Behind Us Forever: Let’s Go Fly a Coot

Lemon of Troy14

“Hey, look, someone’s attractive cousin!” – Bart Simpson

This week on Zombie Simpsons, a bunch of old Air Force pilots show up to threaten Homer into spending time with his dad, or something.  Meanwhile, Milhouse’s hot cousin (voiced by Carice van Houten, a/k/a She Who Queefs Shadows on Game of Thrones) likes to use e-cigarettes.  Nothing much happens in either.

– Short couch gag and shortened opening, don’t see that too often.

– We open at Milhouse’s super elaborate birthday party.  Homer picks up the take home bag and helpfully tells us what each of the contents are as he picks them up.

– Homer is now plotting out loud against elaborate birthday parties.

– And montage.

– Ugh, and as soon as the montage is over, Marge pops up to ask, “Homer Simpson, do you know anything about these epic birthday fails?”.

– More witty, sparkling dialogue:

Homer: I’m not afraid of Big Birthday!  Ahh!  Big Birthday!

– Now there’s a guy in a suit telling us what we’ve just been watching.

– The guy in the suit is still here, and now for some reason he’s threatening Homer with never having balloon animals at his kids birthday parties.  This got super weird faster than usual.

– Now Homer has thrown a party and at air museum for Rod Flanders.  If this was coherent enough to be confusing, I’d be confused.

– Grampa’s old Air Force buddies (don’t ask) just flew in out of the sky.

– Uh, Homer just fed Grampa a carrot and then led him away by his bolo tie.

– Milhouse’s attractive cousin just showed up with an e-cigarette.  This should provide a healthy mix of hapless topicality and expository nonsense.

– The old guys just showed up at the house so Homer can fight them in his underwear.

– Remember what I said about nonsense exposition?  Here’s Milhouse:

Milhouse: Everybody’s got one gift.  Mine is portable, indoor Dutch shuffleboard.

He then puts the game on a shelf labeled “Portable Foreign Games”.  Ugh.

– Apu is now ranting about e-cigarettes.

– But there was a good sign joke in the background.  A video game called “Marbury vs. Madison”.

– The old Air Force guy is now babbling about something.

– And they’re at the movies.  We got another decent sign gag, “The Exhaustibles 3: Arthritis Will Unite Us”.

– But then there was a preview for a movie about a “dystopian future”.  Homer then started listing off dystopian future movies.  It goes on for a while.

– They did mention the Mr. Burns play in the list though.  That was nice of them.

– Oh, the Air Force guy was apparently with them the whole time.  Huh, he didn’t do anything during that whole listing thing.

– Expositing crappy jokes is just what they do:

Air Force Guy: If you love your father, you’ll make sure he doesn’t get disoriented trying to work the knobless faucet.
Grampa Simpson: I’m too cold to trigger the infra-red.
Homer: Ugh

We then see Homer waiting outside the bathroom.

– Now the old Air Force guys are holding Homer at gunpoint to make him hug Grampa.  Yeesh.

– Back in the B-plot, Bart and Milhouse’s cousin are reciting lists of things to each other.

– Marge and Luann just showed up out of nowhere. to catch Bart with the e-cigarette.

– Bart just ran into the kitchen to say that they’re sending Milhouse’s cousin back to Holland.  This show seems to enjoy out of the blue plot swerves.

– And now we’re in a flashback.

– And Lisa interrupted the flashback.  Though she wasn’t there before Grampa started it.

– We’re back in the flashback and Abe is flying a test jet despite the fact that he wasn’t a pilot.

– This flashback keeps going.  We just got a Jack Kerouac reference explained to us.

– And it ends with the revelation that some waitress was really Homer’s mom.  That doesn’t really have any bearing on the rest of this story, but they seemed to think it was a conclusion of some kind.

– Now Bart is chasing Milhouse’s cousin down at the airport.

– Bart is now expositing about, ah screw it.  There’s only a minute to go and this isn’t worth recapping.

– Milhouse has a lizard tongue.

– And then the A-plot showed up to . . . not resolve itself.  Weird.

Anyway, the numbers are in and you’ll be unsurprised to learn that they continue to be historically bad.  Last night, just 3.11 million people wished they were watching Carice van Houten on Game of Thrones instead of this.  That makes it #4 on the all time least watched list and leaves Season 26 with an overall average of 5.00 million.  Season 25’s average was 4.99 million and there are two weeks to go, so Season 26 is almost certainly going to take the title of least watched overall.

