Posts Tagged ‘Kamp Krusty


Quote of the Day

“I just want the whole world to know that this was a really crappy camp. Can I say crappy on TV?” – Bart Simpson
“Yes, on this network you can.” – Kent Brockman


Quote of the Day

“My chunky brothers, gorge yourselves at the trough of freedom!” – Bart Simpson
“Ahh, sweet, nourishing gruel!” – Martin Prince


Double Secret Makeup Quote of the Day

“Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve been to Vietnam, Afghanistan, and Iraq, and I can say without hyperbole that this is a million times worse than all of them put together.” – Kent Brockman


Quote of the Day

“You’re serving us gruel?” – Lisa Simpson
“Not quite. This is Krusty Brand Imitation Gruel. Nine out of ten orphans can’t tell the difference.” – Dolph


Quote of the Day

“Alright you balls of pan drippings, I want to see Crisco coming out of those pores! We’re not leaving until this Christmas ham gives me a pull-up!” – Imagine Enhancement Camp Counselor


Quote of the Day

“I thought you said you broke their spirits!” – Mr. Black
“We did!” – Jimbo Jones
“You broke nothing!” – Mr. Black
“Let’s get ’em!” – Bart Simpson
“To the hydrofoil!” – Mr. Black


Behind Us Forever: Kamp Krustier

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“Krusty, this camp was a nightmare. They fed us gruel. They forced us to make wallets for export. And one of the campers was eaten by a bear!” – Bart Simpson
“Oh my God!” – Krusty the Klown
“Well, actually, the bear just ate his hat.” – Bart Simpson
“Was it a nice hat?” – Krusty the Klown
“Oh yeah.” – Bart Simpson
“Oh my God!” – Krusty the Klown

It will come as no surprise to readers of this site that Zombie Simpsons is dumb and derivative. It’s been coasting off the legacy of The Simpsons for well over a decade now, and it’s got to scratch and claw at the worn out bottom of a wormy barrel for story ideas that have maybe only been done once or twice before. That brings us to “Kamp Krustier”, this week’s attempt to squeeze people’s fond memories for just a little more attention.

The episode opens with a title card reading, “A short while ago, in Season 4…”. This is, presumably, to let us know that they know how absurd it is to have a direct sequel episode a quarter of a century after the original. (It doesn’t help.)

From there, we see Santa’s Little Helper wandering around the house, past discarded items of Homer and Marge’s clothing. We then see him walk past the kitchen, which is trashed and in which Maggie is resting in a chicken bucket. Eventually he gets outside to find Homer and Marge humping in the treehouse, after which Homer literally bangs a gong he produces from nowhere.


Now, I don’t want to blow this out of proportion, and I recognize that they’re under no obligation to faithfully recreate things from Season 4, but even this first scene is telling about how much the comedy of this show has gotten dumber since then. If there’s one thing Simpsons Marge would never, ever do, it’s let the house become a trashdump like this and leave Maggie completely unattended.

We know this because we were shown the exact same scene (literally) in Season 4. Homer and Marge get extra frisky while Bart and Lisa are gone in “Kamp Krusty”, and the house looks fine and Maggie is being watched.


Look at the above: Homer and Marge are still getting it on, but Marge hasn’t suddenly forgotten who she is just so the show can have Homer crow about sex like a twelve-year-old who just learned what the word means. On The Simpsons, it’s clear that Homer and Marge’s lives got easier and more fun without Bart and Lisa around, on Zombie Simpsons they just default down to a trashed house because that’s the simplest and most outrageous thing they could come up with. That it’s something Marge’s character would never do doesn’t enter into their thinking.

Don’t get me wrong, the opening didn’t ruin the episode or anything (the rest of the script is more than capable of that), it’s just a perfect, 1:1 comparison of how vacuous the show is now and I couldn’t pass it up.

As for what actually happens in “Kamp Krustier”, well, the kids come back and get sent to a therapist where Bart fakes being traumatized so as not to go to school while Lisa pretends not to be traumatized so she can go to school. Meanwhile, in the other plot, Homer becomes ultra-smart and productive at work after he and Marge can’t screw 24-7 anymore. No, it doesn’t make sense. And no, neither really get resolved.

– Continuing with the whole “let’s show a dumbed down version of twenty-four seasons ago”, here’s a couple of screen grabs from what “Kamp Krusty” would look like if they did it today:


Yes, that is Bart riding a vulture. Please laugh.

 – While riding the vulture, Bart burns four children alive, screaming “Death to tennis camp”. It’s weird.

– Krusty is dropping the kids off and Milhouse is sucking his thumb and so is Kirk.

