Quote of the Day

“Hey, anybody mind if I server as bartender? You know, I have a PhD in mixology!” – Ned Flanders
“Pfft, college boy.” – Moe

Quote of the Day

“Oh my, the house looks wonderful! Grampa, what’s your secret?” – Marge Simpson
“Pretending to cry. . . . That’s right, you heard me, pretending to cry! I can turn it on and off like a faucet! Ohh, oh, I’m crying! I’m so sad!” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson
“Way to go, Grampa.” – Lisa Simpson
“I’ll never trust another old person.” – Bart Simpson
“I fooled you! So long, suckers!” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson

Makeup Quote of the Day

“Homer, go easy on the al-key-hol. Remember last year at the Winfield’s party when you threw up in the laundry hamper?” – Marge Simpson
“No.” – Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

“If you want him to live through the night, I suggest you roll him onto his stomach.” – Dr. Hibbert
“Thank you, I will, Dr. Hibbert. Thanks for coming.” – Marge Simpson
“Remember, I said, ‘if’.” – Dr. Hibbert

Quote of the Day

“Say, Reverend, are we gonna get a chance to do any fishing?” – Homer Simpson
“Oh, I’m afraid not. A marriage can’t be reconciled in a few hours, Homer. It takes a whole weekend to do that!” – Reverend Lovejoy
“Oh.” – Homer Simpson
“We must bait our hooks with honesty. That way, a happy marriage won’t be the one that got away.” – Reverend Lovejoy
“I see. . . .I also understand bowling expressions.” – Homer Simpson

A Short Appreciation of “The War of the Simpsons”

“Now, about last night, you might’ve noticed Daddy acting a little strange and you probably don’t understand why.” – Homer Simpson
“I understand why. You were wasted.” – Bart Simpson
“I admit it. I didn’t know when to say when. I’m sorry it happened and I just hope you didn’t lose a lot of respect for me.” – Homer Simpson
“Dad, I have as much respect for you as I ever did or ever will.” – Bart Simpson
“Aww.” – Homer Simpson

Even all these years later, the vast range of types of episodes the show managed to knock out of the park remains astonishing. Case in point, “The War of the Simpsons” was preceded by the heart crushing “Lisa’s Substitute” and followed by the pop culture romp of “Three Men and a Comic Book”, but it’s nothing like either one. (This is one reason I’ve always found it so hard to pick favorites or even stand-out episodes.)

It starts fast with Homer immediately becoming a drunken buffoon at Marge’s fancy party. But the scene isn’t just Homer being a jerk, we’ve also got Moe resenting Flanders playing bartender, Barney getting maced, Maggie tearing up money, Lisa wanting to hear the “witty banter of sophisticated adults”, and Hibbert telling Marge what to do “if” she wants Homer to live through the night. (She doesn’t do it.) This sets up Marge’s justifiable anger at Homer as well as her solo trip to church where we get the marriage encounter weekend set up.

All of that happens before the first commercial break. Plus there’s Bart patronizing Homer about how much respect Bart has for him, Homer’s fictional Algonquin Round Table flashback, a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it callback joke to Homer ogling Maude where she checks her blouse buttons in church, and more.

That music always sends a chill down their spines.

What makes all of it work so well is that everyone is perfectly in character. So, for example, Marge gives Grampa an overly-detailed list of numbers to call in case things happen. Marge being Marge, she then sneaks a number to the kids in case Grampa falls down in the bathtub (one of the episode’s many brutal old people slams). Directly after, Bart, having anticipated this move on his mother’s part, hands Grampa a list he made that allows the kids to run wild. Lisa is initially reluctant, but she’s still a kid and more than happy to go to the grocery store and buy nothing but ice cream.

Both stories then accelerate from there: Homer botches the marriage retreat, Marge gets her patience tested more than ever before, Bart runs too wild, Lisa begins to regret what they’re doing, Grampa gets increasingly overwhelmed. The whole family is showcased, and everyone’s funny just being who they are.

