Quote of the Day

“Evening, Simpson. You got a short in your tail light. Started blinking when you made that turn.” – Chief Wiggum

Quote of the Day

“Try to be nice to my sisters. It’s very hard on me to have you fighting all the time.” – Marge Simpson
“Oh, okay, Marge! I’ll get along with them! Then I will hug some snakes. Yes! I will hug and kiss some poisonous snakes! . . . Now that’s sarcasm.” – Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“These are yours, sir?” – DMV Boss
“Yes. I am in flavor country.” – Homer Simpson
“Both of them?” – DMV Boss
“It’s a big country.” – Homer Simpson
“Ladies, I apologize. And you, sir, are worse than Hitler.” – DMV Boss

Quote of the Day

“Oh, I’ll never pay off that debt!” – Homer Simpson
“Need money fast? Got no experience? Set up, to elegance! Become a limo driver at Classy Joe’s.” – TV Announcer
“That’s it! I’ll make money with a chauffeur job! Good thing you turned on that TV, Lisa.” – Homer Simpson
“I didn’t turn it on. I thought you turned it on.” – Lisa Simpson
“No. Well, anyway, turn it off.” – Homer Simpson
“It is off.” – Lisa Simpson

Makeup Quote of the Day

“Am I wrong, or did it just get fatter in here?” – Patty Bouvier

Quote of the Day

“How’s Dad today?” – Lisa Simpson
“Not too good, Lisa. Frankly, he’s underneath the table.” – Marge Simpson
“Nobody make me any breakfast. A man so deeply in debt doesn’t deserve it.” – Homer Simpson
“But I like to make you breakfast!” – Marge Simpson
“In that case, I’ll just have french toast with double butter and a side of bacon. But no powdered sugar, I don’t deserve it. . . . Maybe a little powdered sugar.” – Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“I’m sorry, Homer doesn’t mean to be rude. He’s just a very complicated man.” – Marge Simpson
“Wrong!” – Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“Since you’re trying to make a getaway in park, I’m guessing you don’t have a license.” – Chief Wiggum

Quote of the Day

“Alright, girls, today we learn the Dance of the Fairy Queens. You can either be a fairy or a queen. It’s wide open!” – Ballet Instructor

Quote of the Day

“Homer, why didn’t you tell me?” – Marge Simpson
“I was ashamed, Marge.  I failed you as a husband and a provider, and at best I was a B+ dog.  I’ll understand if you want to sleep on the couch tonight.” – Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“Uh, I need another extension on my mortgage payments.” – Homer Simpson
“I understand that, Mr. Simpson, but according to our computer, your credit history is not good.  It says here that you’ve been pre-declined for every major credit card.  It also says that you once grabbed a dog by the hind legs and pushed him around like a vacuum cleaner.” – Bank of Springfield Guy
“That was in the third grade!” – Homer Simpson
“Yeah, well, it all goes on your permanent record.” – Bank of Springfield Guy

Renewal Announcement Overdue [Updated]

“Sweet, trusting Marge, I can’t let you down.  I’ll get some money somehow. . . . Hello, Vegas?  Gimme a hundred bucks on red. . . . D’oh!  Alright, I’ll send you a check.” – Homer Simpson

It’s now officially mid-October and there has been no announcement from FOX or anyone else about next season.  For most shows, that wouldn’t be an issue, but for Zombie Simpsons, which is wildly asynchronous with the rest of network television’s renew/cancel announcements, it’s very odd.  Thanks to the show’s ancient pedigree and very long production schedule, the last couple of renewal announcements have come in early or mid-October.  Well . . . it’s that time of year and we haven’t heard anything.

Complicating matters is the general laziness of the entertainment press.  Last year we got the renewal announcement for Season 26 on October 4th.  But that’s all we got.  Unlike previous renewals, which bragged about the new episode total, all the press release said was that the show would be around for Season 26.  And while plenty of sites reported “Simpsons renewed” none that I was able to find (then or now) contained an episode total.  (Even The New York Times just wrote up the press release and didn’t ask any questions.)

The episode total is more important than the season number because, as I’ve said before, how the show ends is determined by the production runs, not the broadcast runs.  For several years now, FOX has been ordering 22-episode production runs.  The “SABF” run comprised most of Season 25, and its first few episodes have spilled into Season 26.  Sometime soon, the “TABF” run will start being broadcast and will make up most of Season 26.  This is all entirely normal.

