Reading Digest: Super Bowl Menagerie Edition

“It’s a touchdown for halfback Dan Beerdorf!  Duff Dry has won the Duff Bowl!” – Commercial Announcer
“They wanted it more.” – Moe

As we here in America approach one of our most sacred high holy days, the internet responded with a torrent of Simpsons/football related links, references and usage.  There’s even one for the Super Bowl’s hapless sibling, the Pro Bowl.  In addition to that, we’ve a whole bunch of cool fan made stuff, most of which comes from an awesome Reddit collection of a painter who does Simpsons requests, a funny interview with Shearer, a harmless Zombie Simpsons-Super Bowl promo, and the first Choo-Choose Valentine’s link of the year.

Enjoy.

And Now For Something Completley Different……. Vol. 2: Will The Real Mr. Sparkle Please Stand Up? – Smooth Charlie’s Link of the Week is this brief collection of real life Mr. Sparkles, everything from window washers and women’s underwear to arm tattoos.  Cool.

I make real life Simpsons paintings for fun and here are few I made last year (including some that were commissions from this subreddit!) – A collection of fan made paintings and similar from Reddit.  My favorite is probably #14, the actual Super Nintendo painted to look like Chalmers.  The whole collection is fantastic.  (Many thanks to reader Jodi for sending this in!)

Harry Shearer: Nixon didn’t like blacks, Jews, communists, the French… – Shearer is the best:

How long has The Simpsons got left? We’ll be on the air until Fox finds another comedy show that can work at 8pm on Sunday – so I’ll say another 55 years. There are people who have voted in several elections who are younger than our show at this point.

Has anyone unexpected said they’re a fan of the show? I don’t talk to presidents or popes so I don’t know. What I find most interesting is if someone asks me to do one of the voices, whether they’re a five-year-old girl or a 70-year-old man, when they see the voice come out of a human body they all get the same look of bewilderment, surprise and delight. It’s really fun to see that.

Guess Who? – The beginnings of a Lisa (or Maggie) cross stitch.  And she’s doing one of Chef Bender as well.  Don’t forget to post the final results.

The Grammies Apparently Happened Recently – Now this is coverage of music industry self promotion I can get behind:

Legal Disclaimer: Mr. Simpson’s opinions do not reflect those of the producers, who don’t consider the Grammy an award at all

Excellent usage.

(A late!) Sunday Night Sketchbook 26/01/14 – Scroll halfway down for a cool fan made sketch of Ralph after he grew up to be a caterpillar.  (Also, the Iron Giant one is pretty damn cool.)

What If Our Favorite Fictional Characters Aged and/or Kept Up With The Times – Heh:

6) In ‘The Simpsons’, Bart and Lisa would be in their early to mid thirties.  Bart would probably be finishing up a five to ten year stint in Springfield State Prison or beginning a career in politics.  Lisa would probably have 2 or 3 PhD’s and well on to a Nobel Prize winning career.

Woo Hoo!! – Heh.  Nobody better dis your fly girl.

You Choo Choo Choose Me? – If you’re planning on sending out the perfect Wiggum Valentine’s Day card, now you can.

The Simpsons Take A Trip To The Super Bowl With Everyone’s Favorite New Girl – There’s a Super Bowl video with some of the Simpson characters in it.  It’s mildly amusing in places, and, more importantly, short.  There’s even a joke about football overruns being the only thing that’s keeping FOX a network.  I guess admitting that football overruns are the only thing keeping Zombie Simpsons from disappearing completely would’ve been too close to home.

The Year of the Backlog – A post about a daunting number of unwatched famous movies:

I can’t run from the fact that I haven’t seen a lot of very poI can’t run from the fact that I haven’t seen a lot of very popular and culturally significant movies. No wonder, as I spent the majority of my childhood and teenage years either skipping films altogether or watching the same ones over and over again. This offered me nothing more than the ability to recite Aladdin or Home Alone from beginning to end without skipping a beat. This is a valuable skill, no doubt, but it didn’t provide me much in the way of variety or the opportunity to discover new genres that I might have actually enjoyed. Most of my classic film knowledge exists only through reference or parody, and I owe shows like The Simpsons a great deal for keeping me in the loop. I never watched The Shining, but I knew almost word for word and shot for shot the popular lines and scenes from the Stanley Kubrick classic.

