Archive for August, 2013


Quote of the Day

Faith Off3

“Now, folks, a seven and five football season doesn’t come cheap, and this is a fundraiser . . . seal the exits.” – Springfield University Chancellor


Reading Digest: Must Be Labor Day Edition

Homer the Smithers7

“Now look, stop calling me and start enjoying your vacation.  Remember, I want to see lots of pictures when you get back.” – C.M. Burns
“Uh, actually sir, picture taking is not allowed at this particular resort.  Oop, I gotta now.  There’s a line forming behind me.” – Mr. Smithers

There are only two really slow periods for the internet during the year, the Christmas-New Year’s holiday gauntlet when all the big media companies are basically shut down for everything except really important breaking news, and late August when, for reasons of warm weather vacation, they do the same thing.  The biggest Simpsons story on-line this week, by a mile, was the official grand opening of the new and expanded Simpsons area at that theme park in Florida.  Since it’s been piecemeal open for months now, that should give you a good idea of just how slow things are.  However, we do have tons of excellent usage, a supposedly widespread rumor I’d never heard before, a couple of testimonials about how people experience the show, the varying supervillain qualities of Elon Musk, and Officer Mahoney himself, Steve Guttenberg. 


There’s an Unaired ‘Simpsons’ Episode Where Bart Dies? – There isn’t.  But the story behind the rumor that there is – a rumor which I don’t think I’ve ever heard or read – is rather interesting:

So if Matt Groening and the staff of The Simpsons produced a special one-off episode of the series where Bart Simpson died, it wouldn’t be that shocking. But does such an episode really exist?

Comfort shows: television viewing for the soul – On Season 6 (among other things):

This season of The Simpsons helped me feel comfortable and took my mind of my worries and troubles. I still get the same calming experience when I re-watch those episodes today.

Amen to that.

Simpsons co-creator hands out money as he battles cancer with a smile – An AP story about Simon.  I couldn’t help but picture “Old Money” at this:

"Some people just want a million dollars. Or help with college tuition. And the rest have business propositions," he chortles. "Like that should be my legacy: to lose money on your movie or your moisturizer line.

"I’m bedridden," says Simon, milking the scenario for all its tragicomic worth, "weighing whether to dole my money to people lined up outside the house!"

As always: Simon rules. 

Best. Episode. Ever. (Round 60) – Season 6 vs. Season 5, oh cruel fate, why do you mock me?

Best. Episode. Ever. (Round 61) – And he mispronounced words that even I know, like ‘abdomen’. 

Me and Spongebob (caution:not particularly funny) – Excellent usage:

“I’ve watered her down as far as she’ll go, I can’t water her no more!” (Willy the grounds keeper from the Simpsons)


I’m quite strict about what the kids watch on tv, in fact J didn’t even watch TV till he was two. Since then we’ve implemented one simple rule; We don’t let them watch any brain melting happy drappy shitty vomitous child spoiling first world problem television.

Word.  And hooray for Spongebob. 

Thrift Store Finds: August’s Half-Off Sale – You never know what kind of VHS you’re going to find at the recycle store:

I have the first ten seasons of The Simpsons on DVD and watch them on an endless loop. I probably don’t need a VHS cassette collecting the first two episodes of the first season of the series, which is lucky because despite what the colorful box says, that’s not what I got here. The Best of The Simpsons Volume 1 includes “There’s No Disgrase Like Home” and “Life on the Fast Lane” but the cassette here includes “Bart the General” and “Moaning Lisa.” It’s a weird mistake and a little Googling reveals that the cassette I have is The Best of the Simpsons, Volume 2.

Two episodes on VHS, and FOX probably charged $24.95 in 1990 dollars for it. 

Journal Entry #9 – From a cartoonist:

There are other strips like “Peanuts” that I love as well but I want to also mention how “the Simpsons” affected my life. Along with “Calvin and Hobbes,” “The Simpsons” was another influence in my younger years. This may sound over-dramatic but I can’t imagine my life without “The Simpsons.” Morton and Finn are basically Homer and Lisa Simpson. Those two characters are probably my favorites in the show. I always found the Homer and Lisa shows to be the sweetest. What I like about Homer is that he can be REALLY stupid but there is still a heart and real emotion behind all bafoonery.

Well, there was a heart and real emotion.  Now it’s all weird plot twists and popped eyeballs, but other than that, yes. 

Kirby: An iPhone to an adult is like a Crayon to a child in church – Heh:

I forgot to turn off my cellphone in sacrament meeting last week. Unfortunately, the "new message" alert is Homer Simpson yelling "Whoo Hoo!"

So right in the middle of a High Council talk on the importance of eternal marriage, I (and everyone else) heard what sounded like an enthusiastic confirmation of the Holy Spirit — if it were an inebriated cartoon character.

Dangers of modern living, right there. 