Even the non-family characters get to be funny as caricatures of real people. Reverend Lovejoy’s retreat is both shallow (“A marriage can’t be reconciled in a few hours, Homer. It takes a whole weekend to do that!”) and pathetic (“Three couples, our best turnout yet!”). The bait shop guy is a dead-on bait shop guy: not in any kind of hurry and master of local lore that only he (and Homer) could possibly think is important. And, of course, there’s John and Gloria, quite possibly the bitterest couple in television history. They’re only in one scene, but in just their handful of lines we get a technicolor picture of their years of mounting anger and resentment and frustration.

Here’s your crown your majesty!

This is the show putting all of its considerable powers on display. The writing is dense with jokes and meaning, but flows so well that it’s hilarious no matter how rapid it gets. The art and animation can handle everything from intimate scenes between couples to Homer’s epic battle with General Sherman. And the voice acting is stand-out perfect in more places than I can count: Castellaneta’s sarcastic, “I also understand bowling expressions”, Cartwright’s resigned, “You’re great at a party, Lis. Really great”, and Kavner turning a simple “No, I’m not” into a repeated punchline.

Even the ending works perfectly. Homer and Marge get back together despite Homer’s continued idiocy because for all his flaws, he is supremely dedicated and loyal to Marge (“I gave up fame and breakfast for my marriage.”). And, best of all, Grampa finally gets one over on the kids who’ve been taking advantage of him all episode, which the show turns into one of its trademark anti-authority statements, with Bart declaring: “I’ll never trust another old person.”

Like so many episodes from the show’s golden years, there isn’t another one quite like this. But being so distinct doesn’t hurt it in the least. It’s still perfectly hilarious, it’s just perfectly hilarious in different ways that the others.

Quote of the Day

“Yeah, General Sherman, they say he’s five hundred pounds of bottom dwelling fury, dontcha know? No one knows how old he is. But, if you ask me, and most people do, he’s a hundred years if he’s a day.” – Bait Shop Owner
“And no one’s ever caught him?” – Tourist
“Well, one fella came close. Went by the name of Homer. Seven feet tall he was, with arms like tree trunks. And his eyes were like steel: cold and hard. Had a shock of hair, red, like the fires of hell.” – Bait Shop Owner

Happy birthday, John Swartzwelder!

Quote of the Day

“I want to make sure the kids don’t hear. When I was young I always hated knowing my parents were fighting.” – Marge Simpson
“They’re fighting in the car again.” – Bart Simpson
“That music always sends a chill down my spine.” – Lisa Simpson

Quote of the Day

“Over there!
Send the word
Send the word
Over there!
That the Yanks Are Coming
The Ya-ahhhh!” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson

Quote of the Day

“Now, this is a trust exercise.  You fall backwards and rely on your spouse to catch you.” – Helen Lovejoy
“Do I have to do this?” – Marge Simpson
“No.  Even if your husband were here I wouldn’t recommend it.” – Reverend Lovejoy

Quote of the Day

“I’ve been wanting to tell you off for years, but I never had the nerve.” – Homer Simpson
“I don’t know you.  My wife and your wife are friends.  We met just three hours ago.” – Guy
“You stink!  You and your whole lousy operation stinks, I quit!” – Homer Simpson
“Uh, gee, don’t, don’t quit.” – Guy
“Alright, then.” – Homer Simpson

Reading Digest: Victorious War of the Simpsons Edition

“Okay, fish, you’re probably wondering why I’m still here.  Catching you will make me the most famous fisherman there is, right up there with . . . that . . . the, uh . . . that bald guy on the cable fishing show.” – Homer Simpson

This week we have two links looking at various Simpsons Christmas episodes, one to start things and one to end them.  It goes almost without saying that both of them agree with us.  In addition to that, we’ve got several more Christmas links, some excellent usage, more merchandise of various kinds, some fantastic fake movie posters, some fan made stuff, two links about the otherwise improbable idea of featuring a cartoon character on a show about designing clothes, and two links where “The War of the Simpsons” comes out ahead, tournament style.

Enjoy.