Don’t feel bad.  Lots of people, myself included, learned about a ton of movies from The Simpsons.

Part 119: Cereal – A blog about being single is missing out on some of life’s great pleasures:

There are all sorts of things that other people do and tell you about – in conversation or in blogs or in newspaper columns or similar – which they appear to find pleasurable, but which you have thus far failed to enjoy. Things such as fellatio, The Simpsons and any film the Coen brothers have ever made. Once or twice a year you try them out – because they do seem to make all the other people happy – although you really should have the courage of your convictions by now.

I can’t speak to blowjobs and award winning black comedies, but as for The Simpsons , give it a try at the start of Season 2 with “Bart Gets an F” and go from there.  The world is far too polluted with Zombie Simpsons for any other try to really count.

Super Bowl Sunday is About More Than You Think – A Super Bowl without beer is like a blog post without a .gif of Homer running around an overturned beer truck.

Flashback: Joe Giudice v. Joe Gorga Fight Voiced by Chief Wiggum & Moe – “He’s Bitin’ My Nuts, WTF?!” – This is from a while ago, but I’d never seen it before.  It’s Azaria doing voices over one of those fake fights on a reality show.  Kinda funny to hear Moe says, repeatedly, “He’s biting my nuts.”

Super Bowl Science: Could A Seahawk Beat A Bronco? And Other Important Nerdy Football Questions – Yet more gimmicky Super Bowl previews, but this one invokes Lisa:

In the words of Lisa Simpson, “what could be more exciting than the savage ballet that is pro football?” Perhaps the science of that savage ballet!

Excellent usage.

7 TV Joke Products That Became a Reality – The Leftorium and Tomacco make the list.

The Divine Comedy of the Pro Bowl – And finally, I get to end the way I like, with someone who agrees with us in this comparison of the sad state of the Pro Bowl and Zombie Simpsons:

The NFL Pro Bowl’s ill-fated demise is like tuning into a new Sunday night episode of the Simpsons.
It’s easy to recall a time when these showings were once compelling and even entertaining—albeit, during a time when our insight for amusement hinged on pedantic catchphrases and unfulfilled promises. But for the better part of the last two decades, both stagnant spectacles have nose-dived into a Homer Simpson-sized groove.
They’re outdated, overplayed, and they should have been axed ages ago.

Yup.

Quote of the Day

“Daddy has very important work to do; he’s looking through the want ads to find a part time job.” – Homer Simpson
“Dad, that’s a gag paper we got at the carnival.” – Lisa Simpson
“Oh.  No wonder I didn’t hear about Bart being elected World’s Greatest Sex Machine.” – Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“Hey, what’s this?” – Barney Gumble
“A sneeze guard.” – Moe
“Achoo!  Wow, it really works.” – Barney Gumble

Compare & Contrast: Marge in Therapy

“Eww, you like the Monkees?  You know they don’t write their own songs.” – Girl on Bus
“They do so!” – Marge Bouvier
“They don’t even play their own instruments.” – Girl on Bus
“No!  No!” – Marge Bouvier
“That’s not even Michael Nesmith‘s real hat.” – Girl on Bus
“Ahhhhhhh!” – Marge Bouvier
“Kids can be so cruel.” – Dr. Zweig
“But it’s true, they didn’t write their own songs or play their own instruments.” – Marge Simpson
“The Monkees weren’t about music, Marge, they were about rebellion!  About political and social upheaval!” – Dr. Zweig

When The Simpsons would have one of its characters go someplace new or do something they’d never done before, whenever it introduced a new element to the show, it usually made that thing a harsh (if sometimes sympathetic) satire.  So, for example, New York City is filled with jerks and dickish parking officers, but it’s also got nice people who’ll yell back at the jerks in Tower One and glamorous (if inane) Broadway shows.  The sushi restaurant is friendly and delicious, but there’s still drunken karaoke and a map to the hospital on the back of the menu.  The dentist is a sadistic lunatic, but he’s also not wrong about calling you a liar when you tell him how often you brush.

Zombie Simpsons, of course, has a hard time sending the family anywhere novel or having them do something new because everything they come up with is a repeat of some kind.  Beyond that, though, when they do put the family in an unusual situation, they tend to put things in the most positively exaggerated light possible.  Cruise ships are idyllic paradises that are the most fun you’ll ever have.  Going to E3 or some other big show is awesome because you’ll get to run around with VIP passes and see all this cool stuff.  Trips to fancy restaurants are never too expensive or disappointing, and the staff will always treat you like gold.  It’s a completely different mentality, one that’s insulated from unhappiness and incurious about pretty much everything.  And, it goes almost without saying, seeing happy people have fun isn’t generally as funny as the opposite.

