“Dad, Otto’s going through a real tough time. Can’t he stay with us for a while?” – Bart Simpson
“I know we didn’t ask for this, Homer. But doesn’t the Bible say, ‘Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers, that you do unto me’?” – Marge Simpson
“Yes, but doesn’t the Bible also say, ‘Thou shalt not take moochers into thy . . . hut’?” – Homer Simpson
“Hey, landlord, some clown changed my locks, padlocked the door, and put up an eviction notice.” – Otto
“Yeah, that was me.” – Landlord
“You? But why?” – Otto
“Because you haven’t paid your rent.” – Landlord
“Can I at least get my stuff?” – Otto
“All I found in there was a jar of mustard and a couple of old cycle magazines.” – Landlord
“Wow! I had mustard?” – Otto
“You know, people think there are only five members of Spinal Tap. But they’re wrong.” – Derek Smalls
“Could we turn up the house lights, please? That was the cue to turn up the house lights so we can tell the audience they’re the sixth member of the friggin’ group!” – David St. Hubbins
“We are trying to put a tiny thrill into their gray, little lives. Oh, forget it.” – Nigel Tufnel
“I don’t understand this. Why can’t you stay with your parents?” – Marge Simpson
“Oh, the admiral and don’t get along!” – Otto
“Please let me stay here. I’ve got nowhere else to go.” – Otto
“Forget it. That line didn’t work for my Dad and it’s not gonna work for you.” – Homer Simpson
“Is Milhouse okay?” – Marge Simpson
“Uh, I’ll be right back.” – Homer Simpson
“Help! Help!” – Milhouse van Houten
“And we thought they knew how to rock in Shelbyville!” – Nigel Tufnel
“Boooo!” – Crowd
“But nobody rocks like . . . Springfield!” – Derek Smalls
“Yaaaayyyyy!” – Crowd
“Well, it seems some silly twit did not get a big enough oxygen pump, but that’s supposed to be a devil.” – Nigel Tufnel
“Filled up with air, it’s very evil and impressive.” – David St. Hubbins
“We salute you, our half inflated Dark Lord!” – Derek Smalls
“Otto, man, you’re living in a dumpster?” – Bart Simpson
“Oh, man, I wish. Dumpster brand trash bins are top of the line. This is just a Trash-Co waste disposal unit.” – Otto
“Maybe you should take the driving test again.” – Marge Simpson
“Oh, I can’t pass that thing. I got a zero last time. This time I’m hungover!” – Otto
“That’s it, he’s out of here!” – Homer Simpson
“Homer, we’re the only family he’s got.” – Marge Simpson
“I don’t care. This is not Happy Days and he is not the Fonz.” – Homer Simpson
“Hey, Mister S.” – Otto
“Oh, it’s a miracle no one was hurt.” – Principal Skinner
“I stand on my record: fifteen crashes and not a single fatality.” – Otto
“Although I’m sure I will receive a severe wedgie from my bus mates, I must remind you: we should’ve been at school ten minutes ago. . . . Ah!” – Martin Prince
“Uh-oh, better fasten your seatbelts, little dudes.” – Otto
“We don’t have seatbelts.” – Lisa Simpson
“Uh, well then, just try to go limp.” – Otto
“Otto!” – Bart Simpson
“That’s what my driver’s license says!” – Otto
We got an e-mail from one of FOX’s hip, edgy Web 2.0 marketing firms announcing some upcoming home video releases, including Season 15 on December 4th. This being a press release, there is very little interesting information contained within. In fact, there’s no text at all about Zombie Simpsons, just two images, one a cover mockup with Otto on the front, the other a recycled idea:
Based on this, it’s a standard release with all the usual home video bells and whistles: audio commentary (ugh), deleted scenes, and sketches. I’m slightly curious to see “The Commercials” on there, but since it’s Season 15, I don’t actually care either.
As a bonus, we can see that not only are they now cribbing from The Simpsons for their marketing materials, but there are also now “Blu-ray Bonus Episodes” (which I don’t think were on earlier seasons). Basically, FOX likes the premium they can charge for Blu-Ray* but is hampered by the fact that Zombie Simpsons didn’t get to HD until Season 20, so to get you to pay the extra $10 (or whatever), they’ve included one episode each from Season 3, Season 9 and Season 11. It’s hard to imagine that there are all that many people out there who are interested in Season 15 and who don’t already own the previous seasons, but they stopped putting a lot of thought into these releases a long time ago.