However, since the copy and paste brigade that passes for entertainment journalism didn’t give us an episode total, it’s at least possible that instead of ordering a full 22-episode production run last year, FOX only ordered a shortened run that will end this spring instead of spilling over into next fall.  If that’s the case, then we could see the end of the show in 2015.

Now, I don’t think that is the case and I don’t want to start any rumors that the show is finally going to end.  Quite frankly, the opposite is more likely.  Odds are that last year they ordered a full 22-episode TABF run, no reporters bothered to ask them for a total, and that the show is already de-facto renewed for at least a partial Season 27.

But the reason this time of year is important is because of the extraordinarily long lead time needed to create an episode.  The show can’t wrap the finale the week before it’s broadcast and just send everyone home.  Instead, the production will gradually shut down months ahead of time as new scripts stop being ordered and the final episodes wind their way through the animation process.  In the age of Twitter and friends, there’s no way you could keep that secret, even for a little while.

So, we have a couple of interesting pieces of information:

1.  It’s mid-October and there’s been no renewal announcement.
2.  There was no confirmation that the TABF production run is a full 22-episodes.  (At least that Google and I could find, anyway.)
3.  The long production time of the show means that it’ll shut down months before the last broadcast.

Where does that leave us?  It means that sometime in the next month or so we’ll either get a renewal announcement, a cancellation announcement, or another rumor heavy cluster fuck (a la 2011) about whether or not the show will stagger forward for another year or more.  My money is on a renewal announcement (best predictor of future behavior being past behavior, and all that), but we are in a situation where it’s at least possible that we might hear otherwise in the near future.

Keep watching the skis.

[Update 2:08pm Eastern: Word from Caesar himself in comments: “TABF = full 22 order”.  Still looking for a renewal notice, but there will definitely be at least a partial Season 27.]

Reading Digest: Promising Features, Regrettable Drawbacks Edition

“Congratulations, Mr. Simpson, this invention of yours has made us all rich, especially you!  It’s simple yet ingenious, and it fits right in the palm of your hand.  Every person in America now owns one of these, and in many cases, three or four.” – Imaginary Executive
“Uh, could I just get a look at that?” – Homer Simpson
“Now, why would you need to see it?  You’re the genius who invented the . . . product in question.” – Imaginary Executive

The big news this week was the first look at “Simpsons World”, an app/website-of-some-kind that’ll be debuting in October.  I have very mixed feelings about it, and I’m sure we’ll learn more once people who aren’t obsequious entertainment reporters can get their hands on it.  For now, however, there’s quite a lot to be excited about (easy access to clips, being able to stream the show) and quite a lot to be pissed about (you must have cable, your cable company must have FXX, AND it’s only in the US).  How much of either ends up in the final product remains to be seen.

In addition to that we’ve got word record breaking tattoos, two more Lego links, old video games, finger nail art, fan art, and some excellent usage.  Enjoy.

With FXX’s Simpsons World, A Clip Database Comes Closer to Non-Linear Reality – Smooth Charlie’s Link of the Week is – by far – the most thoughtful first hand account of Simpsons World I read.  There is some healthy skepticism here along with fanboi excitement about what some of the promised features could mean.  It’s a little long, but in a week where every entertainment site seemed to do little more than quote the press release, you’re better off reading this than ten of those.  The fact that there’s going to be a currency called “donuts” that you can “earn” makes me very leery, for obvious reasons.

Here’s how the new Simpsons app will change your life – A quicker breakdown highlighting some of the main features.

‘The Simpsons World’ app won’t be available in Canada – And this is part of the reason why I have mixed feelings.  TV rights are locked into ancient distribution deals that are definitely bad for fans and, one suspects, also bad for the people who create the shows.  Endless legal arcana has always been a big help to the bosses screwing the worker bees.  As Bill Oakley sarcastically noted earlier this week:

Mondrian and Homer Simpson Inspired Wine Bottles – Some Russian designers created fake Homer and Marge wine bottles.  They are gorgeous, too bad there’s no wine in them (yet).

Simpsons Fan Sets Record With 41 Homer Simpson Tattoos – I put this up on Twitter a few days ago, but there’s plenty of good pictures at the link.  The one of Homer inside his Ganesh costume is a nice touch.

The … – Duplo Simpsons!

You can’t mess up with Lego. – Surprisingly creepy Flanders.  Looks like after the Gremlin got to him.

“And I for one welcome our new insect overlords…” – The complete background and a few examples of modern usage.

The Simpsons to kill off Krusty the Clown: 6 life lessons he taught us – The hot rumor is that they’re going to “kill” Krusty.  I would be skeptical if I bothered to care.  However, there are some good Krusty moments here, including a great .gif of him killing the wealthy dowager.