For a clean example of how weak this soft focus mentality is, look no farther than the therapist’s office in “Specs and the City” and the huge differences with Dr. Zweig’s office in “Fear of Flying”.  Zweig is certainly a competent therapist, but she also straight up lies to Homer about not blaming him and interrupts Marge’s big realization because a measly $30 check bounced.  The doctor in Zombie Simpsons barely gets any lines because he’s more prop than person.  (He ends the episode cutting Homer’s hair in his office because comedy.)  But beyond his almost nonexistent characterization are the ways that Marge going to therapy is handled.

On The Simpsons, therapy is a almost prohibitively expensive and really can lead to families breaking up.  (Not that ditching Homer would entirely be a bad thing for Marge.)  But it also bears enough of a resemblance to real therapy that it provides plenty of opportunities for jokes, parodies and satire.  So we see Marge’s flashbacks to her traumatic first day of school and seeing her father as a stewardess, get her Lost in Space dream, and have Zweig cracking jokes about copyright, and sarcastically mocking the “rich tapestry” of Marge’s problem after Marge ignores her about the unpaid bill.

Zweig may charge on a sliding scale, but she still charges.

By contrast, Zombie Simpsons has Marge complain about Homer in some rather serious terms but lacks the skill or coherence to turn them around and make them funny at all.  Instead they just give the therapist a bunch of bland therapy lines:

So, Marge, how’ve you been?

And has there been any improvement in Homer’s drinking?

Maybe if you just concentrate on one problem, like his temper.

The jokes, if that is what they are, consist solely of Homer acting outraged at Marge’s legitimate sounding complaints.  This is startlingly emotionally tone deaf, even for them.  The sympathy and audience here are with Marge complaining about Homer, which is portrayed quite seriously.  But the show sticks with Homer’s shock because, hey, that’s where what passes for the punchlines are.

More to the point, the therapy is, well, just therapy.  No attempt whatsoever is made to goose it into something funny and insightful.  It’s left alone and is so dry and straightforward that the doctor’s dialogue wouldn’t be out of place in an instructional video.  He never even comes close to something insane and hilarious like a buttoned down shrink yelling out her love for an all but forgotten mock 60s pop band.

This man does not love the Monkees.  He’s so boring he may not listen to music at all.

Compounding the dullness is the fact that, in Zombie Simpsons at least, straight ahead therapy works, really really well!  After her bland (and more than a little depressing) appointments, Marge is a cake baking sex machine!  Chalk up another awesome point in the life of Homer Simpson.

Compare that to the just-good-enough and probably temporary (her next flight does crash on takeoff) relief Marge gets from her much funnier and more involved therapy.  Even her final, successful session doesn’t end triumphantly, it ends with Dr. Zweig saying Marge is “nuts” for thinking her father was “an American hero” and Marge immediately getting her name wrong.

The Simpsons created a joke laden, topsy-turvy satire of therapy that worked only to the barest minimum of the definition of success.  Along the way they had a smart but callous therapist, some understandable (if cartoonish) spousal paranoia, and a bunch of pop culture parodies, from campy sitcoms to Alfred Hitchcock. They also managed to treat Marge and her doctor like real people, with concerns and flaws.  Zombie Simpsons had textbook dull therapy work perfectly in that it kept the kickass life Homer loves completely intact without him having to do anything.

Quote of the Day

“Come on, Bart, you know better than to talk to strangers.” – Tom
“For your information, I’m his father.” – Homer Simpson
“His father?  The drunken gambler?” – Tom
“That’s right, and who might you be?” – Homer Simpson

Behind Us Forever: Specs and the City

“This is my pride and joy: I’ve had hidden cameras planted in every home in Springfield.  I got the idea from that movie ‘Sliver’, what a delightful romp.” – C.M. Burns

If there’s one thing Zombie Simpsons has perfected, it’s taking familiar elements of The Simpsons, blasting away everything that made them wonderful, and then propping up the barely recognizable remains as though they weren’t decrepit garbage.  In its own ass backwards way, “Specs and the City” was a tour-de-force of that.  Homer actually spent time at the nuclear plant and stopped for a beer at Moe’s when he was done.  Marge was running the house.  The kids even managed to go to school.  There weren’t any magic powers or post-apocalyptic hellscapes, there was nary a drawn out chase scene nor even a bizarre celebrity cameo.  But even within those relatively calm confines, Zombie Simpsons still managed to create a husk of an episode with few to no jokes, nothing that could be called a coherent story (or ending), and lots of expository filler.

