Behind Us Forever: What Animated Women Want

The Way We Was16

“Now that that unpleasantness is behind us forever . . .” – Selma Bouvier

[Note: It has become apparent, much to my disappointment, that I cannot run a website that criticizes Zombie Simpsons without, you know, watching the damn episodes.  So I’m going to try this out as a low effort way to make fun of them and give people a place to bitch.]

  • Oh look, a Breaking Bad opening that comes after that show has been cancelled and the internet did a better job a full year ago. 
  • “The coolest sushi restaurant in town” – Springfield continues to resembled the toniest parts of Los Angeles.
  • The fight/flee thing is total filler.
  • “Ooh, a cupcake!” – Yeah, that’s something Lisa would do.  [sarcasm meter explodes]
  • The kids watching A Streetcar Named Desire is lazy even by Zombie Simpsons standards.  Ms. Hoover is there for some reason, the kids are paying rapt attention to a slow, literary movie from decades before they were born, and it’s something they’ve used and parodied much better (and several times) already.  So it’s nonsense, poorly thought out, and a repeat.  It’s the Zombie Simpsons triple play!
  • And Skinner just showed up for a punchline and then disappeared.
  • Hey, it’s Milhouse in a Bazooka Joe jacket except it’s not a joke, the show is actually presenting him as cool.
  • This school therapist scene is godawful, especially the cheap setup/punchline of I’ll-be-there/I’m-fired.  This dialogue has none of the wit and sparkle of Murphy Brown.
  • Okay, I really shouldn’t have blown up my sarcasm detector so quickly.  Lisa’s behavior in this episode is so far out of character for her it’s hard to describe. 
  • The “Deplete from the ocean” line is kinda funny, and, right on cue, they spoil it by wasting time citing a series of lame examples.
  • Uh, why did the food come alive?
  • How did we get to Moe writing fan fiction?  Did this episode come in fifteen minutes short?
  • “Saying it in a singsong fashion” – Nothing says great comedy writing like explaining your jokes while you’re making them.  They really should just give up and insert a laughtrack already. 
  • Not sure who’s doing the Brando impression, but not a lot of effort went into it.  And it’s not like Brando’s hard to impersonate either. 
  • Seriously, why did the food come alive?

So an episode titled “What Animated Women Want” is filled with voiceover and is based on the kind of cliched dating advice that might have been a bestseller in 1973.  That’s all pretty bad, but when it’s about a) Marge and Homer having marital problems and b) Milhouse’s crush on Lisa, it’s not only the romantic ideas that are stale, it’s the stories as well. 

Anyway, the ratings are in, and they are atrocious.  Just 4.07 million people got retrograde dating advice last night.  That’s good for second place on the all-time least watched list, trailing only last year’s “Ned ‘N Edna’s Blend”. 

22 Responses to “Behind Us Forever: What Animated Women Want”

  1. 1 FireFlower
    15 April 2013 at 2:20 pm

    They did a similar thing in season 19. Milhouse thinks his parents are dead so he starts acting different and all the girls in school including Lisa are attracted to him. Lisa’s hypocritical behavior in the new episode was even worse than her hypocritical behavior in the other one….especially since it gives a very dangerous message. The more a boy treats a girl like dirt the more she likes it and the more he likes her.

    • 2 Steamed Hams
      15 April 2013 at 8:01 pm

      I remember a Louis CK standup (non-special) on YouTube where he mentions that in highschool, he fantisised about his parents dying so he could “act sad” and get pity and sympathy from “cute girls”. Except he imagines it would turn out more like a girl saying, “Oh yeah? Well, I’m still not gonna f**k you, ya f****t!”, which is exactly the humorous cynical realism this part of the episode lacks (let alone the whole thing).

      Also, even Family Guy handled the “act like a jerk to get chicks” schtick more realistically than this in a post-‘Brian finds out Quagmire hates him’ episode a few years back. Yikes!

      • 3 Monty Python Forever
        16 April 2013 at 7:42 pm

        I made my girlfriend happy by empathizing with her when she was in a horrible situation, but according to most hack comedians, I should have beaten her and made her do all my housework.

        • 4 Steamed Hams
          17 April 2013 at 9:14 pm

          That’s your common modern awful comic, falling back on “traditional” misogyny, exaggerated in order to cater to fellow insecure, closet beta-male schmucks who refuse to show their vulnerable “soft” side for fear of being ridiculed for being “femmy”. It’s a fine example of adolescent frat boy tripe.

