Archive for December, 2013


Off Topic: A Friend’s Ripping Good Read

“These Hardy Boys books are great, too.  This one’s about smugglers.” – Homer Simpson
“They’re all about smugglers.” – Bart Simpson
“Not this one, The Smugglers of Pirate Cove, it’s about pirates.” – Homer Simpson
If you’re reading this post then you’ve probably already read the “Zombie Simpsons” mini-book.  That little thing would’ve been much worse if not for the help of, as I said in the acknowledgements, “my friend Liz”.  Well, today Liz became a for-real published author with her first dead tree book, Hunted:
As you can probably judge from the cover, it’s a mystery novel.  Specifically, it’s about an FBI profiler on the trail of an asshole who murders young women.  It’s a real page turner, the ending is both scary and great, and I can personally attest that she did her homework.  Liz has been to the FBI’s training center, has shelves groaning under books about modern homicide investigation, and has a sharp eye for which procedural details are cool and move the story and which ones aren’t and don’t.
The main Amazon link is here (Kindle or paperback), her Goodreads page is here (where Hunted has four stars on 28 ratings), and this is her website (yes, that is her in the sunglasses with the semi-automatic pistol).  This is the first book in a series, and if you like fun and pulpy mysteries, it will suck you right in and keep you turning pages long after you planned to be doing something else.

Quote of the Day

Eight Misbehavin3

“Are you sure you want a child, Apu?” – Manjula Nahasapeemapetilon
“You know, I do.  I mean, there comes a time in a man’s life when he asks himself: who will float my corpse down the Ganges?” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon


Quote of the Day

Bart Gets Hit By a Car12

“Howdy, stranger.” – The Devil
“I’m Bart Simpson, who the hell are you?” – Bart Simpson
“Ah, please allow me to introduce myself, I’m the Devil.” – The Devil


Quote of the Day

A Fish Called Selma12

“Yeah, it’s a good idea, Homer, but they’ve already made some movies about World War II.” – Drunken Troy McClure


Quote of the Day

Dancin' Homer10

“Bart was strangely quiet.  Later he explained he was confused by feelings of respect for me.  It wouldn’t last.” – Homer Simpson


Reading Digest: Homer Impregnates Patty & Selma Edition

The Way We Was18

“Is Marge here?” – Homer Simpson
“Who?” – Patty Bouvier
“Or what, are you?” – Selma Bouvier
“I’m her date.” – Homer Simpson
“I suppose you want to come in and sit down.” – Patty Bouvier
“Oh, okay.” – Homer Simpson
“Marge’s dates get homelier all the time.” – Selma Bouvier
“That’s what you get when you don’t put out.” – Patty Bouvier 

It’s that weird week of the year between Christmas and New Year’s, when internet traffic plummets, the news goes into recycle mode with cheap posts about best this and worst that, and nobody much talks about The Simpsons on-line.  We do have some excellent usage, clever Australian sports fans, bird sex most foul, and the merchandising machinery has no respect for our hu-man holidays so there’s a hideously expensive jacket you can buy, plus there’s the usual assortment of random stuff and general what have you.  


The Mary Sue Exclusive Clip: Nancy Cartwright, Voice of Bart Simpson, in I Know That Voice – Smooth Charlie’s Link of the Week contains a couple of short YouTube clips from an upcoming documentary about voice acting.  The first one is Cartwright explaining how there’s a rhythmic difference between characters like Ralph and Nelson, it’s neat.

These Cricket Fans Won The Day With Their Cromulent ‘Simpsons’ Signs – Two Australian cricket fans brought “Dental Plan” and “Lisa Needs Braces” signs to a test match, and there’s pictures.  Bravo, cricket fans.

The 12 Days of Christmas Episodes: The Simpsons – “Grift of the Magi” – Our old friend EJ Feddes takes a look at one of the lesser earlier Christmas episodes.

The Simpsons in its 25th season: showrunner Al Jean on why it endures – A nice little fluff piece on Jean and the show.  Nothing new or terribly interesting, though I did giggle somewhat at this:

A sequel to the 2007 feature film is not ruled out, but there is nothing planned. The writers, divided into two 10-strong teams in different rooms, have an eye for YouTube clips, but the main challenge remains crafting 30-minute stories without repeating previous episodes.

It’s the “main challenge” alright, one they haven’t bested in years.  Also, here’s horse’s mouth confirmation of what we’ve long suspected, they pussyfooted around Bush the Younger because they were scared:

Some writers pitched gags about the second President Bush, but the show largely steered clear because of his volatile ratings and image. “After 9/11 people were saying: ‘You can’t make fun of him, you can’t make a joke about the president, it’s too serious a time.’ Then it went to the opposite where he was widely ridiculed. We work a year ahead and we try to do things which we know will be true when we air,” says Jean. Lacking an actor who did good Dubya was another factor.

