“What are you here for?” – Bleeding Gums Murphy
“My brother just had his appendix out.” – Lisa Simpson
“Is he gonna be okay?” – Bleeding Gum Murphy
“Hello, I’m Dr. Cheeks. I’m doing my rounds and I’m a little behind.” – Bart Simpson
“He’ll be fine.” – Lisa Simpson
“Krusty the Klown, how do you plead?” – Judge
“I plead guilty, your honor! . . . Oh, I’m mean not guilty. Opening night jitters, your honor.” – Krusty the Klown
“Now, let’s see, Tide . . . Cheer . . . Bold . . . Biz . . . Fab . . . All . . . Gain . . . Wisk. I believe today I will try Bold.” – Seymour Skinner
“Please, please, one at a time, one at a time! Now, who has the most urgent problem?” – Marge Simpson
“I have a recurring dream in which I’m falling!” – Sideshow Mel
“Come right this way, Mel.” – Marge Simpson
“Sorry I’m late, everyone. Somebody tampered with my brakes.” – Ray Patterson
“Well, then you should’ve been early.” – Homer Simpson
“I’d been called ugly, pug-ugly, fugly, pug-fugly, but never ugly-ugly.” – Handsome Moe
Happy birthday, Hank Azaria!
“I’ve never wanted a beer worse in my life. . . . I love you, honey!” – Homer Simpson
“Are you talking to me or the beer?” – Marge Simpson
“To you, my bubbly, long necked, beechwood aged lover.” – Homer Simpson
“Dad, Otto’s going through a real tough time. Can’t he stay with us for a while?” – Bart Simpson
“I know we didn’t ask for this, Homer. But doesn’t the Bible say, ‘Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers, that you do unto me’?” – Marge Simpson
“Yes, but doesn’t the Bible also say, ‘Thou shalt not take moochers into thy . . . hut’?” – Homer Simpson
“Smithers, this plague doesn’t scare me. I’ve constructed a germ free chamber for myself. Not a single microbe can get in or out.” – C.M. Burns
“I remember another gentle visitor from the heavens. He came in peace, and then died, only to come back to life. And his name was . . . E.T., the Extra Terrestrial. I love that little guy.” – Reverend Lovejoy
“Simpson, what are you doing here? Why aren’t you at work?” – Mr. Smithers
“I made a bad mistake and Lenny sent me home to think about what I did. But I don’t remember what it was, so I’m watching TV.” – Homer Simpson
“The monkey’s on my part of the sofa.” – Marge Simpson
“Honey, he’s clearly marked his territory.” – Homer Simpson
“In light of these new facts, of which I now realize I was largely aware, I must take action!” – Mayor Quimby
“Dad, do you think I might see your plutonium isolation module?” – Adil
“Uh, maybe? Hold on a second. . . Hey, Lenny, does this place have one of those plutonium isolation deals?” – Homer Simpson
“Yeah, over in sector twelve.” – Lenny
“Sector twelve?” – Homer Simpson
“Third floor, by the candy machines.” – Lenny
“Oh, that sector twelve.” – Homer Simpson
“Alright, the battlefield is just a half mile ahead. Begin braking procedure!” – Principal Skinner
“Hello, Dondelinger.” – Old Homer Simpson
“Simpson, is that a plunger stuck on your head?” – Old Dondelinger
“D’oh!” – Old Homer Simpson
“Sir! Try to land on Leonard’s carcass!” – Mr. Smithers
“Remember the time he ate my goldfish, and you lied to me and said I never had any goldfish? Then why’d I have the bowl, Bart? Why did I have the bowl?” – Milhouse van Houten
“Sir, that’s by Homer Simpson. I don’t think you want to buy it.” – Mr. Smithers
“Smithers, years ago I blew the chance to buy Picasso’s Guernica for a song. Luckily that song was ‘White Christmas’ and by hanging onto it I made billions.” – C.M. Burns
“No! The slide is perfectly safe! This was an isolated incident!” – Krusty the Klown
“I understand that, Krusty. But, Krusty! Isn’t that exactly what you said right before the recall of tainted Krusty brand mayonnaise?” – Kent Brockman
“Now, Kent, you know that question is out of bounds! This interview is over!” – Krusty the Klown
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(The crotch really does wear out too fast.)
Dead Homer Society 
The Mob Has Spoken