What’s your favorite subtle joke from The Simpsons? : AskReddit – Exactly what it says it is, but it went way over 500 comments and there is basically no Zombie Simpsons.  So, well done, Reddit. 

Duck Dynasty recap: "So You Think You Can Date" – Here’s a comparison I never thought to see (though I’ve only watched one episode of Duck Dynasty, so what do I know?):

The sign of a strong series is when you know it has a deep bench of supporting characters. The best example is The Simpsons, which has hundreds of characters most fans — even casual ones — know by name. And at any time the writers could choose to build an entire episode around any one of them. I mean, I would totally watch a Duff Man episode, wouldn’t you? Depth has never been a problem for Duck Dynasty, with the members of the Robertson family alone accounting for more possible storylines than any reality series has a right to.

Which Character From The Simpsons Is Elon Musk? – Is he supervillain Hank Scorpio or snake oil salesman Lyle Lanley? 

Steve Guttenberg 55th birthday: 15 reasons why the Police Academy, Cocoon and Three Men & A Baby star is a cinematic treasure – I wouldn’t agree with the conclusion here, especially when turning down Ghostbusters for Police Academy is seen as a good career move.  It also doesn’t exactly speak well that the first thing they note after the Police Academy movies is the fact that he’s mentioned in the Stonecutter song. 

Ticket to Ride: Breaking Down the Krustyland Attractions – Yet more Tapped Out tips.  At this point, I could create a whole meta-site just about other sites that offer tips on the game. 

How to be a Good Fan: Don’t be the Comic Book Guy – Ah, crap:

Going back to The Simpsons, for its first 9 seasons it was close to my favorite show ever.  After season 9 it seemed to get a bit “stupider” in its jokes and, to me, became more about watching Homer scream and guest stars.  Now that was to ME.  My response was to try it for a bit.  Watch the odd one here and there…and then give it up.  I haven’t watched a full episode since season 11.  I didn’t continue to watch it just so I could go to the forums later and complain about how it was the Worst. Episode. Ever.

Fair enough, but I’m pretty sure I’ve never actually called something the worst ever. 

Sugar High: gotta have it, really need it to get by – After getting $80 on a iTunes card, a young father does this:

As I was starting to run out of money I knew I had to get something for everyone in my house to enjoy. So I grabbed The Simpsons season 1. I know The Simpsons are overplayed on syndication these days but I don’t have TV, so there. Season 1 will always be special not only for the spot on writing but simply for those end of the 80s memories I’m always trying to sort out in my head.

I know that feeling.

NY Yankee Ichiro Suzuki hosts Akiko Wada, the “Aretha Franklin/Marge Simpson” of Japan – Well, I learned something today:

This is a woman who is perhaps the Aretha Franklin of Japan. She is known for this performance of “Unchain My Heart,” and was the voice of Marge Simpson in the Japanese version of the Simpsons.

Nobody – Lisa’s Emily Dickinson quote superimposed over an artsy portrait.  Neat. 

Meaningless Milestones – Excellent ironic usage:

When the Simpsons had their 100th episode, the opening showed Bart writing, “I will not celebrate meaningless milestones” over and over on the chalkboard.

Well, this is my own meaningless milestone. This is my 100th blog entry.


Three Days Left for Free Books! – More excellent usage:

Ladies and gentlemen, you only have three days left to enter the free book giveaway on Goodreads! I’m giving away ten free copies of On The Border. The giveaway ends on August 31.

Don’t be like Homer Simpson when Mr. T is at the mall: “The entire day, I kept saying, “I’ll go a little later, I’ll go a little later…” And when I got there, they told me he just left. And when I asked the mall guy if he’ll ever come back again, he said he didn’t know. Well, I’m never going to let something like that happen again!”

Couple of minor nitpicks in that Homer says “And then when I got there” and “if he would ever come back”, but that’s trivial.  Well quoted. 

Rejoice, Simpsons Fans: You Can Go to Springfield – A four minute walking tour video of the now fully armed and operational Simpsons area in Florida.  I don’t know if Orlando tourism is a seasonal affair, but one suspects that the original schedule did not call for this thing to open right as summer vacation season was coming to a close. 

[PHOTOS] ‘The Simpsons,’ ‘Family Guy,’ ‘American Dad,’ ‘Bob’s Burgers’ Posters – FOX released some circus themed posters for fall promo, and they’re actually quite good.  Be nice if they put that much effort and creativity into Zombie Simpsons, but whaddya gonna do? 

Masonology – From a Freemason blog:

Homer here is currently taking his obligation. Unfortunately Homer joined the Stonecutters, our sworn enemies.

Freemasons run the country!

“I Want to Buy That Rock” – Thank goodness for The Simpsons, otherwise many fewer of us would know what “specious” means.

