chance to spend some time with you kids.  Your mother always gets to be alone with you, and now it’s my turn. . . . Does the time always drag like this?” – Homer Simpson

Sunday Preview: Dark Knight Court

In the episode, Bart is falsely accused of pulling an Easter prank involving the school marching band and stuffing rotten eggs in the brass section’s horns, and Lisa must step in as his attorney to defend her brother. Meanwhile, Mr. Burns attempts to fulfill his lifelong dream of becoming a superhero, Fruit Bat Man.

Ok, I would be fine with the prank,  and I can look the other way that Bart isn’t actually the culprit and is still being blamed, although I imagine it will be a scene filled with sympathy horns. I could even pretend to stomach the inevitable court room scene (which must be where they’re sticking guest star Janet Reno).  But Mr. Burns as a superhero? A superhero named Fruit Bat Man??   That dog won’t hunt, Monsignor.

 

 

Quote of the Day

“What was I laughing at, now?  Oh, yes, that crippled Irishman.” – C.M. Burns

Quote of the Day

“Forbes magazine called it the blunder of the century.  Little overblown, don’t you think?  What about New Coke?” – Herb Powell
“Hey, I invented that!” – Bum

Reading Digest: Sam Simon Rocks His Cancer Edition

“Now, a little death anxiety is normal.  You can expect to go through five stages.  The first is denial.” – Dr. Hibbert
“No way, because I’m not dying!” – Homer Simpson
“Second is anger.” – Dr. Hibbert
“Why you little!” – Homer Simpson
“After that comes fear.” – Dr. Hibbert
“What’s after fear?  What’s after fear?” – Homer Simpson
“Bargaining.” – Dr. Hibbert
“Doc, you gotta get me out of this.  I’ll make it worth your while.” – Homer Simpson
“Finally, acceptance.” – Dr. Hibbert
“Well, we all gotta go some time.” – Homer Simpson
“Mr. Simpson, your progress astounds me.” – Dr. Hibbert

The big, endlessly repeated Simpsons story this week was a piece of non-news: that there still isn’t a movie sequel in the works.  Groening and Silverman made an appearance and basically said that there are no plans right now for a second movie.  Since the pop-culture internet is often an inch deep/mile wide kind of affair, that became countless misleading headlines like this “The Simpsons Movie ‘ Sequel Should Be Here In ’10, 15 Years’”.  That’s not what they said at all, but run through copy & paste long enough, that’s what it becomes.  They said they weren’t working on a new one, which is unchanged from last year, and the year before that.  Carry on.

There was another piece of Simpsons news this week, though it didn’t get picked up in near as many places: Sam Simon has cancer, the really bad kind.  He announced it publicly on a radio show hosted by one of Howard Stern’s acolytes, and . . . well, you can listen for yourself.  Suffice to say, if cancer is what ends up getting me, I hope I handle it half as well as he is.  All the best to him. 

On more usual topics, we’ve got a beer review, the intentionally broken downside of “freemium” games, a great Homer cosplay, a Simpsons joke I’d never caught before, some Simpsons related roommate love, and a kid who wants to try out The Simpsons and needs some advice. 

Enjoy.

(Oh, and today is Issue #2 of the Ann Arbor Review of Books.  Get ’em while the pixels are still wet.)

Sam Simon announces he has colon-cancer on HOWARD 101 – The cancer part starts at the 6:30 mark:

I started to transcribe some of what he said, but it really doesn’t come across in print.  The radio guy is kinda flustered and screws up a few times, but Simon is laughing, bullshitting, and as at ease as it is possible for someone in his situation.  Sam Simon fucking owns. 

Matt Groening: ‘Simpsons’ Movie Follow-Up is Far, Far Away – No new movie is in the works.  We can all breathe easy, but if they wanted to make some more theatrical shorts, I’d be okay with that. 

Top 10 Simpsons Episodes – A great opening to a great list:

My forehead is creased beyond measure. Sweat pours of out my…uhh, pores. I grunt in frustration and viciously bite the end of my already well-chewed pen. I am trying to achieve the unachievable: narrow down my favourite Simpsons episodes.

It is very difficult, but this is a good one.  There’s is nothing from after Season 9 and it comes with quotes.  Bravo. 

Help Needed On Which Simpsons TV Series To Buy!!! – A young man asks a question:

I’ve been reading some Simpsons comics lately, and I was thinking that maybe I’d get a Simpsons DVD with some of my leftover birthday money (£40). I never knew there were over 30 series tho

Now, maybe the obvious thing to do would be to start with 1 and work my way through the series , but from a few reviews I’ve read, the first 5 or so series aren’t all that . I thought that maybe I’d start with Series 11 or 12?!

