“I have learned that most of the orchestra is having their appendixes removed, so, without further adieu, I give you the remnants of the Springfield Elementary School Orchestra. On saxophone, Lisa Simpson. On triangle, Martin Prince. And, with a flute up his nose, Ralph Wiggum.” – Principal Skinner
“That’s some nice flutin’, boy.” – Chief Wiggum
“Food patrol, we’re all starved! Let’s see what you’ve got. That’s it? What happened to all the lobsters, mangoes, and chewy chewy cocoa beans?” – Bart Simpson
It’s a seriously short Reading Digest this week, which means either not much is going on or my link finding skills have atrophied. We do have some more of those FXX promo things and a pretty good review of “Raging Abe Simpson”, so it’s not like there’s nothing. Also, Dave yelled at me for not linking more TV stuff here, so if any of you want to see me praise something with the same fervor I trash Zombie Simpsons, I am a hopeless fan of Peaky Blinders.
First up, this is the second time someone has sent me this on Twitter, so I should probably put it here as well:
But does it have any Vitamin R? On to the links:
How Do You Redesign The Simpsons? – More of those excellently weird FXX bumpers.
Pop-Culture Influences Explode in the Gonzo Bartkira: Nuclear Edition Review – You can buy it now:
The book’s reinterpretations of the original manga toe the line between playful self-reference and an anarchic sense of gallows humor. Marigold Bartlett exemplifies this contrast, featuring a mass exodus of citizens fleeing the ruins of Neo-Springfield, frenzied by the psychic backlash of Ralph Wiggum’s (in the role of Akira) grief. The survivors clamor for salvation and refuge outside the doors of Lisa Simpson’s Buddhist temple compound, an inspired mash-up of Lady Kiyoko’s monastery from the original manga and Reverend Lovejoy’s First Church of Springfield. Lisa’s fatalistic catch phrase of “Embrace Nothingness” (from the 1991 Simpsons arcade game) stretches across the church’s announcement board, bolstering the scene’s existential gravitas to such madness and dread that it rivals the grim severity of Otomo’s original.
Kate Leth Illustrates Tattoo Designs Based On ‘Monster Factory’ – No, my son is also named Borth:
Perhaps the most popular episode in terms of memes and references is their episode dedicated to the MMORPG Black Desert Online, where they do everything they can to create Bart Simpson. As you can see in Kate’s design below, you almost cannot tell the difference between Bart Simpson and Borth Sampson, and we hope Kate doesn’t get sued by any FOX lawyers who can’t see the subtle differences.
Meet the penguin chicks named after characters in The Simpsons – Baby penguins. (via our old friends Denise and Karma)
60 Second Simpsons Review – Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson… – Reader “Toadat D’oh-Town” sends in this YouTube review:
The Simpsons’ most heartbreaking moments – on the 25th anniversary of ‘Lisa’s Substitute’ – This is a good list with plenty of YouTube, and you’ll be unsurprised to note that nothing comes from Zombie Simpsons.
“Tonight on Eye on Springfield, the Munchkins from the Wizard of Oz, where are they now?” – Kent Brockman
“Now they’ll never save your brain, Hitler.” – Sgt. Abe Simpson
Happy 20th Anniversary to “Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in “The Curse of the Flying Hellfish”! Original airdate 28 April 1996.
“I’d like the phone book for Hokkaido Japan, please.” – Homer Simpson
“OK, here you go, the phone book for Hokkaido Japan.” – Librarian
“Thank you. May I please use your phone?” – Homer Simpson
“Is it a local call?” – Librarian
“….Yes.” – Homer Simpson
“Hey, Ray, cleaning out the old office, eh?” – Homer Simpson
“If I hadn’t already packed my letter opener, I’d give you such a stabbing.” – Ray Patterson
“Booo!” – Crowd
“But it’s me: Moe! Wearing a sailor suit! Moe, with a lolly! It’s so out of character! Ain’t that worth nothing?” – Moe
“Booo! Next!” – Crowd
Happy birthday, Hank Azaria!
Homer recalls a tense family vacation to the Grand Canyon with the Flanders family
It appears FOX is now putting as much effort into writing their episode descriptions as I have been at previewing them. There are 14 words in that description. I guess it will be a flashback episode? I equally don’t know or care. I have heard some buzz that there will be a Disney animation styled couch gag, so i guess that’s tonights draw. After tonight there are only 3 more episodes until summertime, so we got that going for us.
