Posts Tagged ‘Homer at the Bat


Quote of the Day

“Ha ha, cops can’t win!” – Homer Simpson
“Get his license and registration.” – Chief Wiggum
“Right, Chief.” – Eddie


Quote of the Day

“Ozzie Smith seems to have vanished off the face of the Earth.” – Mr. Smithers
“Ahhhhhhhhh! . . . Cool! . . . Ahhhhhhhh!” – Ozzie Smith


Quote of the Day

“Hey, look at this, softball starts this week.” – Lenny
“Softball! Who’s next?” – Homer Simpson
“Nah. Count me out.” – Lenny
“Not me.” – Charlie
“No way.” – Carl
“What’s the matter with you guys?” – Homer Simpson
“Homer, last year we were two and twenty-eight!” – Lenny
“Look, I know it wasn’t our best season.” – Homer Simpson
“Actually, it was.” – Lenny


Quote of the Day

“Play ball!” – Umpire
“Attention all units! Attention all units! Armored car being robbed at Fifth and Main!” – Radio Dispatcher
“Turn off that damn radio!” – Chief Wiggum


Behind Us Forever: Treehouse of Horror XXVIII (Oh, and Morgan Spurlock returns)

“Oh, dear!” – Marge Simpson
“No, Mom, it counts as a hit. Dad just won the game.” – Lisa Simpson
“Well, I guess he’ll be happy when he comes to.” – Marge Simpson

A few quick breakdowns:

  • I finally watched that “Springfield of Dreams” special that FOX Sports paid Morgan Spurlock to produce to commemorate Homer’s induction into the Baseball Hall of Fame. It’s fine. Not great. Not terrible. Maybe a little too long and uneven, but watchable.Spurlock put his rolodex to work and brought in a crapton of famous people, some of whom work out better than others. Joe Buck, Bob Costas, George Will, and Dr. Oz(?) seem to only barely be in on the joke. Whereas Don Mattingly, Ozzie Smith, Mike Scioscia, and that baseball historian all made me at least chuckle. I have no idea why Russel Brand or Neil DeGrasse Tyson were there, I guess maybe the producers hoped they would tweet about it or something? Nick Offerman got to pretend to be Brad Pitt, Bush the Younger, and John Swartzwelder. That last one was a nice touch, though I’m guessing 95% of the people watching have never heard of him.

    Mostly it’s a retelling of “Homer at the Bat” in a Ken Burns style where clips from the episode are interspliced with talking heads or occasional Simpsons characters talking (Spurlock and two guys he work with wrote it). It spends more time than I’d have liked explaining jokes from twenty-five years ago (did you know it’s dangerous to put sheet metal over your head in a thunderstorm?), but overall it’s fine. And, hey, I got to use the Morgan Spurlock tag on this blog again. Been ages.

  • On to Treehouse of Horror XXVIII(!). It opens with an extended couch gag that’s the family as candy sitting in someone’s trick or treat bowl. There’s a decent joke when a leftover chocolate Easter bunny begs to die, which then gets run into the ground as the family slowly eats him. This needed to be a lot bleaker and have a lot less joke explanations.
  • The first segment is an Exorcist thingie that mostly involves Maggie killing characters at a dinner party in gruesome ways. It gets off to a bad start when Agnes and Helen walk into Maggie’s room suddenly to declare the party started. Eventually a priest comes in and the demon jumps into Bart, who likes it. The end.
  • The second segment started out semi-not-un-promising by being based on Coraline, which was awesome. Lisa goes through a small door to an alternate reality where things are animated in 3D and everyone has buttons for eyes. Pretty soon the whole family is there, but then they all come back to the usual universe. It ends with everyone there, including Other Mother Marge as a spider, and rip roaring dialogue like this:

    Button Homer: “Bart drew this picture of his family. Now we’re getting visits from a social worker and an exterminator.”
    Spider-Button Marge: “I’ll be ready!” [Shoots pistol, starts chainsaw]
    Lisa: “And I’ve learned no matter how bad things are, they could get much, much worse.”

    At that, Nelson walks in from nowhere so Lisa can zip and unzip his lips.

  • The third segment opens with Lisa in a tuxedo in front of a curtain, reminiscent of Treehouses of Horror past (sigh), warning us that, “What you’re about to see is so disgusting, you’ll watch Game of Thrones to calm down. You have been warned.” Turns out it’s about Homer eating himself piece by piece until there’s nothing left. It’s basically one joke over and over again and includes a montage and a self voiced celebrity chef who pulls the classic Zombie Simpsons intro of walking in unannounced and telling us his name.