– Now we’re at a group therapy session where Bart realizes he can get out of school. Outside, Skinner walks up out of nowhere to complain that the therapist parked him in:

Skinner: Uh, somebody parked me in. Toyota Corolla. It’s got to be one of you.
Therapist: Try the karate studio.
Skinner: I tried the damn karate studio.
Therapist: Ugh, alright, it’s me. I blocked you in, okay?

Then it ends.

– Homer’s trying to get it on with Marge, but she shoots him down and then Bart shows up to sleep in their bed for some reason.

– At breakfast, Marge is reading a pamphlet on Bart’s trauma:

Marge: This pamphlet on trauma they gave Bart is very alarming. Loss of appetite. Thousand yard stare.
Bart: Not hungry.
Marge: Where are you looking?
Bart: A thousand yards away.

Expository repetition comedy, brilliant.

– In a nod to their favorite kind of dialogue, there’s an Itchy & Scratchy cartoon with an expository intro.

– Homer getting to work early because Bart is still sleeping in his parents’ bed. Suddenly, Homer’s smart and tells us that it’s because he’s sexually frustrated.

– In a twist we probably could’ve done without, Bart’s having a nightmare about camp, wakes up to tell the audience, “My God, I really am traumatized”. He then goes to Lisa’s room in the middle of the night:

Bart: Lis! Lis!
Lisa: Can it wait till morning?
Bart: Sure. [morning comes] Lis! Lis!
Lisa: Thanks for waiting till morning!

Bart then tells Lisa about a dream he had so she can explain what’s going on:

Lisa: It’s coming back to me too! Whatever happened must’ve been so horrible we repressed the memory. But don’t tell, because they’ll make me miss school.

Thanks for the recap, Lis.

– Homer being smart montage.

– The kids are now at an amusement park where Lisa exposits her trauma and tells us she’s riding a ride while she’s riding it.

– Marge tries to seduce Homer, but he shoots her down and pulls a theremin out from nowhere.


And now, the punchline: “I said therapy, not Theramin!” [rimshot]

 – We’re now at the “Masters and Johnson Institute”, which has a sign outside reading “If We Weren’t Doctors, We’d Be Arrested”, which is so far the only funny thing in this episode. Well done, sign gag.

– Homer and Marge are now in a sex therapy session with Michael Sheen and Lizzy Caplan from Masters of Sex, a show I have no particular opinion on since I only made it through about four episodes. They also tell us exactly what we’re seeing.

– Moe then shows up to masturbate with a robot in the hallway outside the therapy room. He orgasms behind a pebble glass window, and the show reaches what may be a new low.


“Alright, I just finished. Deviant out.” That’s what he actually says. 

 – For reasons that I’m sure were explained, the Simpsons go to Kamp Krusty at night to discover that it’s now an adult retreat.

– Bart exposits us into a flashback:

Bart: I’m remembering now, we were trying to escape by canoe.

– Also, Mel is in the flashback and Bart narrates exactly what we see.

– Homer and Marge eventually have sex at the camp while Bart and Lisa discover that their trauma was actually a dwarf posing as a child who escaped and didn’t die. I made none of that up.


Anyway, the ratings are in an they continue to be bad. Last night, just 2.62 million people heard Moe finish. To its (VERY) slight credit, Zombie Simpsons acknowledged this near the end. Bart says, “Now I’m glad everything’s alright”, which leads to the following two screens:



(That’s the fake dead dwarf/escaped child on the left. In case you were wondering.) 


Quote of the Day

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“I don’t think I’d be any kind of a father if you got Ds and I let you go to Kamp Krusty.” – Homer Simpson
“But Dad!” – Bart Simpson
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it.  Now, quiet, they’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” – Homer Simpson
“17.” – Radio
“D’oh!” – Homer Simpson
“32.” – Radio
“D’oh!” – Homer Simpson
“5.” – Radio
“D’oh.” – Homer Simpson
“8.” – Radio
“Woo-hoo!” – Homer Simpson
“47.” – Radio
“D’oh!” – Homer Simpson


Reading Digest: Flock of Vultures and Parasites Edition

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“Is it true you attempted suicide when you heard the news?” – Vulture #1
“Are you and Princess Di just friends?” – Vulture #2
“You people make me sick!  You’re vultures!  Where were you when I sang at Farm Aid?  Out of my way, you parasites!  I said out of my way!” – Krusty the Klown

This week we’ve got four (count’ em four!) links to Vulture, which is doing yeoman’s work to promote the new season of Zombie Simpsons, which starts, ugh, on Sunday.  The first one is by far the most interesting, but all of them have their moments, even if those moments serve as yet more evidence that nobody cares about Zombie Simpsons.

Other than that, this is a pretty short Reading Digest because the ever obsequious entertainment press is pimping both the Family Guy crossover and this goofy stunt about a character dying as hard as they possibly can.  There’s no point to any of it, so I didn’t link any of it.  There are some other lists and .gifs and the usual what-have-you, of course, but the marketing machine was at full power this week and that always screws up the signal-to-noise ratio.