74 Responses to “Behind Us Forever: Let’s Go Fly a Coot”

  1. 1 Anonymous
    4 May 2015 at 12:52 pm

    Which episode is the least watched in this season so far and could the next two episodes easily surpass it? Also, with numbers like that, I would be surprised if there were people who switched over to Game of Thrones. The ones who stayed are either idiots or hopelessly optimistic. Oh, and the people would work on this blog and others centered on the show.

  2. 2 Matthew
    4 May 2015 at 1:43 pm

    Are all these episodes’ plots built around these unspeakable, unfunny, unpunny attempts at puns? Do they even try saying them out loud?

    • 3 Anonymous
      4 May 2015 at 1:45 pm

      Yes, and, they do, but they don’t care.

      • 4 Stan
        4 May 2015 at 5:50 pm

        It’s like paying a clown who would come to your home, spit in your face, and then shout: “Where’s my fucking money?”. Oh wait…

  3. 4 May 2015 at 2:28 pm

    This season is snit as are all others starting at season 9.

  4. 12 Joe H
    4 May 2015 at 3:16 pm

    The “Big Birthday” scene with the guy in the suit was a very obvious (and possibly overlong) reference to the movie Network. Since that apparently wasn’t enough, they had Homer say something like (“Early aircraft is making me mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore!”) Should have at least kept limited to the board room scene at

    Or if they really wanted to be clever, make the whole story “Big Birthday” framed similarly to Network. THough as usual, ZS can’t stay focused on one topic for long without rambling pointlessly into Abe’s past.

    And forget what I ever said about grandpa’s past, this episode really does spit upon it by establishing him as some nobody on an airforce base in the 50s. Not to mention that they openly acknowledge that no part of Abe’s past should be taken seriously at all.

    • 13 Stan
      4 May 2015 at 5:52 pm

      But since ZS is written by Abe, that’s okay because an old coot can have several pasts at once.

  5. 14 Disenchanted Viewer
    4 May 2015 at 3:19 pm

    I don’t get why Homer was ruining kids’ birthdays: even if he didn’t agree on spending money for kids’ birthday parties, why would he care if other parents did? It’s their problem, and ruining children’s parties doesn’t make parents change their mind, it’s just of bad taste. Why do the writers portray Homer as a bastard?

    And then Marge’s line about Bart and Lisa never aging. I get it’s a meta-joke, but those jokes work when a character says something that makes sense in the context the character says it and “accidentally” it makes also sense as a joke about the show itself to the viewers. But in this case it doesn’t make any sense for Marge to say that to the kids. Why would Bart and Lisa not age anymore? Recently there have been 2 episodes in which all the characters aged 30 years and we saw their future lives. Not only it doesn’t make sense, but it even contradicts other episodes. Since the writers sacrifice characters and story for the jokes, at least they should put some effort in making jokes that make sense.

    • 15 e
      4 May 2015 at 3:33 pm

      They did jokes like that in the classic era but they still worked as character moments and not just [insert meta ref here]. Why not have Bart, famously dumber than a hamster, say “No birthdays?? That means we’ll never get any older!!” and show Lisa rolling her eyes or wincing, instead of a ten- and eight-year old’s adult mom saying that if they don’t have birthdays they won’t age any more? ZS jokes are rarely this salvageable.

      It’s extra ironic that this “joke” comes in the latest of many Bart romance episodes that treat his character like a teenager instead of a child. Bart’s crush in “New Kid on the Block” works because Laura Powers never once treats him like a serious romantic prospect – she babysits him and hangs out but she’s only interested in dating Jimbo. I’d say that Milhouse’s creepy cousin must be the only teenage girl on the planet who wants to kiss and fondle a ten-year old boy, but that’d be forgetting the ZS episode where Bart’s accused of getting a girl pregnant. Fuck this show.

      • 16 Joe H
        4 May 2015 at 3:55 pm

        Milhouse’s cousin was definitely creepy. There was also Jimbos’ girlfriend who inexplicably was sexually attracted to Bart.

        The girl that supposedly got pregnant off of Bart (a very stupid premise, period) was actually closer to Bart’s age and as far as I could tell only had more of a platonic relationship.

        • 17 e
          4 May 2015 at 4:08 pm

          Was she? I barely remember that episode but I definitely remember thinking that it, like the episode where Lisa somehow fakes her way into college (!!), was an example of the writers coming up with sitcom plots for a show with teenagers and lazily using them for a show about two young children. I can imagine the plot (teenager is accused of impregnating girl he never slept with) working on shows like Married… With Children or American Dad that have nerdy, horny teenage boys in the cast but it really really doesn’t work with Bart Simpson.

