Quote of the Day

“Well, sir, treason season started early this year as a nuclear sub was hijacked by local man Homer Simpson.” – Kent Brockman
“Oh, my God!” – Marge Simpson
“I told him that photo would come back to haunt him.” – Lisa Simpson

Quote of the Day

“I have soy milk.  The doctor says the real kind could kill me.” – Milhouse van Houten

Happy (one day belated) birthday, Pamela Hayden!  

Quote of the Day

“Ah, for the days when aviation was a gentlemen’s pursuit.  Back before every Joe Sweatsock could wedge himself behind a lunch tray and jet off to Raleigh-Durham.” – Sideshow Bob
“Are you getting lots of bugs in your mouth too?” – Bart Simpson
“Yes.” – Sideshow Bob

Quote of the Day

“Mr. Burns, this is Base Command.  The intruder appears to be a young male, age nine to eleven.” – Guard
“Release the hounds.” – C.M. Burns

Quote of the Day

“They swore they’d get us back by spiking our water supply, but they didn’t have the guts.” – Homer Simpson
“Ohhh, the walls are melting again.” – Marge Simpson
“Personally, I think I’m overdone.” – Turkey

Happy birthday Wes Archer!

Quote of the Day

“This is hour fifty-seven of our live, round-the-clock coverage outside the Simpson estate.  Remember, by the way, to tune in tonight at eight o’clock for highlights of today’s vigil, including when the garbage man came, and when Marge Simpson put the cat out.  Possibly because it was harassed, we don’t know.” – Kent Brockman

Behind Us Forever: Covercraft

“Yes, son, you can have an electric guitar just like your old man.” – Homer Simpson
“Dad, I’m asking if I can get a job.” – Bart Simpson
“Gig, son, when you’re a musician a job is called a gig.” – Homer Simpson

In the past, I have described watching Zombie Simpsons episodes as akin to listening to a 5-year-old tell a story.  It’s just an endless series of “and then this happened”.  In “Covercraft”, which had no B-plot, Moe trashes the music store, and then Homer bought a bass guitar, and then there was a montage, and then Homer was in a cover band, and then there was a montage, and then Apu got picked up by a famous band, and then there was a montage, and then the famous band got food poisoning, and then there was a montage.

– Another relatively decent and brief couch gag.  Two in a row might be some kind of record.

– Things get off to a typically sloppy start.  Barney vanished from the alley, then Moe got into a fight with the guy who apparently owns the music store, who is also clearly not the guy who sold Homer the reeds in “Lisa’s Pony”.  A real waste of Will Forte.

– The sign on Guitar Central “Where Dreams Become Purchases” is pretty good.  But to get there we had to have Lisa do a dramatic pause on “the big box music store”.  None of these characters act like people anymore, and it’s very annoying.

– Now that Homer and Lisa are in the guitar store, Lisa conveniently vanishes for what appears to be several hours.

– Back at home, the Simpson family is once again telling the audience how they feel about stuff.  Lisa continues to be a total non-entity.  She says it’s cool to have another musician in the family, even though she just saw Homer get ripped off and already knew what he bought.

– Now Marge is at a restaurant with Helen Lovejoy, LuAnn van Houten (or whatever her name is now), Bernice Hibbert, and a totally silent Manjula.  Like, she’s sitting right there and doesn’t say or do anything in the whole scene while the rest of them exposit the backstory about their husbands playing instruments.  It’s weird.

– In our next poorly constructed scene, Homer, Kirk, Dr. Hibbert and Reverend Lovejoy are all in the Simpsons’ garage.  They have all set up their instruments and look ready to go but have not, apparently, talked to each other about this at all:

Kirk: What were our wives thinking?  We probably don’t even like the same tunes.
Hibbert: On the count of three, everyone say their favorite kind of music.

It doesn’t read like dialogue or even an outline of dialogue.

– If you’re wondering if they suddenly all became good after that, well, wonder no more.  This is one of roughly a dozen sections of this episode that are just, “Hey, let’s play some 80s rock”.