To take just one particularly wretched scene, Nelson is for some reason obsessed with the Valentine’s Day cards he gets from the other kids.  (Did I mention that it was Valentine’s Day?  Well it was, until it wasn’t anymore, and then it was again.  Yeah.)  Not only is the entire classroom set up as a line to Nelson’s desk (there was a notable and distinctly awkward absence of Mrs. Krabappel), but for some other reason Dolph and Jimbo(!) are acting as fourth grade muscle to punish kids whose cards don’t meet with Nelson’s approval.

And they weren’t the only ones who were just slapped into scenes with no regard for who they are (or were).  Incompetent Burns was back, letting Homer easily break into his office, stay there for several hours, and then allowing Homer kick him out.  Marge got mad at Homer for wearing his Google Glass thing while they were fooling around, but didn’t notice until Homer told her he was wearing them even though they were glowing through the damn sheets.  Moe gave Homer atrociously terrible advice, which wouldn’t have been bad in and of itself, except that it worked like a charm.

– So the couch gag has stopped even being a couch gag and just become another way they can kill a minute before they have to start the actual episode.

– The stress ball was dumb the first time someone swallowed it.

– “You wear them like eyeglasses, but inside the lens you see information about the people and places around you”, thanks Exposition Smithers!

– So Burns had a wall of TV screens installed behind his wall of TV screens?

– And he spent too much money on them?  Here’s a mini-compare & contrast for you, this dialogue . . .

Burns: Smithers, how much did this company lose to office supply theft last year?
Smithers: Seven thousand, forth-three dollars.
Burns: Yes, well, no more of that thanks to this twenty-six million dollar surveillance system.

. . . and this quote about the same thing from Season 3.  Notice how in one Burns is evil and competent and in the other he’s hapless and costing himself money.  These are two very different Mr. Burnses.

– And we’re supposed to be surprised that he’s spying on his employees when he’s been doing that since the start of the show?  Not to mention the whole town?  And why is Smithers shocked?

– Apparently this is also a Valentine’s Day episode.  Huh.

– Frontline/Firstline, comedy gold!

– “right after I decide if these videos are funny or die” – ah, a preview of the exact thing you’re about to do.

– Why is Marge surprised he’s wearing the glasses in bed?  He was already doing that and she can clearly see them.  And they could’ve handled his getting caught wearing them during sex well if they were so inclined.  Homer could sneak the glasses on, whisper something to them to get some information, turn on a sex app, anything but having him just wearing them and Marge somehow not noticing would’ve shown at least some care toward what they’re doing here.

– “Burns gave us those glasses so he could spy on us”, for the sweet, uncompromising love of Jebus, please just give us one scene where something happens without you telling us what it is.  Just one!

– And then he tells us exactly what we’re seeing on the monitors.

– The floating head Moe scene certainly took up some time.  Well done.

– Apparently the Valentine’s Day plot is going to drag on past actual Valentine’s Day.  (And let’s not even get into the weirdness of having an A-plot where Marge and Homer are fighting and a B-plot where it’s Valentines Day and yet the holiday never comes up in the A-plot.)

– We see the happiness (Wednesday) and sadness (Tuesday) montages, and then Homer explains what we just saw in case nobody noticed the several times they put the day on screen.  Six-year-olds don’t need things explained to them this many times.

– That ending was . . . unexpected.  This episode basically had three things going on, Burns spying on everyone with Google Glass, Homer spying on Marge’s therapy sessions, and that bizarre, unconnected Valentine’s Day plot with the kids.  Not a single one of them had an ending, or even really a conflict, and they wrapped it up with a completely unrelated scene with Ralph drawing on his face.  I was actually surprised when the credits rolled.