Also, check out how much better the Otto drawing from “The Otto Show” is than the promotional one. His cap is more disheveled, his headphones are on crooked, his teeth aren’t uniform, even his eyes look crazier and dumber. Once again, the older animation has much more personality.
*Humble suggestion that I would buy in a heartbeat:
I’d easily spend $100 on that, and I don’t think I’d be alone.
“Now, boy, we spent a lot of money, so you better get real good real fast or pow!” – Homer Simpson
“Homer!” – Marge Simpson
“Hey, I thought I was supposed to encourage him?” – Homer Simpson
“Let’s see your license, pal.” – Lou
“No can do, never got one. But if you need proof of my identity, I wrote my name on my underwear . . . oh, wait, these aren’t mine.” – Otto
“Well, that tears it. Until you get a license and wear your own underwear, mister, you are suspended without pay.” – Principal Skinner
Happy 20th Anniversary to “The Otto Show”! Original airdate, 23 April 1992.
“What’s so funny?” – Selma Bouvier
“I was just thinking about the time Homer got his nose caught in the toaster.” – Patty Bouvier
“We’ll watch the tape tonight.” – Selma Bouvier
“Of course, it would be wrong to suggest that this sort of mayhem began with rock and roll. After all, there were riots at the premiere of Mozart’s ‘The Magic Flute’. So, what’s the answer? Ban all music? In this reporter’s opinion, the answer, sadly, is ‘yes’.” – Kent Brockman
I absolutely love the above quote from Brockman. It’s funny, but it’s also indicative of the kind of petty, know nothing authoritarianism that is inherent in so many of Springfield’s higher ups. Whether he wants his television poll to be legally binding or he’s puffing himself up in preparation for what he assumes to be an invasion of space ants, Brockman’s defining characteristic is that he thinks of himself as important despite the fact that he’s a blow dried airhead who can’t pronounce “Kuala Lumpur”. He’s a schmuck whose only real talents are good looks and a deep voice, but he thinks of himself as so much more.
So of course he wants to ban all music. Half of his job is looking concerned about the stories he reads, this just fits into his thoughtless pattern. It’s a great joke, not only because it’s a ridiculous overreaction, but also because it’s exactly the kind of thing an insecure bimbo like Brockman considers intelligent. His thinking begins and ends with whether or not he can say something with an air of regretful authority.
“Check it out, Spinal Tap kicking Muammar Gaddafi in the butt, the timeless classic, now two for a dollar.” – T-Shirt Guy
We’ve got two links this week to old but excellent bootleg clothing, one a T-shirt, the other what looks like a handmade sweater. It’s almost needless to say, but both have a lot more personality than the official crap. In addition to that we’ve got a list of NFL coaches and the Simpsons characters they (kinda) resemble, a long review of an ancient video game, and a couple of long posts about old Simpsons.
Enjoy.
GRAPHICS: Average Daily Food Intake of Homer Simpson, Seinfeld Cast & Garfield – Smooth Charlie’s Click of the Week is this series of pictures guessing at and illustrating how much certain fictional characters eat. Homer clocks in at an amazing 24,929 calories, of which 24% is donuts and beer.
BLACK BART SIMPSON – An early 1990s MC Hammer/Michael Jordan/Black Bart t-shirt. Bootleg stuff is always so much more fun.
Comparing All 32 NFL Head Coaches to Simpsons Characters – This is an epic post with a great deal of YouTube. As you’d expect, some of the comparisons are a stretch, but others are dead on. Bill Belichick as Mr. Burns was an obvious call, ditto Pete Carroll as Lyle Lanley, a man who knows how to get the fuck outta Dodge. I was also impressed with Gary Kubiak as Homer. For those of you who don’t follow the NFL, Kubiak has managed to take a talented team and make them terrible, and his in-game decision making is often . . . puzzling. Long story short, there’s no reason he should still have his job, and yet he does. Oh, and Rex Ryan got to be Bart. That seems about right.
Cowabunga Man – A fantastic collection of Simpsons stuff. The star of the show is an awesome homemade sweater with Lisa and Maggie.
The GodisaGeek Retro Corner: Bart’s Nightmare – Long review of the old “Bart’s Nightmare” video game.
SDCC 2011 Pin Ups – Here’s a picture of the Comic Book Guy pin Hallmark was selling at Comic-Con this year. (Also, this blog is called “Worrier Princess”, which is a fantastic title.)