The Best in Simpsons, 80′s & 90′s Pop Culture… – There’s a new Facebook page about late 20th century pop culture called “TheDRYYYYYYCracker”.  

I’ve asked my students to do this . . . – The problem with asking your students to catalog all their media interactions is that you have to do it too, including:

30 minutes . . . (this is so not like me) playing a video game! I am addicted to the “The Simpsons Tapped Out” game. I am not into many games, but it’s only my love of “The Simpsons” that keeps me coming back to build Springfield after Homer destroyed it in a power plant explosion. This is audience fragmentation at work. I am not really into games, but I am a huge, dorky Simpsons fan. Someone built this game for huge, dorky Simpsons fans. Now I play it. Why do I play it? It’s kind of clever, it’s a simple pleasure, and I have to admit, I anticipate what I get to build next in the game. But, about 10 minutes at a time is all I can handle without getting bored.

I recently acquired my first Android device, and I briefly tried out the game, ten minutes is about how far I made it.  

The World’s End…In 10 Words – Quick, get Bart out of the house before God gets here!

Super Buddies…In 10 Words – Did they pull a toddler from the path of a speeding car then push a criminal in front of it?

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers…In 10 Words – Ralph won’t “Morph” if you squeeze him hard enough. 

The 2013 VMAs…In 10 Words – The MTV awards aren’t about freaks, they’re about music, and advertising, and exploiting fame for the purposes of youth oriented product positioning. 

“Roman numerals? They never even tried to teach us that in school!” – Now here’s somebody who agrees with us:

As a teacher, this joke is relevant on a few levels. First of all, Mrs. K’s justification for learning Roman numerals is delightfully obscure and irrelevant: “If you don’t learn roman numerals, you’ll never know the date certain motion pictures were copyrighted.” At first, this seems like a clever satire on what is deemed to be essential knowledge in American school systems. The joke appears to be entirely in line with the Simpson’s long-standing tradition of poking gentle fun at various social and cultural institutions.

Then, the kicker comes when Bart (through a classicly twisted yet still coherently connected plot) finds himself actually needing to know Roman numerals. The situation is of course highly unique and bizarre, but the point it makes to me is that we can never be certain when or where we will need to know what we need to know.

If there’s one thing you really need to know Roman numerals for, it’s to know what Super Bowl we’re on.


Quote of the Day

Two Dozen and One Greyhounds11

“In today’s news, a two-ton rhino escaped from the Springfield zoo.  But zoo officials were quick to act, and Petunia, as she is known, is safely back in captivity.  In other news, a three-ton rhino that escaped from the zoo last week is still at large.” – Kent Brockman


Quote of the Day

The Day the Violence Died7

“I don’t have the money to produce the cartoons!  I lost everything!  I can’t even keep my Dad’s head in the freaking cryogenic center anymore. . . . You comfortable in there, daddy?” – Roger Meyers Jr.


Quote of the Day

Homer and Apu12

“No!  Don’t kill me!  I didn’t know there was film in that camera in that hat!  I was unaware!  I was unaware!” – Homer Simpson
“Mr. Simpson, you misunderstand me.  In my village, this is the traditional pose of apology.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon
“Oh.” – Homer Simpson
“You know, now that I think about it, it may be a little confusing.  Many have died needlessly.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon


Quote of the Day

Lady Bouvier's Lover9

“Smithers, guess what happened to me last night?” – C.M. Burns
“I don’t know, sir.  You had sex with that old woman?” – Mr. Smithers
“She said no to me!  Do you know how many women have said no to me?  One-hundred-thirty!  But only one since I’ve become a billionaire.” – C.M. Burns


Quote of the Day

Bart the Lover11

“Though I’ll be inoculating babies in Kampuchea, my heart will always be with you.” – Lisa Simpson
“That sucks.  How ’bout ‘Crocodiles bit off my face’?” – Bart Simpson
“That’s disgusting.  And besides, when a woman loves a man it doesn’t matter that a crocodile bit off his face.” – Marge Simpson
“I may hold you to that, Marge.” – Homer Simpson


Quote of the Day

Last Tap Dance in Springfield2

“Come on, Bart, while your Dad gets his glasses we’ll go shop for your trip.” – Marge Simpson
“Oh, I hate shopping.  Just get me a deck of cards and I’ll win whatever I need from the other kids.” – Bart Simpson


Quote of the Day

Itchy and Scratchy and Marge14

“I knew all this stuff would come in handy someday.  Let’s see now, ah, here it is: the Complete Handyman’s Bookshelf, Volume 1, Spice Racks.” – Homer Simpson


Reading Digest: Summer Lull Edition

Bart of Darkness12

“Well, you’re certainly doing your job today, Mr. Sun.  Oh, rats.” – Hans Moleman

The internet didn’t have much by way of Simpsons stuff this week, so it must be the middle of August.  We do have some very good reads, though, including a Simpsons themed short story, a passionate, life long embrace of the show, and an excellent job quitting Troy McClure e-mail.  In addition to that there’s some Season 5 and 6 trivia, a couple of food related excellent references, and a couple of haikus.