David Silverman on 8 Early Simpsons Sketches – Smooth Charlie’s Link of the Week is this guided tour of some very early sketches, including from “Bart the Genius”, “Life on the Fast Lane”, and a Butterfinger commercial.  Really cool.

Simpsons Showrunners on the ‘Classic Era’ Myth – The headline for this interview with Jean, Mirkin and Selman is a little misleading in that they only mention their “myth” a little near the end.  As per usual, the Soviet fiction of “the show is still good” is officially maintained while almost all the examples they cite are from single digit seasons.  The intro even contains this:

Matt Selman is arguably the greatest Simpsons writer of the latter seasons, and many of the newer episodes on our list of the 100 best were written or co-showrun by him.

Talk about damning with faint praise!

28 Simpsons Quotes Every Fan Must Know – Our next Vulture link pretty much proves what I’m talking about above.  There are 28 quotes.  One (1) is from Zombie Simpsons (and it’s Season 16, which ain’t exactly recent in its own right).

Hank Azaria on 5 of His Many Simpsons Voices – And our final link from them is Azaria talking about some of the voices he does.  There’s nothing really new here, but it’s kinda neat, and he repeats what he’s said before about how he really has no new voices to do, whereas he used to do tons of new ones.

“Land of Chocolate” by Alf Clausen – Fear Alf Clausen’s terrible gaze:

Hank Azaria As Chief Wiggum Sings “Let It Go” – Azaria went on the Conan O’Brien show and they talked about the Hollywood Bowl thing.

Miley Cyrus Wears Her Love Of ‘The Simpsons’ On Her Sleeve—You Can, Too – I feel dirty just for linking to this, but it’s an MTV link about a (probably paid promotional) celebrity selfie to flog Itchy & Scratchy pajamas.  MTV is so naked about their sales job that they actually wrote this:

Drop Dead has developed a boutique Itchy & Scratchy Show collection in conjunction with Twentieth Century Fox Consumer Products featuring iconic Simpsons characters.

The name “MTV News” has never been synonymous with high journalistic standards (or really, any journalistic standards), but I find it hilarious that they actually bothered to use the full name “Twentieth Century Fox Consumer Products”.  Did they copy and paste it directly from the press e-mail they got?

Kevin Cuneo: Golden age of ‘Simpsons’ flew by – A columnist old enough to have kids in their 20s laments the death of the show.  Please refer to this the next time someone tells you people outgrew the show and that’s why they say it sucks now.  This guy was an adult from start to finish, and he can see how crappy the new ones are.

‘The Simpsons’ Outfit Grids by Bryan Espritu – Nice touch giving Barney his jumbo thong bikini.

The City of New York Vs. Homer Simpson, 17 Years Later: Gothamist – A quick look back at the Twin Towers episode that morons pulled from syndication for a few years.

10 of Our Favorite Quotes from ‘The Simpsons’ – Nary a trace of Zombie Simpsons, and plenty of good YouTube.

Our 10 Favorite Simpsons Moments – From the same site as the above, there is a Zombie Simpsons one in here, but it’s surrounded by the acknowledgement that it was a “bad era”.

The Simpsons Family Book Comes Out Next Week! – There is a new reference book.  That is all.

Round 127: Love, Springfieldian Style vs. Homer Goes to College – First up, Nebel’s exclusive interview with the Pope.

New trending GIF tagged the simpsons homer simpson… – A reversed one of Homer’s attempt at breakfast catching fire.

New trending GIF tagged the simpsons money make… – Money fight!

New trending GIF tagged the simpsons surprised homer… – The suckers’ll think it’s beer nuts.

Culture Shock Part II: The things you watch – I learned something today:

While consuming my regular intake of The Simpsons (Les Simpsons) I noticed another thing that brought up some questions about French broadcasting. The good ole’ Duff beer Homer J. Simpson was enjoying was blurred out! What the Duff!? After raising the question of why, I was informed that in France there is no alcohol promotion allowed whatsoever.

The Simpsons Took the Bowl – And finally, one last recap of the Hollywood Bowl show, one that happens to agree with us:

I was fairly worried that if they were trying to encapsulate the last 25 years of the show, I might be bored during the numbers I didn’t know, but if there was a song created on the show in the last ten years, I didn’t hear it. What I did hear were most of the greats over the show’s early run.

No, I’m not still jealous, why do you ask?


Quote of the Day

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“Point and game Becker.  And will the harlequin in the third row please keep his voice down.” – Wimbledon Announcer
“Sorry, folks, uh, sorry, your majesty.” – Krusty the Klown

Happy birthday Brad Bird!


