Quote of the Day

“Barbershop? That ain’t be popular since aught-six, dagnabit.” – Bart Simpson
“Bart, what did I tell you?” – Homer Simpson
“No talking like a grizzled 1890s prospector. Consarnit.” – Bart Simpson

Makeup Quote of the Day

“Now, Bart, can you roll your eyes back in your head like this?” – Lionel Hutz
“Oh, you mean like I’m dead? Yeah, sure!” – Bart Simpson
“The kid’s a pro!” – Lionel Hutz

Quote of the Day

“My theory is: Skinner likes dog food.” – Bart Simpson
“Let’s bake him a cake.” – Marge Simpson
“Ooh, a fresh batch of America balls!” – Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“That’s my dad’s shootin’ car. Just three more payments and it’s ours.” – Nelson Muntz

Quote of the Day

“When my family arrived in this country four months ago, we spoke no English and had no money in our pockets. Today, we own a nationwide chain of wheel balancing centers. Where else but in America, or possibly Canada, could our family find such opportunity? That’s why, whenever I see the Stars & Stripes, I’ll always be reminded of that wonderful word: flag.” – Truong van Dinh

Quote of the Day

“Homer, young people learn about love from adults, and we’ve been setting a terrible example for our children and the community in general. I want us to deal with the issues raised by this book.” – Marge Simpson
“Hmm.” – Homer Simpson
“I knew we shouldn’t have put a fireplace in the bedroom.” – Marge Simpson

Makeup Quote of the Day

“All these new superheros suck! None of them can hold a candle to Radioactive Man.” – Bart Simpson
“The only decent new one is Radiation Dude.” – Milhouse van Houten
“Nah. He’s just a cheap imitation of Radioactive Man.” – Bart Simpson
“Explain.” – Milhouse van Houten
“The similarities are subtle, but many.” – Bart Simpson

Quote of the Day

“I just want the whole world to know that this was a really crappy camp. Can I say crappy on TV?” – Bart Simpson
“Yes, on this network you can.” – Kent Brockman

Makeup Quote of the Day

“What’s this?” – Homer Simpson
“Aw, that’s the barbed wire. We, uh, we called that the ‘Stinger’. They, uh, they don’t let you use that no more.” – Moe

Double Secret Makeup Quote of the Day

“Marge, the boy was wearing a Hawaiian shirt.” – Homer Simpson
“So?” – Marge Simpson
“There’s only two kinds of guys who wear those shirts: gay guys and big fat party animals. And Bart doesn’t look like a big fat party animal to me.” – Homer Simpson
“So if you wore a Hawaiian shirt it wouldn’t be gay?” – Marge Simpson
“Right. Thank you!” – Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“Well, I suppose if this doesn’t work out, you can always go back to the plant.” – Marge Simpson
“Not the way I quit.” – Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“Hey Mom, Dad’s in a mental institution.” – Bart Simpson
“Oh my god, mother was right.” – Marge Simpson

Makeup Quote of the Day

“Why do you have to make this so hard?” – Lisa Simpson
“I’m using non-violent resistance.” – Bart Simpson
“Ugh, the idea that you would compare yourself to Mahatma Gandhi…” – Lisa Simpson
“Who?” – Bart Simpson

Quote of the Day

“It was all a dream.” – Mr. Smithers
“That’s right, the year is 1965 and you and I are undercover detectives on the hot rod circuit. Now, let’s burn rubber, baby!” – C.M. Burns
“Speedway Squad! In color!!” – Dream TV Announcer

Quote of the Day

“Bart, we’ve been going about this all wrong. What’s the one thing rabbis prize above everything else?” – Lisa Simpson
“Those stupid hats?” – Bart Simpson
“No, Bart, knowledge. . . . We’re gonna hit him where it hurts, right in the Judaica.” – Lisa Simpson

Quote of the Day

“That was beautiful. What’s it called?” – Lisa Simpson
“Oh, it’s a little tune that I call The I Never Had An Italian Soup Blues.” – Bleeding Gums Murphy

Happy Birthday, Mike Reiss! 

Quote of the Day

“Can’t make it in today, Mr. Smithers. I have smallpox. . . . Well, it wasn’t wiped out in my house.” – Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“So, even if a man takes bread to feed his starving family, that would be stealing?” – Lisa Simpson
“No. Well, it is if he puts anything on it. Jelly, for example.” – Reverend Lovejoy

Quote of the Day

“But I can’t play quarterback, I don’t even know how!” – Bart Simpson
“Son, you can do anything you want. I have total faith in you.” – Homer Simpson
“Since when?” – Bart Simpson
“Since your mother yelled at me.” – Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“Sorry about that guy, they stick all the jerks in Tower 1.” – Tower 2 Guy
“That’s it! I’m coming over there!” – Tower 1 Jerk
“Yeah, why don’t you come over here? I got something for you!” – Tower 2 Guy
“Shut up, the both of yas!” – Other Tower 1 Jerk