10 Hilarious “The Simpsons” Moments – Plenty of good YouTube here.

Nvidia Announces Shield Tablet, an Android Device for Hardcore Gamers – Excellent usage:

In an online press briefing yesterday, Shield Tablet general manager Matt Wuebbling said the market for mobile devices has matured to the point that a company like Nvidia can respond to the specific needs of a niche like hardcore gamers. A trend of homogeneity turning to variety is coming to tablets the same way it came to cars and PCs, Wuebbling said.

And if tablets were cars, Nvidia seemingly wants the Shield to be the Canyonero from “The Simpsons”:

Unexplained fires will be a matter for the courts!

Speedy Ortiz talks the Simpsons and playing in space at Pitchfork Festival 2014 – Good answer:

DC: (If the world were going to end in a year) and you were allowed to play any one festival, what would it be?

MF: We got this question the other day, and I’m still sticking with the Simpsons one.

DM: Oh yeah, Hullabalooza. The Smashing Pumpkins would have to play.

SD: Sonic Youth plays too, right?

DM: Yeah. And Peter Frampton. He’s headlining.

And in between sets they could watch the acts from the Pageant of the Trans-Mundane.

Homer Simpson’s parenting advice – There’s a couple Zombie quotes on here, but it’s a pretty solid list.

The Simpsons 25 – A heartfelt and touching remembrance of a lost child through the show.

20 ‘Simpsons’ Quotes That Everyone Hears In Everyday Conversation – Nice list.  Not sure how often you actually hear some of these, but nice list nevertheless (via @dailysimpsons).

Gameplay – Midnight Rescue was a great game, and don’t feel bad for learning wordplay from the likes of Chalmers.  We all did.

‘Simpsons’ Fan Made Only Coke Name Bottle Worth Owning – Someone finally took this to its logical conclusion.  Unfortunately, Coke is now sold out of “Bort” personalized bottles.  I repeat, they are sold out of “Bort” bottles.

Mike Scully’s “The Simpsons”: When everything went wrong – Our old friend Stefan Grasso takes some swings at the Scully years.

Newt! (OMD2) – Fingernail designs inspired by “Radioactive Man”.

Planet of the Apes (1968) Review – I saw “A Fish Called Selma” long before I saw the old Charlton Heston movie too:

Aside from what I’d picked up in a Simpsons episode with a musical version of the movie, Planet of the Apes was a mystery. I had an idea that it was much more about chasing humans, action-packed fight sequences and heavy science-fiction.

It’s only after you’ve seen the movie that you pick up on other references, like the parents rounding up the kids at the beginning of “Bart’s Girlfriend”.

The Simpsons: “The Otto Show” – Even when people don’t like a particular episode, it’s still generally pretty good.

14 Classic Episodes from The Simpsons, season 5 (and 8 memorable ones!) – Season 5 is just insanely solid.

You Are Lisa Simpson – A list of sad animated moments includes “Jurassic Bark” and Homer sitting on the hood of his car after saying goodbye to his mother.

SNES A Day 59: Krusty’s Super Fun House – That was a pretty fun game.

“Going to a nice restaurant with my wife tonight.” – Heh.

“The Simpsons” needs to can its celebrity guest stars – And finally, I get to end the way I like, with someone who agrees with us.  In this case it’s mainstream outlet Salon:

There are two ways the celebrity guest appearance goes on “The Simpsons”; in some cases, a star appears as him- or herself, as with the episode where Lisa and Lady Gaga become friends. In others, a star riffs on his or her persona, as in the episode in which Homer and Marge become friends with “hipsters from Portland” played by Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein. The only commonality here is that in all cases, no matter who the celebrity is, their persona takes over the plot. In the world of the show, Lisa would never become friends with a pop star and Homer and Marge are studiously unhip. But still the celebrities must be shoehorned in, even when it means that the story either ignores what we know about the characters or just makes the nominal stars of the show into bland sounding boards.

“The Simpsons” has never been realistic, but in its best years it obeyed internal logic as to how its characters would behave. Dustin Hoffman’s famous appearance as “Mr. Bergstrom,” Lisa’s substitute teacher, cleverly demonstrated Lisa’s need for respect from adults. But such stories need to be done subtly, with an attention to narrative coherence. Even stars as hammy as Kelsey Grammer playing Bart’s nemesis Sideshow Bob could have told an interesting story, but simply plugging in a celebrity and expecting greatness is a tall order.