Quote of the Day

Kamp Krusty17

“Somebody put a torch to these permanent records . . . quickly now.” – Principal Skinner


Quote of the Day

Kamp Krusty16

“Before I go to camp, I’ll need boosters for malaria, German measles, encephalitis, Hansen’s disease-” – Lisa Simpson
“Oh, now I’m afraid what we have here is an advanced case of hypochondria.  There’s only one known cure: a lollypop.” – Dr. Hibbert
“Don’t patronize me, Doctor.” – Lisa Simpson


Quote of the Day

Happiest Place on Earth

“I’m gonna make it all up to you.  I’m gonna show you kids the time of your life.  Get ready for two weeks at the happiest place on Earth, Tijuana!” – Krusty the Klown


Quote of the Day

Kamp Krusty15

“We’ll see you when you get back from image enhancement camp.” – Mr. Prince
“Spare me your euphemisms!  It’s fat camp for daddy’s chubby little secret!” – Martin Prince
“You promised you wouldn’t make a scene.” – Mr. Prince


Quote of the Day

Kamp Krusty14

“Kamp Krusty is built on an actual Indian burial ground; we’ve got archery, wallet making, the whole megillah . . . and for you fat kids, my exclusive program of diet and ridicule will really get results.” – Krusty the Klown

Happy 20th anniversary to “Kamp Krusty”!  Original airdate: 24 September 1992.


Quote of the Day

Kamp Krusty13

“Bart, where’s your bathing suit?” – Marge Simpson
“I’m gonna swim nekkid.” – Bart Simpson
“You’re what?” – Marge Simpson
“Aw, sure, they’ll be a couple of uptight counselors who won’t dig the Bart philosophy, but I feel the human body is a thing of beauty.” – Bart Simpson
“Marge, am I crazy or is my back getting hairier?” – Homer Simpson


Get Rid of the Little Bastards

Kamp Krusty12

“Don’t look in my closet!  In fact, stay out of my room altogether.” – Bart Simpson
“If the pets die, don’t replace them.  I’ll know!” – Lisa Simpson

The A.V. Club’s massive and (very) long running series of reviews of what they call “Classic” episodes picked up this week with “Kamp Krusty”.  The article is justifiably glowing (“still feels bracingly dark and sharp and uncompromising”), and it makes much of the wonderfully subversive theme of kids revolting against the unjust and incompetent adults who run their lives.  But it glosses over one of the best scenes in the episode: when the bus to camp finally departs and the adults celebrate like they just won a war.

Part of what makes this scene so great is the unmitigated joy the parents feel, with that one anonymous mother even yelling, “Don’t come back!”.  Parents disliking their kids isn’t exactly a new idea in fiction, anyone who’s ever encountered a Grimm fairy tale can tell you that, but on The Simpsons it isn’t just some parents, it’s all of them.  The implication to any kid viewer is loud and clear: your parents don’t actually like you.

Another great part of this is the way the kids understand that and don’t trust  their parents.  There’s Martin’s disgust that his parents are forcing him into “fat camp”, but there’s also Bart and Lisa’s last second pleas as the bus departs.  Even the children who are going willingly know that the adults are up to something. 

But what makes it one of those perfect moments The Simpsons was incomprehensibly good at creating is that the worst instincts of both sides are true.  The kids are indeed right to distrust the parents, and the episode makes much of their rebellion.  But the parents are also right to want to get rid of their spawn.  Life is better without the little monsters, and there’s nothing in the episode that suggests otherwise. 

That thought is hilariously grim, in no small part because given even a moment’s consideration it’s also self evidently true.  Having kids is expensive and stressful, and while most popular culture will fall back on lighthearted jokes and platitudes about love and indefinable value when confronting that, The Simpsons just leaves it there to stand on its own.  That rapturous cheer when the bus pulls away is made even funnier because, as far as this episode is concerned, it isn’t a joke. 

Kamp Krusty11


Quote of the Day

Kamp Krusty10

“Well, William, another school year gone by.” – Principal Skinner
“And may I say, a job well done, sir.” – Groundskeeper Willie
“Well, back to work then.  Make sure to give those toilets a good scrubbing.  We want the old girls sparkling when I get back.” – Principal Skinner
“Aye, sir . . . ya silk wearing buttercup.” – Groundskeeper Willie


Quote of the Day

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“Wait a minute, you didn’t learn how World War II ended! . . . We won!” – Teacher
“U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!” – Students
“Mmm, I haven’t seen such unfettered hurly-burly since the fall of Saigon.” – Principal Skinner


Quote of the Day

Kamp Krusty8

“Mrs. Krabappel, in figuring out my final grades I hope you’ll note that all of my textbooks are being returned in excellent condition, in some cases still in their original wrappings.” – Bart Simpson
“Duly noted.” – Mrs. Krabappel


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