– Apu just walked up.  Apparently, Manjula is only allowed to talk off screen this week, but she told him about their garage band and now he’s gonna be their singer.

– Oof, this “Sungazer” crap is really bad.  Accoding to the credits the songs were a joint effort of Selman and Matthew Sweet.  I guess they got the crap rock vibe down, but the lyrics are, well, just lyrics.  Probably should’ve at least tried to make those funny.

– Hibbert just asked Apu to explain why his voice is different when he sings.  So they are aware of how wildly dumb this is, but they only pause to explain the implausible when they have a flashback to cut to.

– I’m not even sure how rawk music many montages we’re on now.  Still, I like those better than dialogue like this:

Homer: Guys, are you feeling this?  Are you feeling this?
Kirk: I’m feeling it.
Hibbert: I’m definitely feeling it.
Lovejoy: I felt something earlier but I was afraid to bring it up.
Apu: I think we all felt something.

After that, Homer exposited that they are now a band, in case we were unclear on that.

– Wait, a decent callback joke!  The all appetizer restaurant the wives were at files for bankruptcy, and a newspaper headline calls the concept flawed after a sign in their window said it wasn’t.  I feel like I found a four leaf clover or something.

– Well, that didn’t last.  They’re backstage and Homer asks Apu what’s wrong before expositing how Apu can sing if he imagines he’s singing alone in the Kwik-E-Mart.  It took the better part of a minute to get though that, and then it’s time for another montage.

– And I wasn’t kidding earlier about the lyrics being pointless and unfunny, “When I close my eyes/ I wish that I could fantasize/ Pull a dream right out of the air/ take a chance turn it into a prayer/”.  Someone needs to confiscate Selman’s rhyming dictionary, for the good of us all.

– Bart just noted that everyone loves his Dad now.  That may be the first thing he’s said all episode.  We’re eleven minutes in.

– Ooh, they’ve dipped back into “being aware” of how dumb this is:

Marge: Oh, sweetie, this band has brought out the best in you
Lisa: Yeah, you really get that it’s all about the music.
Homer: Yep, it’s all about the music.  And it would take a pretty unforeseen development to change that.  Pretty unforeseen.

I wonder if the script said “with sexy results” originally.

– And just like that, four old rock stars show up a the garage.  Kirk lists of their names, then explains that they’re from the band “Sungazer”.  Hibbert then asks what happened to their lead singer.  He’s dead, so they’re gonna replace him with Apu.  Dun dun dun.

– These are Apu’s last words before being whisked away in a helicopter:

Tonight we play Las Vegas!  And the theme of the casino is circus!  Circus, ha!

– Sammy Hagar just showed up to voice himself.

– Oh, sweet baby exposition Jebus, they’re having Kent Brockman explain how great things are going for Apu.

– Homer just explained to Lisa the dictionary definition difference between envy and jealousy.  Lisa then produced a dictionary from nowhere to verify it.  That’s right, this episode has gotten so boring that they are reading from a dictionary.

– Homer then yelled at Bart about the band Genesis.  It took awhile.

– Man, I’m getting sick of this:

Hibbert: You know, we really could use a new lead singer.

Then Homer accuses everyone of being “a Yoko” and the rest of them pack up and leave.

– Marge just showed up in the garage in the middle of the night with tickets and back stage passes from Apu.  She’s in her bathrob and just holds them up.  Then they disappear.  This is how this show pushes its plot forward.

– Homer has now broken into Apu’s dressing room.  There’s a picture of the Be Sharps on the wall.  Sigh.

– In a shocking twist, Apu isn’t actually happy on tour.  Then, and I am not making any of this up, they order rancid hot dogs from the Kwik-E-Mart to poison the guys in Sungazer, then the dad band we just saw break up plays the stadium while a final montage shows them getting arrested.  Five-year-olds can do better.

– The credits feature Sammy Hagar telling an incoherent story in jail.  On the plus side, it’s finally over.

Anyway, the numbers are in and they are literally the lowest ever.  With no football lead in, last night just 3.49 million people yawned as the writing staff lived out its own collective mid-life crisis.  That is the smallest audience in history, and by a fair margin as well.  The previous record holder was a flat 4.00 from Season 23.  To be fair, ABC had one of those tedious but usually solidly rated “award” specials last night, so this probably isn’t a new baseline, but it ain’t good, either.

