“I tell you, I won’t live in a town that robs men of the right to marry their cousins!” – Shelbyville Manhattan
“Well, then, we’ll form our own town! Who will come and live a life devoted to chastity, abstinence, and a flavorless marsh I call root marm?” – Jebediah Springfield
“Maybe I can’t concentrate because of all your cooties!” – Lisa Simpson
“It’s called lice, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.” – Milhouse van Houten
“Heh, joke’s on them. I’m still alive.” – Homer Simpson
“Homer, does this mean?” – Marge Simpson
“Starting tomorrow, I’m a nuclear technician!” – Homer Simpson
“Good God.” – Dr. Hibbert
“Every time Mr. Burns has a birthday, all his employees have to help out at the party, and I always get some terrible job.” – Homer Simpson
“Where is that dratted pinata?” – C.M. Burns
“Ow….Ow….Ow….Missed me!….Ow.” – Homer Simpson
“I think women should be able to play any sport men play, but hockey is so violent and dangerous. Look at Milhouse’s teeth.” – Marge Simpson
“Mom, will you stop showing us those.” – Bart Simpson
“Actually, I was wondering if you were free for a little get together tonight: dinner, dancing, and Mr. Tom Jones.” – C.M. Burns
NOTE: I wrote this last night, but couldn’t post it because I’m in the middle of moving and don’t have internet at home right now. It is awful.
On one of the DVD commentary tracks (can’t remember which episode), Jean (or someone similar) starts talking about the sound effects and how on a cartoon you’re always starting with silence. A live action show has ambient noises, even if it’s just something as anodyne as rustling a newspaper or putting something down on a table. With a cartoon, though, you have to create everything from scratch.
“Marge Gets a Job” is an excellent example of how they did just that. The episode is full of teeny background noises that sometimes augment the spoken jokes and are sometimes jokes of their own. Consider the scene near the end where Burns invites Marge to dinner with Tom Jones. First there’s a wet “squish” as Burns grabs his Scalp Wax, then a rubbery “squeak” as he applies it, then a “squeak-bang” as his freshly waxed head slips through his hand and crashes on his desk. Each one is carefully balanced between the loud exaggerations of Looney Tunes and the softer sounds of a real life performance, and they build together to Burns slapstick head bonk.
Just a few seconds later there’s a similar sequence. First we hear Burns get an authoritative “click” from the button he presses. Then we hear the Bond villain, mechanical whir of the false wall opening to reveal the recently kidnapped Tom Jones. Then we not only see Smithers press the gun into Jones’s back, there’s a quick “crunch” sound as well to let us know that he’s got the gun jammed hard into Jones. Finally, we get another button “click” (this one off screen, and even though we can’t see it, we know what’s being done), another mechanical whir, and the satisfying “thunk” as the door knocks Jones cold.
And those are just two examples. There’s also the slide-crash of Surley Joe’s level, the impersonal clacking of the train doors as Burns’s goons toss Jack Marley on a literal scrap heap at his own retirement party, the skull piercing “LOUD” noise on Krusty’s show, and many more. Some of these are loud, some of them are quiet. Some of them accompany something we see on screen, others audibly describe things off screen. But they’re all tuned perfectly and the episode is that much richer and funnier for it.
“That new baby in your mother’s womb was a ticking time bomb threatening to blow this family eight ways from Sunday! . . . Hey, where are you going?” – Homer Simpson
“Dad, you can’t expect a person to sit for thirty minutes straight.” – Bart Simpson
“I’m gonna get a snack and maybe go to the bathroom.” – Lisa Simpson
“It’s nothing serious. Just lay off the chili and you should be fine.” – Doctor
“Aunt Gladys was right, there’s something missing in our lives.” – Selma Bouvier
“Don’t worry, we’ll get that barking dog record tomorrow.” – Patty Bouvier
“What made you yell out that remark? . . . You just wanted to express yourself, yes?” – Brad Goodman
“I do what I feel like.” – Bart Simpson
“That’s marvelous, I couldn’t have put it better myself. I do what I feel like. People, this young man here is the inner child I’ve been talking about.” – Brad Goodman
“What?” – Lisa Simpson
Happy birthday, Albert Brooks!
“You’re so supportive. I wish every teacher was like you!” – Marge Simpson
“Marge, please. I don’t take praise very well!” – Professor Lombardo
Happy birthday, Jon Lovitz!
“What? Everybody loves my zoo. You don’t love my zoo? I dare you to look at a kangaroo and not laugh. I dare you!” – Larry Kidkill
So long, Garry Marshall.
“I had an idea, Chief. Why don’t we check out that suit Burns was wearing when he got shot?” – Eddie
“Did you have the same backwards talking dream with the flaming cards?” – Chief Wiggum
“I’ll drive.” – Eddie
“How about Town Crier? You’d be great at that.” – Lisa Simpson
“You think so?” – Homer Simpson
“Yeah, Dad, you’re a big fat loudmouth! And you can walk when you have to.” – Bart Simpson
“Aww.” – Homer Simpson
“Now, keep your head down. Ignore all distractions…” – Tom Kite
“Finally, a chance to relive my golden college years.” – Homer Simpson
“Dad, you only took one course.” – Lisa Simpson
“Remember my love affair with Ali McGraw? She used to call me preppy. Then she died.” – Homer Simpson
“Thank God, it’s Friday.” – Dr. Hibbert
“Hello? Hello?” – Hans Moleman
“Stupid grapes! Bunch of creeps! I. Hate. France!” – Bart Simpson
“Well, it appears science has faltered once again in the face of overwhelming religious evidence.” – Rev. Lovejoy
“But-” – Lisa Simpson
“Go home, science girl!” – Moe
“I am home.” – Lisa Simpson
“Good. Stay there.” – Moe
Happy birthday David S/X Cohen!
charliesweatpants.com
(The crotch really does wear out too fast.)
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