The Simpsons Christmas – This is far more forgiving of Zombie Simpsons than I’m willing to be, but is a nevertheless impressive rundown of various Christmas episodes.

Simpsons T-Shirts – That Simpsons t-shirt contest ended and there are now 29 new shirts you can buy from Threatless.

Has The Simpsons Run Its Course? – Short answer yes with a ‘but’, long answer yes with an ‘if’.

Películas de Los Simpsons reciben Posters Reales – These fantastic Simpsons posters were making the rounds this week.  I especially like the Jay Sherman quote on the McBain poster.

The Simpsons x Converse 2014 Spring Chuck Taylor All Star Hi – Remember when they said they were going to have even moar merchandise?  Here’s some shoes.

More Homer Simpson beer moments – Three YouTube videos of some of Homer’s beer antics.  (And nothing past Season 11.)

George Carlin on Thoughts – Heh.  Nice combination.

5-paragraph review of ‘The Simpsons: Yellow Subterfuge’ – An admirably succinct review:

Skinner bans Bart from a school trip to a see a submarine. So Bart and Homer exact revenge by faking the death of Skinner’s mother, Agnes. By this time in the episode, I was only half paying attention. “The Simpsons” is essentially background noise at this point in its run.

Burn, Baby, Burn – Excellent sunburn related usage:

Busker sings: Sunshine on my shoulders, makes me happy –
Random pedestrian punches him in the face.   – The Simpsons

I totally feel like the pedestrian, not because of a heatwave (not yet, it is summer in Sydney), but because of my sunburn.  It’s like I got tattooed sleeves of red flesh.  Owie.

Hope the burn feels better.

How The Simpsons Brand Took Over The World – This is a long and not terribly informative write-up of the continued popularity of Simpsons crap tied in with the release of the Threadless t-shirts.  But while I don’t recommend reading it, it’s worth a click for the YouTube video that’s a news report on Bartmania from 1990.  It was on the Season 1 DVDs, so you may have seen it already, but it’s a nice little slice of the time.

TV Character Bracket: #5 Homer Simpson vs. #12 Cliff Huxtable – This has a poll at the bottom, and while Homer is currently ahead, I’m sure he could use some more votes.

The Simpsons Movie: the dysfunctional yellow icons make it to the big screen – Too true:

As a result, even the characters are shadows of their old yellow selves, complete with mistimed punchlines, and the cameos – including Tom Hanks and Green Day – are too brief to register. It seems absurd that, between eleven of arguably the funniest writers in America, no-one could come up with a good story.

We’ll never know what they might have come up with if they hadn’t focus tested it into the ground.

Matt Groening creator of The Simpsons Quote of Creativity – Wise words:

“Living creatively is really important to maintain throughout your life. And living creatively doesn’t mean only artistic creativity, although that’s part of it. It means being yourself, not just complying with the wishes of other people.”

– Matt Groening creator of The Simpsons

The Bechdel Test vs. cartoon pilot episodes – I can never get enough of that episode:

The Simpsons
Does it pass the Bechdel Test? YES
Is it an accurate tester for gender bias? YES.
Comments: technically the pilot episode was a 3 minute short, BUT Maggie and Marge talk for a full 20 seconds about breakfast and waking up in the morning. This one surprised me too.

PoeMania – Origins – Count me among the people for whom this is true:

But it was with some amusement that I realised it was The Simpsons that started it for me. You’ve seen the one I mean, right? The first Treehouse of Horror, originally aired in 1990 (but it was a few more years before I saw it one Halloween) and narrated by James Early Jones… The Raven as spoken by Mufasa! Mint!

As a result, I can’t really take The Raven all too seriously. I’m fine with the rest of his works… But for the Raven? All I hear is Bart Simpson squawking ‘nevermore’ and Jones: ‘quoth the raven’.

I have an animated family to thank for my literary enrichment though. So thanks Homer!

Homer’s barely contained rage at the “take thy beak from out my heart” part is the definitive spoken version.