Except for when they talk to reporters, the staff stopped expecting greatness a long time ago.

Reading Digest: I Am Smoten Edition

“Sometimes I think God is teasing me, just like he teased Moses in the desert.” – Homer Simpson

Apologies for missing two consecutive weeks of Compare & Contrasts, but for the second straight week the eyetee gods decided to smite the hell out of me.  Chillingly, both incidents started on Tuesday and weren’t totally cleaned up until Thursday, which means I will be walking on eggshells until at least next Wednesday.  (Also, do not ever do business with Network Solutions “a web.com company”.  They are incompetent, sleazy, hugely overpriced, use phrases like “part of our vertical” without irony or embarrassment, and have atrociously poor security.  That is all.)

In further bad news, this week’s Reading Digest is pretty short because the internet seemed to spend most of the week circle jerking over the upcoming Zombie Simpsons/Lego episode.  All they did was release a promo image and a couple of self-congratulatory quotes about it, but everyone with access to a keyboard seemed to feel the need to write it up.  (It’ll be interesting to see if Lego can budge the ratings.  My guess is no.)  We’ve got one link to all that brouhaha, plus a great video about the recent Sylvain Chomet couch gag, some fan art, several good lists, more fashionable threads, and a couple of people who agree with us.

Enjoy.

Flooby Nooby: Sylvain Chomet’s making of ‘The Simpsons couch gag’ – Smooth Charlie’s Link of the Week is this short and enjoyable YouTube video:

The color was digital, but the drawings were done by hand.  No wonder it looked so good.   Also, watch to the end for Chomet’s joke, it’s funny.

Old Man Yells At Cloud* – Baseball nostalgics are the worst, and this is an enjoyable fisking of one with plenty of (mostly non-Zombie) Simpsons references to boot.

15 Sitcom Characters Who Might Be Broke If They Lived In The Real World – How affordable would all those living rooms with couches be?  It’s a neat graphic, but I don’t know where the hell they got Homer’s monthly income as $6,500.

The First 12 Episodes Of ‘The Simpsons’ To Begin Your Marathon With – An excellent and explicitly non-Zombie Simpsons list.

5 For Friday: The 5 Best TV Moments in The Simpsons’ Universe – Another excellent list, nothing even close to Zombie Simpsons.

25 Years of The Simpsons. And 5 Potential Spin-Offs… – A list of possible new shows that implicitly agrees with us (“I can’t even remember the last time I caught a new episode of The Simpsons”).

Over Easy Author Mimi Pond Interview – No real surprise here:

What was it like writing the very first episode (“Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire”) of The Simpsons?

I don’t feel very good about that. I was friends with Matt Groening, and I’m still friends with Matt Groening. He was starting to have trouble with the producers of the show. I came in and they were having their troubles, and because I was friends with Matt, I wasn’t very welcome. And because I was a girl — it was a total boys’ club — and I wasn’t asked to be on staff. I was thrown off the gravy train and it took a couple of years to figure it out. But if it hadn’t been for that, my life would’ve been very different. I wouldn’t have worked on this book, and this was the book I was meant to write.

She certainly did a hell of a job with her one episode.

Desert Island ‘What TV series would you want stranded with you and a TV” taking you into the weekend – Couldn’t disagree with this:

I want to pose a question. Desert island style. What TV series would you take if trapped on a desert island with only a TV and DVD player. For me this was a no brainer. It’s The Simpsons.

TV Guide Magazine April 21-May 4 2014 – ‘The Simpsons’: Inside their LEGO episode – Want to read a craven, PR fluff job from the magazine that still writes like Time in 1962?  Have at it.

Simpsons and Joblessness – To be fair, it’s not like all those years of modern dance and tap help much either.

D’oh! Naperville Simpsons graffiti suspect caught – Just what it says.  He’ll probably have to clean highways in an orange vest for some number of hours now.  (via @woohootriviaCHI)

Look7in7: Meow, Meow. – Fan art of Kang (or Kodos) and a kitty.

The Simpsons used to nail it. – Heh.

BBQ Invention – Yes, Lisa, a magical animal (pulled bacon) – Mouthwateringly excellent usage:

I thought I’d start with the most exciting thing I’ve done recently, it could be a game-changer in the BBQ game, a dish that Victor Frankenstein may have created if he was into BBQ, I’ve combined a pork technique with a bacon technique…

Homer: “Lisa, honey, are you saying you’re never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?”
Lisa: “No.”
Homer: “Ham?”
Lisa: “No.”
Homer: “Pork chops?”
Lisa: “Dad! Those all come from the same animal!”
Homer: [chuckling] “Yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.”