Weak sauce, Jean, weak sauce.

New home for turkeys that were saved from the chop – Aw, this is nice:

STUDENTS at Duchy College Rosewarne, in Camborne, have rescued two turkeys from the dinner plate and given them a new home.

Named by the students after characters from The Simpsons TV show, hens Patty and Selma have joined stag Homer and a hen Marge, who already live on the Camborne campus.

Though one imagines none of their namesakes would appreciate this:

Head animal management technician Laura Fallow said: “Patty and Selma have settled in well, they were quite nervous to begin with and their agility means they are able to jump onto the fence but they do not venture far and always return to the stag. We will be breeding Homer with Selma and Patty to produce hatchlings for the spring to sell.”

NFC North teams stink – Excellent usage:

Once again, as I watched NFL games Sunday, I was reminded of that wonderfully cheeky line from “The Simpsons.” The one that goes, “I’ve seen teams suck before but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.”

The reminder came as each of the NFC North teams lost their games.

The Simpsons Help Us Pinpoint the Second the Cardinals Playoff Hopes Ripped in Half – I put this up on Twitter earlier in the week, but it’s those weird days between Christmas and New Year’s, so why not take another look.  It’s worth a chuckle.

When Ranveer Singh faked an accent to impress girls – Heh:

Bollywood actor Ranveer Singh went down memory lane at a talk show and spoke about the days when he served coffee at Starbucks in the US before he became an actor.

Speaking about his college days, Ranveer said he used to pay attention to his looks when he used to serve coffee. He grew his hair and was all tanned. All the Jewish girls, who used to visit the cafe, found him very appealing and used to often talk about him amongst themselves. He admitted that not only did he take care of his looks but also spoke in an accent to catch the girls’ attention.

He admitted that he used to purposely speak in an Indian accent because the girls found it very appealing. He said he used to talk like Apu from The Simpsons.

8 great Christmas TV episodes – “Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire” is here, as is “Xmas Story” from Futurama.

TV Character Bracket 2nd Round: #5 Homer Simpson vs. #4 Michael Scott – Homer’s winning, but could always use some more votes.

THE BEST EPISODE THINGY THERE EVER WAS Round 1 Simpsons Roasting On An Open Fire VS Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? – Oof, that’s a tough one.

Homer Vs Lisa and the 8th Commandment – After a couple of week’s off, Ash is back.

The Simpsons – Stick with those old box sets and you’ll be fine:

I have a love/hate thing for ‘The Simpons’ Sometimes I actually love the show and can’t find anything bad about it but the next time I can fully hate it and go weeks on end without watching an Episode.

The Simpsons X Moleskine book collaboration – A closer look at some of those new little notebooks.

lipstickndynamite – One of the Best Mom Moments – Lisa and Marge at the end of “Moaning Lisa”.  Indeed one of the best.

Charity Christmas display targeted by ‘selfish’ thieves – Some asshole in Britain slashed a Christmas display, including an inflatable Homer.

27 Funny Vehicles Spotted on The Simpsons – There’s some Zombie Simpsons here, including that idiotic Lady Gaga train, but it’s mostly good.

Pedalling in the Christchurch garden – New Zealand had a bad earthquake three years ago, now there’s a short bicycle tour of some of the still remaining wreckage, including a wall that collapse to reveal the inside of someone’s bathroom and their giant “You’ll have to speak up I’m holding a towel” cutout of Homer.  (It’s the second image in the slideshow.)

Dag 321 – Wouldn’t it be nice to see someone wearing this shirt wheeled a big stack of beer into a store/bar?

Dag 322 – Homer, ready for a night on the town.

NOWHERE / BABY MILO® THE SIMPSONS™ – See the two (2) trademark signs in that link?  They aren’t a coincidence, but you can buy a truly ugly Simpsons jacket for $300.

KBCW Presents: The Simpsons Classics! – Even local TV stations with syndication rights know that Zombie Simpsons is garbage.  Observe:

In 2014, KBCW will be reliving that TV history from the very beginning.

Starting January 6th KBCW presents The Simpsons Classics: a Bay Area broadcasting event presenting the first twenty years of “The Simpsons” in order from the very beginning.

Witness Homer’s first industrial accident, Marge’s very first groan of disappointment and the introduction of Troy McClure, Disco Stu, and Blinky the three eyed fish. Re-introduce yourself to every character, every guest star and every pop culture element as KBCW presents the classic episodes that have not been seen on Bay Area broadcast television in years.