[Note: I made a mistake in the ratings originally.  This episode is actually 4th lowest all time.  I was looking at an old part of my ratings spreadsheet.  Still a terrible number, though.]

Quote of the Day

“Dad, do I have to brush my teeth?” – Bart Simpson
“No, but at least rinse your mouth out with soda.” – Homer Simpson

Sunday Preview: Covercraft

 

Homer has a mid-life crisis, takes up bass guitar and forms a cover band with some of the other dads in town. But the band’s modest early success is soon overwhelmed by the breakout potential of their most unlikely star, Apu.

The Red Rocker himself, Sammy Hagar, will guest voice tonight in an episode that I can only speculate to be ‘dad-rrific’.  If you are feeling musically inclined however, I would suggest pulling out your season 5 DVDs and watching “Homer’s Barbershop Quartet” instead.

Quote of the Day

“My attorney, Lionel Hutz, calls your attention to municipal code 147(c), Protection of Antiquities and Fossils.” – Lisa Simpson
“That’s right.” – Lionel Hutz

Quote of the Day

“Aw, cheer up, Lis.  You got a good grade without even reading the book.  That’s win-win.” – Bart Simpson
“Can’t you see the difference between earning something honestly and getting it by fraud?” – Lisa Simpson
“Hmm, I suppose, maybe . . . if, uh . . . no.  No, sorry, I thought I had it there.” – Bart Simpson

Reading Digest: Passing Time

“Egad, man!  How are we supposed to pass the time?” – C.M. Burns
“Best bet is to stake yourself out a good spot at the starin’ window.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson

It’s another short Reading Digest this week.  As always we’ve got some good stuff, including an insane Lego video, the magical touch of Harry Shearer’s Twitter account, a sexually unusual farm animal, more clothing, and several great pieces of usage, but overall volume remains pretty low.  Not sure why.  Anyway . . .

Enjoy.

Fast Food Formations: Homer Simpson Built From Junk Food – Some crazy geniuses constructed a life size Homer (waist up, anyway) out of things like marshmallows and licorice, and there’s a video of the construction.  Excellent.

The Simpsons: 10 Deleted Scenes You Must See – This is one of those annoying pageview whoring things that makes you click for each entry, but they are all deleted scenes from the DVDs, so there’s some good ones.  Sadly, no video, though (via @DailySimpsons).

▶ Itchy and Scratchy in STAR GORE – (Lego Simpsons Star Wars) – Lego Star Wars, meets Lego Itchy and Scratchy in this blood soaked YouTube video.  I laughed when Scratchy got sucked into the engine on Luke’s speeder.  Thanks to reader David for sending this in.

GIF Life Lessons: The Simpsons – Seven Deadly Sins – Pretty much what it says, and only one is from Zombie Simpsons.  Personally, I’d have gone with Homer fantasizing about his body in “Duffless”, but that’s just me.

Bartman Simpsons Pins // Bart Simpson Vintage 1.75″ Pinback Button Badge 90s 1990s Avenger of Evil Bartman Rules Comic Book Super Hero – Ye olde Simpsons merchandise.

The Simpsons El Barto / Monorail / Pin Pals Badge Set 3 Original Pop Art Pinbacks 90s TV Pins | Picture Blog About Pinback Buttons – Three more.  An “El Barto” tag on the monorail is a nice touch.

Homer V. Simpson gets honorary street sign in Madison – This may be the most Wisconsin story you’ll see all day:

Homer Simpson made his mark in Madison long before a character of the same name became a cultural icon on the small screen.
Legend has it that Homer V. Simpson, a prolific gambler, won half of Antler’s Tavern in a poker game and bought the owner out of the second half in 1943. He also bought land around the West Broadway bar, eventually donating some to the city. Simpson Street — which runs parallel to Broadway — was named in his honor.