Anyway, the ratings are in and we have a new champion for least watched episode ever.  On Sunday, just 3.91 million people wished they were playing around with Google Glass.  That easily breaks the previous record of 4.00 million people set back in Season 23.  We’ve still got half the season to go, but it looks like Season 25 is going to easily break Season 24’s recently set record for least watched ever.  But hey, there’s Legos and Mr. Potatohead now, so we’ve got those.

Quote of the Day

“That’s it, he’s out of here!” – Homer Simpson
“Homer, we’re the only family he’s got.” – Marge Simpson
“I don’t care.  This is not Happy Days and he is not the Fonz.” – Homer Simpson
“Hey, Mister S.” – Otto

Quote of the Day

“Let’s see, our foreign exchange student Uter has chosen Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. . . . But this is just an empty box.” – Principal Skinner
“I begged you to look at mine first.  I begged you.” – Uter

Quote of the Day

“Hello?  Hello?  We’re here for the field trip.” – Mrs. Krabappel
“Sorry.  Sorry.  Boy, it’s getting harder and harder to make it here by ten.” – Chief Wiggum

Quote of the Day

“Ah, I love these real Saturdays.  They’re so relaxing, not like that fake Saturday that almost got me fired.” – Homer Simpson

Reading Digest: Blank Potato Merchandising Edition

“Why don’t you bring this potato?  It’s pretty big.” – Marge Simpson
“Mom, you’re always trying to give me potatoes.  What is it with you?” – Bart Simpson
“I just think they’re neat.” – Marge Simpson

Between the internet echoes of last week’s streaming news and the announcement of a, wait for it, Mr. Potato Head Homer, the signal to noise ratio was pretty bad again this week, so it’s once again a shorter than usual Reading Digest.  When they announced last year that they were kicking the merchandising into overdrive, they weren’t kidding, and it seems like hardly a week goes by without a new tie in or marketing campaign.  Not only did we get Mr. Homer Head this week, but there was also a contest to draw Simpsons characters in an officially license notebook.  Yes, they’re now endorsing blank paper.  The good news is that we got some cool fan art, both of the marketing and non-marketing variety, along with quite a bit of excellent usage, some sketches from early in the show, and several people who agree with us, implicitly and explicitly.

Enjoy.

Early rough sketches and character sheets from David Silverman – Smooth Charlie’s Link of the Week is this collection of David Silverman sketches compiled by our old friend Sebastian.  I put this up on Twitter last weekend, but if you didn’t see it then, click it now.  The ones from when Homer bangs on the door in “Bart the Genius” and the Land of Chocolate alone are worth it.

16 Timeless Business Lessons from The Simpsons – These are actual business tips (with words like “liability” and “regulation”) but they come with good YouTube and not a single example cited is from Zombie Simpsons.

The Simpsons Embroidery – Two very cool fan made Simpsons embroidery pieces, one of a Duff can, the other of Homer with a donut.  Bravo.

ACT’s 2014-15 season to include 2 N.Y. hits – The post apocalyptic Mr. Burns play is heading to San Francisco.

Emmanuel Mauleon Black Bart Simpson – I’ll just let them explain:

It seems like just about everyone has a soft spot for Bart Simpson these days. Photoshopped images of Odd Future dancing with Bart and Lisa flood Tumblr, streetwear blogs seem to worship the Simpson son, and artists like Emmanuel Mauleón have also caught onto this trend as well.
Mauleón, a Brooklyn-based artist originally from Puebla, Mexico, created these dope illustrations of Black Bart Simpson as promo pieces for electropop singer Gordon Voidwell’s mixtape Bad Études.

Check out the full collection at Tumblr.

Round 96: The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace vs. My Mother the Carjacker – Season 10 easily triumphs over this:

Not a fan. I’m willing to forgive outlandish plots, and abandoning all logic and character traits, if an episode at least manages to make me laugh, or if it has something to say.

This one didn’t, and it hasn’t.

Heh.

Round 97: A Milhouse Divided vs. King of the Hill – This happens a lot in Season 9:

An interesting side-effect of this tournament, and one that I didn’t expect to happen, is that I look at episodes much more critically than I ever did in the past. I always enjoyed “King of the Hill,” and I still did, for the most part, on this viewing. But compared to not only the episode above but also to the kinds of episode I expect to make it to the last rounds of the bracket, a few things stood out to me. Homer is once again a tad too much of a jerk, he’s victim of too much physical abuse, and the (always lose) fabric of the show’s plausibility is  stretched too thin a few times.