Catch every episode of the first 20 years of the Simpsons in order.

We’ll be running the first decade of the Simpsons at 6pm, starting with season one episode one, then well be running the second decade at 10:30 starting with season 10 episode 1.

One of these time slots is better than the other.

Take Me to the Pilot #6: “Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire” – And finally, I get to end the way I like, with someone who agrees with us.  This is a thoughtful reminiscence about watching the first episode as a kid, and then again as an adult.  The whole thing is worth a read, and it agrees with us precisely:

It’s easy to forget how humble the show’s beginnings were, and how grounded in real-world economic hardships the Simpson family was in the show’s early days. Watching a current episode of The Simpsons–with its super-slick animation, too-tight pacing, and absurd stories that only occasionally remind us why we ever cared about these characters in the first place–is like watching a completely different show.

Amen, brother.  If only there were a name for that different show . . .


Quote of the Day

Homer Defined12

“What?  What is it?  What are you doing?” – Homer Simpson
“Looking at you with quiet awe.” – Lisa Simpson
“Well, as long as its quiet.” – Homer Simpson


Quote of the Day

Much Apu About Nothing11

“I never should’ve bought this button!  Can I have my three dollars back?” – Homer Simpson
“Store credit only.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon


Quote of the Day

Miracle on Evergreen Terrace4

“Hey, since when is Christmas just about the presents?  Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of this day: the birth of Santa?” – Bart Simpson


Quote of the Day

Lady Bouvier's Lover10

“It’s been great spending time with my family again.  I guess the next time I see you won’t be until Thanksgiving.” – Jacqueline Bouvier
“Or if not then . . . Christmas.” – Homer Simpson


Quote of the Day

Who Shot Mr. Burns Part 1i

“Sir, have you had enough exercise for this morning?” – Mr. Smithers
“No.  Let’s go another twenty miles.” – C.M. Burns

Happy birthday Harry Shearer!


Quote of the Day

Colonel Homer11

“Hey, hey, Lurleen!  I gotta say something to you.” – Homer Simpson
“I’m listening.” – Lurleen Lumpkin
“Your song touched me in a way I’ve never felt before.  And which way to the can?” – Homer Simpson

(Sorry for the late quote.)


Quote of the Day

Radio Bart16

“Don’t worry, son.  Just cause you’re trapped in a hole doesn’t mean you can’t live a rich and full life.  I brought you your Krusty doll.” – Homer Simpson
“Ow!  Knock it off you bald boob!” – Bart Simpson
“Hey, don’t make me come down there!” – Homer Simpson
“I’d like to see you fit!” – Bart Simpson


Reading Digest: Google Translate Edition


“Please to repeat again, and I will translating for the El Presidente.” – Aide
“Which way does the water turn in your toilet?” – Bart Simpson
“He says the tide is turning!” – Aide
“!Ay Caramba!  Then the rebels will soon take the Capital!” – El Presidente 

We’ve got two posts this week brought to you by the algorithmic magic of Google Translate, one a discussion of censorship in France, the other a Swede who agrees with us.  (All hail Google and its glorious new regime!)  Other than that it’s a bit short this week, partly because it’s getting toward Christmas, and partly because WordPress had another little tag problem and would only load about half of the Simpsons tagged posts since last week.  We do have some more fan art, real life lion cubs, Sam Simon getting honored again, and some other people who marked Simpsons Day.


Dead Bart – A mixture of screen grabs and mostly fan made art with “Dead Bart” as the theme.  Some of them are quite creepy and good.

The Simpsons! – Instructions on making your own Simpsons nail art, with pictures.  Cool.

Marcia Karen Wallace’s Tribute – I didn’t catch this last Sunday, but it does serve to further confirm that the opening is the best thing they do (“best” being quite relative, of course).

Photos: Moleskine unveils new ‘Simpsons’ notebooks – Sir, have we made enough Simpsons merchandise yet?  Never!

December 17th 1989: The Simpsons debuts – See?  Lots of people celebrate Simpsons Day.

In Which I Make A Few More Predictions (TV Edition) – A better than average prediction:

Ohhhh boy! What can you say about a TV show that’s been on the air for nearly 25 years? How about “when’s it gonna end”? So, with that in mind I give The Simpsons at least 8 1/3 years and at most 18.

Now that I’m on the record, time will only tell.

Why You Little… – I assume one of these isn’t actually from the show, but since I think a couple are from Zombie Simpsons, I’m not sure which.