          • 18 Joe H
            4 May 2015 at 4:27 pm

            Actually I might very well be mistaken there now that I think about it. I was thinking of that girl in juvie, but there’s probably another I’ve completely forgotten.

            • 19 e
              4 May 2015 at 4:35 pm


              “Bart starts using Homer’s car for his own pleasure, but is eventually tabbed for family errands (mostly chauffeuring Homer). Bart flees to North Haverbrook, where he meets a 15-year-old girl named Darcy, who believes Bart is much older. They begin a romantic relationship and Darcy soon proposes marriage. At the court house, Bart reveals his age, whereupon Darcy reveals that she is pregnant, much to Bart’s depression. Darcy admits that Bart is not the father – the real father is a Norwegian exchange student, and she wants to get married because her parents would be upset with her unwed pregnancy. Bart agrees to marry Darcy, and they drive to Utah, where marriage restrictions are looser. Eventually, Homer, Marge and Darcy’s parents catch up with them to stop the wedding, where Darcy’s father reasons with Bart as he believes that Bart took advantage of a girl much older than him and got her pregnant. Darcy confesses to her parents that Bart is not the father. Darcy’s mother is pregnant too, and the family agrees to pass the two babies off as twins. Darcy and Bart end their relationship, while Bart assures her they will meet again, to which she agrees. Later, Bart admits to Homer that he looked forward to being a father.”

              what the fuck is this shit

              • 20 Joe H
                4 May 2015 at 4:48 pm

                Okay, that one I had purged from my memory completely.

                The only additional excuse there was that “she thought Bart was older” hence the romance. But….what the hell? Looks like a premise they took off the Hollywood Depository of Stock Plot Devices and stuck Bart in there.

                There was also those horrible Spuckler episodes where Bart acts like some “clueless-in-love” New Yorker for forced parody reasons.

          • 23 Waylon Smithers
            4 May 2015 at 8:22 pm

            Funny you should say that, because American Dad actually had a plot where Steve (the nerdy, horny 14 year old) is accused of impregnating a girl he never slept with (the episode was called “Introducing the Naughty Stewardesses”).

    • 24 Joe H
      4 May 2015 at 3:44 pm

      I’m guessing the A-plot was part of some rough draft that involved Homer being some sort of Howard Beale type figure sending a message to Springfield about Big Birthday that ran out of gas within the first 5 minutes or so.

      That line isn’t the only odd, stupid meta aging thing in this episode. Why is Rainer Wolfcastle now an old man when no one else in Springfield has aged? I guess at least that could be explained that he’s in old man make-up or something.

      Lastly, that “spending ages listing stuff” gag is such low-grade filler. They really can’t find some other way to pad an episode anymore.

      • 25 e
        4 May 2015 at 3:52 pm

        That joke was better in Scream 4.

        • 26 e
          4 May 2015 at 4:11 pm

          The whole birthday plot is another example of the writers forgetting that a show about a poor, overburdened family in one of the shittiest towns in the country isn’t the place for their hack Beverly Hills observational comedy. Have you noticed that the family doesn’t even buy groceries at the Kwik-E-Mart any more?? The past season it’s only been their lame Trader Joe’s parody store. At least when they introduced the “Sprawl Mart” (Scully era ?) it was appropriate that the Simpsons would shop at a Wal-Mart type big box store.

          • 27 Joe H
            4 May 2015 at 4:40 pm

            True there. Stuff like competing with other families for obscenely lavish birthday parties certainly seems very strictly upper class stuff, which seems very clear the writers don’t reach very far outside of their whitebred suburban bubbles.

            It’s been an observation that has been made for a while on this site, though, that Springfield has essentially been morphed into Bel Air since the current staff has completely lost touch on what a middle-american town is.

            Actually a similar complaint I have with South Park lately.

            • 28 Waylon Smithers
              4 May 2015 at 8:35 pm

              [QUOTE]the current staff has completely lost touch on what a middle-american town is.[/QUOTE]

              They’ve pretty much turned their backs on middle America as of “The Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie Show” with all of the “jokes” about how audiences don’t know what they want and going all “never my fault” after viewers complain that they owe the audience better entertainment.

              • 29 Jack
                14 May 2015 at 6:47 pm

                “The Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie Show” was in Season 8, which means it was a reaction to fan criticisms of Seasons 6-7. Seasons 6 and 7 were amazing and are now universally praised – which means it genuinely WASN’T their fault.

                Like, you can’t possibly believe that “Poochie” was written as a defence of terrible episodes that were yet to made, right? Rather than it simply making fun of fans who split hairs and endlessly nitpicked minor continuity details, as well as TV production in general.

