“Why are we all dressed up?” – Bart Simpson
“Because sometimes it’s fun to dress up for dinner.” – Marge Simpson
“Why are we using the good china?” – Lisa Simpson
“Because sometimes it’s fun to use the good china.” – Marge Simpson
“What’s with the candles?” – Bart Simpson
“Sometimes it’s fun to use candles.” – Marge Simpson
“Why are we waiting for Dad?” – Lisa Simpson
“Because we love your father and enjoy his company!” – Marge Simpson
“Why are we really waiting for Dad?” – Bart Simpson
“He’s gaining on us!” – Rod Flanders
“I’m scared!” – Todd Flanders
“Come on, Ned, move this thing!” – Maude Flanders
“I can’t, it’s a Geo!” – Ned Flanders
Happy Terminator Day, everybody!
“You’re the guy who owns the dog?” – Bart Simpson
“Yep, he’s name’s Sprinkles.” – Mr. Mitchell
“Sprinkles?” – Bart Simpson
“Yeah, he’s my best buddy, especially since my parrot decided to stop talking. Polly? Polly, you wanna say hi to our guest?” – Mr. Mitchell
“Forgot there was a physical today, huh?” – Homer Simpson
“Yeah. . . . Hey, Homer, can I borrow your underwear?” – Lenny
“Nah.” – Homer Simpson
“I always wondered if there was a God. And now I know: there is. And it’s me.” – Homer Simpson
“Ah, au gratin potatoes. That’s a quality side.” – Mayor Quimby
“Bart, think I can ever find another one like her?” – Milhouse van Houten
“You’re asking the wrong guy, Milhouse. They all look alike to me. Now, let’s go whip donuts at old people.” – Bart Simpson
“Lisa, I can’t imagine anyone being more likable than you. But apparently this new girl is. So my advice would be to start copying her in every way.” – Homer Simpson
“Bart! Lisa! If you don’t behave we’ll turn this car right around and go home!” – Marge Simpson
“But, Marge, I want to see my brother!” – Homer Simpson
“Oh, for God’s sakes, Homer, it’s an empty threat.” – Marge Simpson
“Hey, kids, don’t forget to watch my twenty-ninth anniversary show! Featuring clips like this one of Sideshow Mel whacked out on wowie sauce.” – Krusty the Klown
“Everyone’s always kissing your ass. Well, I’m not afraid to tell you, you’re a [beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep].” – Sideshow Mel
“Man, what a day. It’s no cakewalk being a single parent, juggling a career and a family like so many juggling balls . . . two, I suppose.” – Wiggum, P.I.
“This is the kind of entertainment they think is suitable for younger and more impressionable viewers!” – Marge Simpson
“Yeah, but what are you gonna do?” – Homer Simpson
“I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’m going to write a letter!” – Marge Simpson
“Honey, you really shouldn’t eat so much in bed.” – Marge Simpson
“Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, your son has clearly been brainwashed by the evil and charismatic Mr. Burns.” – Conformco Guy
“Are you sure you can get him back for us?” – Marge Simpson
“Absolutely. I’m the one who successfully deprogrammed Jane Fonda, you know.” – Conformco Guy
“What about Peter Fonda?” – Marge Simpson
“Ohh, that was a heartbreaker. But I did get Paul McCartney out of Wings.” – Conformco Guy
“You idiot! He was the most talented one!” – Homer Simpson
RIP Peter Fonda.
“Hey, Bart, you see that Caddy over there?” – Lou
“Uh-huh.” – Bart Simpson
“That’s Mayor Quimby’s car. Tonight his honor is, uh, polling the electorate.” – Lou
“How would you, ah, like a street named after you?” – Mayor Quimby
“Now, at the risk of being unpopular, this reporter places the blame for all of this squarely on you, the viewers.” – Kent Brockman
“Okay, okay, think back to your training!” – Homer Simpson
“Homer, this may very well save your life one day. This . . . Homer.” – SNPP Trainer
“Yeah?” – Homer Simpson
“Please pay attention. This button here controls the emergency override circuit. In the event of a meltdown, push this button and only this button.” – SNPP Trainer
“Ooh, a side.” – Homer Simpson
“Simpson!” – SNPP Trainer
“You see which button I’m pushing?” – SNPP Trainer
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, push the button. Got it.” – Homer Simpson
“Why do you want to have a baby so bad?” – Patty Bouvier
“I got a lot of love to give. And, right now, my only outlet is my ham radio.” – Selma Bouvier
“Oh, they won’t let you have any fun.” – Bart Simpson
“Alright! We’re finally gonna stop those corporate pigs from dumping that nuclear waste!” – Greenpeace Guy #1
“Oh, no, our boat is sinking.” – Greenpeace Guy #2
“It was I, you fools! The man you trusted isn’t Wavy Gravy at all! And all this time I’ve been smoking harmless tobacco!” – C.M. Burns
charliesweatpants.com
(The crotch really does wear out too fast.)
Dead Homer Society 
The Mob Has Spoken