Designing for Marge Simpson! – They designed for Marge on Project Runway, and here are one woman’s initial sketches for it.  Also, too:

P.S. Anyone else surprised the Simpsons is still airing?? Who would’ve thunk it!!

Marge Simpson Gets New Dress Designed By ‘˜Project Runway’™ Contestant – And here’s a brief little write-up of the actual show.

Sam Taylor Draws Mutant Simpsons Characters And Drunken Monsters – Milhouse and Baby Gerald are particularly creepy here.  Well done.

Check out Ned Flanders as a Simpson LEGO – Just what it says.

Bart Sledding – Fan made painting in the medium of iPad.  Wintery and appropriate.

Dag 311 – T-shirt of Homer breaking his own couch.

Simpsons – Super Nintendo Chalmers – Great .gif, they’ve got the look on everyone’s face frozen perfectly except Ralph, who’s talking.

the simpsons-an unathorized history by john ortved – An appreciative review, and yeah, Groening’s a good sort:

i loved the epiphany that came from reading about matt groening‘s start reviewing punk records. he realized, that although he was quite passionate about the music, he realized that he wasn’t good at it because he didn’t move units of punk music (and how sweet is it that he actually went to the record store to count!)-like, whoa.

Simpsons Tournament Section:

Round 94: Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy vs. Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy – Man, I don’t even have an opinion.

Round 93: The Boy Who Knew Too Much vs. Treehouse of Horror XVII – Thanks for playing, Season 18, but nobody loves you:

Not a particularly good Halloween special. The first segment (Blob) is awful, the second (Golem) slightly better but still pretty bad and the third (War of the World) has some nice things going for it – I especially liked the 1930′s design of the people of Springfield – but ultimately disappoints, as well.

Round 92: When Flanders Failed vs. The War of the Simpsons – The first of two times “The War of The Simpsons” comes out ahead this week.

THE BEST EPISODE THINGY THERE EVER WAS ROUND 1 The Crepes Of Wrath VS. Some Enchanted Evening – Great screengrab of Homer in mental and physical agony after falling down the stairs.

THE BEST EPISODE THINGY THERE EVER WAS ROUND 1 The War Of The Simpsons VS. The Call Of The Simpsons – Never gets old:

John: Here’s your crown your majesty!

/Tournament Section

Cool Whip…In 10 Words – Licorice whip?

21st Century’s Carey Sees “Simpsons” As “Defining Event” For FXX – Big scoop from Variety, FOX executive thinks FOX channel featuring FOX shows has nowhere to go but up!  Film at 11.  (Fuck you, Variety.)

Day #6: The Simpsons Triple Bill – Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire, Marge Be Not Proud, Miracle on Evergreen Terrace – And finally, I get to end with a Christmas retrospective that agrees with us (well, mostly).  On “Miracle on Evergreen Terrace”:

It’s the problem with amplifying a story line up when you run out of places to go other than to keep getting increasingly more ridiculous and less grounded in reality or even logic. Other than that, it’s a pretty funny episode that’s still a fun watch, but you can see the cracks where The Simpsons was starting to become less consistent.

Indeed you can, and that was Season 9.

Quote of the Day

“Lisa, what’s wrong?” – Bart Simpson
“Isn’t it obvious?  We’ve degraded ourselves and set back the children’s rights movement for decades to come.” – Lisa Simpson
“You’re great at a party, Lis.  Really great.” – Bart Simpson

Quote of the Day

“After the supermarket, we’ll go to the video store, grab a Krusty burger, and head for the arcade.” – Bart Simpson
“Bart, Grampa’s a kindly old man who trusts us.  Are you sure it’s right to take advantage of him?” – Lisa Simpson
“Lis, in these crazy, topsy-turvy times, who’s to say what’s right or wrong?  But right now, my gut’s telling me: bleed Gramps dry.” – Bart Simpson

Quote of the Day

“Grampa, could you do something?” – Marge Simpson
“I can dress myself.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson

Quote of the Day

“I’m going to church alone today.  You’re going to stay here and explain to Bart why you scarred him for life.” – Marge Simpson
“No I didn’t!  I – oh, you mean inside, don’t you?” – Homer Simpson

Happy 20th anniversary to “The War of the Simpsons”.  Original airdate 2 May 1991.  Somewhere out there, General Sherman still lurks. 