A Pony! – Sure, every kid wants a pony, but why get one when you can spend the same amount of money on an education?
Bart Simson Yugoslav Twitter | BARTSIMSON_REAL Twitter account | Parody Bart Simpson Twitter – It’s a Yugoslavian Bart Simpsons twitter account. You read that correctly. Direct twitter link goes here.
Bart Simpsons Nail art. – A picture of a rather excellent Bart drawn on a thumbnail. Well done.
Twenty-Year Difference – Okay, sure, there are a lot of things better now than there were in 1991, but at least there were good new Simpsons episodes then.
Watch Footage of Game Working on "The R.E.D." Album – Want to see a behind the scenes video in which Drake raps “I love your ass like Milhouse love Lisa”? It’s at 1:40 in the video.
Lessons From A Lady – This almost sounds like fan fiction erotica. Almost:
2- People who work at shooting ranges do not find it amusing when you employ Simpsons references while renting a handgun from them to teach a girl how to shoot. ‘Hi, I’d like your deadliest gun please’ and ‘I feel this incredible surge of power, like god must feel… when he’s holding a gun’, did not endear me to the rangemaster. Then again…
3- Chicks who watch The Simpsons will give you road head on the way back from the gun range if you employ Simpsons references while renting a handgun to teach them how to shoot. Symmetry is beauty.
Hooray for Simpsons related vehicular oral sex!
Blog: Classic Simpsons – Blog posts like this one come across my screen with some regularity. It opens with a mild defense of Zombie Simpsons, saying the show “delivered the goods a vast majority of the time”, and then proceeds to praise an episode from Season 5 as the best ever. People want to talk and write about The Simpsons, but many of them feel this need to preemptively declare that they aren’t a big meanie who thinks Zombie Simpsons sucks. Anyway, it picks up after that, praising “Cape Feare” and briefly acknowledging that the show has “declined in the past few years”.
MTV Viral Video Show Ridiculousness Is A Poor Imitation Of Tosh.0 & Web Soup – Apparently, MTV wants to get into the “showing internet memes on the teevee” game. Which prompted this apt comparison:
Let’s face it, Ridiculousness is the epitome of Homer Simpson’s soliloquy in the episode called The Springfield Connection: These are the people who saw an overcrowded market, and said, “Me, too!”
Heh. Also, excellent usage.
8 of the biggest sitcom nerds of all-time – Milhouse narrowly loses to Steve Urkel for the top spot.
The Stephens (King and Spielberg) are at it again with Under the Dome – That Stephen King book that had a plot kinda similar to the movie is going to be made into an HBO mini-series. That is all.
Harry Shearer to play Richard Nixon in TV film – It’s pretty much what the headline says.
1994 – A home video version of the last act of “Dog of Death” in . . . Dutch? I don’t think it’s German, but I’m really not sure what it is. Strangely watchable.
Feminism: Don’t be a douche – You can always count on “Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy”.
Simpsonology – You really can relate just about anything to The Simpsons. I don’t think we’re quite to religion level, yet.
Simpsons – Homer & Clown College – Animated .gif of that.
Lazy day: Where are my cats?! – YouTube of the first appearance of the cat lady. I always like how dejected Lisa looks when the train goes by, ruining her segment.
Hurricane Bonus Edition: Hurricane Neddy – Preparing for Hurricane Irene with ten excellent quotes from “Hurricane Neddy”.
Why Homer Simpson is (barely) half the man he used to be – And finally, I get to end with someone who not only agrees with us, but did so with a couple of Sideshow Bob YouTube clips:
Every episode was fantastic; every beat, every joke, ever line. It’s better now than when I was a kid. ”Sideshow Bob Roberts” is so much funnier with added adult sensibilities. I don’t know where the decline exactly starts, but I know that it is there. Just look at the film, look at the episodes since and the episodes that lead up to that. There’s something missing. Homer is dumber, and there’s nothing about him that redeems him. He is, now, just a big fat man.
[…]
Homer now? He’s just a two dimensional joke that, really, gives Marge and his family no reason to continually deal with him.
It’s, I dunno, I miss the heart that The Simpsons used to have.
You are not alone in that.
“Bart, you’ve got to go on.” – Music Flunky
“Slag off!” – Bart Simpson
“You’ve changed, man. It used to be about the music.” – Milhouse van Houten
“I said slag off!” – Bart Simpson
charliesweatpants.com
(The crotch really does wear out too fast.)
Dead Homer Society 
The Mob Has Spoken