[Note: I’m out of town and away from the internet for the weekend, so I had to schedule this in advance.  So anything that happened since yesterday afternoon, Harry Shearer conquering the Moon or something, won’t be in here.] 

Day 24 Prompt – A Future with the Simpsons – Smooth Charlie’s Link of the Week is this short story set in a post apocalyptic world.  A quick and funny read.

Madeline’s Farewell – Now this is how you quit your job:

Hi, I’m Troy McClure.You might remember me from such Out of Office Messages as Going to a Doctor’s Appointment that’s Definitely Not an Interview and Eek! There’s a Spider in my Ear!

I’m here today to talk to you about one of your coworkers- Madeline is no longer employed here

The whole thing is just as good, especially when little Billy shows up.  Bravo.

The first step towards getting somwhere is deciding you are not going to stay where you are – An entertainment industry internship led to a table read for Zombie Simpsons.  There’s a picture of the cover of the script for episode SABF14, “What to Expect When Bart’s Expecting”.  Going by production numbers, we should be suffering through that sometime late in Season 25 or early in Season 26.   [Update 7 Sep 2013: As the request of the author I’ve removed the direct link to the post, which has been deleted.  Looks like FOX cracked down for having a script title spilled on-line.  If that was our fault: sorry.]

A weekend of madness: I was promised sun! – Friends get together and start coming up with the top ten episodes list.  Season 12’s “Lisa the Tree Hugger” is on there, but other than that it’s all single digit seasons.

Under The Dome, a haiku – Bravo:

Stephen King annoyed

Not seen The Simpsons Movie

Didn’t rip it off!

Wring His Neck, a Simpsons haiku – More syllabic poetry:

Homer strangles Bart

That’s a criminal offence

Lucky it’s not real


Two Up and Coming Trends for Fall. – We’ve got male models wearing designer Bart stuff now.

THX Movie Opening – There was a reason they put the THX thing in “Burns’ Heir”, it was everywhere for a couple of years there.

TSTOgame on Flickr, share pictures of your town – Just what it says:

One of the most common requests I received when I asked for suggestions and general feedback was to enable visitors of this site to share picture of their town. So now this blog has its own group on Flickr.

Best. Episode. Ever. (Round 58) – Whew, “Lisa’s Substitute” vs. “$pringfield” is rough.

Speeding it up, slowing it down – Our old friend Alec Nevala-Lee informs me of something I don’t think I’ve ever heard before:

David Mirkin, the showrunner responsible for what are arguably the greatest seasons of The Simpsons, would often speed up an entire episode very slightly rather than cut material to fit the show into its time slot, which is why the dialogue in episodes like “Who Shot Mr. Burns?” seems to zip along so quickly.

Ehhhxcellent…Meh heh heh. – Giant Mr. Burns hands at Ned Flanders’ alma mater.

Jobs (movie)…In 10 Words – He was the first wealthy man in America to wear jeans with a sport coat.

Lee Daniel’s The Butler…In 10 Words – Then we’re all happy!

Face Off…In 10 Words – I do like the way the blush brings out my cheekbones.

Face/Off…In 10 Words – He can’t shoot if he doesn’t know which one of us is the real Krusty!

My Simplistic Review Of The Simpson’s Tapped Out Help Blog With Guest Blogger Tom – Just what it says:

Tom: Yes, the voices are done by the actual actors. The buildings all have unique animations when someone is in them. All in the Simpson style and look.

Chris:  I also like the Playboy Marge task where she goes around flashing the other characters.

Tom: There is no Playboy Marge task. This is a family game.

Chris: Well there should be.

Damn ESRB.

Our Simpsons-ized Family/Birth Announcement – Cool.

The first real test. – Going sugar free sure sounds tough, but this is an excellent reference:

There is an episode of the Simpsons in which Homer is hallucinating about being in chocolate land. He skips through a chocolate town with whimsical music playing. He hops along with chocolate bunnies, before grabbing one and taking a bite out of it’s butt. He spins around a candy cane lamp post and then takes a lick. It’s starts to rain chocolate and he gathers it in his hands and stuffs it into his mouth. It’s literally raining sugar in his fantasy land. That pretty much sums up my weekend perfectly. Except for me the theme song from Jaws is playing, the bunnies are rabid and are chasing me bent on my destruction, the candy cane lamp post is laughing a maniacal horror movie villain laugh and the chocolate rain is acid and I’m running for my life.

Wow, sugar, half price.