Reading Digest: Anti-Zombie Simpsons Lists Edition

“Grampa, Mom was in such a hurry she forgot to give you this.  It’s a list of the things Lisa and I can and can’t do.” – Bart Simpson
“Eh heh . . . uh huh . . . you’re allowed to smoke cigars?” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson

Regular readers will know that we’re not big on lists around here.  It’s not that lists in general are bad, it’s just that I don’t think top/bottom ten/fifteen/hundred/what have you really applies to The Simpsons or to Zombie Simpsons.  In the former there are too many great episodes, in the latter there are too many that are indistinguishably bland and pointless.  None of that, however, means that we don’t link to lists around here, and this week we have two awesome regular lists and one podcast that sort of has a list.  There’s also the planning stages of a sweet looking gingerbread house, plenty of YouTube, Harry Shearer’s take on the BP disaster, another Simpsons inspired tattoo, and some excellent usage.  As always, feel free to post anything else Simpsons related in comments (self promotional linking is perfectly cromulent).

Enjoy.

Top 10: Simpsons Episodes – This is Smooth Charlie’s Click of the Week, not only for being a list that doesn’t include any Zombie Simpsons, but also for the excellent anti-Zombie Simpsons introduction.  Here’s a taste:

Any show that has been on television for 20-plus years is going to turn bad at some point, and while many fans may disagree with me, I personally find that point to be at the conclusion of its eighth, and greatest season. There are some highlights in Seasons 9 and 10. There are none, that I’ve seen, after that.  [Ed. note:  this is 100% unadulterated fact]

That editor’s note is in the original, by the way. 

The Simpsons – The planning stage for a Simpsons gingerbread house, including a nice picture of the blueprints.  Good luck! 

Cartoons of the 90s For Kids or Adults? – I’m not sure if this is a gossip column or an advice column, and I wouldn’t bother reading the text if I were you.  But the picture of a guy in a Homer suit about to turn something off is kinda funny.  Kinda.

. – Marge, It’s 3am . . . (The title is just that period, sorry.)

Nostalgia! – This link contains links to a five part Top 15 from back in 2007 (also, flagrant false advertising).  It is very detailed, with lots of quotes and screen grabs.  The only double digit episode is “Behind the Laughter”, which really really should’ve been the series finale and is much better than almost everything else in Season 11. 

Iain Morrison: Problems Dan Parks can’t kick away – I don’t know anything about rugby, but this is excellent usage:

In one of his more lucid insights into the human condition Homer Simpson once declared: "Beer, the cause of, and the solution to, all of life’s problems".

For "beer" read Dan Parks and you get some idea of the conundrum facing Andy Robinson after three EMC autumn internationals. The Australian playmaker is the crux of Scotland’s recent run of excellence (overlooking the All Blacks fiasco) and he is at the heart of Scotland’s woes.

It’s slightly misquoted (it’s “to alcohol”, not “beer”) but, for as many times as this quote gets used, rarely does it apply so well, so it’s still excellent usage.

Bart Simpson Cake!! – It looks more like a regular (albeit awesome looking) cake with Homer and Marge on top, but whatever.  It’s still neat and, judging by the background, someone ordered it for a big party, so huzzah for that. 

Homer Junior High School – In the little town of Homer, NY, there is a Homer Junior High, or HoJu. 

Satirist and New Orleans resident Harry Shearer talks about the Gulf oil spill and more – An audio interview with Harry Shearer about his New Orleans movie.  As usual, Shearer is funny and biting, though most of the interview is about the BP spill not Katrina. 

The 3 Biggest TV Mysteries of Our Childhoods – You can probably guess which is #1. 

