Reading Digest: Bizarre Dolls Edition

“Don’t you people see anything wrong with what Malibu Stacy says?” – Lisa Simpson
“Oh, there’s something wrong with what my Stacy says.” – Celeste
“My Spidey-sense is tingling!  Anybody call for a web slinger?” – Malibu Stacey

WordPress went down again for a little while today, and that was after it ate the “City of New York vs. Homer Simpson” Crazy Noises post last night.  (This is why backups are important.)  I am outraged at not getting proper value for the nothing a month that I pay them!  Oh, right.  Seriously, WordPress kicks ass.  Why we ever started this thing on Blogger is beyond me.  But if anyone notices any posts missing, i.e. you see it in a feed reader but the link doesn’t work, please e-mail us.  Thanks.

In actual Simpsons related news, there are two links to eBay this week that feature rather odd Simpsons dolls.  Once is a Maggie with a giant head, the other is Grandpa wearing a soccer uniform and . . . slippers.  Huh.  We’ve also got video games, lots of usage, cool sneakers, and a well rounded young high schooler I’m sure will go far. 

Enjoy.

SNES Longplay [014] The Simpsons: Bart’s Nightmare – This is a fifty-six minute YouTube video of someone playing all the way through the Super Nintendo game “Bart’s Nightmare”.  I never played that game so I don’t find it all that interesting, but that’s just me.

**Grampa Simpson**Simpsons Figure**Burger King Toy** – Abe kinda looks ready for the World Cup here, and no one but him can rock the rarely seen shin guards and slippers combo. 

How Did I Never Notice This Before??? – Nelson and Barney, actually related?  The image speaks for itself. 

Maggie Simpson Doll with Stand – This is an eBay link for a Maggie doll that has very bizarre proportions. 

Subject: Our tough-guy-in-chief – Why didn’t I think of this?:

In response to your stated preference for the genuine, emotionally reserved Obama to the fake, "kick ass" Obama on display earlier this week, may I offer Bart Simpson’s response to Homer’s efforts to be a more active and engaged parent: "No offense, Homer, but your half-assed underparenting was a lot more fun than your half-assed overparenting."

Quote is dead on, excellent usage. 

The 10 funniest dead guys we dearly miss – Phil Hartman is on here, and there’s YouTube of “Meat and You” that’s reversed left-to-right in places.  Kinda weird.   

#0010: Mature Cartoons – Then it is agreed, cartoons are awesome. 

BHS class essayist speech: Chelsea Rose – This was written by a graduating high school student:

As a Latin scholar, I thought it appropriate to leave you with a quote from Homer… Simpson, “If something’s hard to do, then it’s not worth doing.”

I am quite certain that the original Iliad/Odyssey Homer did not speak Latin.  However, that is still excellent usage.  The kids are alright. 

I’ll Bet Smithers Will Open Your Box – I’ve never used Farmville, so I don’t know if this is funny or not.  The original scene is definitely funny. 

Entertaining – This is just an animated .gif of Homer in the Ironic Punishment Division of Hell Labs.  It’s mesmerizing.  (Also, nice WordPress theme.) 

The ANY Key – You already know what this is, all you need me to tell you is that it’s in still image form. 

The Wonder States- Using Deductive Reasoning to Determine the Setting of The Wonder Years, My Name is Earl, and The Simpsons – As Springfield is self evidently nowhere, I’ve never understood people’s need to know where it is.  I would only add that this seems to miss a few states:

I can rule out the states of Utah, Colorado, Kentucky, Ohio, Tennessee, and Alaska because on at least one occurrence a Simpson character has made a reference to these states regarding them as a different state from their own.

Don’t forget Michigan (which they drive to in “Oh, Brother Where Art Thou?”), Missouri (which Bart drives through in “Bart on the Road”), Hawaii (one of the freak states), Florida (America’s Wang and a place where the Top Hat channel isn’t allowed), and . . . oh hell, just go to SNPP. 

Batgirl #11 – Review – Using “Who Shot Mr. Burns, Part 1” to criticize a comic book:

Secondly, remember the Simpsons 2-parter “Who Killed Mr. Burns”? In it, Smithers says of Burns: “And when he tried to steal our sunlight, he crossed that line between everyday villainy and cartoonish super-villainy.” The Calculator, in this issue of Batgirl and the last, is cartoonish super-villainy.

