Quote of the Day

“It all started on the thirteenth hour of the thirteenth day of the thirteenth month. We were there to discuss the misprinted calendars the school had purchased.” – Marge Simpson
“Lousy Smarch weather.” – Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“Come on, move your butt! You’re blocking traffic!” – Marge Simpson
“That’s no way to address Sir-Drinks-A-Lot.” – Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“One ocean tango, we are in pursuit of a speeding individual driving a red . . . car, license number: Eggplant-Xerxes-Crybaby-Overbite-Narwhal.” – Eddie

Quote of the Day

“Evening, Simpson. You got a short in your tail light. Started blinking when you made that turn.” – Chief Wiggum

Quote of the Day

“Nice dismount, man.” – Jimbo Jones
“Didn’t hurt.” – Bart Simpson
“Oh, yeah, well, do it again.” – Kearney
“Nah. Might land on my face and end up looking like you.” – Bart Simpson

Happy 30th anniversary to “The Telltale Head”! 

Quote of the Day

“Mission Control, this is Corvair, launch sequence initiated. All systems go.” – Buzz Alrdrin
“Are we there yet, I’m thirsty?” – Homer Simpson
“Mission Control, request permission to sedate cargo ahead of schedule.” – Race Banyon
“Permission denied.” – Mission Control
“Ugh.” – Race Banyon

Quote of the Day

“I’m telling you, Cecil, I can’t take much more of this! Rustic workmen have turned the sani-john into a smokehouse, coveralls that don’t quite cover all…” – Sideshow Bob

Quote of the Day

♫”Twelve yards long, two lanes wide, sixty-five tons of American pride! Canyonero . . . Canyonero!
Top of the line in utility sports, unexplained fires are a matter for the courts! Canyonero . . . Canyonero!”♫ – Hank Williams, Jr.

Quote of the Day

“Bart! Lisa! If you don’t behave we’ll turn this car right around and go home!” – Marge Simpson
“But, Marge! I want to see my brother!” – Homer Simpson
“Oh, for God’s sakes, Homer, it’s an empty threat.” – Marge Simpson

Quote of the Day

“Ha ha, cops can’t win!” – Homer Simpson
“Get his license and registration.” – Chief Wiggum
“Right, Chief.” – Eddie

Quote of the Day

“Look, boy, now I’m in Australia! Now I’m in America! Australia! America! Australia! America!” – Homer Simpson
“I get it, Dad.” – Bart Simpson
“Australia! America! Australia! America!” – Homer Simpson
“Homer, that’s enough.” – Marge Simpson
“Australia! America!” – Homer Simpson
“Here in America we don’t tolerate that kind of crap, sir!” – Embassy Marine

Quote of the Day

“Will somebody help her?” – Homer Simpson
“Look, Maggie! Birdies!” – Lisa Simpson

Happy 30th Anniversary to “The Call of The Simpsons”! 

Quote of the Day

“Alright, now all we need is a name.” – Lisa Simpson
“How ’bout Blabbermouth: The Jerky Doll For Jerks?” – Bart Simpson
“How ’bout Minerva, after the Roman goddess of wisdom.” – Lisa Simpson
“Not enough commercial appeal.” – Stacy Lovell
“Wendy Windbag? Ugly Doris? Hortense the Muleface Doll!” – Bart Simpson
“I think we should name her after Lisa. We’ll call her Lisa Lionheart.” – Stacy Lovell
“No, Loudmouth Lisa! Stupid Lisa Garbageface! I can’t stand this any longer, somebody please pat attention to me!” – Bart Simpson

Quote of the Day

“Aww, Moe, we were saved by a sissy.” – Barney Gumble
“Yeah, yeah, we’ll never live it down. Oh, boy, it looks like it’s suicide again for me.” – Moe

Will There Ever Be a Rainbow?

“Hey, hey! I’ve been in Reno for six weeks, did I miss anything?” – Krusty the Klown

Back on Simpsons Day I mentioned a gigantic side project. Well, here it is.

“Global Warming: What’s In It For You?” is a (semi-illustrated) guidebook for climate change. It begins with the historic and scientific background, moves through the denier campaign and all the damage it has wrought, and debunks a lot of pretty myths and widespread misperceptions. It also affords me several opportunities to take big dumps on some truly vile people and conglomerates, including Exxon, InBev, and Disney.

Basically, I tried to make sense out of global warming the same way I tried to make sense out of Zombie Simpsons, by starting at the beginning and examining why it works the the way it does. Despite two years of trying, my agent and I have been unable to find a publisher for this would be book. Apparently, I lack a “platform” to credibly discuss the ur-issue of our time.

To build such a “platform”, I’ve published the first nine chapters on-line at

www.GreenNewDeal.Fun

(Shockingly, .com and such were taken, but .fun is growing on me.) Just like the Zombie Simpsons ebook, it’s released under a creative commons license and you can read it for free. There’s even PDF and eBook versions you can download for free.

I certainly hope everyone who still checks this site enjoys it. More importantly, though, tell someone else about it. The purpose of the book is to put climate into an understandable context, so that when you see stories about record heat in Antarctica, record fires in Australia, and record storms everywhere, you’ll know how they fit into the wider context of what we’ve done to the atmosphere – and why we continue to do it.

That said, it’s not all doom and gloom. Hell, it isn’t even mostly doom and gloom. The best kept secret about global warming is that the only people whose lives need to get worse are the kind who fly in private jets. Everybody else will/could be better off.

So please click through, and hopefully you’ll learn a few things that will help you make sense of the news and let you sleep a little easier. As a taster, have a look at the chart below, which appears in Chapter 1:

(That font is just one of hundreds of radical pro-Simpsons messages I sneak into every chapter.)

Quote of the Day

“I’m glad we’re stranded. It’ll be just like the Swiss Family Robinson, only with more cursing. We’re gonna live like kings! Damn hell ass kings!” – Bart Simpson

Happy birthday Matt Groening! 

Quote of the Day

“Homer, you will find her a man!” – Marge Simpson
“Alright.” – Homer Simpson
“And not just any man!” – Marge Simpson
“Okay.” – Homer Simpson
“He should be honest and caring and well off . . . and handsome.” – Marge Simpson
“Hey! Why should she have a better husband that you do?” – Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“Oh, you want a rock fight, eh?” – Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“You mean I get five percent off on everything in the store just because I look like-…I mean, just because I am Krusty the Klown?” – Homer Simpson
“How could I charge full price to the man whose lust for filthy magazines kept me in business during that first shaky year. Oh, by the way, here is your new issue of Gigantic Asses.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon

Quote of the Day

“Lisa, get away from that jazz man!” – Marge Simpson
“But, Mom! Can’t I stay a little longer?” – Lisa Simpson
“Come on, come on, we were worried about you. Nothing personal, I just fear the unfamiliar.” – Marge Simpson

Happy 30th anniversary to “Moaning Lisa”!