Op-Ed: Can modern media keep out of the toilet? Apparently not – A guy in Australia complaining about “toilet scenes” in movies and teevee cites “Bart vs. Australia” as an example of one he likes:

Even on genuinely funny shows like The Simpsons, the toilet, somehow, has become a magnet for comedy. At least The Simpsons managed to make the toilet jokes funny. Bart is introduced to the Coriolis Effect, rings Australia to find out which way the water flushes, and goes to Australia to apologize after creating a diplomatic incident. (We haven’t forgotten, Simpson…)

Simon Singh Presents ‘The Simpsons and Their Mathematical Secrets’ – The New York Times finally got around to mentioning the new book.  It must be news now.

Reasonable Doubt: Bart Simpson, child litigant – Using “Bart Gets Hit By a Car” to discuss the legal rights of children in Canada.  Also, they misidentified one of Springfield’s busybodies:

Any Simpsons fan will recall the late Maude Flanders’s common plea: “Won’t someone please think of the children?!”

Family Guy aims to take on The Simpsons: Tapped Out with similar free-to-play iOS and Android game – Well, anything you can do with the Simpsons franchise, you can do dumber and later with the Family Guy one.

Should Lion Cubs’ Names Come From ‘Star Wars,’ ‘The Simpsons’ or Shakespeare? – A zoo in Maryland is thinking about naming some lion cubs Bart and Maggie.

14 Ralph Wiggum Moments to Make You Feel Smart – Mostly animated .gifs, with a few from Zombie Simpsons.

Here comes Santa Claus … – The Christmas parade in Show Low, Arizona had an inflatable Homer as Santa riding a pickup truck and driving electric reindeer.  There’s a picture at the link and it is just as epic as it sounds.

If you write just one fan letter – Nancy Cartwright gets to her fan mail much quicker than Ringo Starr.

Round 95: Girly Edition vs. Treehouse of Horror VII – Only two entrants in the tournament section this week.  Damn waffle iron.

THE BEST EPISODE THINGY THERE EVER WAS Round 1 Simpsons Roasting On An Open Fire VS Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? – Tough choice:

Two strong episodes. Classics really. “Oh Brother Where Art Thou” is probably the funnier of the two, but “Simpsons Roasting On An Open Fire” is the more integral of the two in terms of Simpsons history. Maybe it’s the Eggnog talking, or just because it’s that time of year, but if I could only ever watch one again for the rest of my life I’d go with “Simpsons Roasting On An Open Fire.”

Whoo-hoo! Homer for the Holidays – From the same guy who brought us Bart sledding last week comes Santa Homer in the snow.

“Oooh, so Mothe… – Heh.

You know, boys,… – Heh, again.

10 raisons (supplémentaires) de zapper la VF… – Google Translate is an amazing thing, but it still has to be taken with a grain of salt.  But I guess Duff got censored in France:

Simpson also had the right to their censorship in France. Indeed, the brand of beer “Duff” became floutter W9 and Canal +. And yes, it is forbidden to advertise a brand of alcohol on television in France.

‘The Simpsons’ Sam Simon Tapped for Writers Guild Honor – No idea if Simon cares or not, but I suppose this is nice of them:

The Writers Guild of America West has named “The Simpsons” co-developer Sam Simon as its 2014 Valentine Davies Award honoree in recognition of his humanitarian efforts and community service on behalf of writers.

It’s the second WGA honor for Simon in recent weeks. He received the WGA West’s Animation Writers Caucus animation writing award earlier this month as a lifetime achievement honor recognizing his contributions to the craft of animation writing.

The Return of/My Return to Community – I know this feeling (both of them, actually):

I watched a lot of TV as a kid, and part of my thinking was that if I missed something, it might never be shown again.  I didn’t want to miss anything.  It’s easier to let go now in the knowledge that YouTube, Netflix, or a DVD set will allow me to catch up down the road.  I think The Simpsons is the first show that stopped being “appointment television” for me; the decline in quality around 2000 was part of it, but I also knew the episodes I missed wouldn’t disappear into the ether like so much of the stuff I watched as a kid.

I stayed up way late to watch the last few episodes of the Johnny Carson tonight show because I loved the theme song and thought I’d never get to hear it again.  Well, it was still cool to stay up late.

Homer Simpson gets a new friend – I have no idea who actually writes the Tapped Out updates, but while they aren’t going to be quoted or win any prizes, they do tend to be funnier than Zombie Simpsons:

What I loved about the game is the humour. The writers did a great job!!

Comedy tonight! – A top ten list of comedy episodes includes “Kamp Krusty” and “A Streetcar Named Marge”

Monday Inspiration – Someone who agrees with us:

I wish The Simpsons were as funny as they used to be while I was growing up. These t-shirts, though, make me love ‘em all over again.

