Quote of the Day

“If you kids can’t keep your hands to yourself, I’m gonna turn this car around and there’ll be no Cape Canaveral for anybody! . . . That’s it! Back to Winnipeg!” – Irate Canadian Father

Quote of the Day

“Homer, gimme my pepper spray!” – Marge Simpson
“Oh, Marge, one squirt and you’re south of the border! . . . Mmmm, incapacitating.” – Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“Homer Simpson, you stand accused of eating half the population of the Planet of the Donuts.” – Tribunal Judge

Happy 20th Anniversary to “Simpson Tide”! Original airdate 29 March 1998.

Quote of the Day

“You still haven’t told us why Lenny bit you.” – Marge Simpson
“Well, I really gave him no choice. You see…” – Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“Mr. Simpson, I presume.” – Not Henry Morton Stanley

Happy birthday, George Meyer! 

Quote of the Day

“Excuse me, are you Colonel Homer Simpson?” – Record Executive
“Yes, I am.” – Homer Simpson
“I’m from Rebel Yell Records, a division of Tokusagi Corporation.” – Record Executive

Quote of the Day

“Murderous mob! I beg you to spare our lives! At least until you’ve heard the story of how we ended up with the head of our beloved town founder.” – Bart Simpson
“How long will this story take?” – Barney Gumble
“About twenty-three minutes and five seconds.” – Bart Simpson
“That’s too long!” – Mob Member

Quote of the Day

“Ever hear of Planet of the Apes?” – Mac Parker
“The movie or the planet?” – Troy McClure

Quote of the Day

“What’s he doing here?” – Sgt. Seymour Skinner
“Well, once he found out we were gonna get Ned Flanders fired, he insisted on helping.” – Bart Simpson
“That is true.” – Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“You’ve done grand, laddy! Now you know what you have to do: burn the house down. Burn ’em all!” – The Leprechaun

Happy 20th Anniversary to “This Little Wiggy”!

Quote of the Day

“Of all the terrible things you’ve ever done in your life, this is the worst, the most despicable.” – Marge Simpson
“But, Marge, I swear to you: I never thought you’d find out!” – Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“I’m not sure mosquito season is the best time to visit Larval Lake.” – Marge Simpson
“Folks, you’re gonna wanna turn around. The bugs are firmly in charge.” – Park Ranger

Quote of the Day

“First they hate each other. Now all of a sudden they love each other! It doesn’t make any sense to me.” – Librarian
“Of course, not. You’re a robot.” – Library Patron

Quote of the Day

“That drawing is worth exactly seven-hundred and fifty dollars American.” – Comic Book Guy
“It’s valuable, huh?” – Bart Simpson
“Ooh, your powers of deduction are exceptional! I simply can’t allow you to waste them here when there are so many crimes going unsolved at this very moment! Go! Go! For the good of the city!” – Comic Book Guy

Quote of the Day

“God, if you really are God, you’ll get me tickets to that game!” – Homer Simpson
“Hidily-ho, neighbor! Want to go to the game with me? I got two tickets!” – Ned Flanders
“Why do you mock me, oh, Lord?” – Homer Simpson
“Homer, that’s not God. That’s just a waffle that Bart tossed up there.” – Marge Simpson
“I know I shouldn’t eat Thee, but . . . Mmmm, sacrilicious.” – Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“I’m tired of looking like the world’s worst mother.” – Marge Simpson
“Oh, honey, you’re not the world’s worst mother. What about that freezer lady in Georgia?” – Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“I read about what happens to kids whose parents no longer love and cherish each other. They go through eight separate stages. Right now, I’m in stage three: fear. You’re in stage two: denial.” – Lisa Simpson
“No, I’m not.” – Bart Simpson
“Yes, you are.” – Lisa Simpson
“No, I’m not!” – Bart Simpson
“Yes, you are!” – Lisa Simpson
“Am not! Am not! Am not!” – Bart Simpson

Happy birthday David Silverman!

Quote of the Day

“Oh, Dr. Hawking, we had such a beautiful dream. What went wrong?” – Lisa Simpson
“Don’t feel bad, Lisa. Sometimes the smartest of us can be the most childish.” – Stephen Hawking
“Even you?” – Lisa Simpson
“No, not me. Never.” – Stephen Hawking

Rest in peace, Stephen Hawking.

Quote of the Day

“Ahem, my geode must be acknowledged.” – Martin Prince

Quote of the Day

“Have you found a picture yet?” – Lisa Simpson
“Not one I want the public to see.” – Marge Simpson