Everything’s Coming Up Millhouse – Awesome Milhouse van in Sacramento, photographed by a woman wearing her Milhouse t-shirt.  So . . . this is what’s it like . . . when doves cry.

On My Wish List: The Simpsons x Hello Kitty – The fashionable clothing has now had some crossovers of its own.

Ireland’s gay bull Benjy saved from slaughterhouse – National – Simon continues his good deeds:

He faced execution for failure to perform. But Benjy, the gay bull of Ireland, has been saved following a worldwide appeal backed by The Simpsons co-creator Sam Simon.
Ireland’s Animal Rights Action Network said Tuesday that Simon is paying for Benjy’s transportation to an animal sanctuary in England.

Every Sideshow Bob Episode Of ‘The Simpsons,’ Ranked – Unsurprisingly, the Zombie Simpsons episodes are all at the bottom.  Of course, they’ve crammed him in as a cameo a couple of times now as well, but I don’t think those are on here.

B+ Blogging – Excellent reference:

Due to recent injury to my left pinky finger, typing correctly is currently tricky. If using proper home row typing form, which I insist upon doing to eschew greenhorn-ish hunting/pecking, multiple keys become impossible to type, including one biggie directly preceding “b.” I’ll try to blog without using these letters, much like how Lenny, the Simpsons’ self-described “good work guy,” once begged for continued employment without use of the letter “e.”

Think before you speak (but not too much) – Another excellent reference:

The whole thing reminds me of that episode of The Simpsons where Marge thinks a woman named Becky is trying to steal her family away from her. While driving to the store, Marge laments over the fact that she didn’t use her brilliant comeback of “Shut up, Becky!” when she got the chance. Of course, by the time she gets around to use it, it makes absolutely no sense but in typical Simpsons fashion, it’s still pretty hilarious.

Tee 469 – The Sgt. Pepper’s cast image.

How to Germans Adapt to Watching American Television? – Germans might not like Uter, so in Germany they made him Swiss.  I learned something today.

Brush with Greatness: Harry Shearer and Me! – Nothing will improve your standing with your kids like getting a tweet from the voice of Otto and Burns.

“I am not steak. You can’t just order me.”* – A discussion of Mike Nichols movies ends with something that never hurts:

So what to recommend? How about “Lady Bouvier’s Lover” from season five of The Simpsons? Mrs. Bouvier!!

Hello, Grampa, my old friend . . .

New trending GIF tagged the simpsons snow winter… – Homer getting doused in snow in “Mountain of Madness”.

10 Categoric Reasons Why The Simpsons Is Better Than Family Guy – Reader Arvin sends in a pretty good list.  “Quotability” alone is probably enough to win this.

This Day in Music History — November 21 – Know your history, kids:

1991 : An animated Aerosmith perform Walk This Way on the “Flaming Moe” episode of The Simpsons. The band is one of the first musical guests on the show.

And Mrs. Krabappel stole Joey’s drumsticks.

Quote of the Day

“You’re too late, Homer.  Barney sucked it dry.  Cut his gums up pretty bad.” – Moe

Quote of the Day

“Yeah, I might’ve seen her.  It’s hard to tell from this old picture, you know?” – Cabbie
“Well, according to our computer aging program, she should look about twenty-five years older.” – Bill Gannon
“Yeah, I seen her!  Uh, that is to say, I saw her.” – Cabbie

Compare & Contrast: Pranking the New Teacher

“Kids have been doing that one since my day.” – Marge Simpson

Rather than get into the nonsensical pageant of the transmundane that was the last third of “Blazed and Confused”, I’d like to take a look at a small moment from the beginning that illustrates the general shallowness of this episode.  Specifically, the way that Bart’s closet/skeleton “prank” fails as both a prank, a joke, and as a part of the rest of the episode, especially when compared with Bart’s similar actions in “The PTA Disbands”.

While the backstories differ considerably, the immediate situation in both episodes is remarkably similar.  In each one, the kids have a new teacher about whom they know basically nothing other than, as Bart says, “They’re trying to teach”.  Also in each, Bart has prepared an elaborate booby trap to welcome the newly unfortunate teacher.  This is where the two episodes diverge.