Which series do you advise I purchase? Which series was best in your opinion?

Fortunately several commenters over there already pointed him in the right direction (far, far away from “Series 11 or 12”).  Amazon UK would appear to have Season 2, Season 3, and Season 4 for £12 each, and that’d be my recommendation. 

Meme Monday: Milhouse is Not a Meme – Is Milhouse a meme?  Click through for the mildly amusing answer. 

Krusty the Clown and the Star of David – I never noticed that before either.  Well done, animators. 

Steve Carell’s Disappearing Act – A review of The Incredible Burt Wonderstone:

The movie is structured as though it’s an expanded Krusty the Clown episode of The Simpsons. At the start, Wonderstone stands near the top of his magician world. Thanks to hubris and bad investments, he loses everything, and then he has to claw back. This being a mainstream Hollywood comedy, there’s also a redemptive arc even more rote than the soundtrack cues, which include Us3’s "Cantaloop" and C+C Music Factory’s "Everybody Dance Now" with no apparent irony.

What is it with big studio comedies screwing up their third acts?

Homer fought bums. – I’m not a big fan of that episode, but this is damn true:

I love the moral at the end. It totally makes you forget how the episode was entirely about Homer fighting homeless people while Moe made bets on the side and attempted to get rich off the physical harm of a friend. As long as there is a moral at the end, you can do anything. Had it been real life? Moe would have let Homer get beaten to death and went on living his life rich as fuck.

That would’ve been a much better ending.

Kristen Stewart’s Twilight character, Bella Swan, beats Marge Simpson as she is named favourite movie mum! – Someone did a survey about movie mothers.  Marge did win funniest and come in second on “Most Embarrassing”.

Isotopes Slammin’ Amber – A review of the beer on sale at the Isotope’s park in Albuquerque. 

Cosplays da Semana #5 – Scroll about halfway down for a great Homer costume.  Scroll further down for a fantastic “Sims” costume. 

Roomie – Heh:

4) Shared values, beliefs and endless conversation: Bri and I literally never run out of things to talk or laugh about – a sign of the truest true friendship. We go from talking about our day, to clothes, to ingrained sexism and feminist theory, to travel plans to guys to referencing Simpsons. There is a lot of Simpsons references that go on in our house.

A short and stylish Simpsons webcomic set in a post-apocalyptic Springfield – The comic that got started as a part of that Tumblr about drawing the Simpsons continues.  My only question: if you’re going to have a post-apocalyptic Simpsons comic, where’s the guy who drives a school bus by day?

Exclusive: Images From SXSW Doc On Branson, Missouri ‘We Always Lie To Strangers’ Plus Trailer – You can’t make a documentary about Branson without someone bringing up The Simpsons:

For a certain generation, their only knowledge of Branson, Missouri may be from a quip by Bart Simpson who once said that Homer described it as "Las Vegas if it was run by Ned Flanders." Indeed, known for its own brand of colorful nightlife and entertainment, the city is far from a punchline, and has become one of the top tourist destinations in America. And starting this weekend at the SXSW Film Festival, you can take a closer look at Branson and what it means to live and perform there.

Boy Racks Up £980 Virtual Donut Bill In The Simpsons: Tapped Out – That there is no automatic cutoff well before you get to a thousand dollars speaks volumes about what a rip-off most of these systems are:

Just like how oil and water do not mix, so too, do 8-year-old boys and an iPad (or tablet). Sort of, anyways, especially when you hear of Theo Rowland-Fry who hails from Bristol, UK, and actually racked up £980 worth of online transactions to purchase virtual donuts while playing The Simpsons: Tapped Out on his father’s iPad. It could easily have happened on an Android-powered tablet, too, so do take note!

It is nice to hear that Apple did refund their money – every single shilling of it, after taking into consideration their unique position in this case. It is also comforting to know that Apple has a heart, considering such incidents on a case-by-case basis.

Don’t you think you’ve spent enough?  No.  Okay, we’re required by law to ask every seventy-five hours.  Get the kid another free milk. 

Once Upon and Engagement… – Mulling over wedding themes comes this storybook tale:

I think one of the first “he’s my soul mate” moments was when we realize that our Simpsons collection matched up perfectly. I had seasons 1, 3, 9, and 10 and he had 2, 4, 5, and 7. When we realized we had no overlapping seasons for our favorite TV show, we bought seasons 6 and 8 together. It was a perfect nerd romance story.