We all wish that.

Simpson och konceptet “overstaying your welcome” – And finally, I get to end the way I like, not only with someone who agrees with us, but with someone from Sweden who agrees with us (per Google Translate):

6an sends Simpsons whole damn time – we all know it. In our home, we gave up on Simpson somewhere in season 20. Now I’ve seen a few episodes from recent seasons, such as season 24 (above). It’s such a disappointment, why can not they just give up? Let us rest in the memory of an incredibly fun and trendsetting series! This is well iofs too late now because the whole series has been denigrated by how lousy it has been in recent years.
I’m sorry, Simspsons, “but you are dead to me now.”

Let us rest in the memory.


Quote of the Day

Itchy and Scratchy and Marge15

“You heard me, I won’t be in for the rest of the week. . . . I told you, my baby beat me up. . . . Oh, it is not the worst excuse I ever thought up.” – Homer Simpson


Quote of the Day

The Way We Was17

“Homer Simpson, I thought you dropped out.” – Principal Dondelinger
“You wish, Dondelinger.” – Homer Simpson
“That’s Mister Dondelinger.” – Principal Dondelinger


Quote of the Day

Fear of Flying13

“You’re right, I’ve been wasting my life away in that dump for years.  That’s it!  I’m going to find a new bar to drink in, and I’m going to get drunker than I’ve ever been in my entire life!” – Homer Simpson


Sight Gags: Marge Be Not Proud

ILG and Subsidiary

“It’s a Krusty Kinda Kristmas, brought to you by ILG, selling your body’s chemicals after you die.  And by Little Sweetheart Cupcakes, a subsidiary of ILG.” – TV Announcer

He is Carvallo:

Marge Be Not Proud5

And I’ll bet they don’t even pay overtime:

Marge Be Not Proud6

But could you use Hitler’s brain to construct an unbeatable swimmer?:

Marge Be Not Proud7

I used to have an old Apple II game that let you play all the winter Olympic sports, even biathlon.  It sucked:

Marge Be Not Proud8

Could be worse, could be a soap bar stabbing:

Marge Be Not Proud9


Some More Simpsons Day YouTube

I have nothing that can compare with the pure, ancient memory trip of that earlier video, but these are pretty good.  Not much in the way of new information in this first one, but you can see Jean and Groening as younger than now but not so painfully young as they were in that other one.:

Here’s BBC Radio 1’s Top 40 countdown for when “Do the Bartman” took #1.

Here’s an Australian Channel Ten promo for “Bart the General”:

Same thing, but for “The Call of the Simpsons”:

Presented by Sega and preceeding Doogie Howser.  Here’s a Pizza Hut ad for free Simpsons cups:

Before we leave Australia, here’s an ad for a Simpsons live show at an amusement park:

Here’s an American promo for “Blood Feud”:

They really didn’t say much about the episode at all, it’s weird.  Here’s a promo for “Life on the Fast Lane” and a Married with Children episode:

And here’s part of the reason why Akklaim went out of business:

Akklaim: We paid a lot for this license.  We did not pay much for design or programming, but that’s your problem, not ours.  Mario Paint wasn’t exactly easy to use, but you could actually do some cool stuff with it:

Speaking of crappy Akklaim games, here’s a British ad for Bart vs. the Space Mutants with a very weird Mario accent:

Forty British pounds?  Jebus.  Here’s a better game, a recently refurbish Simpsons pinball game.  The guys who fixed it up give you the full tour:

Look at the size of those circuit boards (2:45)!  And finally, commercials from a Wisconsin FOX affiliate from twenty-four years ago today:

I can’t decide which is the most depressing, the woman who has so little going on in her life that she gets “a kick” out of just looking at her Toyota Carolla, the Lipton (yes, the tea people) dinner sauce that has to be microwaved for thirty-five (35!) minutes, or the Target ad with Amy Grant where she sings “Don’t you know?  Love makes you real” while they push Sony Walkmans and shitty plastic cameras.


Sight Gags: Homer’s Triple Bypass

Homer's Triple Bypass20

“Ahh, little Homer . . . How’d he get that?” – Abraham Simpson

Homer’s maternity ward:

Homer's Triple Bypass11

Reputable health insurance:


Springfield General is a very strict hospital:

Homer's Triple Bypass12

And now, people who look like things:

Homer's Triple Bypass13

Homer's Triple Bypass14

Homer's Triple Bypass15

Homer's Triple Bypass16

Homer's Triple Bypass17

Surgical audience:

Homer's Triple Bypass18


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Useful Legal Tidbit

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