In “Blazed and Confused”, Bart has hidden a remote control car and a skeleton in the closet at the back of the room.  His plan is to bump the car into the door a couple of times to get the teacher to investigate; when the door is opened, the skeleton drops from the ceiling, presumably frightening the teacher.

This is, to put it mildly, a very pedestrian prank.  It wouldn’t be all that hard to set up in real life.  Unless the person involved was very high strung or this was being done late at night on Halloween or something, it probably wouldn’t frighten anyone so much as briefly puzzle them.  For proof, look no further than “Bart Carney”, which did the exact same thing as an example of something that was indefensibly lame.

“That was just confusing.”

To be fair to Zombie Simpsons, upon seeing Bart’s hapless skeleton trick, Milhouse says that it’s only kinda scary.  So they’re aware that this is not one of Bart’s masterpieces.  But they still have him go through with it, thinking it’ll work.  It’s Bart doing what so many characters do in Zombie Simpsons: act contrary to who he is.  Similarly, later in the episode, Marge will blindly trust Homer to do something that the Marge of Season 6 would never blindly trust Homer to do.  The situations and story requirements are so dumb that they require the characters to act like lifeless versions of themselves just to get from scene to scene.

Bart’s prank, which they show us twice, is something the Bart of “The PTA Disbands” would scoff at.  He’s the kid who hung a giant log from the ceiling to smash some unsuspecting teacher back into the blackboard.  It would probably be fatal in real life, but that doesn’t matter because this is a cartoon and nothing bad actually happens.  Bart leaps to his mother’s rescue, and she, having nearly just killed, fondly intones that kids have been attacking their teachers Ewok-style since she was in school.

This is one of those multi-layer jokes that made this show so damned funny.  There’s 1) the over the top violence of it, 2) the fact that little 10-year-olds are vicious enough to plan it, 3) that 10-year-olds have always been doing that, and 4) that all of this is considered so normal that nobody is even upset.  And none of that even takes in the context: Bart having to be reminded of them by Milhouse, the list of already dispatched teachers, and Bart suffering the beginnings of the perpetual embarrassment of being one of his earnestly uncool mother’s students.

And Milhouse didn’t even have to stick his nose through the hole.

The blackboard shattering impact of the log isn’t any kind of stand alone joke or punchline.  It’s a fast and necessary part of a complete scene where each element complements and exaggerates every other.  The last line before it comes crashing down is Milhouse’s, “I meant the other bobby trap!”, a statement that wouldn’t make sense if we hadn’t already seen Bart brush the thumb tack off Marge’s chair, or rush up there in a panic, or the rest of the scene that explains what they’re doing.

By contrast, the last line before Season 26 Bart starts his effort at teacher warfare, is Bart saying, “I will not.  Anything to delay a spelling test”.  What spelling test?  What is Bart hoping this hapless thing he once saw in a broken down carnival ride is going to accomplish?  Cause this guy to run off screaming?  Prime him for the most traumatic hose soaking of his life?  We sure don’t know.  He’s trying to get out of something the audience neither knows nor cares about, and what he’s doing wouldn’t work anyway.  In and of itself, the prank is dumber and weaker, and outside of that it dangles (literally) in the middle of the scene with hardly a connection to outside events.

You can see this same isolation and lack of connection throughout “Blazed and Confused”.  The scene where Jason shows up to murder the park ranger was just a random thing dropped into the middle of the episode.  There are literally no characters at “Blazing Guy” other than Lassen.  Everyone else in attendance is just a one note blip, on and off the screen for whatever reason they happened to be there.  Lassen introducing himself in Skinner’s office hardly needed to be there.  And, given that his face cutting was probably the creepiest thing he did, the episode likely would’ve been better off without that entire scene.

Zombie Simpsons never bothers to weave a joke or a scene together with everything else.  They just stack a few things up and hope a couple of them land.  And if Bart’s prank doesn’t work, who cares?  Maybe the next thing will.  The Simpsons didn’t do that.  It made each part of the script, down to individual lines and words, aspects of a coherent whole that builds on itself.  That intrinsic context and support can make a murderous “prank” hilarious, just as not having context and support can drain the fun from great ideas, and leave bad ones hanging lifelessly from a thread.