Holidays Ain’t the Same Without Some Carvel’s Ice Cream – On the food theme, here’s another excellent reference:

Plus, Carvel is known for making novelty items such as: “Flying Saucers”, which are ice cream sandwiches on chocolate wafers.  Also included is the “Fudgie the Whale”, which has made a cameo on one Simpson’s episode where Marge & Homer get married reading “To A Whale of a Wife”.

D’oh… – A short YouTube video of people falling down set to Homer’s favorite saying.

A Yellow Marriage: The Simpsons – And finally, this is more forgiving of Zombie Simpsons than I am, but it does make the distinction and this is self evidently true:

But one rule-one defining, thrusting, pulsingly huge rule-I live my life by is this: NEVER trust someone who doesn’t like The Simpsons.

Amen to that.


Quote of the Day

Simpson and Delilah12

“Our first issue, sir, is our low productivity and record high worker accident rate.” – Mr. Smithers
“Any suggestions?” – C.M. Burns
“A round of layoffs might wake up the idiots.” – Male Executive
“We could put caffeine in the water cooler.” – Female Executive
“Those are my ideas!  You people don’t think, you regurgitate!” – C.M. Burns


Today I Am a Clown Makes Baby Jesus Cry

 Mr. T and the Nancy Reagan

Image shamelessly yoinked from here.

“This is worse than your song about Mr. T.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon
“I pity the fool who doesn’t like . . . he.” – Homer Simpson

This episode has a cavalcade of guest voices, several of whom are playing themselves, plus Homer gets a new job as a talk show host.  Happily, they spend most of the commentary ignoring the episode and telling stories about Mr. T, who is apparently exactly like his public persona when he’s recording voices.  It’s also worth pointing out that by this point in Zombie Simpsons, even the DVD commentaries are getting repetitive.  Three or four times someone will tell a story or note some piece of trivia after mentioning that they’ve said so many times before. 

Anyway, we start with ten people on this one, but Caroline Omine shows up late.  To begin we have Jean, Selman, Castellaneta, Tim Long, Joel Cohen, Don Payne, Tom Gammill, Max Pross, Nancy Cruz, and Steve Moore.

0:40 – After Cruz says her name, she was ninth, someone asks “Is that it?” before Steve Moore describes himself as a “guest attendee”. 

1:00 – Jean asks Joel Cohen to discuss the origin of the episode.  It was originally pitched as a travel show where they could go to Israel for Krusty’s bar mitzvah, but it became just Krusty’s bar mitzvah. 

1:20 – Gammill asks Cohen, for the benefit of those who don’t know, what a bar mitzvah is, which leads to some insider Jewish humor, “You read from the Torah in front of friends, families and people with envelopes in their pockets.”  Ha.

2:15 – Jean asks Castellaneta if he knew Krusty was Jewish when he started doing the voice.  He did not, and then launches into the “he’s based on Rusty Nails” story, which he acknowledges has been told many, many times at this point.

3:00 – Discussing the nationwide franchising of Bozo the Clown.  Jean laughs about how the one in Detroit lost the rights and had to change his name to Oopsie the Clown when he was a kid.

3:30 – Cohen won a Jewish Image award for this, but didn’t win a Writers Guild award.

4:00 – Castellaneta did Rabbi Krustofski at the table read, and then does his Jackie Mason impression here.  It’s funny.

4:20 – On screen Homer just finished strangling Santa’s Little Helper, but no one wants to talk about that so Jean asks Castellaneta if he ever met any real TV clowns.  He has, in fact, met the son of the guy who played Bozo, Bob Bell.  They’re not discussing the episode at all, but so far this is a pretty entertaining commentary.

5:20 – Krusty’s mansion was done a little to look like Jerry Lewis’s place in The King of Comedy.

5:30 – Jean’s just killing time now, so after noting that it’s been on many commentaries before, he talks about how Krusty is just Homer with different hair.

6:20 – After another digression, Jean asks Long what it was like to direct Mr. T for this episode.  Mr. T was one of the most enthusiastic guest voices they ever had, which launches into a Rocky III story that Long says he’s told many times before. 

7:30 – Still discussing Mr. T, who comes in for very high praise for being fun to work with.

7:55 – Apparently, Mr. T’s recording session overlapped with Weird Al’s recording session, and the two met right in the room they’re using for the commentary.  Mr. T was “a little hazy” about who Weird Al was.  Again, nobody’s paying the least bit attention to the episode, but this commentary remains much more entertaining than most.

8:30 – Selman tries to keep the Mr. T thing going, and everyone just ignores him so Gammill can ask if the setting they’re in is supposed to be Washington Square Park.  Consensus: yes it is.

9:15 – Gammill recounts living near Washington Square Park for ten years.  They once found a body in his apartment building.  This leads to much joking and laughter.  Man, I wish they were always this entertaining when they ignore the episode.

10:00 – Gammill’s body finding story is still going on.  His elderly neighbor was murdered, and the rumor around the building was that she was involved in selling untaxed cigarettes. 

