Reading Digest: Not Worth Reading Edition

“Oh, why do they have to put all this crud in my newspaper?  World.  The Arts.  Religion.  Ah ha!  Here it is, ‘Kickin’ Back!’” – Homer Simpson

This week we’ve got several links to things that really aren’t worth the click.  They exist, and I think they were worth noting, but having actually read them, I can’t honestly recommend that you do the same.  Of course, there are even more links that are worth your time, including some more minimalist Simpsons designs, several people who agree with us, quite a few lists, what real yearbook people think of Retrospecticus, and a new television show from Harry Shearer that I want to watch. 

Enjoy.

Five Ways ‘The Simpsons’ Ruined My Life – The title is a bit of an overstatement for Smooth Charlie’s Link of the Week.  It’s really more five things she does because she’s a Simpsons fan (naming a cat that can stand on its hind legs Rory Calhoun is brilliant).  The wedding tables and cufflinks are fantastic. 

The Summer of 4 ft. 2 – Some well deserved love for Season 7 generally and “Summer of 4 ft. 2” specifically.  He shows the episode to the actual yearbook club every year, apparently the fonts joke gets them every time. 

What Do You Watch? Part I – Our old friend ilmozart agrees with us:

I struggle every Sunday, trying to find the funny and legitimize the fact that I still watch it. It gets harder every week. There’s always one or two good little jokes or sight gags, but I compare that to the golden days….and I sigh.

Indeed.

10 Most Prolific ‘Simpsons’ Characters – There’s nothing really worth reading here.  Someone at ABC News looked through IMDb and listed the characters who’ve been in the most episodes.  And since this is link trawling of the lowest form, they actually counted all four talking family members in the list at 500 episodes each instead of concentrating on the more interesting idea of what other characters had been in the most episodes.  For what it’s worth, according to them, it goes Moe (334 episodes), Milhouse (298), Skinner (274), Flanders (271), Burns (237) and Grampa (204).  (via)

Simpsons’ Beer ‘Duff’ Trademark Sought by German Brewer – This is awesome:

Duff Beer, based in Eschwege, Germany, filed a suit with the EU’s general court in Luxembourg, asking the court to overturn a decision by the EU trademark agency that prevented it from registering “the figurative trademark ‘Duff’ in black, white and red,” according to a filing published on April 14.

A Belgian court last year annulled Twentieth Century Fox’s two European trademarks for Duff as misleading because they weren’t registered for an actual beverage.

Good luck, German brewers. 

FOX to Rebroadcast First-Ever, Full-Length SIMPSONS Episode, 4/22 – Pretty much what it says.  They were going to repeat that awful 500th episode, but instead went with “Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire”.  Wise choice.  I might even tune in. 

Simpsodyne Art Print by John Tibbott – Once again, we have more minimalist fan made Simpsons art.  You can get this one as everything from a framed print to an iPhone case.  (via)

Harry Shearer plays Nixon in ‘The One’: 30-minute show to air on Sky Arts – Harry Shearer’s in a small television show (that’s being broadcast in Britain before America, for some reason) where he plays Nixon and acts out the things Nixon actually said on the tapes in all their racist, warmongering, paranoid glory.  I would watch this in a heartbeat.   

10 Comedians We Aren’t Meant to Find Funny – Our friend Philip has the rundown of ten acts so deliberately unfunny that they’re actually kinda funny, from Fozzie Bear to Steve Martin, with Krusty right in the middle:

His Krusty the Clown Show sketches are the stuff of huge mustaches and pie fights, something that might be written by somebody who grew up watching classic comedians, but could never figure out why they were supposed to be funny.

Paying attention, Zombie Simpsons writing staff?   

It’s Nice That : The Simpsons in chair form from the fascinating 56th Studio – These pretty but uncomfortable Simpsons chairs were linked in a few places this week.  The design is excellent, but couldn’t at least the Homer chair have some padding on it? 