Who says that romance is dead after being acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece?  That’s beautiful. 

The Things That Make Me Go Hmmmm…. – Kids can be so cruel:

In 1991, I was in Grade Six at Stuart Park Primary School in Darwin.  The Simpsons craze had just hit and for my birthday, I got a Bart Simpson figurine that gave me hours of joy, regardless of the fact that I couldn’t move his arms or legs or turn his head.  In a kerfuffle with Ames and Josh one day, the siblings took Bart Simpson hostage, gave him a haircut (by chopping off his rubber spikes) and amputated all his fingers.

Those bastards!

Television – The show as viewed from Spain, including a picture of “La Taberna De Moe II”.  Viva life! 

Remembering A Chicken & A Baby Differently – It took me a very long time to get this joke:

From “Thirty Minutes over Toyko“, the season finale of The Simpsons 10th season,

Marge: “You liked Rashomon.”
Homer: “That’s not how I remember it.”

[…]

I love the first one because it’s a joke utterly in-keeping with Homer’s character. He says nonsensical and utterly random things, so his saying “That’s not how I remember it” doesn’t have to mean anything more than Homer being Homer. Its meta reference and next level of joke are ramped up by understanding that Rashomon is a story about differing perceptions and accounts of the same events.  In the film version, all three characters remember the same day and same events differently. Homer, thus stating he doesn’t remember the movie the same way Marge does is an homage to the Rashomon Effect itself.  I believe it was (but can’t quite remember, as I’ve read at least three books about The Simpsons) Planet Simpson that cited this sort of joke as being the cornerstone of the Simpson universe. They’re jokes that work as one-offs but to the person examining them at a meta level they work amazing wonders.

They do.

Five of the best posts from our new favourite Twitter account, Simpsons Quote of the Day – This is about a relatively new Simpsons quote Twitter account, but it’s pretty good.

Hypnotoad evolved from the frog Bart Simpson introduced to Australia – This is from a subreddit called “Fan Theories”, so set your internal geek-o-stat to 11, but the first entries are a discussion over whether Futurama is a show within The Simpsons, vice versa, or both.  For sheer fan panache, that is impressive. 

In the naughty corner: online gags flow over cricket’s ‘homework’ debacle – This is about Australia’s cricket team, so forgive me if I’m misunderstanding this, but it would appear that there’s a bit of a spat between the coach and some players, and that someone used the Bart chalkboard generator site to make fun of the coach, which then got picked up on Twitter.  I love living in the future. 

The Papal Conclave…In 10 Words – Now let’s all get drunk and play ping-pong!

Pope Francis I…In 10 Words –Buenos noches, mein fuhrer.

Things I Really Hate To Admit – Ha:

6. I didn’t know only women have ovaries until I was 15. It didn’t help that on an episode of the Simpsons, Bart once faked a stomach ache to get out of a test, yelling “Ohh! My ovaries!”…I thought they were stomach muscles.

“Black Eyed, Please” | The Simpsons – I don’t usually read reviews of Zombie Simpsons episodes, but I’m glad I didn’t watch last week’s:

When Principal Skinner tells Homer and Marge that he can’t get rid of Ms. Cantwell due to union rules, Homer growls, “I hate unions. There’s a guy at the plant, caused three meltdowns, and he still keeps his job.” That should have been the end of the scene, but Marge answers, “Homer, that’s you.” And Homer says, “Oh, yeah. I say ‘union,’ you say ‘power!’” That’s still not the end of the gag, but you’ve suffered enough.

Dag 034 – A great Barney shirt.

Dag 033 – A “Springfield Choppers” t-shirt. 

Death of The Simpsons – Yes:

Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa, Maggie and all the other memorable characters are always going to remembered and thought of as a legendary piece of American TV history. All great things have to come to an end and it has been due time for The Simpsons to be put in the TV Hall of Fame and off of normal broadcast television.

Let’s remember The Simpsons’ greatness of the past but not diminish it anymore than it already has been with a bad product no one is watching. It’s time for the The Simpsons’ tombstone to be chiseled.

Fox Can’t Handle Nice Things – And finally, I get to end the way I like, with someone who agrees with us, in this case, very succinctly:

They cancelled Firefly before its time and let The Simpsons go on long after it jumped the shark. In other words, they all have whacked-out poo brain

Indeed they do.