Quote of the Day

“Play ball!” – Umpire
“Attention all units! Attention all units! Armored car being robbed at Fifth and Main!” – Radio Dispatcher
“Turn off that damn radio!” – Chief Wiggum

Quote of the Day

“That’s it, I’m out of here!” – Homer Simpson

Ever have one of those weeks? Sheesh.

Second Makeup Quote of the Day

“I’ll need three ships and fifty stout men. We’ll sail ’round the Horn, and return with spices and silk the likes of which ye have never seen!” – Captain McAllister
“We’re building a casino!” – C.M. Burns
“Argh, can you give me five minutes.” – Captain McAllister

First Makeup Quote of the Day

“I’ll join! I’m filled with piss and vinegar! At first, I was just filled with vinegar.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson

Quote of the Day

“This is incredible. It’s God’s most wondrous miracle.” – Mayor Quimby
“Sir, I think your wife wants to hold the baby.” – Nurse
“My wife? Where? Where!” – Mayor Quimby

Quote of the Day

Center image is Alexis Smith, shamelessly taken from here.

“What’s in it for us?” – Abe ‘Grampa’ Simpson
“Yeah, give us something we like or we’ll ride you out of town on a rail!” – Jasper
“Well, uh, what do you, uh, people like?” – Mayor Quimby
“Sleep.” – Jasper
“Sexy dames and plenty of ’em!” – Old Jewish Man
“Matlock!” – Abe ‘Grampa’ Simpson

Quote of the Day

“Joe ‘Willie’ Namath, swaggering off the field, his sideburns and apogee of sculpted sartorium, the foppish follicles pioneered by Ambrose Burnside, Appomattox, 1865.” – Not Howard Cosell

Quote of the Day

“Mr. Simpson, I guarantee you, we’ll come up with a commercial that can save your business. You know those radio ads where two people with annoying voices yammer back and forth? I invented those. . . . Happens all the time.” – McMahon and Tate Agent

Makeup Quote of the Day

“Sir, I feel there’s something you’re not telling me. Perhaps you’d feel more comfortable talking to Snappy the Alligator.” – Mr. Smithers
“Maybe.” – C.M. Burns
“Hello, Mr. Burns.” – Snappy the Alligator

Quote of the Day

“Dad, do you remember why you entered me in that pageant?” – Lisa Simpson
“I don’t know. Was I drunk?” – Homer Simpson
“Possibly.” – Lisa Simpson

Quote of the Day

“The county is threatening to take my Seymour away! Oh, we had another fight over the inflatable bath pillow. I kept screeching and screeching at him…” – Agnes Skinner

Happy Birthday Tress MacNeille!

Quote of the Day

“Before you begin, let me make one thing clear to you: I want your legal advice. I even pay for it. But to me you’re all vipers! You live on personal injury! You live on divorces! You live on pain and misery! . . . But I’m rambling. Anybody want any coffee?” – C.M. Burns
“I’ll have some coffee.” – Blue Haired Lawyer
“Want it black, don’t you? Black like your heart? It’s so hard for me to listen to you! I hate you all so much! . . . I’m sorry, it’s my problem. I’ll deal with it.” – C.M. Burns

Quote of the Day

“I’m looking for something loose and billowy, something comfortable for my first day of work.” – Homer Simpson
“Work, huh? Lemme guess: computer programmer? Computer magazine columnist? Something with computers?” – Vast Waistband Salesman
“Well, I use a computer!” – Homer Simpson
“What’s the connection? Must be the non-stop sitting and snacking…” – Vast Waistband Salesman

Quote of the Day

“People of Earth, this is Bartron, commander of the Martian invasion force. Your planet is in our hands. Resistance is useless!” – Bart Simpson
“Ahhhhh!” – Homer Simpson
“We have captured your President, he was delicious.” – Bart Simpson

Makeup Quote of the Day

“What’d you swipe?” – Jimbo Jones
“An ‘I Love Lefty’ shot glass.” – Dolph
“Left handed pinking shears.” – Kearney
“Pinking shears? Let’s go to the food court and steal some baked potatoes.” – Jimbo Jones

Quote of the Day

“You each have a knob in front of you. When you like what you see, turn the knob to the right. When you don’t like what you see, turn it left.” – Focus Group Guy
“My knob tastes funny.” – Ralph Wiggum
“Please refrain from tasting the knob.” – Focus Group Guy

Quote of the Day

“Now, Lisa, when you see there’s no silver tongue in there, will you stop trying to ruin Jebediah’s reputation?” – Mayor Quimby
“Yes.” – Lisa Simpson
“What do we win if the tongue is there?” – Homer Simpson
“Credibility.” – Mayor Quimby
“Aww, what a gyp.” – Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“Officer, arrest the baby.” – C.M. Burns
“Yeah, right, pops, no jury in the world’s gonna convict a baby. . . . maybe Texas.” – Chief Wiggum

Happy Birthday Greg Daniels!

Quote of the Day

“Hey, the pig’s acting kinda funny.” – Fat Nerd
“He and Mr. Simpson split a case of malt liquor.” – Skinny Nerd
“Guys, he’s really sick!” – Black Nerd
“Hello, that sounds like a pig fainting!” – Dean Bobby Peterson

Quote of the Day

“It’s so modern. It’s ultra-modern! Like living in the not too distant future.” – Selma Bouvier