Atlas Summer: Part III: Chapter I: Atlantis – It’s not hard to poke holes in Atlas Shrugged, but it takes style to do it with Simpsons YouTube:

There’s the fact that Rand creates a frictionless plane of Objectivist society: a society peopled entirely by genuises in every conceivable discipline, all of them completely committed to the same ideology, a near autarkical economy, and not a looter or hobo to be found for miles, and she STILL needs to invoke a magical power source to make the thing viable.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Unless Lisa Simpson moves to Galt’s Gulch, those dudes are SOL.

Zombie Flanders – What the hell, how about some more YouTube:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Skip The Mall: 10 indie retailers in Ferndale for your holiday gift-buying pleasure – Unless you’re planning on doing some shopping in and around Detroit you don’t need to click.  I just like this as a demonstration of the reach of the show:

American Pop; 175 W. Nine Mile: This shop is indescribably wonderful. Like John Waters’ store on "The Simpsons," this is the place for classic toys, kitschy furniture, and all manner of novelties like robot art, practical jokes, and vintage Coca-Cola products. All while “A Christmas Story” plays on the store TV. American Pop also offers works from local artists and candy.

Tasty tats: Foodies get inked for the love of grub – A tattoo homage to Homer’s love of one magical animal.

An Artful Post: 11/28/2010 – Click for a rather odd but strangely sweet fan sketch of Mr. Burns. 

The Jonah Keri Podcast, Episode 9 – This is mostly about sports (including the Saskatchewan Roughriders!), but towards the end is a nice little Simpsons discussion.  Both guys obviously know the show well, struggle to pick a top three, and are quite certain that things have gone badly downhill. 

Scrabble: A Game of Quones and Kwyjibos – Nothing is immune from the reach of the Simpsons, even descriptions of Scrabble:

And yet if we look at Scrabble’s existence in pop culture we see that this may not be the case; even Homer Simpson plays Scrabble, fat, dumb, balding North American ape that he is.

The Simpsons Game Review for the Nintendo Wii – A video review that’s mostly positive. 

#131; Whatever happened to The Simpsons? – And finally, I get to end the way I like to, with someone who agrees with us:

The Simpsons definitely deserves it’s status as arguably the greatest family on television and the greatest cartoon to be placed on the airwaves but it’s just gone on a bit too long now and it’s shown for far too long. Constant celebrity cameos, poor stories and just a lower quality of entertainment shows the strain constantly. That couch is just waiting to be sat on for good.

Indeed.  Time to sit down. 

Quote of the Day

“I love you… but I must kill you!” – Homer Simpson

Pornography Monday

“Not those peanuts, the ones at the bottom.” – Homer Simpson

Internet Rule #34 states that if it exists, there will be porn of it.  I’ve known that rule for a long time and so I was utterly unsurprised to find out that there are lots and lots of drawings of Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and the rest of Springfield getting it on.  But my lack of surprise doesn’t mean that I’m not impressed by the variety, enthusiasm and sheer imagination of some of these search terms.

homer and marge fucking

marge simpson sucking barts dick

bart and marge porn

lisa simpson fellatio a bart simpson

marge bart fuck

homer fucks lisa

lisasimpsonfuck

marge simpson fucked stories

bart and milhouse fucking lisa

fucking lisa simpson

marge simpson and bart in bed

lisa simpson sucks homer

marge simpsons boobs

simpson porno

marge and lisa simpson porn

marge simpson fuck homer

the simpsons full frontal

marge anal

marge simpson gets laid

homer fuk bart

marge getting fucked by homer and bart

bart simpson fucking marge in the mouth

millhouse fuking lisa in the butt

bart sucking marges boobs

homer fucks lisa video

bart fucking marge in bed

bart fucks lisa ash hole

homosexual scotland

the simpson marge and milhouse porn

The easy favorite this month has to be the one about Lisa’s “ash hole”.  And no I don’t know how “homosexual scotland” brought us up, but there you go.

But Can I Put a Dead Fly in Them?

Ironically, regular ice cube trays are much more sanitary.

Want to put Homer’s face in your glass and suck on him until he melts?  Well, now you can.  The order link doesn’t seem to work at the moment though, so you’ll have to maintain the impulse buying urge for longer than usual (via).