Simpsons co-creator Sam Simon talks PETA, Obama, NRA and dealing with cancer – A wide ranging Simon interview.  No surprise in that there isn’t much Simpsons content, but this is pretty cool:

I think I have one of the most expensive hobbies in the world, which is buying roadside zoos and setting the animals free. That is kind of the new activity around here. It is really gratifying to see these animals that have been so abused, animals that have never been outside of a concrete pit, taking their first steps on grass.

Hasbro releases Homer Simpson Mr Potato Head – God bless marketing euphemisms:

Hasbro is celebrating the 25th anniversary of The Simpsons this year with the release of a Homer Simpson Mr Potato Head.

Celebrating?  The only thing they’ll celebrate is if this makes them enough money to cover whatever ungodly licensing fee they paid FOX.

The official way to draw Lisa Simpson is pretty damn neat – We’ve seem these before for other characters, but they are pretty neat.

The 7 Best Episodes of The Simpsons, season 1 – Cool list, but extra worth the click for the YouTube video of “Bart the General” at 200% speed.  I didn’t watch the whole thing, but at a couple of points Bart’s talking so fast he almost sounds like he’s rapping.

TV Character Bracket Elite 8: #5 Homer Simpson vs. #11 Dr. Cox – Homer beat Omar last week and he’s ahead of Dr. Cox from Scrubs at the moment, but could certainly use more votes.

The toilet drains the other way in Australia… – Flush capacity as a bigger cultural difference than swirl direction.  Also, there’s a .gif of Homer bouncing back and forth across the border at the embassy.

The Simpsons: Tapped Out(Android, iOS) – This is certainly true:

This game does have problems though, with the EA name attached to it, it’s really no surprise. This game has frequent server crashes, just trying to get into the game can be a pain, you’ll get one or two screens telling you to either hit retry or telling you to wait for it to reconnect, when it’s because of an update that is fine, but it does it a lot at random times.

Album Review: David Crosby – Excellent usage:

Crosby has virtually disappeared from the singer-songwriter landscape for 20 years. Sure, he’ll crop up singing backing vocals alongside Graham Nash every now and then, but for many people the man with the walrus moustache is probably better known for his cameos on The Simpsons, his time in prison for drugs and firearms offenses, or even his role as a surrogate father for Hollywood’s Sapphic community. In fact, a joke from The Simpsons sums it up perfectly –

Barney: David Crosby? You’re my hero!

David Crosby: Oh, you like my music?

Barney: You’re a musician?

Recap: Irvine International Film Festival Brings Indie Flair to Laguna – More excellent usage:

When describing Branson, Missouri to his friends, Bart Simpson recalls Homer’s comparison that it was, “like Vegas, if it was run by Ned Flanders.” That’s more or less the vibe of the Irvine International Film Festival that ended its week-long run last week at Laguna Hills Cinema. When looking at the fledgling festival and comparing it to other festivals in OC like the Newport Beach Film Festival, IIFF is the most relaxed, family-oriented fest of them all, where Flanders himself would give two ecstatic “thumb-diddly- umbs” up.

Whoopidoo…ings: Portrait No.7 of 40 – Zombie Bart Simpson – Fan made drawing of Bart for a marketing competition being run by those notebook people.

Fan Creates Phish Simpsons Mashup on JamBase – Just what it says, with lots of clips from various episodes and outtakes.  Definitely more fun if you’re high.

A visto a este sujeto? – Spanish language Handsome Pete .gif.

GIFs de la semaine : les graffitis fluos – This isn’t in English and mostly isn’t Simpsons related, but there is a great .gif of Bart high on the all syrup squishy.

The Simpsons season 16 on DVD (Leeds Student, 2013) – And finally, I get to end the way I like, with someone who agrees with us:

It hasn’t been the best of times for The Simpsons. Oh sweet Jebus, let’s just say it: it has been the very blurst of times. Yes, the show still rakes in the big bucks and yes, while it continues to do so FOX will probably renew it into oblivion. But there’s been something painfully off about The Simpsons ever since the seasons hit double digits. These more recent outings, led by current showrunner Al Jean, have been called forgettable, lazy and disappointing.

Truly the blurst of times.