            • 5 May 2015 at 8:47 am

              The show’s writers started out middle class but become very wealthy and lost touch with the common man.

          • 31 Waylon Smithers
            4 May 2015 at 8:27 pm

            “Sprawl Mart” was from season 16 (which was Al Jean’s third season as showrunner). And didn’t the family go to a Trader Joe-esque health food store on the season 10 episode “Lisa Gets An A” (you know, the one with Homer raising Pinchy the lobster and Ralph’s “Super Nintendo Chalmers”)?

        • 32 Stan
          4 May 2015 at 5:55 pm

          Wait, is that a horror movie or one of those stupid parodies?

  6. 35 Stan
    4 May 2015 at 5:56 pm

    Dutch chicks are hot. Well, not the German square chin genotype, but like female Martin Garrix and Roerdomp.

    • 5 May 2015 at 8:52 am

      Businesswomen, newswomen (Ginger Zee, Zoraida Sambolin, Robin Meade, Tamran Hall, etc) celebs (Rachael Ray, Lei Remini, Jeanne Tripplehorn, etc) entertainment reporters (TMZ babes) women from the Middle East (Queen Rania of Jordan) royalty (Kate Middleton, Princess Di) goth chicks, emo ones, singers (Amy Lee) etc are also hot 😊❤

      • 37 Stan
        5 May 2015 at 11:37 am

        To some extent, every human female is somewhat hot for every human male. Then relativity kicks in. And sometime, sheep are hot for some people too.

  7. 38 BigBastardP.
    4 May 2015 at 6:03 pm

    I think the only thing that got a chuckle from me was the voice Homer had when he sucked in helium. Then again, I’m a sucker for that sort of thing.

    That being said, I think this episode just left me more confused than angry this week. Even the exposition they generally do oh so well seems to be muddled and confusing. At this point, they’re even getting that wrong, it just astounds me that they could fuck something like exposition up.

    Also that meta-joke they did got ruined by three things, I feel:

    1. The fact that both kids over-react to this whole “No more birthdays” bullshit.
    2. The whole “Big Birthdays” plot in general, are they the ones who decide that people should age and not god?
    3. The joke’s ultimately ruined when you realize that no one in the show has aged an iota since season 2 (flashbacks and flash-forwards notwithstanding).

    On top of that, they keep giving Abe backstories that he shouldn’t even have. I liked it better when he was a crazy old coot and a nobody in the war.

    So yeah, I was ultimately more confused than anything. Though that doesn’t mean I don’t hold any resentment towards the episode either. It was pretty terrible.

    • 39 Joe H
      4 May 2015 at 7:54 pm

      Can any Abe backstory be as bad as the one in which he was and still is remembered as a famous golden age wrester?

      • 40 Waylon Smithers
        4 May 2015 at 11:59 pm

        Probably the one where he got lost in Dusseldorf during an air raid and posed as a German cabaret singer who flirted with Hitler ‘cuz there’s a million things wrong with that — the main one being that the German cabaret was outlawed in 1935 and the air raid on Dusseldorf happened seven years later.

        However, this doesn’t really count since (a) that flashback was from an episode of The Simpsons back when people actually liked the show, (b) it was supposed to be ridiculous, and (c) Grampa said that the only part that was true was when he wore a dress for a period in the ’40s (“Oh, they had designers then!”)

        There was one during the season 17 finale where Grampa cross-dressed and joined a women’s softball team to get out of being drafted. Does that count?

        • 41 Joe H
          5 May 2015 at 12:25 am

          That was also a very brief spot-gag. Essentially a short visual of one of Abe’s rambling nonsense stories (and a very funny one to boot). And yeah, he actually says his memory was bad regarding that.

    • 43 Stan
      4 May 2015 at 7:30 pm

      Please let me stab his heart with a rusty fork.

    • 44 Joe H
      4 May 2015 at 7:48 pm

      So the sausage mill is still allowed to chug along. Why am I not surprised?

    • 46 Waylon Smithers
      4 May 2015 at 8:30 pm

      Charlie doesn’t really trust entertainment news sites like imdb, so I’d take that with a grain of salt.

      • 47 Bleeding Gums Murphy
        4 May 2015 at 10:41 pm

        Look at the sidebar of this website, under the Twitter updates.

        • 48 Bleeding Gums Murphy
          4 May 2015 at 10:49 pm

          In fact I notices this on Charlie’s link:
          >The pickup runs through the 27th and 28th season, and will bring the tally to a whopping 625 episodes
          So only ten episodes short to reach Gunsmoke’s episode count. Good.

