“Bless the grocer for this wonderful meat, the middle man who jacked up the price, and let’s not forget the humane but determined boys over at the slaughterhouse.” – Ned Flanders
Archive for May, 2018
31
May
18
Quote of the Day
30
May
18
Quote of the Day
“Marge! You look wonderful! And to think I heard you married Homer Simpson!” – Evelyn
“I did marry Homer.” – Marge Simpson
“Come, you must show me the pumps.” – Evelyn
29
May
18
Quote of the Day
“I’m sorry I left you alone with Homer and Bart.” – Lisa Simpon
“No, no, honey. We had a fine time.” – High Parkfield
“How’d you get that gash on your forehead?” – Lisa Simpson
“Oh, that was when we hid in the dumpster after the fire alarm went off in the pornographic magazine warehouse.” – Hugh Parkfield
28
May
18
Quote of the Day
♫”Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy…”♫ – Guitar Hippy
27
May
18
Quote of the Day
“You know, Smithers, I think I’ll donate a million dollars to the local orphanage . . . when pigs fly!” – C.M. Burns
“Will you be donating that million dollars now, sir?” – Mr. Smithers
“No, I’d still prefer not.” – C.M. Burns
27
May
18
Makeup Quote of the Day (Again)
“Man, I wish I was an adult so I could break the rules.” – Bart Simpson
25
May
18
Quote of the Day
“Can’t sleep. Clown’ll eat me. Can’t sleep. Clown’ll eat me….” – Bart Simpson
24
May
18
Quote of the Day
“You were one of the original Little Rascals?” – Barney Gumble
“Yeah.” – Moe
“Which one were you? The ugly one? . . . Were you the ugly one?” – Homer Simpson
“No, I was the tough kid, Smelly.” – Moe
23
May
18
Quote of the Day
“I want the most intelligent hamster you’ve got.” – Lisa Simpson
“Okay . . . This little guy writes mysteries under the name of J.D. MacGregor.” – All Creatures Great and Cheap Clerk
“How can a hamster write mysteries?” – Lisa Simpson
“Well, he gets the ending first, then he works backward.” – All Creatures Great and Cheap Clerk
“Aw, come on.” – Lisa Simpson
“Look, kid, just take him before his mother eats him, alright?” – All Creatures Great and Cheap Clerk
22
May
18
Quote of the Day
“Okay, the material was a little corny, but Homer and I had real chemistry on screen.” – Marge Simpson
“Every day I thought about firing Marge. You know, just to shake things up.” – Homer Simpson
21
May
18
Quote of the Day
“Hey, the lamp’s running away.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson
20
May
18
Makeup Quote of the Day
“It must be exciting to make a different set of beds.” – Lisa Simpson
“I know you’re joking…but it is!” – Marge Simpson
20
May
18
Quote of the Day
“Now, Grand Funk Railroad paved the way for Jefferson Airplane, which cleared the way for Jefferson Starship. The stage was now set for the Alan Parson’s Project, which I believe was some sort of hovercraft.” – Homer Simpson
18
May
18
Quote of the Day
“Earth base, this is Commander Bart McCool, we are under attack by the Zornid Brainchangers. Quickly, into the safety dome, Milbot!” – Bart Simpson
“Affirmative, humanoid.” – Milhouse van Houten
“Eww.” – Bart Simpson & Milhouse van Houten
“Don’t mind me, boys. Just scrubbin’ my undies.” – Homer Simpson
“Sorry, Bart, your Dad kinda blew the fantasy. I only like it when I’m pretend scared.” – Milhouse van Houten
17
May
18
Quote of the Day
“Now, let us thank the Lord for this magnificent crystal cathedral, which allows us to look out upon His wondrous creation. . . Now, quickly, gaze down at God’s fabulous parquet floor! Eyes on the floor. Still on the floor.” – Not Robert Schuller
“Ow, my ass!” – Homer Simpson
“Always on God’s floor.” – Not Robert Schuller
Happy 20th Anniversary to “Natural Born Kissers”! Original airdate 17 May 1998.
16
May
18
Quote of the Day
“Welcome. I am honored to accept your waste.” – Japanese Toilet
“They’re years ahead of us!” – Homer Simpson
15
May
18
Quote of the Day
“No, not the iodine! Burn the germs off with a torch! Amputate my arm! But not the . . . ahhhhhh!” – Bart Simpson
14
May
18
Quote of the Day
“We’ve squozen our whole supply. To the lemon tree!” – Milhouse can Houten
Note: “Squozen” is a seriously underrated Simpsons neologism.
13
May
18
Quote of the Day
“Here’s your taco, sir.” – Squeaky Voiced Teen
“I don’t want it.” – Krusty the Klown
“But this comes out of my salary! If I had a girlfriend, she’d kill me!” – Squeaky Voiced Teen
12
May
18
Quote of the Day
“Whoop-de-doo, employees! Everyone who’s found true love may leave early today!” – C.M. Burns
“Yea!” – Most Employees
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(The crotch really does wear out too fast.)
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The Mob Has Spoken