The Real-life Inspirations for 17 Simpsons Characters – There’s nothing terribly new or interesting here, and some of them seem like stretches to me, but here it is anyway.

Homer choking Bart tattoo – Cool.

PRIMETIME TRAINERS 1991-1992 – A longer article about televised shoes from the 1990s notes that the Assassins were ahead of their time, fashion wise.

The Most Mind Blowing Subtle Pop Culture References From The Simpsons [IMAGES] – These pictures of Simpsons scenes next to their famous movie inspirations is old, but it was making the rounds again this week on Twitter and a couple other places.  This one comes courtesy of reader Steve.  I’ve still never seen that old one where the guy falls off the Statue of Liberty.  

Homer Simpson (NSFW) – What happens when you get someone to paint her vagina to look like Homer Simpson?  Well, you get this, don’t you?  (And this isn’t the first time, either.)

Der Simpsons – What about that tattoo on your chest?

10 little-known facts about Ted Nugent – There’s nothing you really need to click on here.  I just thought it was amusing that one of the “little-known facts” about the Nuge was that he’s been on Zombie Simpsons.  How the mighty have fallen. 

Lenny & Steve’s Excellent Adventure Through the 100 Best TV Episodes of the Past 20 Years: Part 5 – “Homer vs. The 18th Amendment” makes the cut at #55.

Simpsons Sums Up: Supernatural – I’ll just take Lenny’s word for this one.

How You Look Playing Monopoly – The various stages of Monopoly as seen through images of Mr. Burns.

My Five Favorite Pilots of All Time (So Far) – Some love for, among other things, “Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire”. 

Pink Panther Pink? Smurfs Blue? Garfield Orange? Brilliantly simple print ads for Comex paint. – There’ve been a few of these minimalist type things in the last year or two, but I don’t think I’ve seen this one before. 

Fandom marks 25 years of ‘The Simpsons’ – Again, I wouldn’t bother to click on this, it’s just some throwaway article on espn.com, but it foolishly tries to make this work:

But to highlight how "The Simpsons" writers are still on their game, we’re compiling a few examples of plots from recent years that perfectly capture sports in the 21st century — but would have seemed completely alien to the TV viewer of 1987:

And how well does this indirect defense of Zombie Simpsons go?  Not well.  It only lists four episodes, three of which are only notable for being based around guest stars, and the fourth is that terribly boring episode where Homer and Marge become Olympic athletes.  You suck, Zombie Simpsons. 

Catnip – One of those things you can’t quite remember turns into looped YouTube of Mr. Burns’ condiment dilemma.  (Also, great blog title.)

The Szyslak Shuffle – Animated .gif of Moe defending his fly girl. 

Photo Album – Imgur – Heh, “bread” dog (via). 

Wizard World Toronto Comic Con – Sue’s Thoughts – Among other highlights, this woman got herself Simpsonized at a convention, you can see the result about 2/3 of the way down.

“Well, the evening began at the Gentleman’s club, where we were discussing Wittgenstein over a game of backgammon” – Mr. Simpson, it’s a felony to lie to YouTube. 

Coachella 2012…In 10 Words – I wonder if anyone asked the Pepper’s Ghost Tupac to give a message to Jimi Hendrix. 

Top 5 Dads in Television – Homer comes in at #1 here, and there’s lots of good YouTube. 

10 Best Cartoons To Watch As An Adult – It’s a short list, but Simpsons comes in at #1. 

Simpsons – Greased up Scotsman – Heh. 

Lisa Simpson Should Join Our Book Club – And finally:

This catches my eye because I used to be an avid Simpsons fan. I haven’t watched in well over 10 years, but at one point I had seen every episode and quoted it extensively.

I can assure you, there’s no reason to start watching again. 

As a final bonus, here’s a tweet sent in via e-mail by reader Landry:

That’s pretty harsh, but who am I to disagree?