“Lis, today I am a god.” – Bart Simpson
“Is that why you’re sitting on an ice cream sandwich?” – Lisa Simpson
“Eww.” – Bart Simpson
Posts Tagged ‘Bart’s Inner Child
10
Feb
21
Quote of the Day
“Let’s look at the rainbow. What’s in there?” – Brad Goodman
I’ve never had much use for “best episode” or “favorite season” discussions. I always enjoy talking Simpsons, even when I’m drinking my chicory, but trying to definitely say this essentially flawless episode is better than that essentially flawless episode has never seemed fun to me.
That being said, I recognize that “Marge vs. the Monorail” will always top “Bart’s Inner Child” in terms of popularity. The song alone puts the monorail episode ahead. But the one and only thing I never liked about “Marge vs. the Monorail”, even as a kid, was that Lyle Lanley gets caught. I get the joke (“Where have I heard that name before?”), and it is funny, but it implies an improbable karmic justice that the show usually doesn’t indulge.
“There he is, seat 3F!”
Lanley is a con artist who happens to sell monorails instead of band uniforms or patent medicine, and he fits right in with the show’s love of the lowest of the low brow aspects of American business. The man is an obvious charlatan, full of shit from tip to toe and not the least bit shy about it. He’s great. But the only way the show can give him his comeuppance is to have his plane make an unscheduled stop in North Haverbrook. Again: it’s funny, but the need for a justice is a little teevee.
On that score, I’ve always preferred “Bart’s Inner Child” for the simple reason that Brad Goodman is a *much* better con-man than Lyle Lanley for one simple reason: he gets away. By the time the people of Springfield realize that his self help bullshit is actually bullshit, they’ve built him a statue and he’s five towns down the road telling another sold out auditorium about the Feel Bad Rainbow.
“God is angry. We’ve made a false idol of this Brad Goodman!”
Goodman was based on Tony Robbins and a bunch of other 80s/90s scam artists who specialize(d) in acknowledging that people’s lives are bad and then peddling false hope. And if you’re wondering how Brad Goodman would be doing in the age of corona, well, Tony’s Twitter feed tells you all you need to know:
As the plague descends on the entire world, he’s plugging a movie and linking to crazy winger bullshit that says coronavirus isn’t that big a deal. When the plague passes, Robbins and guys like him will be running the exact same scam because that’s what Brad Goodman would do:
We all suffered during coronavirus, but we’ve survived, and that kind of toughness can help you succeed in life and in business. In my new book, I chart the seven paths of excellence . . .
The grift must go on. That’s what high hats like Goodman and Robbins believe, that there is no problem people face that cannot be solved by them giving you money.
In less immediately trying circumstances, this is the kind of admirable crookedness upon which fortunes are founded. In this perilous moment, it is, to quote the inimitable Al Swearengen, “Sick fucking ghoulish thinking.”
“What a type you must consort with, that you not fear beating for such an insult.”
A lot of people are going to die. No getting around that. But past the millions of sudden and unnecessary deaths that will traumatize populations the world over, there are the shitheel cockdents that believe they will get away with it. And they’re probably right.
Fuck them. Let’s go to the old mill anyway. Get some cider.*
(*2m social distancing still applies.)
11
Nov
19
Quote of the Day
“Ah, the daily newspaper. Ooh! The Springfield men’s shelter is giving away sixty soiled mattresses!” – Homer Simpson
07
Apr
19
Quote of the Day
“God is angry. We’ve made a false idol of this Brad Goodman!” – Rev. Lovejoy
11
Nov
18
Quote of the Day
“Ooh, it’s that new show about the policeman who solves crime in his spare time.” – Homer Simpson
“Crank it, Homer!” – Bart Simpson
“You busted up that crack house pretty bad, McGarnagle. Did you really have to break so much furniture?” – The Chief
“You tell me, Chief. You had a pretty good view from behind your desk.” – McGarnagle
“Ah, McGarnagle, eases the pain.” – Homer Simpson
07
Aug
18
Quote of the Day
“Of course, all these feel good vibes could be traced to one feisty scamp, who taught us that if it feels good: do it.” – Kent Brockman
11
Nov
17
Quote of the Day
“Doctor, you’ve solved all my problems.” – Troy McClure
08
Jul
17
Quote of the Day
“You’re off the case, McGarnagle!” – The Chief
“You’re off your case, Chief!” – McGarnagle
“What does that mean, exactly?” – The Chief
“It means he gets results, you stupid chief!” – Homer Simpson
“Dad, sit down.” – Lisa Simpson
11
Nov
16
Quote of the Day
“This is madness. He’s just peddling a bunch of easy answers.” – Lisa Simpson
“And how!” – Carl
22
Jul
16
Quote of the Day
“What made you yell out that remark? . . . You just wanted to express yourself, yes?” – Brad Goodman
“I do what I feel like.” – Bart Simpson
“That’s marvelous, I couldn’t have put it better myself. I do what I feel like. People, this young man here is the inner child I’ve been talking about.” – Brad Goodman
“What?” – Lisa Simpson
Happy birthday, Albert Brooks!
29
Jan
16
Quote of the Day
“I can’t believe it!” – Bart Simpson
“Dad, this one gesture almost makes up for years of shaky fathering.” – Lisa Simpson
11
Nov
15
Quote of the Day
“So long, suckers!” – Homer Simpson
“Damn, they’re very slowly getting away.” – Principal Skinner
“They’re headin’ for the old mill!” – Moe
“No we’re not!” – Homer Simpson
“Well, let’s go to the old mill anyway. Get some cider.” – Moe
12
Jun
15
Quote of the Day
“And this is just the beginning. I’ve got some big plans.” – Homer Simpson
“It smells funny in there.” – Imaginary Milhouse
“No it doesn’t.” – Homer Simpson
11
Nov
14
Quote of the Day
“Wow! For free! Surplus drums of mayonnaise from Operation Desert Storm!” – Homer Simpson
22
Jul
14
Quote of the Day
“Right now, I want each of you to try something interesting. There’s no trick to it. It’s just a simple trick!” – Brad Goodman
Happy birthday Albert Brooks!
04
Apr
14
Quote of the Day
“Lis, today I am a god.” – Bart Simpson
“Is that why you’re sitting on an ice cream sandwich?” – Lisa Simpson
“Eww.” – Bart Simpson
11
Nov
13
Quote of the Day
“A few weeks ago I was a washed up actor with a drinking problem. Then Brad Goodman came along and gave me this job and a can of fortified wine.” – Troy McClure
Happy 20th Anniversary to “Bart’s Inner Child”! Original airdate 11 November 1993.
06
Jul
13
Quote of the Day
“Springfield will have its first annual Do What You Feel Festival this Saturday, whenever you feel like showing up. It’ll be a welcome change from our annual Do As We Say Festival, started by German settlers in 1946.” – Kent Brockman
21
Feb
13
Quote of the Day
“Now, now, there’s no need to resort to violence.” – Dr. Hibbert
“Aw, sure there is!” – Moe
21
Nov
12
Quote of the Day
“If elected mayor, my first act will be to kill the whole lot of ya, and burn your town to cinders!” – Groundskeeper Willie
“Mic’s on.” – Workman
“I know it’s on!” – Groundskeeper Willie
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(The crotch really does wear out too fast.)
Dead Homer Society 
The Mob Has Spoken