11:00 – Now they’re joking about getting Gammill to confess. 

11:15 – After that winds down, Jean breaks the silence by asking Castellaneta if Krusty’s voice or Homer’s voice is more natural for him.  Answer: not really.

12:00 – Trivia bit: Lisa jokes in this episode that her imaginary Jewish friend got into Brandeis.  A few weeks later, they got a fake acceptance package from Brandeis.

13:00 – After a long silence where they just ignore the fact that Homer is now a successful talk show host, Jean asks Cruz about how many changes there were after the animatic.  Cruz doesn’t think it was unusually bad. 

13:45 – Kind of interesting note about the actual episode: Cruz sees Marge talking as Homer’s on TV, and wonders what the original line was because her mouth movements are clearly animated for something other than what she says. 

14:35 – Long silence is broken by brief laughter after Chief Wiggum describes Homer as “always eating”. 

15:00 – Homer has a dream where he saves Abraham Lincoln, and Jean thinks comedy writers have a little obsession with that.

15:20 – Jean breaks that silence by asking, “Any other interesting stories about Mr. T”?

15:45 – Caroline Omine just showed up.  They get back to Mr. T very quickly, eventually asking Omine if she has any stories: “None that I can share”.  Heh.  She did once see him signing the Mr. T comic at a book store.

16:40 – Oh yeah, we’re still talking about Mr. T.

17:15 – Apparently, Gary Coleman wasn’t enthusiastic about doing his catch phrase, but Mr. T had no problems pitying the fool.  Omine again, “He said, I get up in the morning, I brush my teeth, and I go, ‘I wonder what fool I’m gonna pity today!’.”  This gets a huge laugh, and deservedly so.

17:30 – They were about to discuss the commandments of Mr. T, but the Beach Boys are on screen now and that distracted them.

18:00 – Mr. T is finally on screen, and he was game for reading lines in Hebrew.

18:40 – Long silence.

19:00 – Homer’s talk show gets cancelled, and to break the above mentioned long silence, Jean mentions that he heard of a show that actually got cancelled mid-taping once.

19:20 – Smelling the credits, Jean talks about a Dick van Dyke episode about an adult bar mitzvah.

20:00 – More compliments for Mr. T as he gets spun on a giant menorah.  They originally had it as a Star of David, but changed it.  Jean jokes that it’s now “all in perfect taste”. 

20:45 – Jean tells a story about Jackie Mason, who is a real rabbi and was so funny during his sermons that people told him to go on stage.

21:05 – And we end with on last mention of Gammill’s dead neighbor and one more Castellaneta Jackie Mason impression. 


Quote of the Day

Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish9

“So, kids, caught anything?” – Dave Shutton
“Not yet, sir.” – Lisa Simpson
“What are you using for bait?” – Dave Shutton
“My brother’s using worms.  But I, who feel the tranquility far outweighs the actual catching of fish, am using nothing.” – Lisa Simpson


Quote of the Day

Lisa Gets an A4

“Oh, sweetie, you look so much better.  Ready to go back to school?” – Marge Simpson
“I don’t know, I mean I could risk it, but-” – Lisa Simpson
“No, no, you just stay put.” – Marge Simpson
“Wow, you didn’t even feel her forehead.  How do I get that kind of credibility?” – Bart Simpson
“With eight years of scrupulous honesty.” – Marge Simpson
“Enh, it’s not worth it.” – Bart Simpson

[Apologies this was late again.  (And how!)  Still have no internet at home and wow does it fuck everything up.]


Quote of the Day

Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming8

“Oh, must you bray night and day at that infernal television?” – Sideshow Bob
“Oh, look who’s talking.” – Minimum Security Inmate #1
“Yeah, Bob, you used to be on this show.” – Minimum Security Inmate #2
“Don’t remind me.  My foolish capering destroyed more young minds than syphilis and pinball combined.” – Sideshow Bob

[Apologies for lateness on this.  Moving sucks and I still have no internet at my new home.]


Quote of the Day

Lisa's Pony18

“Excuse me, do you sell ponies?” – Homer Simpson
“Uh, sure, pal, right here.” – All Creatures Great and Cheap Guy
“Scottish deer hound, hey, this is a dog!” – Homer Simpson
“Oh, my friend, you’re smarter than I gave you credit for.” – All Creatures Great and Cheap Guy


Quote of the Day

When You Dish Upon a Star1

“You promised to take us to the lake.” – Lisa Simpson
“I promise you kids lots of things.  That’s what makes me such a good father.” – Homer Simpson
“Actually, keeping promises would make you a good father.” – Lisa Simpson
“No, that would make me a great father.” – Homer Simpson


Quote of the Day

Homer Defined11

“Bart, don’t feed your sister hotels.” – Marge Simpson
“Don’t worry, Mom, there’s tons of these things.” – Bart Simpson