    • 5 Jeff
      16 April 2013 at 1:15 am

      Zombie Simpsons episodes are actually the earlier Simpsons episodes as retold by Grandpa Simpson.

      • 7 Sumguy
        16 April 2013 at 7:33 am

        Objection; Grandpa’s stories are entertaining.

      • 8 Frank
        16 April 2013 at 10:00 am

        Actually, it’s interesting that you mention this, because I thought that it might be an interesting idea to provide the basic premise of an old episode to the writers, without them knowing the details and have them write an episode around that. For example: Bart sees a daredevil and wants to become one himself; Bart sells his soul to Milhouse with hilarious consequences; etc

  2. 15 April 2013 at 3:44 pm

    Sorry, Breaking Bad isn’t cancelled, it’s just ending.

  3. 10 Stan
    15 April 2013 at 7:14 pm

    Yaaay, Charlie’s back with his bitchin’!
    (Although it looks like you were drunk when you wrote this one.)

  4. 11 Mike
    16 April 2013 at 7:44 am

    ““Ooh, a cupcake!” – Yeah, that’s something Lisa would do.”

    Ow. *bzzt* Ow. *bzzt*. Ow. *bzzt*. Ow. *bzzt*

  5. 12 ThisCannotBeTheFuture
    16 April 2013 at 9:53 am

    Ugh…and *cringe* Homer doing that ridiculous walrus bit int he restaurant?! Who found that funny at the table read??

    • 13 Steamed Hams
      16 April 2013 at 3:08 pm

      Have you noticed lately that, every once in awhile, all (or at least most) of the shows in Fox’s “Animation Domination” lineup have a common theme/element/gag/plot device/etc.? This time it was the walrus improvisational impression, with Cleveland Show using Cleveland to do much what Homer was, only to his doctor (which, btw, they wrote an ENTIRE STORYLINE around, and he’s a very minor, inconsequential character).

      • 16 April 2013 at 11:20 pm

        You just blew my mind! Yes, I’ve noticed that as well.

      • 15 ThisCannotBeTheFuture
        17 April 2013 at 10:08 am

        I noticed the bit in passing on the Cleveland Show, yes, but haven’t noticed a general theme for animation domination…though in my opinion all four shows suck so I don’t really pay much attention to them.

  6. 16 Monty Python Forever
    16 April 2013 at 5:12 pm

    You forgot the part where the sushi was excited to become dog shit.

  7. 17 Monty Python Forever
    16 April 2013 at 5:34 pm

    Milhouse thought he could win over Lisa by being distanced and aloof–but that is essentially what he was before, as he was too geeky to actively pursue her. I miss the days of, “if she sees you’ll do anything she wants, she’s bound to respect you.” “Sure, what are big sisters for,” that was funny and in character. We also know from the episodes set in the future that Milhouse will get Lisa, but will still ruin her life by being the pathetic loser that he is, so this whole character change rings hollow.

    Also, sushi was a lot funnier in one of the defining episodes of this show, the one where Homer thought he was dying from Fugu. I love that episode.

  8. 18 Sarah J
    17 April 2013 at 4:15 am

    So, you’re going to start doing more entries on Zombie Simpsons episodes? Yes!

    Anyway. Yeah, this really shows one of the things that is wrong with Zombie Simpsons. The real Simpsons was subversive. It took cliche sitcom stock plots and had them play out in different ways. Old Simpsons would’ve had Milhouse using those popular dating tips and failing spectacularly and hilariously. Honestly, an episode like that could’ve been HILARIOUS. Zombie Simpsons takes generic plots and plays them straight, and the jokes aren’t really good enough to carry that.

  9. 19 FireFlower
    17 April 2013 at 12:38 pm

    I don’t notice any themes with the other shows because I don’t watch them. I only watch The Simpsons now out of loyalty…I have been watching them since I six years old. I am 29 now.

    It is time to end the show.

    • 20 Col. Coward
      17 April 2013 at 6:09 pm

      If more people like you had stopped watching, maybe it would have ended a long time ago.

      • 21 RaikoLives
        17 April 2013 at 7:13 pm

        I don’t think it’s the folks watching the show that are to blame for its continued existence. More all the people playing Tapped Out and buying the DVDs and all the other merchandise they pump out. Someone watching the show makes FOX very little money. All those folks playing the app makes FOX a lot more.

  10. 18 April 2013 at 8:58 pm

    I haven’t laughed a bit during the whole episode. It was so goddamn boring.

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