Quote of the Day

“The torch has been passed to a new generation of, uh, snow plow people. . . . Come on, gimme the key . . . these look like teeth marks.” – Mayor Quimby
“I thought there was chocolate inside. . . . Well, why was it wrapped in foil?” – Homer Simpson
“It was never wrapped in foil!” – Mayor Quimby

Quote of the Day

“Okay, kids, now I’m gonna teach ya how to trap wild animals.  But this should only be used in a life or death situation.” – Ned Flanders
“Ooh, floor pie.” – Homer Simpson

Behind Us Forever: Blazed and Confused

“Camp is gonna be great!  Seven days without parents, homework or ear medicine!” – Milhouse van Houten 

The best thing to say about this episode is that at least the designers and animators had some fun (including David Silverman, who even got a line!).  Other than that, this one was a cheerless, contradictory mess.  There’s a new teacher, who’s some kind of psychotic, rule crazy nutjob, but who nevertheless is a regular at “Blazing Guy”, a Burning Man parody so uncreative that they actually tried to make fun of themselves for it.  Nothing we see of this guy would indicate that he would want to be so much as near “Blazing Guy”, but he’s in line for the great honor of setting the big statue on fire.  Was Zombie Simpsons making a point about not assuming what type of people might attend Burning Man?  Of course not.  In their world, him being an uptight prick in the first half of the episode has nothing to do with the second anyway.

– Decent (and short) couch gag for once.

– This show has deteriorated to the point that Chalmers yelling is now considered a go to gag.

– This teacher swapping scene isn’t a terrible idea, but dear sweet Jebus is the execution dumb.  Chalmers yelling and being afraid of this teacher doesn’t make a lick of sense, precludes them from making actual jokes, and makes this guy’s introduction serious instead of, you know, comedic.

– Oh, look, Willem Dafoe is back.  Also, he just cut his face for no reason.  Hi-larious.

– Bart has constructed a prank in the closet with a remote controlled car and a skeleton.  Enjoy it, because this episode moves so slowly they’re going to show it to us twice.

– Now Dafoe is hassling Nelson, who is helpfully expositing everything.

– He just gave Bart a haircut, so naturally the next one minute of screen time (at the Simpson dinner table) will be a rehash of that.

– Marge says that Bart should’ve gotten a balloon with his haircut.  Bart then has a balloon.  Hacktacular!

– And here’s the big swerve.  Marge mentions that there’s a camping trip.  She also asked Homer to book a reservation.  This makes so little sense that the show has Marge weep and exposit it.

– Now the teacher just punched through the blackboard.  Don’t ask.

– Then Milhouse stuck his nose through the hole.  Please continue not asking.

– Bart just got electrocuted with lots of sad music playing.  It’s weird.

– Milhouse just plugged New Zealand’s film industry for some reason.

– Bart helpfully tells us that he set up a camera in the teacher’s lounge.  That leads Lassen (which is the name they gave this guy) to helpfully exposit that he wants to talk to Miss Hoover on-line.  Bart then exposits that he’s created a fake profile for Miss Hoover, which means they can now see Lassen’s profile.  Everybody got all that?

– Meanwhile, Homer is on the phone begging for a campsite reservation.  Then Jason from the Friday the 13th movies shows up, murders the park ranger Homer’s talking to, and listens while Homer describes his house and his “pretty wife”.  It’s also weird.

– Bart and Milhouse are now sitting outside.  After Nelson and Lassen show up real quick for no reason, Milhouse helpfully pushes the plot forward by telling us that photos of Lassen were taken at “Blazing Guy”.  He then asks what that is before saying “Oh, that’s convenient” as he clicks on a video that explains it.

– The neo-hippie in the video explains that “this year’s” guy who ignites the statue is Lassen.  While he’s doing this, the statue, already on fire, burns in the background.  Shit like this is why I call the writing lazy.  There’s no need for that.  It isn’t a “cheat”; it doesn’t move the story forward; it isn’t a joke.  It’s just sloppy.  Either nobody noticed or nobody cared, and neither speaks well for the quality of the show.