          • 49 Waylon Smithers
            4 May 2015 at 11:52 pm

            So, it is true.

            Well, I don’t really care. Haven’t seen any ZS episode since the Every Simpsons Ever special on FXX, and even then I didn’t watch all of them. I only keep up with the ZS episodes through Wikipedia and this site.

            All I care about is when is Bob’s Burgers going to get renewed (or will it get canceled), and when is Bordertown going to air. Bordertown was supposed to air as a spring midseason show, but then The Last Man on Earth premiered and now it’s scheduled for the fall.

            On the plus side, Charlie won’t have to wonder about when the show will end until two seasons from now (of course, that can change. FOX could move the show to FXX, someone could die again, impeding production) and he can keep his raging alcoholism (cuz seriously, how can you keep up with the show these days and not be a drunk).

          • 50 Stan
            4 May 2015 at 11:53 pm

            Too bad they don’t give out trophies for that, alongside trophies for being an arrogant prick to your audience.

  8. 58 FireFlower
    4 May 2015 at 8:21 pm

    I was going to post that news….two more seasons.


  9. 61 Sarah J
    4 May 2015 at 10:09 pm

    … Reading this was painful. The ZS summaries in BUF always sound bad, but this was outright painful.

  10. 62 Stan
    4 May 2015 at 11:56 pm

    Btw yesterday I found out that Fox doesn’t air American Dad anymore. The fuckers. American Dad was funnier than Family Guy and Zombie Simpsons put together, AND after both of them hit rock bottom.
    People who only care about their fucking money and leeching it from the others’ wallets should be put in line and decimated. No exceptions.

    • 63 Waylon Smithers
      5 May 2015 at 12:07 am

      Where have you been? American Dad has been airing on TBS since October of 2014 (it’s channel 99 on Comcast packages, but I recommend looking for it online if you’ve given up on watching TV, and, I assume, most of you here have). The last FOX episode aired in September and ended with Stan reading a bizarre story of how a fluffy pink alien who slept with Roger became noted fame whore Kim Kardashian (I wish I was making that up, but, somewhere along the way, American Dad became just as wacky as Family Guy, but the wackiness was more-or-less better done).

      The TBS episodes pretty much pick up where the series left off, though Mike Barker is no longer an executive producer due to creative differences. Doesn’t seem to affect the show’s quality one way or another, except that Terry Bates (the blond, gay news anchor) doesn’t speak anymore and they haven’t hired a replacement.

      • 64 Stan
        5 May 2015 at 12:16 am

        Thanks, C.O. The world needs you.

      • 65 Stan
        5 May 2015 at 12:19 am

        Also, I stopped watching AD because it too has gotten weird and boring after 2010. In fact, I wouldn’t watch TV even if someone else were to pay for it. I get enough paying the big bastards internet for like 40 bucks per month, knowing in Europe it costs less than half of that.

      • 67 Joe H
        5 May 2015 at 12:43 am

        Actually haven’t watched American Dad since those episodes last Fall. Eventually I plan to catch up.

    • 68 Sarah J
      5 May 2015 at 11:03 am

      The show has been off of FOX for a while now. The network never seemed super fond of AD, considering the show lasted there so long, so it was obviously gonna get sent out first.

      • 69 Stan
        5 May 2015 at 11:45 am

        Well, you can’t just ALWAYS be a relentless machine only thinking about ripping somebody’s cash off. That’s just fucking wrong. If you’re out on the street, it makes sense. But if you’re already making millions, you have to share lest you be frowned upon. Because otherwise I don’t think you’ll like it when you get kicked out of your job for one reason or another, and end up in the street yourself, with nobody giving a fuck.
        And sometimes, you gotta listen to simple common sense, even if the ratings show a different picture. Family Guy is awful, okay? It’s been ass garbage ever since like 2007. Fucking sucks. You can’t disagree, because only retards love this show today. American Dad, on the other hand, was great even 5 years ago. For once it really showed up a dysfunctional family properly (that was still a FAMILY, not a bunch of weirdos put together for one reason or another). And it worked so well because it didn’t have to rely on these stupid cutaway gags every time filler was needed. But nnnooooooooo, they had to cut it. Because fuck you that’s why.
        FOX and Marvel Studios are two very similar assholes making very similar decisions, a.k.a. “you’ll watch what we tell you to watch because you’ll still pay for it”. Atrocious.

  11. 73 Doug
    5 May 2015 at 8:54 am

    Sunday nights will continue to be dark and full of terrors, Charlie Sweatpants! Two more years! How can the Seven be so cruel?

  12. 14 May 2015 at 3:19 pm

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