Quote of the Day

“And, do you drink?” – Merry Widow Insurance Guy
“I do enjoy a snifter of port at Christmas.” – Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“Honey, you really shouldn’t eat so much in bed.” – Marge Simpson

Makeup Quote of the Day

“Ice to see you.” – McBain

Happy (belated) birthday, Harry Shearer!

Quote of the Day

“Homer’s in the hospital! They think it’s his heart!” – Marge Simpson
“Oh, my God!” – Selma Bouvier
“What?” – Patty Bouvier
“Five cents off wax paper.” – Selma Bouvier

Happy birthday Julie Kavner! 

Makeup Quote of the Day

“Now, I know I haven’ been the best Christian. In fact, when you’re up there blah-blah-blahing, I’m usually doodling or mentally undressing the female parishioners. Well, anywho, can I have forty-thousand dollars?” – Homer Simpson

Simpsons Has Warped My Brain

“Marge, this is Andre.” – Patty Bouvier
“Hello.” – Andre
“I think you two would make a lovely couple.” – Patty Bouvier
“My husband is still alive!” – Marge Simpson
“Oh. Thank God. I hope he pulls through.” – Patty Bouvier
“Not me.” – Andre

I’m sitting in a hospital waiting room right now while my Dad has (long overdue) hip replacement surgery. It’s about as low risk as getting cut open and having the top of your femur cut off comes, so I’m not really worried, but I can’t get the above quote out of my head. Like so many Simpsons jokes, it works in about five different ways: Patty and Selma’s utter loathing of Homer, the complete sleaziness of Andre (down to the visible chest hair and chains), the wild inappropriateness of him being in the waiting room, his blase dirtbag delivery on “Not me”, Patty’s deadpan sarcasm as she hopes Homer pulls through, and I think I’m forgetting a couple.

Now, hospital waiting rooms are grim places. Nobody wants to be here, everyone’s bored, and a lot of people are seriously tense. There’s a kind of quiet decorum to it where any activity that passes the time is acceptable, but having fun in any way is not. And I keep chuckling to myself about Andre, the couple making out in the surgery viewing room, and Dr. Nick smelling gas. When they let us back to see my Dad pre-op, the first thought I had upon walking in the room was “bed goes up, bed goes down”.

Times like this are when I don’t feel the least bit wasteful having dedicated significant chunks of my brain to remembering the show. What other program could de-stress me two decades after the fact? A stray line or joke, that’s easy. The Simpsons has whole scenes and episodes that amuse me wherever I go.

 

Quote of the Day

“I’m telling you, it’s not going to work. . . . See?” – Sideshow Mel

Homer’s Triple Bypass Gifs

“Bed goes up, bed goes down.  Bed goes up, bed goes down.” – Homer Simpson

Happy Simpsons Day everyone!  In honor of this momentous occasion, we’re having .gifs.  (As before, if there’s something else from this episode you’d like to see in a repeating compressed image file, please let me know.)

Quote of the Day

“Don’t you have health insurance at work?” – Marge Simpson
“Well, actually, we gave it all up for a pinball machine in the lounge.” – Homer Simpson
“D/oh.” – Marge Simpson

Quote of the Day

“You’re fired! . . . But wait, perhaps I’m being too hasty.  You are highly skilled . . . at goofing off!  Now, don’t worry, Homer, you’re the kind of guy I could really dig . . . a grave for!  Your indolence is inefficacious! . . . That means you’re terrible!” – C.M. Burns

Happy birthday David Silverman!

 

Sight Gags: Homer’s Triple Bypass

“Ahh, little Homer . . . How’d he get that?” – Abraham Simpson

Homer’s maternity ward:

Reputable health insurance:

Springfield General is a very strict hospital:

And now, people who look like things:

Surgical audience:

Quote of the Day

“Can’t you do something for him?” – Marge Simpson
“Well, we can’t fix his heart, but we can tell you exactly how damaged it is.” – Dr. Hibbert
“What an age we live in.” – Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“Flanders, what are you doing here?” – Homer Simpson
“I’m having a kidney and a lung removed.” – Ned Flanders
“Who are you donating them to?” – Homer Simpson
“First come, first serve!  What are you in for?” – Ned Flanders
“I got a bad heart.” – Homer Simpson
“If I could give you my heart, Homer, I would.” – Ned Flanders
“Shutup, Flanders.” – Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“Now, if something should go wrong, let’s not get the law involved.  One hand washes the other.  Ooh that reminds me . . .” – Dr. Nick Riviera

Quote of the Day

“Look at that pig, stuffing his face with donuts on my time!  That’s right, keep eating, little do you know you’re drawing ever closer to the poisoned donut! . . . there is a poisoned one, isn’t there, Smithers?” – C.M. Burns
“Uh, no, sir.  I discussed this with our lawyers, they consider it murder.” – Mr. Smithers
“Damn their oily hides!” – C.M. Burns

Happy 20th Anniversary to “Homer’s Triple Bypass”!  Original airdate: 17 December 1992.

[And Happy Simpsons Day!]

Quote of the Day

“Mr. Burns, I think he’s dead.” – Mr. Smithers
“Oh, dear, send a ham to his widow.” – C.M. Burns
“Mmm, ham.” – Ghost of Homer
“No, wait, he’s alive!” – Mr. Smithers
“Oh, good, cancel the ham.” – C.M. Burns
“D’oh!” – Homer Simpson

[Whoops, mis-scheduled this one.]

Quote of the Day

“Dear Lord, thank you for Ziggy comics, little baby ducks, and ‘Sweatin’ to the Oldies’ volumes one, two and four.” – Ned Flanders

Quote of the Day

“Let’s have a minute of silent prayer for our good friend, Homer Simpson . . . .” – Moe
“How long has it been?” – Barney Gumble
“Six seconds.” – Moe
“Do we have to start over?” – Barney Gumble
“Hell no.” – Moe

Quote of the Day

“Now, what you see here is the radioactive dye we injected flowing through your husband’s circulatory system.” – Dr. Hibbert
“But doctor, I haven’t injected the dye yet!” – Nurse
“Good Lord.” – Dr. Hibbert

Quote of the Day

“This is Papa Bear, put out an APB for a male suspect driving a . . . car, of some sort, heading in the direction of, uh, you know, that place that sells chili.  Suspect is hatless, repeat, hatless!” – Chief Wiggum

Happy birthday David Silverman!