“Bart, how was your first day of forced volunteerism?” – Marge Simpson
“That place sucks. The nurses don’t let Grampa do anything. They practically chew his food for him.” – Bart Simpson
“Lucky stiff, I’m working my ass off here.” – Homer Simpson
“Is Milhouse okay?” – Marge Simpson
“Uh, I’ll be right back.” – Homer Simpson
“Help! Help!” – Milhouse van Houten
“And tonight, the following celebrities have been arrested.” – Kent Brockman
If you’re binging on Prince-internet right now, there is one link for you below and that’s it. Other than that we’ve got sexy Simpsons quotes, a neat animation that I think was for FXX, and the central hub of Simpsons merchandise in China.
Enjoy.
Remembering The Prince-Themed ‘Simpsons’ Episode That Never Was ♫ theMusic.com.au – It probably would’ve been hilarious. Then again, the odds against “Stark Raving Dad” actually working once were pretty astronomical, to get that a second time…
The Simpsons ‘Stretch’ by Laundry – I don’t get FXX, so I’m not 100% sure if this is something they use or if someone just made this weird, blurry Milhouse thing. But it’s neat.
Sex With The Simpsons – Pretty as a Peanut – Reader Sarah M. sends in this theoretical conversation made entirely of Simpson quotes. There’s some Zombie Simpsons, but mostly just sexy results.
Claire Danes puts private equity on center stage – Hank Azaria is in a new play:
“Dry Powder” is a comedy-drama that focuses on a private equity firm struggling with a public relations nightmare. The same week the firm forced massive layoffs at a national grocery chain, the company’s head Rick (Azaria) threw himself an extravagant engagement party, complete with an elephant.
Big John’s Breakfast Log | Eats Like A Duck – I would eat the hell out of this:
This was actually a lot of fun to make. Molding the sausage patties was like creating a gooey, fatty, delicious masterpiece of log proportions.
A Winnipegger is using Simpsons images to poke fun at the provincial election – Forward to Winnipeg!
How The Simpsons mastered the art of neutral political satire – Our old friend Johnny Sugar notes that the political satire is among the many things the show used to be better at.
The Simpsons’ Disney Homage Couch Gag From Eric Goldberg Is Too Good – The only creative thing about Zombie Simpsons remains the part they farm out to other people.
Rewatching The First ‘Simpsons’ Short ‘Good Night’ – Of course it’s weird. It was the olden days.
‘Simpsons’ Director Teams With Social Media Stars for Animated Stoner Comedy ‘Superslackers’ – David Silverman is a good choice for this:
“Superslackers” follows a group of friends who get a bag of pot that has been switched with a drug being used in a government experiment that gives them superpowers. When a Professor Xavier-type shows up to train them, they have no interest in saving the world. They agree to move into a rent-free government compound, but all they want to do is watch TV and play video games.
China’s First Simpsons Merchandise Store Now Open in Beijing’s Taikoo Li – I wonder if FOX is getting a cut? I don’t care. But I do wonder.
“So long, Lis. I’m gonna stowaway underwater and go where the pool goes. Have a good life.” – Bart Simpson
“F . . . L . . . oh, no, I’m sorry, that’s a C, isn’t it?” – Hans Moleman
“If that was an oncoming vehicle you’d be dead now! Next!” – Patty Bouvier
“But driving is my livelihood.” – Hans Moleman
“Oh, take it like a man.” – Patty Bouvier
“They’re not going to close the plant, are they?” – Marge Simpson
“No, the bank put Lenny in charge.” – Homer Simpson
“Alright, if you’re so smart, tell me who I selected to be lunchroom monitor.” – Principal Skinner
“Me?” – Lisa Simpson
“Take your sash and go.” – Principal Skinner
“Hello, what’s this? Wire hangers? Expired medicine? Old newspapers! Okay, Homer, stay calm. Just quietly get this stuff inside your house. Homer! You’re not listening!” – Homer Simpson
Happy birthday Conan O’Brien!