Anyway, the numbers are in, and they’re up slightly but about the same. A self-consuming 3.66 million people watched this year’s Halloween episode when they could’ve been watching Coraline on DVD.


Quote of the Day

“I get fifty thousand dollars to play one game?” – Jose Canseco
“That’s right, Mr. Canseco.” – Mr. Smithers
“Well, it’s a pay cut, but what the hey, it sounds like fun.” – Jose Canseco


Quote of the Day

“Hey, sorry! I thought you were a deer.” – Mike Scioscia
“That’s okay, happens all the time.” – Mr. Smithers


Quote of the Day


“What are you going to do with your million dollars, sir?” – Mr. Smithers
“Oh, I don’t know. Throw it on the pile, I suppose.” – C.M. Burns


Quote of the Day


“But first, let’s see it again in super slow motion.” – Homer Simpson


Quote of the Day

Homer at the Bat13

“Take a knee, boys.  Tomorrow is the biggest day of your lives: the Shelbyville game.  So lights out at 7:30, and abstain from coffee, tea, and cola drinks.  Make no mistake, they pack a wallop.” – C.M. Burns
“Sure do, skip!” – Darryl Strawberry


Compare & Contrast: Hypnotic Personality Changess


“What about Clemens?” – C.M. Burns
“Sir, he’s in no condition to play.” – Mr. Smithers

A person suddenly changing their whole personality basically only happens in fiction.  It can be the steel screw who becomes a softy, the wallflower gaining rock solid confidence, even the idiot who’s suddenly smart.  The usual way to do this is with a bonk on the head, which generally comes complete with a second one near the end to put everything back the way it was.  (NOTE: Brains don’t actually work that way, please do not attempt at home.)

Sometime in the very early 1990s, a then unknown Judd Apatow sat down and wrote a teleplay that took that tried and true television premise and applied it to Homer Simpson.  The twist, if it can be called that, is that instead of his noggin getting a floggin’, Homer got himself altered through hypnosis.  A few meaningfully pronounced words, and, presto change-o, Homer Simpson thinks he’s a little kid again.  Hilarity is presumed to ensue.  (He and the episode would’ve been better off if he’d cornered the real-estate market instead, but that’s neither here nor there.)

The problem is that this premise is parchment paper thin even before you start noticing all the holes in it.  The go to joke for the personality switch episode is “whoa, s/he’s acting totally out of character”, beyond that there isn’t much there.  What’s worse, your character’s normal personality is the one that makes sense in context.  Having them act completely abnormally is generally an awkward fit, at best.

“Bart’s New Friend”, as Zombie Simpsons so often does, brings out the worst of this old and not terribly good premise.  By making Homer a little kid who’s friends with Bart, they not only have to shoehorn Kid-Homer into all kinds of bizarre places, but also gave him nothing to do while he was there.  When he (twice) shows up to play with actual kids, he doesn’t interact with them or really do anything, the episode just wants us to know he’s there.  The same is true when they’re at home, where all that happens is “Homer is a kid”.  The family barely reacts and nothing outside of that is even happening.

The beginning of the episode is Homer working a ton because he’s now the only safety inspector and actually has to do his job.  That whole rationale is dropped completely for the rest of the episode until a lone mention at the end that the other guy game back.  We don’t see anything with the plant or Homer’s co-workers after their safety inspector reverts to childhood.  Lenny and Carl don’t try to take him to Moe’s to jog his memory, Burns doesn’t disbelieve his story, nothing.

Similarly, Marge, Lisa and Bart don’t have anything but Homer going on.  Basically the only time we see any effect on anything is Homer’s brief appearances with the other kids, but even those are glossed over to the point of barely happening.  Here’s the dialogue from when Bart and Homer are playing in the park:

Bart: If you wedgie me, my friend will beat you up.
Dolph: That’s not your friend, it’s your screwed up Dad.
Jimbo: Pretty sad, really.
Kearney: We’ll leave you alone.
Bart: You did it, Homer!  You saved me from the bullies!  You’re the coolest kid I ever met.
Milhouse: What about me?
Bart: You’re in the top hundred.
Milhouse: Boo-yeah!
Bart: Now you’re not.
Milhouse: Oh.

For one thing, this is hacktacularly expository.  Bart and Dolph explain what’s going on, then Bart recaps it for us (“You saved me from the bullies!”), but nobody actually does anything but stand around.  More importantly, in that entire scene Homer doesn’t say a single word.  He is literally a prop.

Silent Homer

Please do not interact with the story’s main character.

That silent cameo is about the closest this episode comes to actually showing us some of the effects of the tortured premise it went out of its way to employ.   This is the mid-life crisis equivalent of buying that sports car model that was cool when you were fifteen and then leaving it in the garage.  It was a dumb idea even before they didn’t try to have any fun with it.