Excellent usage.  Also, this Calculator fellow sounds like a rank amateur compared to Dr. Colossus. 

A World Cup of excitement – YouTube of today’s Quote of the Day. 

She’s got both hands, in her pockets. – There are people in this world who have not seen “Stark Raving Dad”:

Later we went to my place and we stumbled upon an episode of The Simpson’s “Stark Raving Dad.” She hadn’t seen it!! Always so funny when Homer goes “well, of course I know who you are.” Aww, Homie.

I blame Zombie Simpsons.  The actual quote is, “Oh, of course I’ve heard of you.  I mean, you’d have to be living under a rock not to know – what’d you say your name was?”.  Nevertheless, the bonus points for getting someone to watch “Stark Raving Dad” for the first time means that this still counts as excellent usage.

There is a good chance you’re getting cooler. – I can assure everyone that I am not, never have been, and never will be cool.  Regardless, this properly quotes the end of “Homerpalooza” on coolness, and that’s excellent usage. 

Oh those crazy Asians – They sure know how to humilitate dogs – Scroll way down for a sweet Mr. Sparkle image. 

Anime,Why It Is Better Than American Cartoons! – Yet another reason why Zombie Simpsons needs to die:

Now I’m not trying to say there is anything wrong with those cartoons’ I mean look at The Simpson’s. It’s one of the longest running cartoons in American history. They must be doing something right, but these cartoons don’t take much thought process to watch. There is no real plot to follow, while some of the humor might have an adult content. That’s about as far as the depth goes, there is no internal struggle and the characters never grow. I mean, the Simpson’s have been on for over 20 years, and Bart Simpson is still in the same grade.(Here I thought I did bad in school)

Nowadays there’s no plot to follow, but that wasn’t always the case.  This is what I’m talking about when I say that Zombie Simpsons has tarnished The Simpsons. 

Pop art customs – That is a pretty damn cool Simpsons sneaker. 

Competence over Soundbites: Our Meeting with State Treasurer Jones-Potter – This is the rare case of excellent usage paired with poor usage.  First up, they get the slogan right:

Homer premises his campaign on the slogan, “Can’t someone else do it?,” and promises that the city sanitation workers will now wear uniforms, provide round-the-clock garbage service and do all the cleaning around the house.

That’s excellent usage.  This, however, is not:

The citizens of Springfield, seeing the error of their ways in electing Homer in the first place, beg the competent former Sanitation Officer to return, and he says “nuts to you, it’s your mess, you clean it up.”

The actual quote goes, “You know, I’m not much on speeches, but, it’s so gratifying to leave you wallowing in the mess you’ve made.  You’re screwed.  Thank you, bye.”  So that’s poor usage.  Hey, one outta two ain’t bad. 

Destroyed (aka from Wit to Sh*t) – “I saw some awful things in ’Nam, but you really have to wonder at the mentality that would desecrate a helpless puma.” – Principal Skinner

The Simpsons, “Hurricane Neddy” – This is a bit more generous towards “Hurricane Neddy” than I tend to be, but it’s very thoughtful.  And it contains this:

And yet, I find myself oft reading opinions on The Simpsons and finding interesting thoughts and tidbits from the most humble of reviews (and this is from a man who, for the first eight years of the show, listened to every commentary, scratched up every disc of the dvds, and can recite every musical number by heart). Why, after so long, can people still write compelling reviews of The Simpsons? Because after twenty years, the show still feels incredibly urgent. The Simpsons hits a certain “sweet spot” in the brain’s emotional center that triggers laughter, sentimentality, and deep reflection in one fell swoop. The Simpsons itself made up of fantastic paradox: it’s socially relevant yet timeless, culturally specific yet universal, perversely cynical and unabashedly hopeful.

I like the indirect swipe at Zombie Simpsons, and that last sentence is dead solid perfect.  Also the blog is called “Here Comes Two”, so that’s good as well. 

Why Ke$ha Makes American Music Look Bad – I remain quite apathetic towards Kesha and that goofy opening.  I just wanted to end on a high note by agreeing with this:

it’s really evident how low The Simpsons have become that their desperate play for viewers involves using a song about drunken club sluts,

How low, indeed.