Quote of the Day

“Reverend Lovejoy, with all that’s happened to us today, I kinda feel like Job.” – Ned Flanders
“Well, aren’t you being a tad melodramatic, Ned? Also, I believe Job was right handed.” – Reverend Lovejoy

Quote of the Day

“I’ll tell you one thing: Greasy Joe is sorry he ever saw the likes of me.” – Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“It’s time for the church picnic.” – Marge Simpson
“What? They had a picnic last week.” – Homer Simpson
“No, they didn’t. You just brought a bucket of chicken to church!” – Marge Simpson
“If God didn’t want us to eat in church, he would’ve made gluttony a sin.” – Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“Man, you’d never get me into a ring. Boxing causes brain damage.” – Barney Gumble

Quote of the Day

“Look at those phonies, sucking up to Bush! I guess you might say he’s barking up the wrong bush.” – Homer Simpson
“There it is, Homer, the cleverest thing you’ll ever say and nobody heard it.” – Homer’s Brain
“D’oh!” – Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“Are you guys talking about the West Side?” – Cookie Kwan
“No, Cookie! I swear it! I’m scared of you.” – Gil

Quote of the Day

“Excuse me, sir, do you like to laugh?” – Laugh ‘Til You Care Guy
“Why, yes. Yes, I do.” – Homer Simpson
“Well, then you’ll love our comedy festival. It’s for a good cause.” – Laugh ‘Til You Care Guy
“A rest home for pirates?” – Homer Simpson

Makeup Quote of the Day

“They didn’t approve my idea. They said it was unfeasible.” – Bart Simpson
“It is unfeasible to resurrect the dead, Bart. And even if the Three Stooges were alive, I doubt they’d want to hang around with you.” – Lisa Simpson
“Oh, yeah. I guess they’d probably want to be with their families or something, huh?” – Bart Simpson

Quote of the Day

“Women always have trouble with the wall . . . can’t ever seem to find the door.” – Chief Wiggum

Quote of the Day

“It’s a tool that every home handyman needs! It’s a jigsaw! It’s a power drill! It’s a wood turning lathe! It’s an asphalt spreader! It’s sixty-seven tools in one! How much would you pay for a machine that can do all this!” – TV Announcer
“One thousand dollars!” – Homer Simpson
“Oh, don’t answer yet!” – TV Announcer
“Oh, sorry.” – Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“Patty, Selma, what a pleasant surprise.” – Homer Simpson
“Whaddya know, he’s wearing pants.” – Patty Bouvier
“I owe you a lunch.” – Selma Bouvier

Quote of the Day

“Here’s your scientifically selected career….” – Dr. J. Loren Pryor
“Architect.” – Janie
“Insurance salesman.” – Chuck
“Salmon gutter?” – Ralph Wiggum
“Military strongman!” – Milhouse van Houten
“Systems Analyst . . . Systems Analyst . . . Systems Analyst . . .” – Martin Prince
“Systems Analyst.” – Dr. J. Loren Pryor
“Alright!” – Martin Prince

Quote of the Day

“A million dollars? Thanks, Bart! I owe you one.” – Milhouse van Houten
“Uh, that’s a post-dated check, remember. Don’t cash it till the year ten thousand.” – Bart Simpson
“Okay.” – Milhouse van Houten

Quote of the Day

“Prohibition? Pfft! They tried that in the movies and it didn’t work.” – Homer Simpson

Makeup Quote of the Day

“So, what’re you in for?” – Bart Simpson
“I moved here from Canada and they think I’m slow, eh?” – Canadian Boy
“I fell off the jungle gym and when I woke up I was in here.” – Leg Up Girl
“I start fires.” – Leg Up Boy

Quote of the Day

“Oh yes, we won!  We won!  We won!  Um, unfortunately, since I bet on the other team, heh . . . uh, we won’t be going for pizza.” – Chief Wiggum

Makeup Quote of the Day

“No, I will not pay you five hundred dollars for sex!” – Marge Simpson
“Aw, come on, Marge! You’re getting something in return, and I’m getting a bowling team. It’s win-win!” – Homer Simpson
“It’s sick! And I don’t have that kind of money to spend on sex.” – Marge Simpson

Quote of the Day

“What happened?” – Bart Simpson
“Aw, don’t worry about that. You’re just finished, that’s all.” – Krusty the Klown
“Finished?” – Bart Simpson
“It happens all the time. That’s show business for you: one day you’re the most important guy who ever lived. The next day you’re some schmoe working in a box factory.” – Krusty the Klown
“I heard that.” – Box Factory Guy

Makeup Quote of the Day

“Bart, it’s not like I’m asking you to give blood for free. That would be crazy. You’re a little young to understand this, but when you save a rich man’s life, he showers you with riches! Don’t you know the story of Hercules and the Lion?” – Homer Simpson
“Is it a Bible story?” – Bart Simpson
“Yeah, probably. Anyway, once upon a time there was a big, mean lion who got a thorn in his paw. All the village people tried to pull it out. But nobody was strong enough. So, they got Hercules. And Hercules used his mighty strength, and . . . bingo! Anyway, the moral is, the lion was so happy, he gave Hercules this big…thing…of riches.” – Homer Simpson
“How did a lion get rich?” – Bart Simpson
“It was the olden days!” – Homer Simpson
“Oh.” – Bart Simpson

Quote of the Day

“As I’m sure you remember, in the late 1980s, the U.S. experienced a short-lived infatuation with Australian culture. For some bizarre reason, the Aussies thought this would be a permanent thing. Of course, it wasn’t.” – Evan Conover
“I know those words, but that sign makes no sense.” – Lisa Simpson