“Ooh, trouble in the neighborhood. I’m his neighbor. What’d he do?” – Homer Simpson
Happy birthday Bill Kopp!
“Five dollars a child? Last year it was free!” – Principal Skinner
“Enh. New ownership.” – Fort Springfield Ticket Lady
“Bonjour, you cheese eating surrender monkeys.” – Groundskeeper Willie
I may still try to get these up on Thursdays, but that didn’t even come close to happening yesterday. On the plus side, we’ve got a ton of crappy (and creepy) old merchandise, a look behind the scenes at Universal Studios, French children, and an erudite if weak sauce look at one of the many reasons Zombie Simpsons sucks.
Enjoy.
Petition · EA Games: Develop a sequel to “The Simpsons Hit & Run” – Got this in an email from reader Hassaan M., who shares a love of Hit & Run with many of you. I don’t know if EA would ever care, but if you want to sign, click the link.
How the Best Rides at Universal Studios Work – I have never been to a Universal Studios, but this is pretty neat.
The Simpsons is confronting its biggest stereotypes in its 27th season – This is far too gentle on Zombie Simpsons, but does manage to make the point that the show is hobbled by its age in ways it can never escape. I would also quibble with the whole “of their time” thing, since when the show was good it was way ahead of its time. Now it is hopelessly and permanently behind.
Some ‘Simpsons’ Fans Are Petitioning to Make Lisa a Vegan – Meh.
Yianni: The Simpsons Taught Me Everything I Know : Reviews 2016 – This is true:
It’s the comedy festival equivalent those clickbait posts which promise: ‘The Simpsons predicted the Panama papers,’ when it really means: ‘The Simpsons made a joke about tax havens.’ So you got hoodwinked, but you still got to watch a clip of Bart when you should have been working, so how bad could that be?
The Simpsons Pinball Party HUO Machine – For six grand you can buy this Simpsons pinball machine in Phoenix. I’m linking it because there are some great closeup pictures.
The Angry Birds Movie trailer reveals more high-flying action – Apparently Vitti wrote the Angry Birds movie.
Say your prayers, Simpsons: ‘Mr. Burns’ depicts a blazing future – The play comes to Milwaukee.
A journey to an unsettling future in Lyric Stage’s ‘Mr. Burns’ – And Boston.
“The Simpsons” Rapping Homer Simpson 2002 moving statue – For some reason, my Simpsons related Google Alerts have started including a lot of Craigslist ads for old merchandise. This one is particularly crappy and I’m sure cost forty bucks when it was new.
Rare Homer Simpson electric snowglobe. – See above.
Custom Bart Simpson as Marty McFly – A clever repurposing. The giant 80s camcorder is a nice touch.
Vintage Bart Simpson Phone – Why did you give it red eyes? WHY?
Invoking Homer Simpson to explain Donald Trump – Excellent educational usage to get French middle school students to understand the terminal velocity claptrap that is American politics:
Our explanation about American voter anger propelling Trump to the nomination did not fully satisfy our young audience. From their perspective, it made no sense to believe Donald Trump would make America better, no matter how angry you are.
I would have been completely stumped for an explanation here except that earlier I had caught whispers between the students that mentioned “The Simpsons” (they were amused that I actually was from Springfield). The show is immensely popular in France and every student in our group was a fan.
If you want to know why voters are going for Trump, I said, keep Homer Simpson in mind. There’s a lot more truth in Homer Simpson than most Americans would care to admit, and Trump taps into a lot of that truth. The very things you might find distasteful about Trump — all rooted in his unapologetic bombast — are the things that appeal most to his voters.
I don’t know if they understood. I’m not sure how well the nuances of Homer Simpson survive French translation.
I’m betting they skipped one of Groundskeeper Willie’s most famous quotes.
Update 9:16pm: Excellent late addition from D.N. – Open thread: what do you think of Australia’s new $5 banknote? – Five dollary-dos? Tobias!
“Hello, Principal Dondelinger.” – Marge Simpson
“Oh, Marge Bouvier, it’s so good to see you. Sorry, sir, we’re not letting vagrants sleep in the gym tonight. But we will be putting some scraps by the back door.” – Principal Dondelinger
charliesweatpants.com
(The crotch really does wear out too fast.)
Dead Homer Society 
The Mob Has Spoken