Quote of the Day

“There’s a few things you could do to help us sell our home.  First, whenever you walk in front of your window, could you please wear pants?” – Mrs. Winfield
“Hmmm, no.” – Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“Krusty’s my hero, how I could I do this to him?” – Bart Simpson
“It is a tragedy for all us kids, but Bart, you can’t beat yourself up.” – Lisa Simpson
“Yeah, they’ll be enough people to do that for me at recess tomorrow.” – Bart Simpson

Quote of the Day

“I love these lazy Saturdays.” – Homer Simpson
“It’s Wednesday, Homer.” – Marge Simpson
“Ahh!  Work!” – Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“Oh, rats.  Talk about bad luck.  I forgot to wear socks today.  Guess I can’t try those on.” – Lisa Simpson
“No problem, you can wear the store sock.” – Gil
“Eww.” – Lisa Simpson

Quote of the Day

“I wonder where all the rats are gonna go?” – Bart Simpson
“Okay, everybody tuck your pants into your socks!” – Moe

Smooth Jimmy Apollo on the AFC Championship Game

“And now with his picks for today’s games, the man who’s right 52% of the time, Smooth Jimmy Apollo.” – Brent Gunsilman
“Thank you, Bret.  Our first game today, Denver and New England, is too close to call.” – Smooth Jimmy Apollo
“Oh.” – Homer Simpson
“But, if you’re one of those compulsive types who just has to bet, well, I don’t know . . . Denver.” – Smooth Jimmy Apollo
“Woo-hoo, Denver, yeah!” – Homer Simpson

But don’t lose heart, Patriots fans, because we all know how that ended:

When you’re right 52% of the time, you’re wrong 48% of the time.

Quote of the Day

“Lousy German know-it-alls, who are they to say I’m not safe?  Oh, what’s the matter with this thing? . . . No problems here.” – Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“Oh, yes, and punish Lisa for lying to us.” – Marge Simpson
“Alright, young lady, I want you to march yourself directly to the Kwik-E-Mart and get me some chips and a beer.  Get a little something for yourself, sweetheart.” – Homer Simpson

Reading Digest: Legal and Illegal Streaming Edition

“See that ship over there?  They’re rebroadcasting Major League Baseball with implied oral consent, not expressed written consent. . . . Or so the legend goes.” – Homer Simpson

The big news this week was the official announcement of the streaming package for The Simpsons and Zombie Simpsons.  It’s today’s second link, and it sounds like it’ll be pretty cool . . . if you’re one of the few people who’ll be able to get it, as there are an appellate court’s worth of restrictions and hoops to jump through.  A young Canadian who got around all that has been rendered penniless by FOX for . . . I dunno, embarrassing them by doing their job better than they could, or something, and we’ve got a short interview with him as well.  There were enough links to the news about the streaming app, none with further information as far as I could tell, that they kinda drowned out other news this week, so the rest of this is a little light.  However we do have a nice stock reference, a poem, some more kick ass Simpsons art, a couple of links to people complaining about Tapped Out, and what may be the world’s most evil raccoon.

Enjoy.

FOX Bankrupted a 23-Year Old Canadian Pirate for Streaming The Simpsons – Smooth Charlie’s Link of the Week is this article about the kid behind Watch the Simpsons On-line, which was probably a lot more user friendly that whatever fucked up streaming app FOX is going to come up with.  He e-mailed us a few years back about a link exchange, but I politely declined for reasons that should be obvious.

Soon you can (legally) stream the Simpsons—but there’s a catch – You still need to have cable (ugh, who wants that?), and FXX, and your giant evil cable company has to work out an arrangement with giant, evil FOX, which only half of them have done, so there’s actually like four catches.  (There were a lot of links to this story, of which Ars Technica had by far the best headline: “FXX app to stream all The Simpsons seasons, including the 9 good ones”.)

What Your Favorite Episode Of ‘The Simpsons’ Says About You – A jokey little list that does have the good sense to limit itself to Season 1-11.  Though I’m not sure if having “Lisa the Greek” as your favorite makes you a daddy’s girl so much as a gambling fiend.

Simpsons Lego, a haiku – Well done.

UnReal Estate by Tim Doyle – Some more of those amazing Simpsons paintings, including what I think is a new one of the Android’s Dungeon and one of Planet Express from Futurama.

The 15 Worst Corporate Logo Fails – These aren’t so much fails as they are unintentional sex acts/genitals, but you know London 2012 made the list either way.