Reading Digest: McClure Poster Edition

This Little Wiggy3

“Welcome to the Knowledgeum, I’m Troy McClure.  You may remember me from such automated information kiosks as Welcome to Springfield Airport and Where’s Nordstrom?” – Troy McClure 

A new Tumblr hit the internet this week, dedicated to fake posters for Troy McClure movie titles.  We have three links about it, and deservedly so.  It’s got everything from Hydro, The Man With the Hydraulic Arms to Let’s Save Tony Orlando’s House.  In addition to that, we’ve got a bunch of links about the Tapped Out game, interviews with Reiss, Azaria and Ken Levine, a new rendition of the theme song, Milhouse in the British Labour Party, and another Simpsons quote list. 


The Weekly Homer Simpson Quote Idea – Before this site existed, there was this:

Exactly ten years ago today, I had an idea. I was going to share a quote from Homer Simpson every week.


I kept it up for years, posting my final Homer Simpson quote on February 2, 2008. I was so used to posting a Homer quote first thing Saturday morning that it took a while to shake the habit. It’s a slippery slope my friends.

His quote archive is linked here.  There’s some Zombie Simpsons, but it’s mostly good and while I didn’t check all of them, the quotes appear to be very accurate.  Well done.  (But beware, it’s long and a serious timesuck). 

Our Favorite Queer Characters of All Time – Our old friend Lenny discusses queer TV characters, very much including Patty and Smithers, on her TV podcast. 

25 Troy McClure Fan-Made Movie Posters Inspired By The Simpsons – That’s to a compilation, here’s the direct Tumblr link.

You Might Remember Me From… – And Alice’s Adventures Through the Windshield Glass

Hi, I’m Actor Troy McClure – Another one of those fantastic fake Troy McClure posters, this one for The Erotic Adventures of Hercules.  Just a reminder, this is the main Tumblr.

The five most exciting film happening events this week – Now. Here. This. – There are a lot of fan versions of the theme song on-line, many with millions of views on YouTube and all kinds of musical devices and instruments.  So far, however, I have never seen one using classical Indian instruments:


Just a few notes about this site – This is from that same new Tapped Out blog I linked last week, and it contains some very sensible blogging policies and guidelines. 

My View of the Tapped Out World: Pt. 1 – An enjoyable rant about what happened to the previous Tapped Out blog, part the first.

My View of the Tapped Out World: Pt. 2 – An enjoyable rant about what happened to the previous Tapped Out blog, part the second.

The Simpsons: Original Sky1 Artwork! – It’s apparently been twenty years since the show came to Sky, and there are a bunch of links to old stuff to celebrate.

Meet the ‘Simpsons’ writer who named the Dodgers-affiliated Albuquerque Isotopes – An interview with Ken Levine about “Dancin’ Homer”.  It’s not that different than what’s on the DVD commentary, but it’s pretty cool.

Nursery Crimes – Why, yes, most nursery rhymes are horrifying, and this is also true:

I’ve heard that grown men have gone insane trying to put into words the genius of early episodes of The Simpsons. But if I could highlight just one thing the Greatest TV Show of All Time ™ does brilliantly, it would have to be its almost child-like ability to articulate those tiny little nuances of our culture that we’ve always known were there, but had never really devoted any conscious thought to.

In one of the earliest ever Simpsons moments – while it was still a Tracey Ullman sideshow, and the characters looked weird – Marge croons Maggie to sleep with the most famous lullaby of all time: Rock a Bye Baby. As Marge sings, Maggie visualizes the song’s words: when the wind blows/the cradle will rock/when the bough breaks/the cradle will fall/down will come baby/cradle and all. She kisses Maggie softly on the forehead and exits the room, leaving her baby alone, in the dark, eyes out on stalks and the fear of god in her face*.

Rock-a-Bye Baby may not technically be a nursery rhyme, but it shares with them the fact that the sheer violence and horror of it seems to have been lost on the entire human race.

The Last of Springfield by ~Raqos on deviantART – Fan art of Homer, Lisa and Bart drawn like The Last of Us.  It got linked a lot of places this week, and with good reason.

If we cast a live-action The Simpsons movie – These come up every once and a while, and this one is less blatant pageview whoring than most.  (Patton Oswalt as Chief Wiggum is pretty good, too.) 

Recreating An Accurate Springfield in ‘The Simpsons: Tapped Out’ – Part 1 – This is for you compulsive types who just have to tap.

Best. Episode. Ever. (Round 55) – Look, kids, Batman!

Best. Episode. Ever. (Round 56) – Run along, Quimby.  I think they’re dedicating a phone booth somewhere.

Best. Episode. Ever. (Round 57) – I told you she was soft on full frontal nudity. 

The – A Blogging Challenge – A perfectly cromulent blogging task.

Disney’s Planes…In 10 Words – That’s just the engine struggling.

