A Simpsons Confession

– By Charles Kenny

Bless me Father for I have sinned. It has been 6 months since I last watched a new episode of The Simpsons.

I sinned against comedy when I decided that one, fateful Sunday evening to watch a film on Netflix instead of ‘Animation Domination’. I knew it was wrong, but by that stage I has reached my wits’ end.

Long had I watched the quality of one of my favourite shows decline. I stuck with it through thick and thin; the unmasking of Seymour Skinner, the many instances of Marge kicking Homer out of the house, seeing Mr. Burns slowly slip into senility and of course, the many, many personal lives of the peripheral characters that required the Simpsons’ involvement for one reason or another.

I suppose I should have known the slide was coming, I mean, how many times can Homer let out that wail of a sigh that signals his displeasure with something? The answer is a lot and even once an episode is too many.

The nonsensical plots also influenced me. Perhaps I had grown too accustomed to the finely honed scripts that were enacted before me every evening. Perhaps I really have watched too many re-runs. I have been spoiled for the last 15 years or so.

Perhaps it was the fact that I had slowly come to the conclusion that the turning point of the series was, in fact, an innocuous scene in “Maximum Homerdrive”. Over time, I came to realise that the second that truck began to drive itself, the series had indeed, become a parody no longer based in the real world, but a fantasy one where anything is possible.

After a few years of that, the move to a widescreen HD format practically sealed the deal. Not long after, it became harder and harder to justify the time spent watching FOX on a Sunday evening.

Before I knew it, earlier this year, I faced the prospect of watching a new episode or seeing a film I’d never seen before on Netflix. The choice was tough, my palms were sweaty, my brow furrowed in pensive thoughts, but at last my choice was made. I switched on the Roku and began watching. I nearly turned my face away in shame, but I couldn’t not after all I’d been through.

While I admit I have turned my back on a friend, I can say in all honesty that said friend has changed beyond recognition. The truth may hurt initially, but now that I have accepted it and moved on, I realise that I made the right choice. My life is fuller, my Sunday evenings more enjoyable and my passion for the old days is untainted. Yes, leaving zombie Simpsons behind was the best thing I’ve ever done, and why you should do the same.