BEST EPISODE THINGY THERE EVER WAS ROUND 1 Homer’s Triple Bypass VS. So it’s come to this: A Simpsons Clip Show – True:

“So It’s Come To This” may be a clip show, but it’s the best damn clip show any show has probably ever done. Only The Simpsons could take the tired clip show concept and turn out an episode that was entertaining, original, hilarious, and even heart warming at times.

Round 64: There’s Something About Marrying vs. Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment – An easy win for Season 8.

Principal Charming – Episode #027 – It is a bit different for Skinner:

I realise that this is the second season and characters are still being worked out but seriously, Seymour manages to propose to Patty with no problems at all, but when in came to Edna Krabappel, his mother, and the fact that he had no spine, he just couldn’t do it at all. I find that interesting.

But he still fails, so that’s always been there.

Homer Simpson and Road Runner helping police catch passing criminals driving by – In Britain, when the cops use machines to catch speeders, they can customize the noise it makes to alert them.  Apparently, “D’oh” and “Meep” (they only paid for it once, cheap bastards) are popular choices.

Mapache’s Gettin’ Big and Mapache’s Gettin’ Bigger – This raccoon looks like Mr. Burns.  That is all.

365 Days of The Simpsons – A popular point:

What I’ve learned from The Simpsons in the past year
It’s my belief that The Simpsons jumped the shark in season 9, with ‘The Principal and the Pauper‘. It’s hard to pinpoint why this is the ep where it all started to go downhill. The writers hadn’t changed (maybe that was the problem, the show needed fresh blood?) but the plot was so ridiculous that there’s no way you can recover from it. It’s like the writers gave up- they’ve had one bad idea and threw everything else to hell.

The writers had changed by that point, but to my eye, the bigger factor was that there just wasn’t much left to say.

Disturbia – Excellent usage:

Just watch the 1954 original, or The Simpsons version Bart of Darkness, in which a housebound Bart fears that Flanders is murdering his own family – “He’s going to kill Rod and Todd too, that’s horrible! In principle.” Disturbia even has one of the worst taglines ever: “Every killer lives next door to someone.” When I read that I couldn’t help but laugh to myself. It’s not even accurate. But what do I expect from an uncredited remake of Rear Window, named after a Rihanna song, starring Shia LaBeouf.

Keeping up with the Simpsons – A look and not one, but two new collections of Simpsons clothing.

Simpsons Tapped Out – Tapped to Tedium – I’m not quite at the top level yet, but I can already sympathize with a lot of this.

TV Character Bracket Sweet 16: #1 Omar Little vs. #5 Homer Simpson – Homer’s ahead, but could use some more votes.

today’s stickers – A worried looking Homer sticker in Brussels.

An ETF Mr. Burns Would Love – Nice reference:

Mr. Burns, the plutocrat from The Simpsons, didn’t get rich by investing in newfangled companies.  He is more of a traditionalist. On the show, his portfolio included Transatlantic Zeppelin and Amalgamated Spats. These old-fashioned companies seem silly, but Mr. Burns may have had an innovative idea there: invest in longstanding companies.

Unsurprisingly, thestreet.com chose not to mention his investment in Confederated Slave Holdings.

Throwback Thursday: “Bart vs. the Space Mutants” – A quick playthough writeup.

Simpson’s Paradox – Going off the new Simpsons math book, why not take a look at some math problems?

Homer Simpson stars in…The Day Of The Locust? – Old movie trailers were really bad, but if you want to see Donald Sutherland as Homer Simpson, skip to the 1:45 mark on the YouTube video.  It’s kinda funny: “I’ve always wondered what the point was of Homer Simpson.”

I Love the Simpsons! – If you’re going to start a blog, you could do worse than this as your first post:

Almost finish watching the 5th season of The Simpsons.

It is so good and I love it!

I would like to write a review for every episode if I could stop being a lazy sloth.

Don’t forget, trying is the first step towards failure.

App Review: Simpsons Tapped Out – And finally, I get to end with someone who agrees with us.  This time, it’s in a review of EA’s buggy money gusher:

By all 25 unholy seasons of this show I don’t know why I keep on playing this game. It’s a time drain, it’s not fun and it doles out measly increments of original content if don’t want to pay. It’s as stale as the show.

[…]

Verdict: Watch classic reruns instead.

Amen to that.