– Bart then exposits that if they go there and film him, he’ll get revenge.  This also makes no sense, and Lassen’s profile already has such pictures, but whatever.

– Marge and Lisa are packing for the camping trip that for some reason she still assumes is going to happen.  Bart and Homer then show up to stage whisper to each other about going to “Blazing Guy” instead.  Marge and Lisa are still in the room and might’ve noticed this, but Zombie Simpsons doesn’t care about that.

– In the car, Marge reminds everyone that she doesn’t know where they’re going.

– For no reason and with no consequences, the family tent just blows away.  Because this show has the attention span of an inch worm, we knew it was going to happen because a random guy popped up to tell us that it would first.

– And Marge just got high on tea offered to her by a stranger.

– And now there’s a new tent.

– Ugh, they just panned over a bunch of “Blazing Guy” musicians while Lisa narrated who they are.

– Here’s another example of how shallow and pointless all of this is.  When Lisa first sees where they are, she happily declares it, “A world of anarchic free expression!”.  A few scenes later, we see her playing her sax in a drum circle, where she is quickly joined by more musicians who it seems like might be stepping on her toes.  (This is also David Silverman’s cameo.)  But instead of adding some depth to “Blazing Guy” by saying that maybe all the anarchy can get annoying, or that Lisa actually loves it, or anything else, they just exit Silverman stage right and move on.  The sum total of the Zombie Simpsons take on “Blazing Guy” is that people dress and act weird.

– Remember the plot?  The episode just had Bart and Milhouse spying on Lassen, including Bart helpfully reminding us of what they were doing.

– Marge being stoned gives them their excuse to eat some clock with a trippy montage.  Not before Homer gets hurt in the crotch and Bart reminds us again of why they’re there.

– Oh for fuck’s sake.  Bart and Milhouse are wandering around and Bart finds some “fire retardant”.  He tells us what the cans are, even though it’s stenciled on the side of each one.  This is this episode’s “opens a box of flesh eating ants”.  Bart then explains how it will work.

– Unnoticed by anyone, Bart has now sprayed the giant statue with “fire retardant”.

– Oof, Lassen is now using David Silverman’s tuba to shoot fire at Bart and chase him around.  And then Homer fires himself out of a catapult to collapse the statue.

– Yet more evidence that Zombie Simpsons cannot sustain a thought for more than a few seconds, Marge is high again, and even asks when the tea will get out of her system.  Not two minutes ago we saw her sober and talking with Homer.  But, hey, they wanted to go back to trippy montage, so why not?

– We get one final scene where Chalmers and Skinner fire Lassen.  It too is exposited:

Chalmers: So, where do you go from here?
Lassen: A place where my talents will be appreciated.

Turns out he’s a prison guard now.  And Sideshow Bob is there for a very brief cameo.

Anyway, the numbers are in and they’re pretty much the same as last week’s.  Yesterday, just 6.64 million people wished they had whatever drugs Marge was on to get them through that snoozefest.  That’s in line with what we’ve come to expect from episodes with football lead ins.  Next week, the late national game is on CBS, so it’ll doubtlessly be much lower.

Quote of the Day

“My name is Larry.  I’m here to see Mr. Burns.” – Larry
“Well, I hate to break it to you, Larry, but if Mr. Burns ever wants to see a stranger, he will observe him through a powerful telescope.” – Mr. Smithers

Sunday Preview: Blazed and Confused

Zombie Simpsons (finally?) takes on Burning Man Blazing Guy in tonight’s assuredly half-assed “Blazed and Confused”. Also, for reasons, Willem Dafoe is in it. The synopsis-bot sez:

Bart faces a tough test at school when he gets a new teacher, Mr. Lassen (guest voice Willem Dafoe), who vows to crush his spirit in the all-new “Blazing Guy” episode of THE SIMPSONS airing Sunday, Nov. 16 (8:00-8:30 PM ET/PT) on FOX

Cool story, bro.