Compare that to the time The Simpsons employed the exact same premise with, of all people, Roger Clemens.  In just a few quick scenes, Clemens goes through an identical story to Kid-Homer, and we actually get to see some of the effects of it, with Clemens being unavailable for the championship game and clucking away instead of pitching.

Better yet, it’s one of those perfect note jokes that builds on everything around it.  A man acting like a chicken is one thing; maybe it’s funny, maybe it’s not.  But a big league star pitcher acting like a chicken because he was hypnotized by a quack on orders from an evil rich man who paid him to be a ringer in a smalltown softball game?  That’s so good that your final (non-song) call back to it can be a minor part of a still photo and it’s still hilarious:

Homer at the Bat12

Look at Roger Clemens, he just did an entire episode of Zombie Simpsons in two scenes and you can tell it just by looking at him.

A young Judd Apatow who didn’t know how to write yet may have once pronounced himself satisfied with this, but The Simpsons did it better in less than a page.  Bloated out to full script length, it’s typical Zombie Simpsons.



Quote of the Day

Homer at the Bat10

“The dryer goes on the right.” – Woman
“Yes, ma’am.” – Jose Canseco

Happy birthday Maggie Roswell!


Quote of the Day

Homer at the Bat9

“You make me sick, Homer.  You’re the one who told me I could do anything if I just put my mind to it!” – Bart Simpson
“Well, now that you’re a little bit older, I can tell you that’s a crock!  No matter how good you are at something there’s always about a million people better than you.” – Homer Simpson
“Gotcha.  Can’t win, don’t try.” – Bart Simpson


Quote of the Day

Homer at the Bat8

“Mmm, donuts.” – Homer Simpson
“Hey, Homer, slow down!  You’re gonna choke or something.” – Lenny
“Don’t tell me how to eat donuts!” – Homer Simpson
“Hey, Homer’s choking again.” – Carl
“Hmm, isn’t there a first aid chart around here somewhere?” – Lenny
“Somebody scare him.” – Carl
“That’s for the hiccups.” – Charlie

Happy birthday John Swartzwelder!


Quote of the Day

Homer at the Bat7

“Okay, Homer, bases loaded and you’re up.  Where’s that secret weapon?” – Carl
“Check it out, boys, my magic bat.” – Homer Simpson
“That’s it?” – Carl
“Yeah, I got a magic bat, too.” – Lenny
“And I got an enchanted jockstrap.” – Carl


Quote of the Day

Homer at the Bat6

“It all started last year during a terrible thunderstorm when I locked myself out of the house.  Sheltering myself with a large piece of sheet metal, I ran for cover under the tallest tree I could find!” – Homer Simpson


Quote of the Day

“Alright Simpson, let’s go over the signals.  If I tuck the bill of my cap like so . . .” – C.M. Burns
“Yeah.” – Homer Simpson
“. . . it means the signal is a fake.” – C.M. Burns
“Uh-huh.” – Homer Simpson
“However, I can take that off by dusting my hands thusly.” – C.M. Burns
“Got it.” – Homer Simpson
“If I want you to bunt, I will touch my belt buckle not once, not twice, but thrice.” – C.M. Burns
“Uh-oh, I don’t understand a word he’s saying.  Why doesn’t he just let me bat?  I wish I was home with a big bag of potato chips.  Mmmm, potato chips.” – Homer’s Brain

Happy 20th Anniversary to “Homer at the Bat”!  Original airdate 20 February 1992.


Quote of the Day

Homer at the Bat5

“Wow!  How many home runs you gonna hit with that?” – Bart Simpson
“Let’s see, we play thirty games, ten at bats a game . . . three thousand.” – Homer Simpson


Quote of the Day

You Play Right Field

“You’re Darryl Strawberry.” – Homer Simpson
“Yes.” – Darryl Strawberry
“You play right field.” – Homer Simpson
“Yes.” – Darryl Strawberry
“I play right field too.” – Homer Simpson
“So?” – Darryl Strawberry
“Well, are you better than me?” – Homer Simpson
“Well, I never met you, but . . . yes.” – Darryl Strawberry



Homer at the Bat4

“Something told me this was a very special, very magical piece of wood . . . that I could make a bat out of.” – Homer Simpson

What do you see in the picture below?


If all you see is a pile of wood in a plastic bad then you are only partially correct.  For at the time this picture was taken, one of those pieces of wood held a bitching carving of Homer Simpson.  Click here for the full gallery of images, from unformed to carefully carved with hair on top.  I know I say this a lot, but projects like this one are a million times cooler than any amount of collectable plastic. 


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