Blackfish…In 10 Words – I don’t like this new director’s cut.

The Hyperloop…In 10 Words – I’ve built hyperloops for Brockway, Ogdenville and North Haverbrook, and, by gum, it put them on the map!

Soda Shaq…In 10 Words – Here comes the Shaq attack.

Starship Troopers…In 10 Words – Where do you want it, Skinner? 

Milhouse!! – Hooray for flood pants!

Money Woes #30 – Animated .gif of the above.

Loud Silence witness Mayer Hawthorne and visit Springfield – More pictures from the new Simpsons area at Universal Studios Orlando.  The Seven Duffs shrubbery is pretty impressive.

New England Clam Chowder & Crab Cakes – A discussion of chowder leads to YouTube, and scroll down for a cool soup of the day sign.

List O’ The Week: Top 25 episodes of The Simpsons (Post Season 8) – There are a few good episodes on here, but I find most of these unwatchable.  (Though “Trilogy of Error” is entertaining even if it isn’t very funny.)

Marge, is that you? – Marge’s hair built from bottle caps.  Cool.

The Best Video Game Adaptations of TV & Movies, Period – The arcade game makes the list here.

Universal Studios Springfield ride Simpsons – A newspaper writer recounts the new “Twirl & Hurl” ride in Florida. 

Fans Vote For Homer Simpson For Sixers Head Coach – He’d certainly be good at doing the cuts. 

Hank Azaria, "The Simpsons" voice actor, "just born doing" impressions – Azaria did a publicity interview for Lovelace with some CBS morning show.  There’s video of the interview at the top and clips of some of Azaria’s roles at the bottom.  (His scene in Dodgeball was easily the highlight of that movie.) 

Hank Azaria Shares Favorite ‘Simpsons’ Voice And Episode On ‘Watch What Happens: Live’ – Another publicity interview, including this little tidbit:

“I think Professor Frink is my personal favorite of the characters," Azaria said in Frink’s voice.

Legendary Simpsons Scribe Mike Reiss on Rubble, FringeNYC, and the Upcoming Simpsons/Family Guy Crossover – Reiss is doing (much lower scale) publicity for his next play, and got asked the usual questions, including:

Does the "it’s not as good as it used to be" talk about The Simpsons anger you?
The biggest thing with The Simpsons is, if the show gets weirder, it might get too self-referential, because we’re desperately trying not to repeat ourselves. Tell us somebody who Lisa can get a crush on that hasn’t happened. We’ve done every single member of the Simpson family has gone to jail. The show has to get a little weirder and faster-paced. We go "Here’s an episode like the old days" and we get comments like "Oh, that’s boring." There’s no model for us. There’s no template for what a series should be like in its twenty-fifth year.

That’s pretty much his stock answer to that.  He’s too honest to “It’s still great!”, so he just points out that it had to get really bizarre to keep going and move along. 

5 ways that Ed Miliband and Milhouse may also be the same person – Heh.

Can Fruit Kick Candy to the Curb? – Excellent usage:

"Fruit is nature’s candy," Marge Simpson once said after serving apples and oranges during a Halloween party. Screams from Bart and the other children at the party followed her offer of healthy snacks.

That and a hurled ashtray.

Get Simpsonized… like the Belgian Royal family – I know nothing about the Belgian royal family, and this isn’t in English to explain it to me, but here they are.

Last piece of Springfield falls into place as Kang&Kodos opens at Universal Studios Florida – Just what it says.  You can control the little ships to some extent.

Designer Olly Moss Talks Movie Posters, Comics and ‘The Simpsons’ – Licensing is a bitch and the fun police at FOX hate fun:

Are there any great ideas for posters you’ve had that you haven’t been able to execute because of licensing issues?

Not films, but I want to do Simpsons stuff. I want to do Simpsons stuff so bad!


What sort of Simpsons stuff do you want to do?

I can’t say! ‘Cause I sorta may be working on something a little bit … But I want to do some Simpsons stuff that doesn’t perhaps look like Simpsons stuff. I think that series has so many amazing niche references that everybody gets that you don’t need to do it in the Simpsons style. You can have things that speak to how influential and affecting it was throughout the first nine seasons or whatever. You can throw those little references into something that perhaps isn’t their traditional style.

That’d be cool; doubly so since he’s not going to bother with Zombie Simpsons.


Quote of the Day

Homer vs Lisa and the 8th Commandment11

“Ooh, somebody’s having a party.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon
“Yeah, Friday night, want to come over?” – Homer Simpson
“Oh, thank you, but this store is open twenty-four hours, it puts great demands on my time.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon
“Too bad, it’s gonna be a great fight.” – Homer Simpson
“Oh, the fight!  Why didn’t you say something?  I’ll get my brother Sanjay to cover for me.  He deplores violence of all kinds.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon


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