I’ve made…  PULLED BACON

The pig de resistance!

[5RTO] The Simpsons: Tapped Out – Five thoughts on the travails of playing Tapped Out while a parent.  Also, it is indeed very expensive.

The Evolution of Simpsons Games – A brief history of some Simpsons games.

Doing The Dirty Simpsons With Family Guy’s Quest For Stuff – The new Family Guy Tapped Out clone sounds very clone-ish.

Family Guy: The Quest for Stuff is corporate manipulation pretending to be a game – Yup.

“The Simpsons” Fashion Collaboration with Joyrich – More skinny models wearing high fashion Simpsons clothing.

Biggest TV Syndication Deals Besides ‘The Simpsons’ – Unsurprisingly, other shows retail for more per episode, but nobody has nearly as many episodes.

3 cartoon shows that adults can watch – The show comes in at #1, followed by South Park and Futurama.  Ah, it’s nice to see a concise list.

How did The Simpsons get so dumb? – Our old friend Stefan Grasso charts the show’s decline and calls its current state “Rock Bottom”, complete with graphic.

Quick Note on the Zombification of Patty & Selma

“When are you going to wake up and smell your husband, Marge?” – Selma Bouvier
“Granted, you got some kids out of him, but when the seeds have been planted you throw away the envelope.” – Patty Bouvier

My apologies, but there isn’t going to be a Compare & Contrast this week.  My stupid real job threw up a bolt-from-the-blue minor crisis this week that is just now finally squared away, and I don’t have the energy to get my brains back into an episode I’ve already largely forgotten.  However, there was one thing that’s been bugging me about “Luca$”: what the hell was with Patty and Selma in that scene in the kitchen with Marge?

They’re sitting at the table watching Lisa and the would-be-competitive eater Lucas in the back yard.  Patty jokes that he’s fat, Marge says she’s surprised Lisa likes him, Patty then says:

Really?  Justin Blobber over there doesn’t remind you of anyone?

That leads to a quick cut of Homer yelling and complaining, which leads to Selma explaining the plot to everyone:

Women marry their fathers, Marge.  So you just might be meeting your future ton-in-law!

Then they both happily cackle at Lisa’s fate.  It doesn’t bother me that the twins are being mean to the kid, but by extension they’re also gleefully bagging on Lisa, which is just weird.  Patty and Selma hate Homer, and who could blame them?  (Would you want your baby sister married to him?)  But they’ve always been fond, even proud, of Lisa.  Here they’re basically saying to Marge: you married  fat loser and so will your precious daughter, ha ha.  They want Lisa to marry someone like Homer just to teach Marge a lesson or something, and it’s utterly contrary to everything we know about them.

Characters devolving into unrecognizable goo isn’t anything new for Zombie Simpsons.  And it’s not like anyone put too much thought into that scene in the first place.  But it goes to show how really empty and hollow this show has left so many once rich characters.  Patty and Selma, for all their flaws, were always on Marge’s side.  Here they’re not, and they’re attacking her through Lisa.  It’s really bad, even for Zombie Simpsons.

Quote of the Day

“Daddy has very important work to do; he’s looking through the want ads to find a part time job.” – Homer Simpson
“Dad, that’s a gag paper we got at the carnival.” – Lisa Simpson
“Oh.  No wonder I didn’t hear about Bart being elected World’s Greatest Sex Machine.” – Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“You’re certainly in a good mood tonight, Dad.” – Lisa Simpson
“Well, Lisa, I managed to solve a little problem today.  And to celebrate, I’m going to tilt my chair. . . . Mmm, slanty.” – Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“Sure, Homer, I can loan you all the money you need.  However, since you have no collateral, I’m gonna have to break your legs in advance.” – Moe
“Oh, gosh, Moe, I use these all the time.  Couldn’t you just bash my head in?” – Homer Simpson
“Hey!  Hey!  Are you a loan shark?  You you understand how finance works?  Now let’s do this thing.” – Moe

Quote of the Day

“To Homer, and to Sgt. Pepper, who’s growing out of the middle of your back.” – Barney Gumble
“Uh, Barn, you gotta unwrap the plastic before you smoke these.” – Moe

Quote of the Day

“This gets uglier every year.  Any sign of Bart and Milhouse?” – Richard
“No, and if they don’t get here soon, it’ll be TS for them.” – Lewis
“I don’t feel right.” – Ralph Wiggum