Quote of the Day

“It’s such a beautiful night, how about a ghost story?” – Homer Simpson
“…and that’s how much college will cost for Maggie!” – Bart Simpson
“No! No! Nooooo!” – Homer Simpsonr

Quote of the Day

“Ralph, this better not be about your cat.” – Ms. Hoover

Quote of the Day

“Who is that firebrand, Smithers?” – C.M. Burns
“That’s Homer Simpson, sir.” – Mr. Smithers
“Simpson, eh? New man?” – C.M. Burns
“Actually, sir, he thwarted your campaign for governor, you ran over his son, he saved the plant from meltdown, his wife painted you in the nude.” – Mr. Smithers
“Doesn’t ring a bell.” – C.M. Burns

Quote of the Day

“Mmm, free goo.” – Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“Here ya go! Here I am! Uncle Moe, thank you, ma’am! This’ll be a treat, Uncle Moe, here I am! While you eat! . . . Please take the fries off my head, kid. The basket is extremely hot.” – Moe

Quote of the Day

“Dad, how do you get a girl to like you?” – Ralph Wiggum
“Son, whether you want to win a girl or crack a nut, the key is persistence. Keep at it, and never lose your cool. . . . Aw, come on you stupid . . . Let that be a lesson to the rest of you! . . . nuts.” – Chief Wiggum

Quote of the Day

“Ugh, it’s making me dizzy. I’m gonna take a nap.” – Chief Wiggum

Quote of the Day

“Don’t you worry, Mr. Mayor, this little bird’ll be cracking rocks by the end of the week.” – Chief Wiggum
“Wiggum, you glorified night watchman, let her go!” – Mayor Quimby
“But . . . she broke the law.” – Chief Wiggum
“Thanks for the civics lesson.” – Mayor Quimby

Quote of the Day

“That Simpson, he thinks he’s the Pope of Chilitown!” – Chief Wiggum

Quote of the Day

“Hey, landlord, some clown changed my locks, padlocked the door, and put up an eviction notice.” – Otto
“Yeah, that was me.” – Landlord
“You? But why?” – Otto
“Because you haven’t paid your rent.” – Landlord
“Can I at least get my stuff?” – Otto
“All I found in there was a jar of mustard and a couple of old cycle magazines.” – Landlord
“Wow! I had mustard?” – Otto

Quote of the Day

“Your Dad ever take you to baseball games?” – Tom
“Nah. His game was blackjack. He bet our life savings on a single hand.” – Bart Simpson
“Nineteen.” – Blackjack Dealer
“Hit me.” – Imaginary Homer Simpson
“Twenty.” – Blackjack Dealer
“Hit me.” – Imaginary Homer Simpson
“Twenty-one.” – Blackjack Dealer
“Hit me.” – Imaginary Homer Simpson
“Twenty-two.” – Blackjack Dealer
“D’oh!” – Imaginary Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“Sign’s floating away, Chief.” – Lou

Quote of the Day

“What would you say if I told you that Jebediah Springfield wasn’t as great as he’s cracked up to be? Look: Jebediah was really a vicious pirate named Hans Sprungfeld. His tongue was bitten off by a Turk in a grog house fight!” – Lisa Simpson

Makeup Quote of the Day

“Homer, go easy on the al-key-hol. Remember last year at the Winfield’s party when you threw up in the laundry hamper?” – Marge Simpson
“No.” – Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“He’s just a little nervous. He has to give a speech tomorrow on how to keep cool in a crisis.” – Lisa Simpson
“What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do?” – Homer Simpson
“Hey, I had to give a speech once. I was pretty nervous, so I used a little trick: I pictured everyone in their underwear, the judge, the jury, my lawyer, everybody.” – Barney Gumble
“Did it work?” – Homer Simpson
“I’m a free man, ain’t I?” – Barney Gumble

Quote of the Day

“Fine. Stay in the school. We don’t want you to come out.” – Chief Wiggum
“You got it!” – Bart Simpson
“Damn.” – Chief Wiggum

Quote of the Day

“I’ll keep it short and sweet: family, religion, friendship, these are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. When opportunity knocks, you don’t want to be driving to the maternity hospital or sitting in some phony baloney church . . . or synagogue.” – C.M. Burns

Quote of the Day

“You’re serving us gruel?” – Lisa Simpson
“Not quite. This is Krusty Brand Imitation Gruel. Nine out of ten orphans can’t tell the difference.” – Dolph

Makeup Quote of the Day

“Bart, are you pulling up the carpet?” – Marge Simpson
“Yuh-hunh.” – Bart Simpson
“Why are you letting him do this?” – Marge Simpson
“I dunno.” – Homer Simpson
“Well, punish him!” – Marge Simpson
“Alright, alright: Bart, go to your room.” – Homer Simpson
“See you in the funny pages.” – Bart Simpson
“How could you let this happen?” – Marge Simpson
“How could you let this happen?” – Homer Simpson
“I wasn’t here!” – Marge Simpson
“Oh, how convenient.” – Homer Simpson

Double Secret Probation Makeup Quote of the Day

“Ruff, ruff! I’m Poochie the rockin’ dog! Hi, I’m Troy McClure, you may remember me from such cartoons as Christmas Ape, and Christmas Ape Goes to Summer Camp.” – Troy McClure